


Blurred Lines of Lightning

by Sohotthateveryonedied



Category: Young Justice (Cartoon), Young Justice - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Bedsharing, Behold the result of my own blood sweat and tears, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, POV Alternating, Romance, Slow Burn, frustrating amounts of romantic tension, please comment I need validation, this fic is my baby, yeet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-04-18 21:10:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 108,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14221875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sohotthateveryonedied/pseuds/Sohotthateveryonedied
Summary: Did Artemis really want to do this? If she agreed, that meant a month of pretending to date Wally. A month of being close to Wally. A month of having to pretend she was honest to God, over the moon, drop dead in love with Wally. It was hard enough to act like she tolerated him as a friend, let alone a lover. They’d kill each other before they were even close to the wedding.But…he did have a point. Did she have any other option? Besides coming clean about her lie and enduring the well-deserved humiliation, of course.Wally’s eyebrows raised, goading her to shake his hand.No, she decided. She didn’t have any other options. And if faking a relationship with Wally West was what it took to keep their friends in the dark, then she had no choice.“Okay,” she decided, shaking his hand. “Deal.”





	1. Common Sense? I Don't Know Her

**Author's Note:**

> This right here is something I've been working on since I came up with the idea in December after reading Dirty Laundry for the hundredth time and thinking, "Huh, I wonder how a Spitfire fake dating AU would work out?" And now, months later, here we are. *throws glitter* Ta-daaa! 
> 
> I plan on updating every three weeks, and I'm going to do my best to stick with that schedule. I already have about half of the chapters written, and with the way I organized it, I should have everything completed on time for each post. Hopefully. 
> 
> (Also just a heads up: despite there being a lot of straight relationships, I'm gonna warn you that nobody is straight in this. Artemis, Wally, Dick, Jaime, Kaldur, and Roy are bi, Zatanna is pan, Conner is heteroromantic ace, Bart is gay, Megan and Tim are demi, and Raquel and Anissa are lesbians. Just in case you were wondering. I put in a lot of hints and stuff because I wanted to make sure there was plenty of lgbtqa representation, and also mostly because I had my own headcanons for their sexualities and I couldn’t help myself from adding them in. So keep an eye out for those.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wally West and Artemis Crock are rivals. But when their best friends Dick Grayson and Zatanna Zatara announce they're getting married in one month, with Artemis as the maid of honor and Wally as the best man, the two make the fatal mistake of lying about having dates to the wedding.
> 
> They finally make a deal: Pretend to date each other for a whole month until after the wedding so neither has to admit their deceit. But can they pull off their ruse, or will it all fall apart before the big day comes around?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This right here is something I've been working on since I came up with the idea in December after reading Dirty Laundry for the hundredth time and thinking, "Huh, I wonder how a Spitfire fake dating AU would work out?" And now, months later, here we are. *throws glitter* Ta-daaa!
> 
> I plan on updating every three weeks, and I'm going to do my best to stick with that schedule. I already have about half of the chapters written, and with the way I organized it, I should have everything completed on time for each post. Hopefully.
> 
> Enjoy!

**December 2, 11:26 EST**

**Artemis**

When Artemis Crock’s best friend Zatanna had spontaneously asked her out for coffee that morning, she’d already assumed long before arriving that it would be to tell her some kind of news. Maybe she was thinking of adopting a dog, or maybe she got a really good magic show gig and wanted to celebrate.

It had never occurred to her that the reason would be to announce that Zatanna’s long-term boyfriend, Dick Grayson, had proposed the night before.

The two girls sat across from each other at a coffee shop table, each with a steaming cup of coffee in front of her. The place smelled of hot coffee and fresh scones, which added a homey atmosphere to the small shop. It was a nice change from the nippy December weather that lurked outside, waiting to bring frostbite and wrath upon the citizens of Happy Harbor.

Zatanna was dressed casually in an old sweater and jeans, which only made the brand new engagement ring on her finger stand out even more in comparison.  
She had just finished breaking the news to Artemis, who was still trying to take in the sudden yet amazing information. Zatanna seemed pleased to have caught her friend off guard and hadn’t stopped smiling from the moment she told her. “I would have called you and told you immediately after it happened, but”—she shrugged—“I figured the effect would be better when I told you in person. Check it out.” 

She held out her hand across the table, showing off the dazzling diamond ring on her finger—the kind of diamond only the son of a billionaire could afford. It was a large yet simple stone with a silver band, studded with miniature crystals. It caught the light and shone every which way, perfectly fitting for a personality as similarly shining as Zatanna’s. Dick had good taste.

Artemis slowly shook her head, her mouth agape. “Wow, Zee, I gotta admit, I have to give the guy some credit. Never thought he’d actually get the courage to do it,” she said in disbelief.

Zatanna pulled her hand back and admired it herself—something Artemis had an inkling she’d been doing since the second Dick proposed to her. She looked like someone who had just won the lottery and had to pinch herself every few minutes to reassure herself it wasn’t a dream.

Since Zatanna had lost her father in an accident years ago, Artemis worried that the empty space he’d left would never be filled. Now she was glad to see she was wrong.

Zatanna Zatara had been Artemis’ best friend and confidant for years. They’d first met through Dick, who had been Artemis’ good friend during high school at Gotham Academy, back in their hometown of Gotham City—Artemis there on a scholarship, Dick because he was the adopted son of Bruce Wayne. AKA billionaire Bruce Wayne, one of the richest men in the world. That Bruce Wayne.  
Dick and Artemis had been friends all through high school and only grew closer when they both wound up moving to Happy Harbor, Rhode Island after graduation. It was there that Dick started dating Zatanna, the lovely and eccentric stage magician. It didn’t take long for her and Artemis to be introduced, and the two had been inseparable ever since.

Artemis didn’t have a lot of people she had the pleasure of caring about, so nothing pleased her more than watching her friends enjoy their own happiness.  
“One has to appreciate the irony, you know,” said Artemis. “Proposing on his own birthday. It’s like that cliché _giving someone else a present because they’re already your gift_ thing you see in movies.”

Zatanna shrugged. “I think he did it that way to create an element of surprise or something. I was all ready to give him his gift when he said he actually had a present for me, and ten hours later, here we are.”

Artemis made a mental note to either congratulate or make fun of Dick for his theatricality the next time she saw him. “Well, I’m really happy for you guys,” she said, and she meant it. “But…”

Zatanna’s smile faded to a pout. “I knew there was going to be a but,” she grumbled.

Artemis laughed. “Sorry, Zee, but I’m pretty sure one of my duties as your best friend is to ask...Are you two sure you’re ready for this? I mean, it’s a _big_ step.”

Zatanna nodded confidently, not letting her good mood be diminished. “Yes. Definitely. We’ve actually been talking about getting married for a while now, and I know we’re more than ready. And besides, we have been together since we were, what, nineteen? That’s like three years, plus the six months of that we’ve been living together,” she pointed out.

Artemis bit her tongue to hold back the reminder that _Y_ _es, exactly. You’ve only been together three years._ Call Artemis old fashioned, but if she were being completely honest, had they been any other couple, she would have been positive that this would end in disaster.

Luckily for Dick and Zatanna, they _weren’t_ any other couple.

Artemis had been there from beginning to present, watching their love story unfold. When Dick met Zatanna one fateful night at a bar she’d been performing in, when they took a week-long vacation to Qurac for their one-year anniversary, when they moved in together and had been as happy as an old married couple ever since. If there was one thing Artemis could cross off her list of things to worry about, it was Dick and Zatanna.

Artemis already knew this of course, and that’s why she grinned. “Don’t worry, Zee. This isn’t me disapproving, I promise. Everyone knows you guys are soulmates anyway. Just doing my job as a friend, being the voice of reason and all that.” She waved a hand, sipping at her coffee.

Then she leaned in and folded her arms on the table conspiratorially. “So. When’s the wedding?”

Zatanna’s composure took on a nervous edge. She took her time taking a bite of her muffin, not meeting Artemis’ impatient gaze. “Um, December thirty-first,” she said finally, her voice low like she knew she would regret answering.

“...Zatanna.”

“Hm?”

“That’s—That’s in a month.”

“Yeah.”

“You...You’re going to plan a whole wedding in a month. Thirty-one days. Seven hundred and thirty hours.”

Zatanna nodded. “Yup,” she said again, popping the ‘P.’

Artemis shook her head, hoping she’d heard wrong. It had taken Artemis and Jade two whole months to plan out her sixteenth birthday party back when she was in high school, and even then they were nowhere near finished in time and had to take everyone out for pizza instead. Planning something as big as a wedding in less time seemed impossible. “Forgive me for asking, but why exactly are you doing it so soon? You know planning a wedding isn’t easy, right? You have to send out invitations, pick out a caterer, choose the flowers, buy a _dress_ —“

“I already know what dress I’m going to wear,” Zatanna offered. “It’s the one my mom wore when she married my dad. All I’ll have to do is get it fitted.”

Artemis gave her friend a Look. “Oh, well in that case, one thing down, a billion more to go.”

Zatanna’s face fell, and Artemis took on a gentler tone. “Zee, you know I trust your judgement, but that’s pretty soon to plan out a whole wedding by yourself. Why all the rush?”

Zatanna bit her lip. “Listen, I know it’ll be a lot in such short time, but…Well, you remember how Dick and I first got together on New Year’s. We wanted our wedding to incorporate that. Coming full circle, and all that. And if we didn’t do it this year, we’d have to wait an entire year to get married next New Year’s, and I just can’t wait that long.”

Her eyes then took on a sly glint—the very same she’d had that time she convinced Artemis to break into the zoo to pet the penguins after dark. “And besides, I’m not going to be doing it all by myself. As my _maid of honor,_ I’m going to have _you_ helping me.”

Artemis choked on her coffee. It took nearly a minute of coughing before she caught her breath and could speak again. “I—Me? Are you serious?”

Zatanna nodded, and Artemis couldn’t begin to describe the pride welling in her chest. She’d never been a maid of honor before, and the only other wedding she’d ever attended had been Raquel and Anissa’s, but she knew maid of honor was a huge role, probably one of the biggest. And the fact that Zatanna had chosen _Artemis_ to fill in that role was astounding.

When Artemis’ sister married Roy, the two had driven to Vegas and eloped during the night without thinking to call anyone and tell them what was going on. That had particularly stung, since Jade and Artemis had had a pact since they were kids that they would be each other’s maids of honor when they got married. Artemis loved having that chance again now, though she couldn’t ignore the ache in her heart when she thought about her sister and all the opportunities she’d missed with her.

But, priorities first.

“Wow, Zee, I’m honored. But do you really think we’ll be able to get it all done in time?”

Zatanna waved a hand nonchalantly. “Please, it’ll be no sweat. Easy peasy.”

Artemis rolled her eyes. She’d heard that before. But hey, this was her best friend’s wedding, and the fact that she was maid of honor made it all the better. She made a silent pact to herself that she was going to take that job seriously and wouldn’t rest until this wedding was perfect. Plus, it helped to know from experience that when Zatanna wanted something accomplished, there was no stopping her until she was satisfied. From that knowledge alone, Artemis had a good feeling they would be fine.

And if not, hey, Vegas was still always an option.

Zatanna settled more comfortably into her chair, relaxing now that the anxiety over breaking the news was over. “And you know,” she started hesitantly, “it’s about time someone had some romantic developments around here,” she said, arching her eyebrow.

Artemis wanted to groan. She shouldn’t be surprised that the conversation could switch so quickly from one subject to the next, especially when that next subject happened to regard Artemis’ love life. This wasn’t the first time they’d had this conversation, and, as much as she wanted, it certainly wouldn’t be the last. “Zee, we’ve been over this—“

“I’m not saying you need to fall in love in the next five seconds,” Zatanna said quickly. “I just think you need to start getting back out there in the dating world. It couldn’t hurt to try looking, especially since you haven’t so much as been on a _date_ since Cameron.”

Artemis kept her eyes on the tablecloth, fiddling with her napkin. Cam was a drawer she’d much rather keep shut for the time being.

Zatanna sensed her tension at the subject and pulled back. “Sorry. Anyway, all I’m saying is I hate seeing you so lonely.” She held up a finger to stop Artemis from protesting. “And don’t tell me you’re not. I know you too well for you to give me that. I love you, and that gives me the right to forcefully shove you back into the dating pool. I could set you up, if you want. I have a few friends I know you’d love. Or what about online dating? Have you seen those Match.com commercials? Remember that one with the—“

Artemis stopped her. “I’m not looking for a boyfriend right now, you know that.”

Zatanna’s shoulders lowered. “Well, yeah, but I’ve seen how down you’ve been lately. When’s the last time you left your apartment for something that wasn’t because of work or me forcing you to?”

The long time it took Artemis to think about it was answer enough.

“I know you hate getting into ‘feelings’ talk, but I’m worried about you. I know you really liked Cam, and what he did to you was shitty, but—“

“I’m pretty sure cheating is a little more than shitty,” Artemis muttered.

”But,” Zatanna continued, “aren’t weddings the perfect places to meet people? You know, love in the air and tons of good music and booze, I’m sure you’ll find somebody if you just look,” she assured her.

Artemis mentally sighed. What was it with people in love insisting that it was the job of all the lonely people in the world to be in love too? Okay, fine. So she _was_ kind of lonely. But she’d trusted people before, and look how those turned out.

What was that old saying? _A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle._

Fish don’t need bicycles, and Artemis definitely didn’t need someone to complete her. That’s not what love should be. Love shouldn’t be about completing someone, it should be about adding onto what’s already whole and ending up with two wholes rather than one.

Artemis is already whole.

Would a boyfriend be nice? Of course _. In theory_. But things change. People leave. Good things don’t last. What’s the point in trying, when she could be perfectly happy on her own without having to worry about more heartbreak?

Cam was one of the only serious boyfriends Artemis had had since…well, ever. But that was during a time in her life when she’d started to think, _Hey, maybe having a companion will be nice for a change_. She blamed herself for jumping in so fast, before she’d understood the sad fact that happiness was never permanent. It wasn’t too long after Jade left that the loneliness really caught up with her, which was the only reason she took a chance on Cam in the first place. Having both parents in prison and the only other person she’d really cared about gone, it had been a dark time in Artemis’ life. So, against her greater instincts, she’d gotten into a relationship with the first person who made her feel less empty, and she’d wound up right back where she’d started: alone.

The breakup was an ugly one too. Three months in and she’d caught him in their bed with another girl, and he had the audacity to accuse _Artemis_ of not being emotionally available enough for him.

That confrontation had ended with a broken nose for Cameron and a matching heart for Artemis.

But Artemis had learned how to get over things easily, how to defend herself from pesky feelings trying to bring her down. Getting over Cameron was hard, but she’d survived, and she can survive just as easily now on her own.

But the way Zatanna looked right now—the way she glowed with that happiness she’d always had but that became even more obvious since she’d found Dick, it only happened to lucky people. And if Artemis had learned anything in her twenty-four years of life, it was that luck simply wasn’t something she possessed.

…Wow. Maybe she really _was_ a stick in the mud.

She looked back at Zatanna, who hadn’t lost that concerned wrinkle in her eyebrows. “Why don’t you let me set you up with that guy I told you about from work?” she suggested.

Yikes. Artemis may be lonely, but she was definitely not about to go out with another one of Zatanna’s magician friends. Last time that happened, she’d taken her to a restaurant and tried that swipe-the-tablecloth-and-have-nothing-fall-off-the-table trick. Needless to say _that_ was a disaster.

She needed some way to get Zee off her back, and without thinking, she blurted, “I don’t need you to set me up, I already have a boyfriend!”

…

_What?_

“What? No you don’t. We were _literally_ just talking about how you don’t have a boyfriend.” She looked at Artemis, probably wondering if she was on crazy pills, and Artemis had to admit she had a point. It was taking all of her self-control not to smack herself in the face at the moment.

“I, uh, I do,” Artemis insisted. “I just…kept it a secret until I knew for sure,” she lied.  
What was wrong with her? She had no idea where this idea of faking a boyfriend had come from, but it certainly couldn’t have been from any sane part of her mind.

Zatanna scrutinized her, trying to see through the lie. Finally she leaned back and crossed her arms. “Sorry, Arty. I’m not buying it.”

Abort, abort, abort.

“Well it’s true. In fact, he’s going to be my date for the wedding.”

Shut up, shut up, _shut up._

“Really?” Zatanna challenged. “Okay, then why don’t you bring him to the engagement party at our place on Sunday?”

She was baiting her, it was obvious. Zatanna wasn’t an idiot. Heck, her career was based on lying to people and calling it magic. But Artemis couldn’t make the word vomit stop.

Now, a sane person would probably admit she was lying and tell the truth before this snowballed into something unmanageable. And a genius would have never brought up a fake boyfriend in the first place.

Artemis, unfortunately, was neither of these people.

“Sure. We’ll be there,” she told her confidently, restraining herself from slapping her hands over her mouth and leaving the coffee shop altogether to go jump off a cliff.

Zee didn’t look remotely convinced. She arched an eyebrow as if saying _Girl, you and I both know you’re full of it, so you might as well fess up now._

Instead of taking her friend’s imaginary advice, Artemis changed the subject. Like a coward. “But enough about me. You still haven’t told me the full story about the proposal yet. How did it happen?” she asked, covering up her mortification with eagerness.

It seemed to work, because Zatanna’s eyes gleamed, and she forgot all about their prior conversation topic as she waved her hands around while she talked. “Oh my god, it was amazing. Dick had been planning the whole thing for weeks, obviously, so the night started with a super fancy birthday dinner...”

* * *

 

**December 2, 11:26 EST**

**Wally**

“And then she said yes!” Dick finished, excitement plain in the wide grin on his face.

He and his best friend/partner in crime, Wally West, were in Wally’s apartment, settled on his crappy garage sale-bought couch and playing video games. It was a small place, one bedroom with a tiny kitchen and an even tinier living room. Dick and Wally sat side by side, elbowing each other occasionally as they killed zombies together. It was a tradition they’d been doing since they were kids up until the Incident, but which they’d started up again shortly after reconciling and had steadily dedicated themselves to every other Friday.

Wally shook his head slowly, still taking in the story. “Man, I have to hand it to you. I never thought you would ever actually have the guts to do it,” he said, unpausing their game again. “You sure she didn’t just say yes to be nice? I mean, you’ve definitely been living together long enough for her to know about your comic book collection. And the fact that you leave your socks everywhere. And you know that creepy Jumanji poster you paid two hundred bucks for is definitely making her question her choice to—” He got cut off when Dick suddenly killed off his avatar, his controller buzzing as _You Died_ flashed red across the screen.

“Hey! I call foul!”

“What’s that? I can’t hear you over the sound of your slaughter.” Dick happily clicked away at his controller, pleased in his victory.

Wally tossed his controller aside and leaned back on the couch, scooping a handful of M&Ms from the bowl on the coffee table and tossing them one by one into his mouth. “First Raquel, now you. Why is everyone in our friend group getting married all of a sudden?” he wondered. “Is it like some kinda airborne drug that only the fast and devilishly handsome are immune to?”

Dick elbowed him and snatched some candy for himself. “I didn’t even tell you the best part, you know.”

“Lemme guess, Zee’s pregnant?”

“Nope.”

“You won the lottery and are so _lovingly_ donating all of it to me like the gracious best friend you are?”

“In your dreams!”

“You got a private submarine made out of solid gold for your birthday and we’re going on a vacation to Atlantis.”

“Yes.”

“Really?”

“No.”

“Oh, I know: You decided to stop being a dickhead and just tell me before I kick you off this sofa?”

Dick rolled his eyes, pausing the game again. “Fine, but I have to say this is way less fun than having you come up with more dumb guesses for hours.”

“What can I say? I’m a creative soul.”

Dick paused dramatically, letting the excitement grow and drumming on his knees as a makeshift drumroll. After half a minute of the tension buildup, Wally finally kicked him impatiently, and Dick laughed as he gave in. “I’m making _you_ my best man,” he said proudly, spreading his arms.

Wally was taken aback at first, cautiously waiting for Dick to burst into laughter and admit he was joking just to see Wally’s reaction. “Wait, seriously?” he asked when Dick didn’t do any of the above. Dick nodded, but Wally waved his hands, still not getting it. This must be a prank. “But—wait, hang on, what about your brothers? I thought you would have picked one of them, instead.”

Dick shrugged. “Tim really had his heart set on being an usher for some reason; something about making rap puns. And Jason said, quote, ‘I might come to the wedding if I feel like it, but only for the food and open bar.’ So I figured asking him would probably be pointless.” He clapped Wally on the shoulder. “Congrats, bud. You got the job! And besides, you were my first pick anyway. Best man is a best pal kinda job,” he said.

Wally let out a breath, his brain short-circuiting. He never imagined that Dick would ever consider him his first choice for anything as important as best man, especially considering what happened in the past when it came to their friendship. At the very least, he’d always assumed Dick would pick one of his brothers, or Roy, or even _Conner_ before picking Wally. Being his first choice…Well that was just about incredible.

He pulled Dick into a hug, which was difficult with a hand full of M&Ms, but he managed. “Thanks, Dick. Seriously, this is, like, the coolest job I could’ve ever gotten, including that time Alfred let me be in charge of that bake sale in fourth grade.”

Dick snickered. “All you did was eat all the cupcakes.”

“But you can bet your ass I took that job seriously as hell.”

The two laughed, memories of ducking under the table with their hoard of food and getting chewed out by Alfred filling them with nostalgia for the old days.  
They sat in companionable silence for a while, Dick mashing buttons and Wally making it his personal goal to consume the entire bowl of M&M’s by himself, until a thought came to Wally’s mind. “So now that you’re getting married and all,” he said, “does that mean you won’t be able to be my wingman when we go out anymore? Because I have to admit, that’s kind of a deal breaker for me.”

Dick took a while to answer, focusing on the boss battle he was trying to beat. “Nah, you need all the help you can get anyway.”

Wally gasped and pressed a hand to his chest. “Hey! I’ll have you know I am an expert on romance.”

“And that’s why you’ve never had a relationship last longer than a month?”  
Wally started to defend himself, but Dick held up a hand to stop him. “Don’t worry about it dude, I get it.”

Wally scowled. Okay, so maybe he wasn’t the best at steady relationships. At this point, the most serious girlfriend he’d ever had was Linda, and even that one only lasted for three weeks before she’d told him she’d rather just stay friends. Such is the nature of all of his romantic relationships. But who needs a steady girlfriend and a relationship with consistency and the inevitable dying flame? Not Wally, that’s for sure. He was much happier being able to flirt and charm all he wanted without the pesky commitment a real relationship required.

“Listen, I know you don’t like to talk about it,” Dick said, “but maybe it’s time you put yourself back out there. For real. You could always bring someone to the wedding, like that guy in your chem class you keep telling me about.”

“I don’t need dating advice, dude. I’m all good, okay?” Wally was beyond ready to end this conversation—he should have just changed the subject when he had the chance. He picked up his controller again, focusing his attention back on the video game, even though he couldn’t process what was happening on the screen.

Dick was about to say more, but one look at Wally told him it was pointless. As if they hadn’t already had this same conversation a million times before. “All right, fine,” he relented. “But don’t come crying to me when you don’t have a date for the wedding.”

“Good. I won’t.”

“You do it at every wedding or bar we go to.”

Wally sat up. “So? I won’t this time.”

“Oh yeah? Why not?”

“Because I already have a girlfriend, that's why." 

...

Uh oh.

Both went silent, letting that sink in.

Wally panicked and backtracked. “I mean—I don’t—I…”

“Since when do you have a girlfriend?” Dick asked incredulously.

“I don’t! I mean…I do. I just…didn’t tell you about it?” He made an effort to look casual, but wasn’t sure he pulled it off. Too late to turn back now.

Dick stared at him for a while, trying to read his mind. “You would have told me if you were dating someone,” he said slowly.

Wally shrugged, a tense, jerky motion. “I just…I wanted to be sure before saying anything about it?”

Was it too late to jump out the window? Or maybe fake a seizure? Wally had no idea where all this girlfriend nonsense was coming from, but he did _not_ like it. There was no way in which this could end well, no matter how you spin it.

Dick crossed his arms, controller laying forgotten on the couch beside him. “Oh, really?”

“Yeah, really.”

“Then who is she?”

Wally blanked. It was bad enough he had to come up with a fake girlfriend on the spot, and even worse that he was trying to fool the one guy who knew him better than anyone. That, plus the fact that Dick was a detective, made that endeavor even more impossible. “Why don’t I just introduce you guys at the engagement party?” he suggested. You know, like a moron.

Dick’s eyebrows raised, like he was thinking, _Oh boy, this guy means business_. Or maybe he was just surprised at how stupid his friend could be when panicked enough. Probably the latter.

Wally, on the other hand, waited for a hole in the floor to open up and swallow him whole. What was he thinking? He blamed his impulsiveness, but it was too late to take it back now. He was at the point of no return. No, actually, he’d passed the point of no return the second he claimed to have a girlfriend. The point of no return was a dot in the distance now.

Dick blinked. “All right, then. I’ll meet her at the party,” he said, still visibly doubting the validity of Wally’s supposed girlfriend. In the back of his mind, Wally was a little peeved at that, but he let it go, on account of he didn’t believe it either, mostly because it wasn’t even the slightest bit true.

Dick sank back onto the couch, picking up his controller again and tossing Wally’s back to him. “But don’t think we’re done talking about this, though,” he said. “The fact that you kept this from me is enough to warrant at least a pizza that I don’t intend on paying for.”

Wally threw an M&M at him with the accuracy of a bullet, his nerves easing for the moment. Now at least he had a whole two days to wait until he was inevitably humiliated in front of all of their friends. “Excuse me, but I seem to recall someone still owing me for that time at Olive Garden—”

“WE DON’T TALK ABOUT OLIVE GARDEN!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter was a little boring—exposition, though incredibly annoying, is alas necessary. I promise things will pick up immediately in the next chapter, and then it’s time to beware because you’re in for one heck of a roller coaster.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Leave a comment if you want, but if not, that’s completely fine! :)
> 
>  
> 
> [](http://sohotthateveryonedied.tumblr.com)


	2. So It Begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Did Artemis really want to do this? If she agreed, that meant a month of pretending to date Wally. A month of being close to Wally. A month of having to pretend she was honest to God, over the moon, drop dead in love with Wally. It was hard enough to act like she tolerated him as a friend, let alone a lover. They’d kill each other before they were even close to the wedding.
> 
> But…he did have a point. Did she have any other option? Besides coming clean about her lie and enduring the well-deserved humiliation, of course.
> 
> Wally’s eyebrows raised, goading her to shake his hand.
> 
> No, she decided. She didn’t have any other options. And if faking a relationship with Wally West was what it took to keep their friends in the dark, then she had no choice.
> 
> “Okay,” she decided, shaking his hand. “Deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who commented on the previous chapter! You and your comments all have a special place in my heart and I really appreciated reading them. <3

**December 2, 22:47 EST**

_**Opening group chat: The Mind Link** _

**HelloMegan!:** CONGRATS ON THE ENGAGEMENT, DICK AND ZATANNA!!!!  <333

 **Annataz** : awwww thanks Megan <3

 **Iconic** : I second that, congratulations guys!!!

 **Annataz** : <33333 thanks

 **Get Traught** : Same, thanks guys

 **Mermaid Man:** Wait. What is this?

 **Get Traught** : It’s a group chat, Kal

 **Mermaid Man:** A group chat?

 **Get Traught** : Yeah? Chat for a group?

 **Mermaid Man** : But why am I a part of it?

 **Annataz** : because we like you

 **Conner** : wait what is happening

 **Conner** : why am i getting these messages if its for dick and zatanna

 **HelloMegan!:** Because, as Dick said, it’s a group chat

 **HelloMegan!:** Everyone gets to participate

 **Conner** : but i dont know who any of you are because of the usernames

 **Wallman** : oh yeah good point dude

 **Wallman** : HEY EVERYONE ROLL CALL!!

 **Get Traught** : *role

 **Wallman** : how bout you mind your own business I didn’t die for this

 **Get Traught** : You didn’t die at all dude

 **Wallman** : doesn’t make it any less true. I didn’t die for this because I haven’t died at all, therefore I’m technically still right

 **Get Traught** : ….touche

 **Wallman** : anyway back to business

 **Wallman** : ROLE CALL, LOSERS!!!

 **Wallman** : I’ll go first

 **Wallman** : Wally here ;)

 **HelloMegan!:** Megan! :D

 **Get Traught** : Dick

 **Wallman** : yes you are

 **Get Traught** : How dare you treat me like this in my own house

 **Annataz** : this is just my name backwards so I’m guessing you could probably already tell it’s me

 **Conner** : conner

 **MoonGoddess** : *gasp* No! I had no idea!

 **Get Traught** : Artemis stop teasing the child that’s bullying

 **MoonGoddess** : You literally just stole all of my thunder by saying my name before me how dare you

 **Get Traught** : whoopsie

 **Mermaid Man** : I’m Kaldur. Hi guys.

 **Iconic** : It’s ya girl Raquel ;p

 **Wallman** : wait I don’t mean to interrupt role call but

 **Wallman** : Megan, why did you name the chat the mind link?

 **Annataz** : oh yeah, that’s kind of a weird name, no?

 **HelloMegan!** : Because it’s clever

 **Wallman** : how?

 **Wallman** : ohhhh wait nvm I get it

 **Iconic** : Do share with the class, then

 **HelloMegan!:** See, technically we’re not together right now, but we’re still talking with just our minds since we’re manually putting our thoughts here, so it’s sort of like a link of minds in a way

 **Get Traught** : Lowkey broke my brain but alright

 **Iconic** : Okay that’s clever

 **HelloMegan!:** Thank you! :3

 **MoonGoddess** : Conner, do you take constructive criticism?

 **Conner** : what

 **Wallman** : why is your username just your name dude

 **Wallman** : you gotta spice it up

 **Wallman** : like a zesty pizza

 **Iconic** : Or some good ramen

 **Wallman** : exactly!

 **Get Traught** : Or some boiled potatoes with a single flake of salt

 **Wallman** : NO

 **Conner** : but its…my name

 **Iconic** : You guys do remember this is the same dude who named his dog Wolf, right?

 **Iconic** : Are you even surprised?

 **Conner** : wolf is a practical name

 **Conner** : and why shouldnt my name here be my actual name? it makes it easier to know its me

 **Get Traught** : Yeah but this is your chance to call yourself something fun

 **Conner** : zatanna is using her normal name

 **Annataz** : yes but you see, young grasshopper, as I said before, it is backwards

 **Iconic** : Plus even Kaldur made his name into something fun

 **Mermaid Man** : What?

 **MoonGoddess** : Mermaid Man is a SpongeBob reference

 **Mermaid Man** : Oh.

 **Mermaid Man** : It is only like this because Wally took my phone and did it for me a minute after Megan sent the first message.

 **Conner** : wait where are you right now?

 **Mermaid Man** : At my home.

 **Wallman** : I am also at Kaldur’s home

 **Wallman** : he made me food

 **Get Traught** : What kind of food?

 **Wallman** : dunno but it tastes like ice cream and bacon at the same time

 **Get Traught** : Put some in the microwave for me I’m on my way

 **MoonGoddess** : What was this chat even supposed to be about? I feel like we’re probably way off track by now

 **HelloMegan!** : It was supposed to be to congratulate Dick and Zatanna on their engagement, but I don’t really know what’s happening now

 **HelloMegan!:** Things kind of went off the rails from there

 **MoonGoddess** : Don’t they always with us?

 **HelloMegan!** : Hey wait a second

 **HelloMegan!:** Where’s Roy? I know I added him too but he hasn’t said anything

 **HelloMegan!:** ROYYYY

 **Wallman** : ROYYYYYYY

 **Iconic** : ROYYYYYYYYYY

 **Annataz** : get out here and talk to us nerd

 **Iconic** : I guess he’s too busy to talk or something?

 **MoonGoddess** : Oh no what a shame

 **Fight Me** : Fuck you Artemis

 **Wallman** : ROY!!! :D

 **HelloMegan!:** Yay, now we have the whole squad!  <3

 **MoonGoddess** : Oh joy. My heart is swelling with happiness. Yippee.

 **Fight Me:** Shut up

 **MoonGoddess** : You shut up

 **Fight Me** : You shut up

 **Conner** : hi roy

 **Fight Me** : Hey Conner

 **Fight Me:** Yo Kal, what even is your username?

 **Mermaid Man** : It was Wally.

 **Wallman** : Kaldur just sighed in case you wanted further imagery

 **Mermaid Man** : Perhaps I should change it.

 **Fight Me** : Nah, actually I like it. It’s funny and it suits you

 **Mermaid Man** : oh

 **Annataz** : should I be concerned about the improper capitalization and punctuation right there or are we just gonna turn a blind eye to that

 **Annataz** : all right, blind eyes it is I guess

 **HelloMegan!:** ……Kaldur? You haven’t said anything for a while

 **Wallman** : I think you just broke him

 **Get Traught** : Kal stop being broken, in front of your apartment building. Can you throw down the keys?

 **MoonGoddess** : Well that was fast

 **Get Traught** : I’m all or nothing when it comes to food that tastes like bacon and ice cream

 **Get Traught** : Also I was already around the corner anyway. See it’s fate

 **Wallman** : hey, I can see you outside!!! do you see me waving?

 **Get Traught** : Yeah!! Do you see me waving back?

 **Wallman** : yEAH!!!

 **Wallman** : okay, now get ready to catch these because if they fall into a sewer or something Kaldur will kill me

 **Wallman** : he winds up, he makes the shot, annnnnndddddd!!!!,xlqxowkssdldme

 **Wallman** : ownx,w,xpmwlxwxq6y2 r88xnw wgshd

 **Iconic** : …

 **Annataz** : …

 **Fight Me** : What just happened

 **HelloMegan!** : Wally?

 **Conner** : did wally just die

 **Fight Me** : I guess so

 **Iconic** : That’s too bad

 **Iconic** : Bye Wally

 **Conner** : bye wally

 **Annataz** : bye Wally I’ll miss you

 **MoonGoddess** : Eh, he had a good run so I mean

 **Annataz** : good point. he’s lived a long life. this is just nature running its course as it should

 **Wallman** : you guys are jerky

 **Wallman** : *jerks

 **Annataz** : no it’s actually jerky you got it right the first time

 **MoonGoddess** : Darn it he’s still alive

 **Wallman** : fuck you

 **MoonGoddess** : Fuck you

 **Wallman** : fuck you

 **MoonGoddess** : Fuck you

 **Annataz** : what just happened to you?

 **Wallman** : nothing

 **Mermaid Man** : He tripped over the couch and fell on the floor.

 **HelloMegan!:** HAHAHA

 **Fight Me** : Wally, do you have any chill at all?

 **MoonGoddess** : Ooh I love making fun of Wally time. It’s the best time of the day

 **Wallman** : I DIDN’T FALL ON THE FLOOR, YOU’RE LYING KALDUR

 **Get Traught** : Can confirm, I saw it all through the window

 **Get Traught** : He threw the keys but when he backed up after, he hit the couch and flipped over it

 **Conner** : that’s hilarious

 **Wallman** : traitor

 **Iconic** : Don’t feel bad, Wally. It’s our duty as your friends to roast you. It’s in the How To Handle Your Wally Device manual

 **Wallman** : no you’ve all betrayed me. I have no friends anymore

 **MoonGoddess** : Admitting it is the first step

 **Wallman** : Perish

 **MoonGoddess** : Can’t. I’m staying alive purely to spite you

 **Fight Me** : This is a fact

 **HelloMegan!** : I’m sorry Wally we love you!!

 **Annataz** : <3

 **Get Traught** : <33

 **Annataz** : excuse you I don’t think so. you take that extra 3 off your heart right now don’t try to one-up your wife that’s betrayal

 **Mermaid Man** : Fiancée, actually.

 **Get Traught** : Fair enough. <3 (but only because I love you Zee)

 **Annataz** : awwww

 **Wallman** : ahem

 **Get Traught** : I’m sorry Wally, I love you too. Zee may be my soulmate but you’re my platonic life partner 5ever

 **Wallman** : *gasp* that’s so sweet bro :’)

 **Get Traught** : Bro :’)

 **MoonGoddess** : That’s gay

 **Get Traught** : Why thank you

 **Mermaid Man** : As fun as this has been, Wally and I are going to watch something called Narotoo? I may be too busy to talk soon.

 **Wallman** : it’s Naruto dude

 **Mermaid Man** : Wally and I are going to watch something called Naruto.

 **Get Traught** : And Dick

 **Mermaid Man** : And Dick.

 **Get Traught** : Btw Kal this is really good stuff what is it?

 **Get Traught** : It tastes like what a unicorn mixed with a werewolf would look like

 **Annataz** : Why couldn’t you have just told him that in person? You’re in the same room

 **Get Traught** : I did but I needed to express the deliciousness of this in writing

 **Mermaid Man** : As I’ve told Wally, it is a mix of octopus, salmon, and caramelled seaweed with honey sauce.

 **HelloMegan!:** Um. Kal.

 **Fight Me:** Not gonna lie I think I just threw up in my mouth a little

 **Iconic** : Oh the humanity

 **Get Traught** : Screw you guys it’s good. Though I would have rather gone through life not knowing I just ate an octopus

 **MoonGoddess** : You’re watching Naruto? Wally you’re such a weeb

 **Wallman** : don’t make me Naruto run to your house and steal all your spoons ArTeMiS

 **Mermaid Man** : Do not make me confiscate your phone, Wally.

 **Wallman** : ……I’m trying to read your face to see if you’re serious or not but I can’t tell

 **Wallman** : damn those flawless Beyonce cheekbones

 **Wallman** : they make you unreadable

 **Annataz** : Mermaid magic will do that to you

 **MoonGoddess** : So this has been amusing and all, but I’ve got work in the morning so I have to go

 **Annataz** : same actually, I’ve been using this as an excuse to not go through bridesmaid catalogues

 **Fight Me** : Same here

 **Fight Me** : Not with the bridesmaid part

 **Fight Me** : The leaving part

 **Fight Me** : Not because I’m busy or anything, just because I want to get out of here before Wally starts filling the chat with all his anime theories and plot holes

 **Wallman** : cowards

 **MoonGoddess** : Have fun with your Naruto

 **MoonGoddess** : *cough* WEEB *cough*

 **Wallman** : rUDE

* * *

 

**December 3, 13:48 EST**

**Artemis**

Artemis tried for what must have been the twentieth time to get that damn basketball rack to stay standing. She held it in place for a second, then slowly took her hands away. She braced them in preparation for when it fell, which had become an unfortunate given by this point. She’d learned that the hard way the first time it toppled over, nearly crushing her under its weight. The bruise on her shoulder still throbbed.

When she next saw Logan, she was going to punch him in the neck for convincing her to trade shifts.

When a minute passed and it still hadn’t tipped over in yet another sports equipment avalanche, Artemis sighed with relief. It was a small victory, but a victory nonetheless.

When Artemis had first applied for the open position at a sporting goods store four months ago, she didn’t think it would involve dealing with unruly basketball racks or cleaning up an aisle flooded with broken glow sticks. (Don’t ask.)

Still, at least it was better than manning the cash register. If she had to argue with another customer about the difference between volleyballs and soccer balls and why they they didn’t deserve a refund plus a complimentary baseball bat for accidentally buying the wrong one, she might actually explode.

But despite all the dumb customers and the occasional disaster, Artemis honestly didn’t mind working. The work itself wasn’t too difficult—mostly just stocking and working the register every once in a while—and there was this…this _calmness_ that came over her when she worked. Especially on quiet days when she could allow her mind to wander wherever it wanted while her body worked on autopilot.

She could definitely use the time to clear her head. After the past two days she’d had, it was probably necessary for her survival at this point. After lying about her wedding date, Artemis had run herself ragged searching for _anyone_ to go with her. Needless to say, not everyone was all that excited at the idea of dating Artemis for a whole month.

Asking her coworkers had been a bust. Nathan had a family reunion and would be in Virginia for the entire last week of December. Jimmy had been apologetic when he informed Artemis he had another two weeks of finals and couldn’t spare any of his time. Ron…Well, Ron had told her right to her face that he would be terrified to spend personal time with her and would rather date a live piranha. That rejection had particularly stung.

Hence her new plan of going about her day, conveniently busying herself with anything but her current predicament. It was safe to say she was just as screwed now as she’d been when she first spun that stupid boyfriend fib. Still, it nagged at her. The guillotine hung poised over her neck, just begging her to look up and face it.

She didn’t want to face it. She didn’t want to think about ways to fix her problem because what other options did Artemis have now? The engagement party was _tonight_. What would happen when she walked into Dick and Zatanna’s house empty-handed, proving to all the world that she was a fraud? She was almost tempted to hire someone off Craigslist, but refrained. She couldn’t be that desperate, right?

She went back and picked up the box she’d been busying herself with before the whole basketball debacle. Inside were the last of the hockey pucks she’d been stocking. She crouched in front of the shelf and resumed her task, hands moving of their own accord while her mind tumbled. That was the one problem with menial tasks. They left her free to her thoughts.

What was she going to do? Finding someone to pretend to be her date hadn’t worked, and she was just about out of time. She could always just talk to Zatanna and tell her the truth before the party, but the thought made Artemis’ stomach churn.

Zatanna would be amused, of course, but afterwards she would be understanding. Sure, she’d tease her for the rest of eternity, but Artemis had probably brought that on herself anyway. Still, Zatanna wouldn’t hold any real grudge for lying. It would all fade into an inside joke in a few weeks.

Yet Artemis couldn’t bear the thought of coming clean. Not when she was already in this deep—not when doing so would prove she really was as lonely as Zatanna had worried she was. Her pride made the possibility of telling the truth impossible. What would it say about her if she admitted that she’d lied about having a boyfriend? She’d be a joke. No one would actively make fun of her; her friends were nicer than that. But to herself? She could never live with herself if she didn’t make it out of this with some portion of her dignity intact.

Hands numb, Artemis shoved the rest of the pucks onto the shelf and straightened up. She took a second to close her eyes and breathe. Fine. Might as well face facts while she could.

She had to make peace with the fact that the only way of getting out of this situation without her pride dissolving into a puddle on the floor would be the slim chance of a miracle. And, judging by how Artemis’ life was going at the moment, those were in short supply.

No use in wallowing now, she supposed. What was the point? If she couldn’t find a guy to convince to date her by tonight, that was it. She was screwed. But she still had more or less seven hours of dignity left before her execution. Might as well suck it up, go about her day, and push anything that had to do with romance or weddings or lying out of her mind while she still could.

She strolled down the water sports aisle, rearranging a display or two as she went along the shelves. Her boss was kind enough to let her do mainly stock today, a luxury she was grateful for.

Aside from herself and a few other employees, the store was practically deserted, which was unsurprising. Nobody came for sporting equipment in the winter unless they were skis, but those were on the other side of the store anyway. At least for Artemis, that meant no having to talk to customers or worry about appearing as perfect an employee as possible, which was surprisingly difficult when it came to retail. She could be blissfully alone for once.

Wait—scratch that.

Artemis turned a corner and, before she could stop herself, bumped into someone, the wind getting knocked out of her in one big _whoosh_. She stumbled and regained her balance, immediately cursing herself for not watching where she was going. Whoever it was had been carrying a lot of stuff, all of which came crashing to the floor, the sound echoing on the linoleum.

“Shit, shit, I’m so sorry, sir,” Artemis apologized as she bent down to help pick them up. Oddly enough, they were what looked like...beach supplies? Weird. But hey, she wasn’t one to judge. Especially not a complete stranger she had just inadvertently assaulted.

She straightened up and handed a beach ball back to the person, a string of apologies dying on her tongue when she recognized that red hair and freckled face, those annoyingly green eyes that were usually wide with mischief, but now stared back at her with as much shock as her own. Crap.

_“Wally?”_

Wally blinked and came to realize who she was in the same instant, his eyebrows pulling up in surprise. “Artemis? I had no idea you worked here,” he said, head tilted to one side. He swept his eyes over her once, taking in her green work polo, her blonde waist-length hair in its usual ponytail, her employee badge that said _Artemis_ in bold black lettering as if he needed further evidence.

Artemis crossed her arms. “Well, you learn something new every day.” Realizing it wasn’t a stranger she’d just attacked, she relaxed a fraction. That was one customer complaint she didn’t have to worry about. On the other hand, now that she knew it was Wally, she almost wished it had been.

Someone who didn’t know the pair might have interpreted the air between them as hostile, but…Well, okay fine, it was. So Artemis and Wally weren’t exactly _friends_ , per se.

Acquaintances.

Rivals.

Enemies?

Nah, lets stick with rivals. That sounded slightly more appealing than straight up _enemies_ , even if that may have been a more accurate definition of their relationship.

Sure, they hung out in the same social group and knew each other fairly well, but it was more like a grudging acquaintanceship, rather than friendship. Most of that was on Artemis’ part, admittedly. Something about the guy just _irked_ her. And not just because he looked like a genderbent Wendy’s spokes model.

She’d known Wally long enough to tell he was one of _those_ guys. The kind whom, back in high school, Artemis had actively went out of her way to avoid. Wally annoyingly flirted with every person he met—heck, he was in love with Megan for a year before someone finally took pity on him and broke it to him that she and Conner were together. (That someone may have been Artemis, who wished she’d gotten a picture of the look on Wally’s face when he’d learned the truth. Priceless.) Not to mention the way he seemed convinced he was the greatest thing since ice cream. Conceited much?

And, quite honestly, he was just annoying. The way he talked too loudly like he needed attention to survive, the way he made those dumb innuendos every opportunity he got, the way he so _irritatingly_ appeared everywhere Artemis went like gum stuck to her shoe.

So no, they weren’t friends.

She smirked as Wally struggled to regather his stuff. “So, Baywatch,” she said, testing out the nickname as she eyed his merchandise. “Why all the beach stuff? You do realize it’s December, right? Or did you not notice the below freezing temperature outside?”

Wally rolled his eyes. “Ha, ha,” he said with no enthusiasm. “For your _information_ , these are all for Dick’s _bachelor party_. He put me in charge of planning, so I’m going to decorate the indoor pool at his dad’s mansion,” he announced proudly. Like it was some huge honor bestowed upon him.

Artemis cocked her hip to the side, looking him up and down. An unwelcome thought invaded her mind of Wally shirtless in swim trunks, but she shook that disturbing image away. “Well, good luck with that, I guess. Sounds like a blast.”

Wally waggled his eyebrows. “What, Arty, you disappointed you won’t get to see the Wallman in a swimsuit?” He flexed his scrawny arms.

For some odd reason, Artemis’ cheeks flamed as she saw that damned shirtless Wally image again. “No.”

Wally must have been expecting her to make some witty comment like she had expected as well, because he looked uncomfortably out of place now. Wow, nice going, Artemis. She was too hung up on being caught at work that her mind was still reeling, an affliction that apparently sapped away her ability to come up with her world-famous, million dollar insults.

They stood in tense silence for a moment, neither sure of what to say next. Honestly, how do you make conversation with a guy you prided yourself on hating? Talk about the weather? Ask how his weekend was going? Neither seemed right, especially compared to their normal conversation topics, most of which included semi-playful banter that was more venomous than playful anyway.

“So, uh...” Wally scratched the back of his neck. “Zatanna mentioned you were going to be maid of honor, right?”

Now, Artemis and Wally had never gotten along, and they didn’t plan to start anytime soon. That much was clear by now. But reminded of the upcoming event, Artemis figured, hey, it’s a wedding. They bring people together, forge new bonds, all that hallmark crap. Why not take the high ground, act civil, and maybe, just maybe, start what could become a very pleasant acquaintanceship? It had to have been a hell of a lot easier than being forced to hang out with someone she couldn’t stand even on a good day.

So, instead of firing off one of the dozen less-than-polite comments she’d stocked up on since the conversation started, Artemis tried to be civil. She nodded. “Yup, that’s me. And let me guess, you’re the best man?”

Wally spread his arms and grinned. “One and only. It’s only fitting that the _best_ _man_ be best man. Dick knew that only someone like yours truly would be a good choice for the most important job in the whole wedding, no big deal or anything.”

Wait, did she say civil? Sorry, but Artemis could practically _feel_ the cockiness radiating off of Wally. A good person would take the initiative and knock him down a few pegs. Artemis’ lip curled. “What, did every other man in the country drop dead?”

Wally dropped his arms. “Hey! I’ll have you know, I was actually Dick’s first choice.”

“Yeah, I’ll bet.”

Wally narrowed his eyes. “And what about you? I thought Zee would pick _Megan_ for her maid of honor.”

“And I thought Dick would have picked one of his brothers for the best man, but I guess we’re both wrong.”

“At least I’m fun enough to do the job right,” Wally countered.

Fire burned beneath Artemis’ skin. “Well at least _I_ have a date for the wedding, unlike _some people_ I know.” A small voice in her head said, _No you don’t, you liar. Shut up about it._

But another, stronger voice shot back, _Be quiet and go for the kill._

Artemis felt a surge of pride when Wally looked like he’d been slapped. But then his eyes filled with a similar fire, and he said, “Oh, yeah? Well so do I!”

“You sure about that, Baywatch?”

“Yeah! And if I remember correctly, I don’t recall you ever mentioning you were dating anyone.”

“Well, I am,” Artemis said, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Then what’s their name?”

“…John.”

“John?”

“Yes, and he’s coming with me to the wedding.”

Wally stared at her skeptically, unconvinced. “Oh, really? And what does this John look like? Maybe I know him.”

Artemis ground her teeth together. “He’s…uh…blond. And tall, and handsome, and…”

“Real?”

“Yes, _real_. And what does _your_ date look like?” Artemis challenged.

Wally’s confidence drained, and his eyes darted to look at everything but Artemis. “You know, she’s...pretty. She has, um, nice eyes. And…”

“Let me guess, fairy wings? Or maybe magical hair?”

Wally’s face screwed up. “What, like your boyfriend is any more real?”

“So you admit you made her up,” Artemis pointed out.

Wally faltered, holding up a finger like he was about to deny it, then lowering it and crossing his arms. “Okay, fine,” he allowed. “You got me. I lied about having a date. But don’t act like you didn’t do the exact same thing, Miss Congeniality. What are you going to do when you show up at the engagement party with no handsome _John_ on your arm?”

Artemis’ hands balled into fists. Would she get fired if she slapped him? She’d done it plenty of times before, but maybe it would be best to do it outside, off company property where she was free to tackle Wally to the ground as she pleased. “I’ll figure it out,” she said when she couldn’t come up with anything better. “And good luck with your fake girlfriend. Can’t wait to see how you handle that.”

With a mock salute, Artemis turned on her heel and stomped away, back to work. She didn’t have time to deal with Wally and more reminders of her dilemma, which she’d pointedly made a plan to _not_ think about today. The only thing that made her predicament bearable was the fact that Wally was in the exact same boat, though that would also mean she was just as stupid as Wally, which didn’t feel nearly as good.

She’d almost reached the tennis section when she was suddenly stopped by a hand on her shoulder, pulling her to a halt. She prepared to judo flip whoever grabbed her, but hesitated when she heard Wally yell, “Wait up!”

Ughhhhh.

“What is it, Wally?” Artemis demanded impatiently. She’d already been humiliated enough for one day, thank you very much.

He let go of her shoulder and moved until he was blocking her way, hands up in front of him. “Just hold on, okay? I think I have a solution that could help both of us.” His eyes scanned the store before he ushered Artemis into a more secluded area behind a huge rack of scooters. In the small space, there was only room for a foot of space between Wally and Artemis. She recoiled, leaning as far away from him as she could.

“What are you—”

“You don’t have a date to the wedding, right?”

“Jeez, Baywatch, you don’t need to rub it in,” Artemis grumbled.

Wally ignored her. “And _I_ don’t have a date either. You need a boyfriend before the wedding, and I need a girlfriend.” He paused expectantly. “You see where I’m going with this..?”

Artemis did. She wished she didn’t, but she did. She just hated it more than anything in the universe and would rather drink a cold, refreshing glass of arsenic than go through with what Wally was suggesting.

Wally didn’t wait for an answer. “I can be your fake boyfriend, and you can be my fake girlfriend!” He grinned, pleased with himself, like it was the greatest idea in the world and not a plan that would undoubtedly end in disaster a week in. Not even that. A day. An _hour_.

Artemis glowered. “In what universe would that _possibly_ be a good idea, Wally?”

Wally held up a hand. “I know, I know. I don’t like you and you don’t like me. But do we really have any other options? The engagement party is _tonight_. It’s, like, impossible to find a date in that time. But, if we pretend to date each other…” He trailed off suggestively.

“No.”

Wally’s mouth turned downward, gaping. “But Artemis—”

“I said no,” she repeated firmly, pushing away from him and removing herself from their secluded corner. “This is a disaster waiting to happen and you know it. I’m not going to make the situation worse by playing pretend with you.” She walked away, teeth clenched. She made it halfway down the aisle before Wally’s voice made her stop again.

“I’m your only option,” he called after her. “And, much as I hate to admit it, you’re mine too.” Artemis didn’t turn around, and Wally continued, almost desperately. “If we’re going to get through this, we need each other.”

Artemis turned around then. Wally’s eyes were wide, pleading. He kept talking before she could shoot him down. “Just listen, okay? It’s only for a month, and we only have to actually interact when we’re around our friends, right? And I’m pretty sure the only other option is getting humiliated for lying about our dates, which I don’t think either of us really wants to do. At least, I sure don’t.”

Artemis took a deep breath before walking back until she was in front of Wally, staring him down. She chewed the inside of her cheek, eyes sharp. “I don’t like you,” she said finally.

Wally shrugged. “Good. I don’t like you either.” He held out his hand. “So what do you say? Do we have a deal?”

Did Artemis really want to do this? If she agreed, that meant a month of pretending to date Wally. A month of being close to Wally. A month of having to pretend she was honest to God, over the moon, drop dead in love with Wally. It was hard enough to act like she tolerated him as a friend, let alone a lover. They’d kill each other before they were even close to the wedding.

But…he did have a point. Did she have any other option? Besides coming clean about her lie and enduring the well-deserved humiliation, of course.

Wally’s eyebrows raised, goading her to shake his hand.

No, she decided. She _didn’t_ have any other options. And if faking a relationship with Wally West was what it took to keep their friends in the dark, then she had no choice.

“Okay,” she decided, shaking his hand. “Deal.”

Wally’s face broke into a grin. “Wait, you mean it? For real?” Artemis gave him an exasperated look that made it clear that yes, idiot, she meant it, and Wally pumped a fist. “Sweet! Oh, man,” he said, linking his fingers against the back of his neck and lifting his face to the ceiling, relieved. “I thought I was going to have to live the rest of my days putting up with Dick teasing me about making up a girlfriend. But this is gonna be perfect. All we have to do is keep it up until the wedding, break up the next day, and boom! We’re home free!”

“Yeah, yeah. Congratulations. Just don’t mess this up,” Artemis warned. “I’ve got just as much riding on this as you do, so we’ve got to make it convincing.”

“No worries," Wally said confidently. "I’m a romance expert, so this will be a snap, I promise.” He snapped her fingers for emphasis. “Just don’t fall in love with me,” he teased, winking.

Artemis rolled her eyes, already regretting her decision. “I assure you, that definitely won’t be a problem.”

* * *

  **December 3, 20:03 EST**

**Wally**

“So, what exactly are the terms of all this?”

“Terms of what?”

Wally and Artemis sat in Wally’s car, on their way to the engagement party. When Artemis first watched that old red 1980 Chevrolet roll up to her apartment building, she had devoted a good five minutes informing Wally on just how crappy his car was. Which…was admittedly true. But hey, Wally’s car may have been trash, but it was his trash.

Wally had a lot of emotional attachments to this car. It had been a gift from Barry for his sixteenth birthday—a hand-me-down, obviously. The red paint was chipped, the silver racing stripes were faded, and its engine was loud enough one could easily hear him coming from all the way down the block.

And Wally loved it.

Back in high school, he’d won quite a few races with this car. She may have been old, but man this car was fast. It had been perfect for his street racing days when he was trying to earn some extra cash for college after some _circumstances_ changed the course of things. The guys around the racing crowds even went so far as to nickname him Kid Flash because no one could ever catch up to him. That, with being by far the greatest on the track team, only solidified the nickname.

Part of him felt nostalgic for those days. The only difference between then and now was that now he was in a different kind of game, with much higher stakes. Now he had a far more daunting task: Pretend to be in love with Artemis Crock, or risk humiliation that would last until he died, maybe even longer than that. Oh, boy.

Artemis kept her eyes on the road ahead of them. “What are the terms of this whole…You know…” She waved her hand vaguely like that cleared up anything. “This thing. Our relationship. We’re going to have to set rules, right? Like, are we supposed to hold hands or hug or something?” She glanced out the corner of her eye at Wally, taking in his disgusted expression.

“Hey, I don’t want to do it any more than you do,” she assured him, “but we have to be convincing, right? Otherwise it’ll be pretty obvious we’re not a couple and we’ll have to hear about this until we’re thirty.”

Wally grimaced. Normally he’d be all for this entire situation, but did it really have to be Artemis? Had he been in this with literally anyone else, he’d be having the time of his life. Getting the opportunity to pretend to be deeply in love with a girl and convincing everyone it was genuine? Dream come true. But this was most definitely _not_ it. Granted, this whole deal was all Wally’s idea, but he loathed the situation just as much as Artemis did, if not more. Figures the one time he got this chance and it’s with the only girl in the whole world he could never like.

They rolled down the street and pulled up along the curb in front of Dick and Zatanna’s house. It was small, but it looked like the kind of place you’d see in a family movie—white picket fence and all. Back when Dick and Zatanna first moved in six months ago, Wally had mentioned that it was about as domestic as you could get. He’d joked that Dick might as well propose then and there because they were already halfway there with the house alone. Now here they were.

Wally parked the car, turning off the engine and facing Artemis. “So what kind of boundaries are we talking about here? Just so I know what you’re okay with,” he said.

Artemis thought about it. “I’m good with hand-holding, as long as it’s not for too long.” Wally nodded as she kept talking. “Same thing with hugs I guess, but I doubt we’ll have to do too much of that anyway. And call me a dumb pet name and we’re done.”

“Noted.”

“And as for kissing—”

Wally jerked back like he’d been shot. “Wait, what? We’re going to have to _kiss?”_ As much as he enjoyed romance and had contemplated all day about this situation, the thought of kissing Artemis being a part of the scheme had never once occurred to him.

Artemis gave him a _Well, duh_ look. “Part of the job description, dummy. We’re supposed to be dating. People who are dating kiss sometimes.”

Wally wrinkled his nose. “No offense, but I’d kind of rather do literally anything else.”

“What a gentleman,” Artemis said, rolling her eyes. “And anyway, don’t worry. I’m not too eager to kiss you either, so let’s avoid that as much as possible.”

“Agreed,” Wally said with a shudder.

Artemis moved on. “And we should decide who’s allowed to know about this. It’s going to be exhausting if we have to keep up the act twenty-four seven, so let’s only make a point of telling our friends and anyone else who’ll be at the wedding. So don’t go around bragging to the cashier at the supermarket,” she warned.

“Yeah, that’s probably best. Man, you’ve really thought this all out, haven’t you?”

Artemis shrugged. “If I’m going to be stuck with you for the next month, we might as well be thorough about it.”

Wally wiggled his eyebrows. “Or maybe someone’s just excited about spending some quality time with the Wallman?”

“In your dreams, Baywatch. The only thing I’m excited about is when I get to dump your sorry ass after this is all over.”

“Um, you mean when  _I_ get to dump _your_ ass. I’ve never gotten to break up with someone before and I can’t miss this once in a lifetime opportunity.”

Artemis stared at him for a long while. “You know what? That one’s too easy. I’m not even going to bother wasting my time making fun of you for it.”

“How courteous of you, really.”

Artemis smiled pleasantly. “Only the best for my darling boyfriend,” she said, batting her eyelashes.

“Ew. Never say that again. You’re starting to sound like my Aunt Iris with all that ‘darling’ stuff.” Wally paused. “Hey, speaking of which, are we allowed to tell our families about this?”

“Our families?”

He shrugged. “Well, yeah. Aunt Iris has been asking for months if I’m dating anyone, and if I keep having to tell her I’m single, it’s gonna start making me seem a little lame.”

Artemis snorted. “A little?”

“Ignoring that. So can I tell them or what?”

She considered it, then shrugged. “I don’t see why not, I guess.”

“Sweet. And besides, don’t you want to tell your family too? I mean, I can imagine this would be the first time you’ve ever had a relationship that didn’t end in you killing him like one of those Black Widow spiders.”

For some reason, Artemis stiffened and turned away from Wally towards the window. “Yeah. Sure,” she said. “I’ll tell them.” Her words were clipped and tense, like something Wally said had struck a nerve. Maybe she wasn’t much of a spider person? Either way, Wally brushed it off.

“Cool,” he said. “And we’re probably going to have to know some stuff about each other, since all I know about you is that you’re rude and good at poker.”

Artemis made a face. “This isn’t supposed to be a serious thing,” she said. “Just act like we like each other and that’s it. No strings attached.” Her eyes were narrowed, mouth pursed.

Wally rolled his eyes. “I’m not asking for your life story, Artemis. Just…You know. Small things that a boyfriend would know. Like your favorite color or hobbies, stuff like that. It’ll be easier to make it seem like we’ve been together for a while.” Artemis looked skeptical, so Wally continued rather than waste time arguing about it. “Like, you should probably know that I was raised by my Uncle Barry and Aunt Iris in Central City for most of my kid years. And I watch a lot of sci-fi movies, mostly Star Wars. Oh, and I also have a thing for cars, too, so in case that comes up.”

He racked his brain for anything else Artemis would need to know in case it came up in conversation. There were a few particular things he could think of, but he had no intention of telling Artemis those. Those doors were very much sealed, and he had no intention of prying them open for a stupid deal. He settled for just telling her the things other people might mention.

“For my day job I’m training to be a forensic scientist like my uncle, so if anyone says something about that—”

Artemis blinked. “Wait, you’re serious?” She looked him up and down as if she were trying to imagine him in a lab coat, fiddling with test tubes.

“Yeah, you didn’t know that?” She shook her head. “Oh. Well, uh, now you do,” Wally said. He cleared his throat. “Anyways, is there anything important I should know about you, just in case?”

Artemis’ expression changed until it was unreadable, like she’d erased all emotion faster than Wally could see any to begin with. “Nothing very important besides what you already know.”

Tension filled the car before Wally knew it. The way she said that, it was almost…defensive? He considered asking why the sudden cold shoulder, but thought better of it. If Artemis wanted him to know, she’d tell him. But she obviously didn’t, and Wally could respect that. Asking questions about someone’s wellbeing and personal life like that, that was a boyfriend’s job. And Wally was _not_ her boyfriend—that much was certain.

He wisely changed the subject. “All right. So now that that’s out of the way, all that’s left is playing the part and making it to the wedding in one piece, huh? Well, two pieces I guess."

Artemis nodded, dropping her momentary iciness. “Sounds like a plan, Carrot Top.”

Wally grimaced, squinting out the windshield at the house. He sighed. “I guess we’ve stalled long enough. Time to test out our acting skills,” he said with an anxious chuckle.

Wally’s heart pounded from the moment they got out of the car, and only increased in tempo as they walked up the porch steps, which felt like two prisoners on their way to their joint execution.

A second after Wally rang to doorbell, Artemis suddenly grabbed his hand. At his bemused expression, she explained, “It’ll spare us having to break it to them.”

Wow. That was…actually kind of smart. Wally had to admit, he was starting to see that Artemis was much better at this improvisation thing than he was. At this rate, faking a relationship with her was going to be a piece of wedding cake.

It didn’t take long for Zatanna to open the door to greet them, and, as her eyes flicked down and took in their hands, she let out a sharp squeak. Her expression shifted from joy to shock so fast it would have been amusing had Wally not felt so embarrassed.

Zatanna stood there frozen long enough for the lovely couple to long pass awkward, and it got even worse when Dick came up from behind Zee to see what the deal was, took one look at Artemis and Wally’s intertwined hands, and gave one of the most shit-eating grins Wally had seen to date.

Well, no turning back now.

* * *

  **December 3, 21:07 EDT**

**Artemis**

Surprisingly enough, nobody outright accused them of being filthy liars, so that must have meant they were doing something right. The majority of the reactions they received were more shocked than disbelieving. Still, though, the whole situation made something itch under Artemis’ skin.

Turns out, the only downside to everyone believing Wally and Artemis were dating was _everyone believing Wally and Artemis were dating._

For a party that was supposed to be about Dick and Zatanna, everyone seemed to have forgotten about the engagement completely in favor of scrutinizing Wally and Artemis like they’d accidentally discovered the cure for cancer and needed to be closely interrogated to figure out how they did it.

Some people like Conner and Kaldur didn’t react much besides a shrug and a congratulation. Those were good. _Those_ were the reactions Artemis had been hoping for. Others were less inclined to shrug it off and leaned more towards hugging the life out of them both, demanding an explanation for why they hadn’t been informed sooner. Bette even went so far as to jump up and down, squealing excitedly about how she’d called this years ago, whatever that meant.

The entirety of the party was spent hopping from conversation to conversation, mainly about the romantic elephant in the room. What really confused Artemis that she hadn’t expected was how easily people seemed to accept she was dating Wally. She’d have been insulted if she wasn’t already so busy focusing on acting like she was attracted to Wally, which, believe it or not, wasn’t an easy role to play.

She’d just finished an incredibly invasive conversation with Anissa when Zatanna suddenly grabbed Artemis’ arm and whisked her away into the corner, out of hearing distance from the rest of the party. She placed her hands on her hips like a scolding mother and waited, brow arched expectantly.

Artemis sighed. This was the one conversation she’d been hoping to avoid for as long as possible, but she supposed she couldn’t put it off any longer. “Listen, Zee—”

“How could you not tell me about this?” Zatanna demanded, throwing her hands in the air. “Oh my god, I can’t believe I had no idea,” she said, mostly to herself, trying to wrap her head around the concept. Artemis had fully expected this kind of reaction, as Zatanna prided herself on her intuition. She never missed a thing, which had proven to be both a blessing and a curse for Artemis in the past. If there was something going on, Zatanna knew about it—sometimes before Artemis herself even knew.

The fact that she’d managed to miss that Artemis was in a relationship with one of their friends for so long was an impossible concept to grasp, even if the reason for that was because there _was_ no relationship. Artemis patiently waited for Zatanna to work herself through the shock.

Zatanna pushed her hair back with one hand, grasping the revelation. “When you said you had a boyfriend, I figured it was some guy from work or maybe you were lying”—Artemis gulped—”but _Wally?_ I thought you two hated each other!”

Artemis shrugged. “He grew on me,” she said simply.

“But he—you—how?”

Luckily, Wally and Artemis had already discussed their getting-together story on the drive there. She explained to Zatanna the tale they’d spun. She told her about how she and Wally first started liking each other at Conner’s birthday party, when they got talking and realized they had more in common than they thought. Then they started hanging out more and more often until Wally finally kissed her in September after months of dancing around each other, and boom, they were dating. They laid low for a while after that, not wanting to make a big deal of it too soon.

It wasn’t too extravagant a story, but it was realistic enough to pass for believable. That was the important thing. Zatanna stayed quiet as Artemis told the story, and when she finished, Zatanna nodded to herself.

“Okay,” she said, seeming to accept it. “While that’s very cute and I have to admit I’ve kind of been expecting you guys to get together anyway”—Why does everyone keep saying that?—“I still don’t get how… _How?”_

“How what?”

 _“How?_ You two hated each other. You argue every time I see you together, and you must be really good actors since you’ve been dating all this time and not a single person had any clue you were secretly together. All those arguments, the fight you had over how to pronounce _route_ , that time he pranked you and you shaved off part of his eyebrow—” She would have continued, but Artemis cut her off before she could list any more altercations between her and Wally. 

“We wanted to wait for a while before telling anybody,” Artemis said. “We knew it was a pretty big deal, and we just wanted to make sure it was real before risking the whole group dynamic.” She shrugged. “Honestly, I thought you would have been happy about it since you’ve been bothering me for years about getting along better with Wally.”

“I am,” Zatanna insisted. “Really, I am. It’s just…It’s just a lot to handle on top of everything else. The engagement, planning the wedding, and now two of my best friends are dating each other, which is, like, the best news ever. God, Artemis, you have no idea how happy I am for the two of you.” She pulled Artemis into a hug. “This is so great—Dick and I are getting married, and now our two best friends are dating too! This has gotta be the most perfect double date group ever.”

“I know, I—Wait, what?” Double dates were never part of the job description.

But that’s when the doorbell rang again, grabbing Zatanna’s attention away from her now very confused friend. She hurried off towards the front door, calling over her shoulder, “Sorry, Arty, we’ll talk more later, okay?”

And with that, Artemis was left standing alone in the corner, wondering to herself if she was too far in to fake her death and get out before it was too late. She pushed the double date thing out of her mind. What with the dozens of other matters on Zatanna’s plate, a double date had to be the least of her worries at the moment.

Artemis wandered around for a while, steering clear of anyone who might have had something to say about the Wally matter. Hopefully she could avoid the subject long enough that everyone soon would forget about it entirely and accept it as a normal thing, no questions or congratulations required. She’d much rather carry on with her life as normal with the only difference being that she had to occasionally act like she didn’t loathe Wally and be all lovey-dovey with him at the wedding. She didn’t sign up for all this attention.

She eventually found Wally in the kitchen with Dick and Roy, standing around and talking as Dick arranged pizza rolls on a tray. Wally was leaning on the counter where an already-cooked tray of pizza rolls sat, snatching some whenever nobody was watching.

Figuring she had nothing better to do, Artemis walked up to him and grabbed his hand. “Hey, babe,” she said, kissing him on the cheek and trying to keep a straight face. If she couldn’t mess with Wally in public anymore, the next best thing was having as much fun with the situation as she could. And making Wally uncomfortable was about as fun as it got.

Wally looked surprised before he remembered they were supposed to be acting and forced a grin. “Hey, _sweetie_ ,” he said. “You’re looking as psychotically lovely as ever.”

“Watch it,” Artemis hissed between her still-smiling teeth.

Dick watched them with this weirdly satisfied look. “Well, I’m sure never going to get used to that,” he chuckled.

Roy acted as if Artemis wasn’t there and vice versa, but that surprised no one. The only times they’d ever really interacted in a civil manner was when he dropped Lian off at Artemis’ apartment on the occasions in which she got to babysit her niece. Nobody but the two of them had any idea why all the bad blood, but after a while they’d seemed to have accepted the situation as it was and stopped questioning it. 

Wally put his arm around Artemis and held her close, but he was stiff. They both were. It was still weird being this close to Wally, or anyone, for that matter. But at least the ruse was working—that was the important thing.

“So, what are we talking about?” she asked, stealing a pizza roll for herself.

Wally pointed at the other redhead, talking around the pizza rolls in his mouth. “Roy was telling us about Lian’s dance recital yesterday.”

Artemis looked at Roy, eyes narrowing. “Wait, dance recital? Why didn’t you tell me she had a dance recital?”

Roy shrugged. “You never asked.” He was casual, a picture of ease, but Artemis saw the truth in the tension in his jaw, the vengeful glint in his iris. This wouldn’t have been the first time he’d tried to ignore Artemis’ role in Lian’s life.

Artemis’ hand instinctively balled into a fist at her side. “Maybe it would be easier to ask if someone actually picked up when I called. Like how last weekend was _supposed_ to be my turn with Lian, but I guess it doesn’t matter to you whether I get to see my own niece anymore, does it?” Her words were sharp, the exact opposite of friendly. Then again, were she and Roy ever friendly?

Wally looked back and forth between Roy and Artemis, surprised by the sudden hostility. Artemis saw him look at Dick for an explanation from the corner of her eye, along with Dick’s shrug.

Roy’s eyes bored into Artemis’ own, blue and icy as a sea storm. “Forgive me if I want my daughter to have some actual positive influences in her life.”

“In that case, maybe I should just go ahead and get myself hooked on heroin then, since apparently that qualifies as a _positive influence_ in your book.”

The air turned heavy as the blow struck, thick as a storm cloud. Roy and Artemis had a silent staring contest, and no one dared speak for fear of the explosion it would set off. Wally’s eyes flicked between them frantically like he wasn’t sure which fire to extinguish first.

Roy’s past drug problem was an unspoken topic for those who knew about it. No one dared mention its existence, preferring to carefully avoid it entirely to the point where it became a taboo in their small group of friends.

The loss of Jade was the main reason for it. Roy had no way to cope with her absence and the unfamiliar weight of having to raise their daughter all on his own, so to the disappointment of everyone unfortunate enough to be involved in the situation, he turned to drugs to smother the pain. Needless to say it became a problem.

Artemis had confronted him about it so many times, told him he couldn’t be the father Lian needed unless he got himself together and got clean, but he was too caught up in self-pity and grief to listen. After so long of trying to talk some sense into him with no avail, Artemis took matters into her own hands and brought Lian to live with her for a few months with the ultimatum that until Roy got his act together, he would be going nowhere near Lian.

To put it delicately, that night had ended far from well. It was one of the many events that splintered their relationship to what it was now. Resentment. Distrust. Blame. Artemis could still remember the day as clear as if it had happened only a few days ago rather than two years.

She could recall the rain pounding the windowpanes of Roy’s apartment. The cries of Lian as she watched her father and her aunt scream at each other, setting free all of the feelings that had been boarded up since the second her mother strode out of their lives like a fading shadow.

“This isn’t a discussion, Roy,” Artemis had said as she packed up Lian’s stuff. “You’ve hit rock bottom, and I’ll be damned if I’m letting my niece suffer while you dope yourself up in your pathetic downward spiral.” Her voice gained volume with her rising temper.

Roy had been more angry that night than Artemis had ever seen him, in no small part due to the fact that he looked like a crackhead she would have crossed the street to avoid back in Gotham. This had been during the darkest time in his life, the lowest he’d ever sunk. His hair was a mess, his face unshaved, arms riddled with track marks from God knows how many times he’d shot up that day.

He was a disaster, and at some point Artemis had to draw the line for the sake of her niece, the only family she had left. The last connection she had to her sister.

“Bullshit!” Roy had yelled. “None of this would have happened if it weren’t for you. Don’t act like suddenly you’re the responsible adult coming to save _my daughter_ from something that wouldn’t have been a problem in the first place if you hadn’t stood by and let your own sister abandon all of us!”

Artemis walked back to the living room where Lian stood in her playpen, crying as she watched the two argue. Artemis threw more of Lian’s clothes into the suitcase she’d brought with her, Roy yelling all the while.

“And you know what,” he said, “if you ever _really_ cared about Lian, you would have done something to keep Jade from leaving, but of course you didn’t. You don’t think about anyone but yourself. So don’t you _dare_ think any of this isn’t your fault, Artemis, because it damn well is!”

Artemis spun and faced him, holding back from slapping him only because of the baby in the room, helplessly watching everything fall apart. “I’m not talking about this with you anymore, Roy.” Her voice was low, words clipped. She was trying to hold in the explosion, be the adult in this situation, not let things escalate further than they already had. “Stop trying to push the blame onto me, because you know what? She never would have even _thought_ about leaving in the first place if you’d have just been the husband she needed, but I guess you’re just too caught up in your own fucked up head to notice anything but your own problems,” she hissed.

“So what am I supposed to do then, let you take my own daughter away from me?” Roy growled. “You’re delusional if you think I’m letting you take her away.”

“You want your daughter, Roy? Then how about you man up, get clean, and be the father Lian deserves for once in your life. I’m done talking about this,” she said.

And with that, Artemis zipped up the suitcase, hefted Lian gently out of her playpen, and marched out of the apartment, Roy screaming after her all the while.

That had been two years ago.

Things had changed since then, for the both of them. The rift was still there, strong as ever, but it was better that it had been.

It had taken a long time, but something along the way prompted Roy to get clean and start going to rehab. Once he’d kicked his heroin addiction, he fought to get Lian back and eventually Artemis obliged, though insisted she be just as big a part of her niece’s life. Things started looking up again. Jade may have been gone, but that didn’t have to be the end of the world for them. Artemis had lost a sister and Roy had lost a wife, but they still had Lian, and that was what mattered.

Still, though. After that night, something between the two of them had shifted. A lot of things were said, a lot of resentment and blame exchanged. They may have tolerated each other now, but that was the extent of their relationship. The only thing keeping them from never speaking to one another again was Lian, their common link. They had to be civil, if only so Artemis could spend the time with her niece she needed.

Cold shoulders and subtle remarks defined their relationship, that line between them never dissolving, only growing thicker as their resentment maintained even now.

So much, apparently, that Wally felt the need to get in the middle just to avoid the oncoming firefight.

He stepped in front of Artemis so he was half blocking her with his body. “Hey Roy, guess what,” he said. “I was talking to Kaldur earlier and he told me about how he scored tickets to that game I know you wanted to see. Might be a good idea to snag a chance to go with him before Conner gets to him first.”

It wasn’t the world’s best distraction, but Roy’s priorities seemed to remind him that he could always pick a fight with Artemis later. Plus, it would probably have been considered rude to start a fight during an engagement party. With one last, hard look at Artemis, he turned and stomped away, back towards the living room.

Wally relaxed, let out a breath, and looked at Artemis. “You know what you two remind me of? Tom and Jerry. I’m surprised you didn’t pull out a giant mallet and smash him or something,” he said, tone shifting into something lighter. Artemis rolled her eyes.

Dick whistled. “Well, that was far from aster. I thought you guys have been getting along better lately, but I guess not.”

“Anyway,” Artemis said, eager to change the subject. “We should probably get back to the party. Can’t hide in here forever.” She grabbed Wally’s hand, which still felt alien to her. “Come on, Baywatch.”

As they passed into the living room, Wally leaned in to whisper in Artemis’ ear, “By the way, Bette decided our ship name was _Wallart_ in case you were wondering.”

Artemis wrinkled her nose. “Ew. We’ve only been dating less than two hours and already we have a name? It’s not even creative.”

Wally shrugged. “Welcome to the dating world, I guess. Not as fun as I thought it’d be.”

“You and me both.”

“Hey, Artemis!” Megan waved from across the room where she’d been talking to Conner and Raquel. “Zatanna put me in charge of invitations,” she said when the couple walked over. “I was wondering if maybe you could help me out, and then I could give you a hand with the catering orders since I happen to know about half of the bakery owners in this town.”

Artemis grinned. “Sounds good. That’ll put us ahead of schedule, so maybe we have a shot at getting this whole wedding together in time after all.”

“You know, first you and Wally got together, now Zatanna and Dick are getting married, it’s like this is the month for love,” Megan said.

“Don’t forget Wendy and Marvin,” Conner added. “Didn’t they go on a date last week?”

Megan’s eyes brightened. “Oh my gosh, Artemis, you won’t _believe_ what happened with them these past few days, it’s been insane—”

As Megan chattered excitedly about the love story between their friends whom Artemis barely knew, she became acutely aware of the fact that for the first time this whole night, she and Wally weren’t at the center of attention. Wally must have sensed it too, because she could feel him relaxing beside her.

Slowly but steadily, the atmosphere was changing. Everyone was beginning to get used to the fact that Artemis and Wally were together and accepting it as just another fact of life. Artemis could feel it in the easy conversation that was no longer centered around her, in the casualness with which Wally stood next to her. Little by little, everyone was getting used to the idea of Artemis and Wally dating.

And just like that, they were in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...In for a roller coaster of feels, amiright? 
> 
> In case you were wondering, Logan was La'gann but with a more human-sounding name. Actually, pretty much everyone I name in this fic is named after a real YJ or DC character, even minor ones like Nathan being Neutron from season two, Jimmy as in Jimmy Olsen, and Ron being that asshole Atlantian dude from the tie-in comics. And in case you were wondering, Raquel's wife, Anissa, is indeed Anissa Pierce, AKA Thunder, AKA Black Lightning's daughter. I'm obsessed with Black Lightning on the CW, and I feel like she and Raquel would be super cute together. Plus, Black Lightning is in Young Justice, so see it works. 
> 
> Also the car thing was an aspect from CW!Wally West that I liked and decided to include in this fic. Characteristics of characters are all taken from Young Justice, comics, shows, and any other material that I take pieces of and kind of smush into one character so it fits my ideal image of them, like how Wally has parts of his comic character and CW character as well as Young Justice. Just go with it, my dudes.


	3. Knock Knock It’s Trauma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Annataz:** Did I mishear Bette earlier, or are Artemis and Wally really in Central City right now and spending the weekend there
> 
> **Iconic:** Wait seriously?
> 
> **Iconic:** Wally. Artemis. Explain
> 
> **MoonGoddess:** Honestly, you mention one thing to someone and they already tell it to someone else within a day
> 
> **MoonGoddess:** This is why I have trust issues
> 
> **Iconic:** Are you seriously in Kansas right now??
> 
> **MoonGoddess:** ………maybe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, I first got inspiration for this chapter after watching How to Lose a Guy In Ten Days. Also there were so many self-indulgent song references made in this chapter, part of me feels like making a playlist or something lol.

**December 6, 18:13 EST**

**Artemis**

The arrow hit the target with a loud _thunk_.

Artemis pulled another from her quiver and notched it in her bow, aiming at the target fifty feet away, far across the field. The chilled breeze tussled her hair, but she paid it no mind. She was too in the zone. Exhaling, she let the arrow fly.

Another bullseye, though she wasn’t surprised. Hadn’t been since seventh grade.

Around the archery range, Artemis was known for being a natural with a bow. The guy who ran the place always told her she should join the archery team, but she refused every time. Artemis didn’t care about joining teams or winning medals. She practiced alone and for herself, and she was perfectly content with that.

Rolling her shoulders, Artemis glanced at her watch for the ninth time since she’d arrived: She’d been there for two and a half hours so far. Honestly, if she hadn’t started bringing the watch, she could stand firing at the target for hours and have no idea how much time had passed. Time moved differently at the archery range. Its speed constantly changed from too slow to too quick to frozen completely, suspending the universe where it hung so nothing existed but Artemis, the bow, and the target. She had to remind herself to check the time every once in a while to make sure she hadn’t accidentally lost track and stayed until 4:00am, which, admittedly, wouldn’t have been the first time.

But who could blame her? Consistency wasn’t something Artemis had the luxury of possessing since she was a kid, but archery always stayed the same. So long as she had a bow and working arms, archery was the one thing that would never leave her. That feeling of pulling back the bowstring, the elastic digging into her fingertips, the wonderful ache in her shoulder when she’d been practicing for too long, it was better than any drug.

Artemis had first picked up a bow when she was ten, back when she still lived with her family. At the time it was little more than an excuse to spend time anywhere but at the house, listening to her parents fight downstairs while she hid under her bed, clutching her teddy bear.

Her dad had taught her the basics of archery at a young age, which she’d built upon every time she broke into the old abandoned warehouse behind a liquor store, where she would practice for hours until her eyes were exhausted and her arms throbbed. She used to set up tin cans and old bottles as targets, practicing with them every day. She was eleven when she hit her first bullseye—the first of many to come.

She couldn’t explain quite why she did it, the archery. It took months to learn to do it without the string snapping on her forearm or the arrow flying backwards to hit her in the face, yet she kept at it and soon became an expert. It became her favorite hobby. Her escape from reality. Her outlet for all the emotions she’d kept barricaded behind rusty nails and wooden boards.

There was something aggressively peaceful about archery. It was a simple routine: notch, aim, release. Over and over again. Rinse and repeat. She didn’t have to think. She didn’t have to do anything except go through the motions. Her mind could wander for miles and miles while her feet stayed rooted and her hands went through familiar movements that were little more than muscle memory at this point.

Artemis blew a strand of hair from her face and notched another arrow. As she pulled back, her silver ring caught the light, glaring and pulling away her focus. She couldn’t help it when her eyes strayed toward it, much as she wanted them not to.

She didn’t like looking at her ring—it was too difficult to think about where it came from. _Who_ it came from. Why Artemis had it now.

That, in hindsight, was a stupid endeavor. _Why wear the ring if you don’t like thinking about it?_ Artemis asked herself that very question every day as she slid the cold metal onto her middle finger.

Cutting off the thought before it could claim her, Artemis let the arrow fly, watching it sail through the air like a sword slicing through wood. It landed with all the others in a cluster around the center of the target like porcupine quills.  
Artemis reached back, groping uselessly for another arrow, only to be met with an empty quiver. Sighing, she dropped her bow and jogged across the grass to the target.

The downside was she now had nothing now to distract her from the unwanted acute awareness of her ring, growing heavier on her finger with each passing second, and she found herself thinking back to the night she wished she could forget. The night her sister left.

* * *

**Before**

_Knock knock._

Artemis groaned. She buried her face in her pillow, sending what were hopefully telepathic messages to whomever was at her door to beat it and come back when the sun was up.

She groaned louder when (surprise, surprise) her telepathic message didn’t work and the knocking started up again. Who in the world would be at her door at this hour? The only two options were either an insomniac psychopath or a vampire coming to kill her, neither of which would allow her to continue sleeping, which was all she really cared about at the moment.

“Go ‘way,” she grumbled.

Whomever it was must not have heard her. The knocking grew louder, more insistent, so even covering her ears with a pillow wouldn’t save Artemis from the racket.

Throwing off the covers, Artemis swung her legs over the side of the bed until they hit the floor. She stood up and stomped to the door of her apartment, preparing herself to tear her midnight visitor a new one.

She threw open the door, ready to yell, when she faltered at the sight of her guest.

A tall woman with wild black hair and equally wild eyes stood before her, that ever-present smirk on her face like she knew a joke everyone else in the world had missed the punchline to. She wore casual clothes, unlike Artemis, who was still in her Kermit the Frog pajama pants and matching tank top.

“Oh, Jade,” she said, relaxing. She rubbed her eyes, tiredness returning now that she knew it was her sister rather than a stranger coming to murder her, which, she had to admit, was slightly disappointing. “Whatever it is you need, can’t it wait until morning? I’ve got work at seven.”

Jade pushed past her sister into the living room, frizzy hair slapping Artemis in the neck on the way. “Sorry, sis, but I’m not going to be here tomorrow and I need to borrow a few things,” she said, casual, yet rushed.

“Why, where are you guys going?” It wasn’t often Jade and Roy went on family trips. The last one Artemis could remember was when they took Lian to Disney World during the summer but had to come home early because the couple couldn’t stop fighting.

Jade gave a dry laugh. _”We_ aren’t going anywhere,” she explained. “I’m leaving.”

It took Artemis’ sleepy brain a moment to let that sink in, and even then she was confused. _Leaving?_ “Wait, you mean like... _leaving_ leaving? As in, not coming back?”

Jade snapped her fingers as she rummaged around in the cabinets, throwing some of Artemis’ food into a duffle bag. “You got it, baby sister.”

“I—Wait, you’re…Wait, _what?”_ Artemis’ sleepy mind was going a mile a minute as the realization sank in, and it was disorienting. She marched over to her sister and grabbed her arm. “Hang on a second,” she demanded. “What do you mean you’re leaving? You’re running away?”

Jade huffed like all this delay was an inconvenience to her escape. “Yes, Artemis. I’m leaving. As in, forever. Not coming back. Making like a tree and leaf-ing.”

“But…But why? You have a husband. You have a _daughter_. You’re, what—You’re just going to abandon them?”

Jade’s hands stilled. She sighed and leaned back against the counter, her eyes meeting Artemis.’ “You wouldn’t understand, okay? I just...I need to get out of here. I can’t be... _tied down_ anymore. And don’t tell me I’m being rash, because I’ve been planning on doing this for a while now,” she said, leaving little room for debate. “Now I’m leaving, end of discussion.”

When Artemis was too stunned to respond, Jade went back to scalping Artemis’ kitchen. “Hey, do you still have any of those marshmallow cookie things I like? It’s probably going to be a long ride since I have no idea where I’m going, so...”

Artemis blinked. She watched, frozen, as Jade rummaged around the pantry and rejoiced, “Found them!” and tossed the package into her bag, zipping it up. She did a once-over of the apartment, trying to think of what she’d forgotten. After a while she bopped herself on the forehead. “Toothbrush, duh,” she muttered, heading into the bathroom.

Jade’s voice echoed from the bathroom, “Say, do you have any extra toothbrushes, Artemis? I forgot to pack mine and I don’t feel like buying a new— Nevermind, I found one!” She came out with an unused toothbrush, shoving it into her back pocket. She picked up her bag and hoisted it onto her shoulder, finally facing Artemis.

She didn’t seem as confident now as she had two minutes ago. Now, she looked almost sad. Like she regretted what she was going to do, but had to power through it anyway. “Listen, I...I’m not sure when I’m coming back. If ever. It’s just… I need a fresh start. I need to—to get out of this place and start over without anything holding me back. You can understand that, right?” Her eyes searched her sisters’, earnest like she really thought what she was doing was in any way fair.

She didn’t seem to like what she found, however. She seemed to accept that, pulled back, and took a deep breath, her lips forming a bitter smile. “Guess not,” she muttered. She squared her shoulders. “Listen, I don’t need to you to understand or even forgive me for this, but I just had to see you before I left. In case you wind up hating me forever or I never come back, I wanted to make sure I gave you this.”

She pulled off the silver ring she’d worn for as long as Artemis could remember and held it out for Artemis to take. She didn’t make any move to grab it.

Artemis didn’t know what to feel, quite frankly. It was like her head had been filled with molasses, which sluggishly processed what was happening, too slow to comprehend, yet fast enough to understand one thing: Jade was leaving her.  
How could she do this? How...How could she leave everything behind? Leave her family behind? Leave her _sister_ behind?

Artemis slowly shook her head, pulling in a stuttering breath. “J-Jade, wait.” She grabbed Jade’s hand, trying to keep her from leaving. Trying to hold her in place, keep her there with Artemis for as long as she could. “Just—Just don’t go, okay? We can still talk about this—“

Jade shook her head. “I’m sorry, Artemis. I just wanted to make sure you know that I love you, okay? Remember that, no matter what happens. And I really hope we see each other again someday, but if not...” She moved in for a hug, but Artemis backed away, taking a stuttering step back.

She shook her head slowly, her eyes wide. “I…You can’t do this, Jade. You can’t just—just leave your family behind.” _You can’t leave_ me _behind._

Slowly, Artemis’ shock hardened, turning into something hotter. “What is Roy going to do when he wakes up and finds out you’re gone? What about _Lian?_ Do you even _care_ about your daughter? What is she going to think when she grows up and realizes her own mother abandoned her?” she asked, her words biting. Gone was her daze, replaced with anger.

Jade looked like she’d been expecting that and closed her eyes, breathing in deeply. She swallowed thickly. “I’m sorry, Artemis. I really am. You may not think it now, but it’s true. Just...remember I love you, okay? Please don’t forget that.” She placed her ring on the counter, taking one last look at her sister’s face, now filled with nothing but bitterness. She gave one last sad smile. “Goodbye, Artemis.”

And with that, Jade grabbed the strap of her bag and walked out the door, and out of Artemis’ life.

That was the last time she ever saw her.

* * *

**Now**

Artemis was shocked out of her thoughts by Avril Lavigne coming from her phone.

_All my life I’ve been good, and now. Woah-oh-oh-oh-oh I’m thinking what the hell—_

She fished her cell out of her pocket with trembling fingers, tucking the last of her arrows into her quiver. After that she took a second to ground herself again, cracking her knuckles and shaking off the ill-timed memory. She glanced at the screen and blinked.

A picture of Wally from last year when he’d dressed as Albert Einstein for Halloween blinked right back at her.

The two hadn’t spoken much since the engagement party, so a call from Wally was quite unexpected. Especially after they made the agreement to not be forced to spend time with one another unless absolutely necessary, which Artemis didn’t think would be too often since they really only needed to do all this for the wedding, which was in just under a month.

She considered letting it ring, but her curiosity got the best of her. She answered it. “Hey, Baywatch. Did you butt-dial me or something?”

_”Gee, for someone who’s supposed to be your fake boyfriend, I’m really not feeling the love,”_ came Wally’s reply.

“Sorry. What I meant to say was, _Hello my darling boyfriend, I’m sorry to hear the hit man I hired failed last night.”_

Wally laughed on the other end of the line, and, after a moment, Artemis couldn’t help laughing along with him. “So what did you need,” she asked finally. “I hope it’s to announce you’re leaving for Antarctica. I hear it’s lovely this time of year.”

_“You know, most people talk about the weather or Game of Thrones or whatever it is normal people talk about, in case you were wondering. Just a suggestion,”_ Wally said.

“I can talk about the weather,” Artemis replied. “The clouds told me your outfit is dumb.”

_“You can’t even see my outfit.”_

“I’ll bet you five hundred dollars right now your shirt has some lame science pun on it.”

Wally went disturbingly silent for a while. _“Bet you’ll never guess which pun it is.”_

A cry came from somewhere on Artemis’ left, and she barely had time to look before an arrow came sailing toward her head at rocket speed. She stifled a scream and ducked, the arrow whistling less than an inch over her head, so close she felt it ghost over her hair. She straightened, glaring at the person who shot it. “My bad!” they called.

_“Where are you?”_ Wally asked _. “It sounds loud.”_

Artemis smoothed a hand through her ponytail. “The archery range, trying not to get my head taken off by flying projectiles. So pretty much a normal Wednesday.”

_“You do archery?”_ Wally sounded genuinely surprised, something Artemis wasn’t sure if she should be proud or offended about.

“Yeah, you didn’t know? Since I was a kid.”

_“Wow, that’s…”_ He paused _. “Wait a minute, did your parents name you Artemis because they planned on teaching you to shoot arrows, or did you just legally change your name to be extra?”_

Artemis ignored him. “You called for a reason?” she said impatiently, cocking her hip to the side.

_”Oh, yeah.”_ He cleared his throat dramatically and switched to a voice commonly heard announcing Jeopardy prizes. _”Artemis Crock, how would you like to experience a relaxing, all-expenses-paid, spectacular weekend vacation in the sunny Central City?”_

“What?”

Wally elaborated. _“My Uncle Barry’s birthday is this weekend, and Iris called to remind me about it. We were talking for a while and somehow, through no fault of my own, might I add, I…kind of let it slip that I had a girlfriend?”_

“So? I don’t see how that needs to be brought to my attention.”

Wally huffed. _“S_ _he told me to bring you along so she could meet you. Like, this weekend. At Barry’s birthday party.”_

Artemis gasped. “Wally!”

_“Hey, don’t be mad at me! In my defense, I tried telling her no, but let me tell you, my aunt can be truly terrifying when she wants something.”_

“Well you’re sure making tagging along sound appealing,” Artemis said, unimpressed.

_“It won’t be that bad, I promise.”_ Wally assured her, desperation leaking into his tone. _“It’s only the weekend, and most of that will be spent on the road anyway.”_

Artemis shrugged on her quiver and slung her bow over her shoulder, walking back towards the main building of the archery range. “I don’t know, being the only outsider in a house full of Wallys isn’t my choice way to spend the weekend.”

_“You won’t be the only one—my cousin’s boyfriend Jaime will be there too, so you can bond over being awkward together or something. And I swear, after this weekend I’ll be indebted to you for the rest of my life,”_ he promised _. “One favor, whatever you want, no questions asked, no expiration date.”_

Artemis entered the locker room, heading toward her locker. “No expiration, eh?” She mulled it over as she opened her locker, throwing her gear in. “You drive a hard bargain, West. I could call you and force you to come over and bake me cookies when you’re eighty.”

Wally chuckled. _“So do you think you could help me out?”_ he pleaded.

Artemis considered it. The thought of spending the weekend at some stranger’s house with her not-boyfriend sounded about as fun as an arrow to the knee. “I don’t know...” she said.

_“My aunt’s a great cook and I’ll even drive the whole way there and back. And I’ll pay for car snacks, too. All you have to do is be there and pretend we’re in love, and I’ll even throw in you getting to call me whatever names you want the whole trip. How does that sound?”_

Gee, if Wally was willing to go to such lengths to get Artemis to go, he must have been more desperate than she thought. Satisfying as it would be, she couldn’t let him down. That would be like kicking a puppy. A really annoying, hyperactive, freckled puppy. Plus he threw in all those perks…

All right, how bad could a weekend in Central be? “Okay, fine. I’ll go. But don’t think I won’t hold you to the nickname part,” she warned.

Wally let out a breath, relieved. _“I wouldn’t expect any less, Arty.”_

* * *

**December 8, 05:57 CST**

**Artemis**

“When I agreed to come with you, I didn’t think it would involve _this.”_ Artemis rolled down her window and stuck her head out, trying to get away from the noise.

“Come on, this is, like, one of the best songs in history,” Wally insisted. “Hating _Africa_ is like hating puppies. Or free hotdogs. Or joy.” He tapped his hands on the steering wheel in synch with the beat.

“I never said it was a bad song, all I’m saying is that no human alive can stand hearing it for the _eleventh time in a row,”_ she shot back.

“Driver picks the music,” Wally said simply. He grinned when the beat picked up. “Wait, here comes my favorite part.”

He sang along (badly) as the chorus hit. _”It’s gonna take a lot to drag me awayyy from youuu. There’s nothing that a hundred men or more could ever dooo,”_ he sang _._

In case anyone was wondering, the amount of times Artemis could stand being in an enclosed space with Wally was apparently two hours and seventeen minutes. They’d been driving for _four_ hours now and Artemis had long past reached her limit. And they weren’t even there yet.

Wally had spent the first quarter of the drive giving Artemis the rundown on what his family was like so she’d know what to expect, and honestly? She was underwhelmed.

All that morning she’d been dreading this visit because any family of Wally’s had to be as chaotic as he was. But from the way he’d described them, they sounded pretty chill. Whelming, even.

He’d told her about his Uncle Barry, talking about him like the man walked on water. He told her about his success as a CSI forensic scientist, proudly telling her about all the cases he’d solved all over the country. It didn’t take a detective to figure out Wally idolized his uncle.

Iris was described as being “the best mom in the entire universe without even technically being my mom,” so Artemis took that to mean she was nice. From the way Wally talked about her, Iris must have been the closest thing to a mother Wally had ever had, which evoked many questions about Wally’s real parents that Artemis chickened out of asking.

Then there was his cousin Bart, who was probably the only one who seemed like he would be as energetic as Wally, described as being like if someone gave a tornado a Redbull. And Wally’s grandparents, Jay and Joan Garrick, would be there as well, but they were said to be as calm as any other old people.

All in all, Wally’s family didn’t sound like anything Artemis had been expecting, which definitely calmed her nerves and made the trip to Central less daunting.  
Now, if only she could just get Wally to _stop singing._

Artemis popped open the glove compartment, digging around. “Where are some earplugs when you need them,” she grumbled to herself.

Okay, honestly? Artemis didn’t hate the song. Far from it, actually. She even sang along with Wally the first few times it played, because who could resist Toto? But the number of socially acceptable plays and her patience bottomed out somewhere in Ohio.

Well, actually, her patience about reached its limit when Wally held up the drive thru at Burger King for twenty minutes flirting with the dude on the intercom. That was when Artemis had just about had it, patience-wise. Now she was running on empty.

“All right, that’s it.” She reached out for the radio, pressing a button before Wally could react.

A new song blasted: _I’m an angel with a shotgun. Fight until the war’s won. I don’t care if heaven won’t take me back—_

Wally made a face. “Yeahhh, no.” He switched it back, turning up the volume purely to spite Artemis as Toto once again filled the car.

“Quit it, Wally.” She turned the knob to a random station.

_Where there is desire, there is gonna be a flame. Where there is a flame someone’s bound to get—_

“Turned off,” Wally finished. He spun the knob again to static. “You need to find better music, Arty.”

“My music taste is great. Yours is the one that needs work.”

“Nuh uh!”

“Yuh huh! You know that part in _Rent_ with Angel and how she killed someone’s dog by playing such bad music? That’s you,” said Artemis.

“Screw you, my music rocks,” Wally said, turning the knob to a classics station.

_Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down. Never gonna run around and—_

“NO!” Artemis turned off the radio altogether. She _refused_ to be rickrolled in this car. “I agreed to come on this trip, and therefore I should get a say in what we listen to,” Artemis said. She sat ramrod straight, crossing her arms stubbornly.

Wally considered that. “Mmmm…Nah.” With an all-too-pleased grin, he turned the radio back on to its original station. _Africa_ once again filled the car, and Artemis dropped her head into her hands.

“I can’t believe I’m going to go to jail for murdering my fake boyfriend,” she lamented. “What will the church think?”

Wally elbowed her, an easy smile on his face. “Come on, Artemis. You know you like this song. You’re just too stubborn to admit it.”

Artemis leaned against the window, her chin resting in her hand. “I’ll show you stubborn when the police find your body of the side of the highway,” she grumbled.

_Africa_ played, coupled with Wally’s horrendous singing, for the rest of the drive.

* * *

**December 8, 16:39 CST**

**Artemis**

Being with the Allens was…weird. Not in a bad way, exactly, but definitely strange. It had been so long since Artemis had experienced life with a normal, functional family, so it was quite the culture shock to be around Wally’s family, which seemed to be the polar opposite of her own.

With the way Wally talked about his uncle with such adoration, Artemis had prepared to feel intimidated by the man, but he’d turned out to be much different than Wally had described him to be. The first thing he’d done when Artemis walked into the bright yellow house was hug her, which was uncomfortable, but strangely comforting at the same time? That shouldn’t have made sense, but it did.

And within the first hour of Artemis being there, she knew Barry was a jokester just like his nephew. Charming, too. Something about him made him as easy to talk to as an old friend, and not her fake boyfriend’s uncle whom she’d just met that day.

Iris, on the other hand, was exactly as Wally had described her. Beautiful, warm, kind, perfect in every way and then some. The very second Wally was in the house he ran straight to Iris and hugged her, grinning brighter than Artemis knew how to.  
The way she and Wally interacted enhanced Artemis’ suspicion that she was more of his mother than his aunt, and they both seemed to be fully aware of that.

Artemis watched from the couch now as Iris scolded Wally for trying to sneak a cookie from the hot tray she’d placed on the kitchen counter. She waved a spoon, warning him that he was making a bad impression in front of his girlfriend, but the smile on her face made it clear that this was all play. An idiot could tell she and Wally were close.

As Artemis watched the interaction, she felt the couch shift beside her with a new weight, and she looked over to see Jaime, Bart’s boyfriend.

Oh, another thing Artemis hadn’t expected on this trip? Bart Allen.

As much as Wally had warned her beforehand about his energetic younger cousin, Artemis was still completely unprepared for Wally 2.0. He had Wally’s freckles, those gleefully bright green eyes that ran in the family, the same red hair as Wally’s only darker—more auburn than red, really, and of course, he was hyper. He reminded Artemis of a golden retriever hopped up on espressos. The first thing he’d done when Artemis entered the house was run up to her and say, “Wow, you’re seriously Wally’s girlfriend? But you’re way too good for him!”

Artemis had gotten a lot of mileage out of that one. Even more so when Iris commented, “It’s so nice to see Wally finally bringing a girl home. He’s never introduced us to a girlfriend of his before.” Artemis had enough dirt on Wally in one hour of being with the Allen family to keep her occupied for decades.

“You seem overwhelmed,” Jaime noted.

Out of everyone Artemis had met so far on this visit, Jaime was the most normal. Probably in part because he was an outsider, just like she was. Yet at the same time, he had his own place in the family too. Like he was connected to the Allens in every way but blood. He and Bart had been dating for a few years, so he seemed to have a better understanding of the workings of this family than Artemis ever would. He fit in so well, like he belonged just as much as the rest of them.

“More like whelmed,” Artemis said. “Are they always like this?” She jerked her thumb toward the kitchen, where Bart and Wally were now competing in what looked like a very messy nacho-eating contest.

Jaime shrugged. “Pretty much. You get used to it after a while.”

“Yeah, I’ll bet.” She watched as their boyfriends shoveled nachos into their mouths like there was no tomorrow. “Charming,” she muttered.

She looked around at the living room walls, which she’d noticed immediately upon entering for the first time. All over were pictures and awards, showing Wally’s progression from when he was a kid to present. Her eyes swept the photos, showing Wally at science fairs, at parties, at graduations. Same with Bart. There were enough photos and certificates to fill about ten scrapbooks, plus an informational pamphlet or two.

Jaime caught her staring and chuckled. “Oh, yeah. I was kind of surprised when I first visited, too. Iris has a thing for saving stuff, I guess.”

Artemis shook her head. “I shouldn’t be surprised. Of course Wally had the picture-perfect family and childhood.”

Jaime gave her a strange look. “I don’t know, I don’t think I would call it perfect,” he said, like he knew something she didn’t. Before she could ask, Wally came back and plopped next to her on the couch. There was a smear of cheese on his top lip.

“Hey, Artemis,” he greeted, smiling. Probably because he’d just won the nacho-eating contest, though Artemis had no idea how the scoring for that worked, but oh well. “How’re you holding up?”

Artemis shrugged. “Feeling the aster.”

Barry sat down in the armchair across from them, a smile on his face that Artemis was starting to think was a permanent part of his facial structure. “I have to say, it’s so nice having you here, Artemis. The closest Wally has come to bringing someone home in the past was when he tried to sneak in a pet turtle when he was in seventh grade. What was his name? McTurtle, I think?”

“Uncle Barry,” Wally groaned, ears reddening.

Iris entered the room then, sitting next to Jaime. “I’m pretty sure it was McSnurtle,” she clarified.

Wally pouted. “I’ll have you know that McSnurtle is a good strong name,” he said. Artemis laughed.

“So, Artemis,” Iris said, smiling kindly. “How did you and Wally meet?”

“It was actually through mutual friends of ours,” Artemis said. “Dick Grayson and Zatanna Zatara.”

“Oh, Dick,” Barry said, his eyes gleaming with understanding. “That’s no surprise. He and Wally have known each other since, what, second grade?”

That took Artemis by surprise. “Wait, really?” She turned to Wally. “I didn’t know you guys went that far back.”

Wally waved a hand. “Eh, it’s not that long,” he said casually.

Barry explained, “They met when I was working a case in Gotham. There was an incident at Wayne Enterprises with some stolen merchandise connected to a couple murders, so Bruce Wayne hired me to take the case.”

Memories of the case flooded Artemis’ mind. Of course she remembered what he was talking about. It had been a big deal in Gotham for a long time. A murder at the city’s most important company, a conspiracy regarding an employee stealing merchandise and selling them on the black market. Wally’s uncle had been the investigator on that case?

“I let Wally tag along since he wanted to see Gotham,” Barry continued, “and that’s where he met Dick, who was Bruce’s ward at the time. They became quick friends, and it was easy for them to stay in touch when one was the son of a billionaire who could arrange private flights whenever one of them felt like visiting the other.”

Artemis’ eyebrows crept to her hairline. “Wow,” she said. “That’s…wild. I had no idea. I’m surprised Dick never mentioned you during high school,” she told Wally.

“You went to high school with him?” Iris asked.

“Yep. We both went to Gotham Academy, and we’ve been close since tenth grade. I thought I would have remembered Dick talking about a friend in Kansas, but I guess not.”

Wally, along with everyone else in the room, looked uncomfortable all of a sudden, like a breeze blew in and swept away their easygoing moods. “Uh, yeah,” said Wally. “We weren’t…as close during high school.”

He left it at that, and every bone in Artemis’ body told her he was hiding something, but at the same time, it felt like she would have to wait for a better time to ask. Not while they were surrounded by his family and already busy with keeping up the act of two young adults in love.

“So,” Barry said then, changing the subject. “Who’s up for a game of charades?”

* * *

_**Group Chat: The Mind Link** _

**Annataz** : Did I mishear Bette earlier, or are Artemis and Wally really in Central City right now and spending the weekend there

**Iconic** : Wait seriously?

**Iconic** : Wally. Artemis. Explain

**MoonGoddess** : Honestly, you mention one thing to someone and they already tell it to someone else within a day

**MoonGoddess** : This is why I have trust issues

**Iconic** : Are you seriously in Kansas right now??

**MoonGoddess** : ………maybe

**Annataz** : Awwwwwww they’re on a romantic vacation isn’t that sweet

**Iconic** : Awwwwww

**Wallman** : hello friends what are we aw-ing at

**Wallman** : oh

**Wallman** : well would you look at the time I suddenly have to leave and never return isn’t that funny

**Get Traught** : You guys are cute

**Wallman** : I’ll have you know, bird boy, that I am trained in the ancient art of nunya

**Mermaid Man** : What is nunya?

**Get Traught** : nOO

**Wallman** : nunya business

**Get Traught** : Damn it Kaldur

**MoonGoddess** : Wally you’re lame

**Wallman** : but you love me anyway ;)

**Annataz** : back to the subject at hand, people

**Annataz** : Artemis, are you and Wally really vacationing together right now?

**MoonGoddess** : No

**Wallman** : yes

**Wallman** : I mean no

**MoonGoddess** : Damn it Wally

**Wallman** : okay but like

**Wallman** : it’s not what you guys think

**Annataz** : *sips tea*

**Wallman** : you spit out that tea right now

**Wallman** : okay, fine. Artemis and I are visiting my family for Uncle Barry’s birthday

**Iconic** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Get Traught** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Annataz** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**MoonGoddess** : SHUT UP

**Mermaid Man** : Are you two having fun?

**MoonGoddess** : Idk? It’s kinda awkward for me, but overall they’re not bad

**Wallman** : why are you so surprised??

**MoonGoddess** : Because you’re related to them

**Wallman** : rUDE

**Wallman** : don’t make me tattle on you to Iris who’s conveniently right next to me

**Iconic** : where are you right now?

**MoonGoddess** : Playing charades

**Get Traught** : Is Wally losing?

**Wallman** : no!

**MoonGoddess** : Yes

**Mermaid Man** : I enjoy charades.

**Mermaid Man** : Once I guessed Titanic on one try with only Garth making a triangle with his hands as a hint.

**Wallman** : man, we’ve gotta play more games together Kal

**MoonGoddess** : I honestly regret having you on my team

**Wallman** : excuse you, I’m great at charades and you know it

**MoonGoddess** : All you did was flap your arms!

**Wallman** : yeah, it was supposed to be a bird!

**MoonGoddess** : The answer was the little mermaid!!

**Wallman** : yes, a movie that has a BIRD in it!!

…

**Annataz** : …….is that it?

**Annataz** : why has it been like over a minute since they’ve said something now

**Mermaid Man** : Stop it, both of you.

**Wallman** : WHAT?

**MoonGoddess** : WHAT?

**Mermaid Man** : I can hear you glaring.

**Iconic** : …

**Iconic** : Now that’s just spooky

**Get Traught** : Hey Artemis, did Iris tell you the story about Wally and the barbecue?

**Wallman** : DON’T

**Wallman** : YOU

**Wallman** : DATE

**Get Traught** : Artemis? No actually, you’re already doing that

**Wallman** : *DARE I MEANT DARE YOU DICK

**MoonGoddess** : Dick I will give you all the money I ever make if you tell me the barbecue story

**Wallman** : I swear to god Dick if you do I’m telling everyone the pigeon story

**Get Traught** : Shit

**Get Traught** : …..

**Get Traught** : Yeah, sorry Artemis but I can’t tell you the story. Wally has too much dirt on me

**Wallman** : HA!

**Wallman** : sHITMWKXIJWNS

**Annataz** : ???

**MoonGoddess** : Wally just got so excited he waved his arm and slapped Bart in the face and now Iris is yelling at him

**Get Traught** : Gotta love that Iris

**MoonGoddess** : Honestly

**MoonGoddess** : But back to business

**MoonGoddess** : Story??? Please???

**Get Traught** : Sorry, Art. Wally will get even and I can’t risk that

**Get Traught** : Unless…

**MoonGoddess** : Unless???

**Get Traught** : Well, Roy was there too

**Annataz** : PERFECT! HEY ROY GET OVER HERE I KNOW YOU HAVE YOUR PHONE RIGHT NOW

**Get Traught** : BEEP BEEP ROY ANSWER YOUR PHONE

**MoonGoddess** : Wait a second what

**MoonGoddess** : Why does Roy have to be here

**Get Traught** : Wally has nothing on Roy, so he can tell the infamous barbecue story

**MoonGoddess** : You know what, I take it back. I don’t want to know

**Annataz** : too late

**Fight Me** : What do you want? I just got home from the aquarium and I’m too tired to deal with you Creatures

**HelloMegan!:** Hi Roy!! ^v^ (I’m busy but I’m just reading while all of this goes down because it’s boring working at the counter -_-)

**Fight Me** : Hi Megan :)

**Wallman** : ??? how come you’re not that nice to me?

**Fight Me** : Because it’s impossible to be mad at Megan, look at her she’s adorable

**HelloMegan!:** :3c

**Wallman** : shit you’re right

**Annataz** : awwww you’re so right she’s like a kitten

**Get Traught** : A moment of silence for Megan’s pure cinnamon-roll-ness

**Iconic** : …

**Fight Me** : …

**Annataz** : …

**MoonGoddess** : …

**Wallman** : wait so what is this I hear about Roy spilling the beans on my barbecue story? Because I’m ready to Fight I hope you know that

**Get Traught** : Oh yeah

**Get Traught** : Roy pretty please with tiny arrowheads on top tell these kind people the story of Wally and the barbecue because I’m not allowed because blackmail, but you don’t have those restrictions so please share

**Fight Me** : You mean the one where he set himself on fire while trying to flirt with a girl?

**MoonGoddess** : HE WHAT?! PFFFTT HAHAHA

**Wallman** : hnnnnnggggghhh you’re all dead to me

**Fight Me** : He was fifteen at the time and the three of us were at one of his track team barbecues and he spent the whole time flirting with this pretty girl but he didn’t realize that his elbow was leaning on a burning barbecue and he set his shirt sleeve on fire and when the track coach used the fire extinguisher it got all over the barbecue and ruined all the burgers

**Annataz** : I don’t know whether to be ashamed or amazed. probably a little of both

**MoonGoddess** : This is the greatest day of my life :’)

**MoonGoddess** : My boyfriend is a ridiculous disaster everyone

**Wallman** : fuck all of you

**Wallman** : aND in my defense, they shouldn’t have had the fire that hot anyway it was sabotage I tell you sABOTAGE

**Get Traught** : Keep telling yourself that, Walls

**MoonGoddess** : I’m totally going to bring this up in the future, I hope you know that

**Fight Me** : If you really want to get some dirt on Wally, ask Iris to show you some of his baby pictures

**Fight Me** : Priceless

**MoonGoddess** : Roy I hate you slightly less right now and you’re an angel

**Wallman** : I will Fight

**MoonGoddess** : I gtg because it’s cake time, but I shall return with updates, people

**Get Traught** : Wally has the best baby pictures. You’ll have enough blackmail to last you years, I tell you. Years

**Wallman** : choke

* * *

**December 8, 23:50 CST**

**Artemis**

Wally’s room was something Artemis _really_ hadn’t been prepared for.  
It was like stepping into a Wally West museum. She thought the living room was bad? Wally’s room was a different story entirely.

Each wall was covered floor to ceiling with old movie posters, framed pictures of Wally standing beside old science fair projects with a first place trophy in his hands, and enough track ribbons to weigh down a bodybuilder. A young Dick Grayson appeared in at least half of them up until about Wally’s mid-teenage years. There was so much Wally-like memorabilia that Artemis had to blink and let her eyes adjust upon first walking in. “Wow, sentimental much?”

Wally straightened up after putting their bags of the bed. He examined the room like the possibility had never occurred to him. “Huh. I guess so.” He shrugged. “It’s mostly because of Aunt Iris, though. She never lets me get rid of anything. Says she likes having part of me here or something like that. Collecting memories, keeping stuff, it’s kind of her thing, you know? She _is_ a reporter, after all.”

The rest of the house was asleep, Jaime having gone home hours ago and Iris suggesting Artemis and Wally sleep in Wally’s old room rather than book a motel like they’d been planning. Neither was keen on the idea, but for the sake of the scam, they agreed. And Artemis couldn’t deny she’d much prefer spending the night in an actual house than get bedbugs in some motel.

Awed, Artemis walked up to one photo of Wally, maybe thirteen or so, posing next to a large machine of sorts which was larger than even he was. Little Wally looked like the picture perfect science geek: red hair sticking up in all directions, braces shining in the flash of the camera, freckles as prominent as ever.

“What’s this from?” Artemis asked, pointing at the picture.

Wally looked over. “Oh, that? That was just when I won my seventh grade science fair. Built a generator that runs on old newspapers. Cool, huh?” He shot her a grin, mimicking the one in the photo.

Artemis snorted. “Nerd.”

Wally pulled down some blankets from his closet, laying them out on the floor. He nodded towards the bed. “Here, you can take the bed tonight. I’ll just crash on the floor.”

Artemis blinked. “Wow, that’s…actually really decent of you,” she said.

Wally shrugged. “I have my moments.”

“Sounds fake, but okay,” Artemis said, crossing the room.

“This coming from the girl who shoved me into a literal garbage can on more than one occasion,” Wally retorted.

Artemis ignored him and went over to her suitcase on the bed, pulling out her nightclothes. Wally’s face darkened. “Oh, yeah. I’ll, uh, I’ll give you some privacy,” he said. He grabbed his own clothes and left the room, heading towards the bathroom down the hall. Artemis chuckled quietly to herself.

Ten minutes later they were both in their pajamas and in their respective beds, the lights off and the room quiet. The bed was comfortable, but unfamiliar. Artemis turned and shifted until she finally found a comfortable position, settling in. From the sound of Wally shifting as well, the floor couldn’t have been half as comfortable. The thought entered her mind of inviting him to take the other side of the bed, but she couldn’t bring herself to actually do it. It was awkward enough being in this situation to begin with—spending the night in her fake boyfriend’s childhood room. Sleeping in the same bed would be a whole new kind of intense she wasn’t prepared for.

Aside from the moon shining through a crack in the curtains, the room was completely dark. Shadows danced on the walls as a breeze tussled the trees outside.

Finally, Wally broke the silence. “I’m sorry, by the way. For my family, I mean. I know they can be pretty overbearing sometimes if you’re not used to it.”

Artemis shrugged, staring up at the ceiling. “I actually didn’t mind much. It’s kind of nice to see what a real family acts like." 

“What do you mean?” he asked.

Artemis cringed, biting her lip. “Nothing,” she said.

Wally was quiet, but Artemis didn’t have to see him to know his mind was working, analyzing what her words meant. She’d been with him long enough to know how his brain functioned. She should have kept her mouth shut, but maybe it was the weird nostalgic vibes in the air that made her own brain short circuit and blurt out secrets willy-nilly.

Wally hesitated before speaking. “It’s not always perfect, you know.”

Artemis rolled onto her side, looking down at Wally of the floor. He was shadowed, but she could vaguely see his outline if she strained her eyes. “What isn’t?”

“My family.”

Artemis rolled her eyes even though Wally wouldn’t see the gesture. “Please. Your family could be in a Lifetime movie.”

“Yeah, _now_. But time travel back to twelve years ago and you’d think the opposite,” he said.

Artemis considered not asking for more explanation, but her curiosity got the best of her. “How so?”

She heard Wally shift again, his blankets rustling with the movement. He exhaled quietly. “Because that’s when I was still living with my dad.”Artemis waited, silently willing him to go on. It was half a minute later when he did. “My dad…wasn’t the best guy. And I don’t mean in the ‘he was occasionally a jerk’ sense. In the ‘whenever I so much as broke a plate I got a beating’ sense.”

Artemis had to physically restrain herself from saying _Wow, mood_. Instead, she let him continue.

And he did. “My mom left when I was around seven or eight, I think. He used to hit her too, so I wasn’t that surprised. I just wished she’d have taken me with her, but maybe she didn’t care enough.”

Artemis heard Wally’s fingers begin tapping on the hardwood floor below him, a nervous tick she’d picked up on the first few times he’d done it.

“Would have been nice if she did though,” he continued, “‘cause her leaving just made my dad worse. He’d hit me whenever I did something bad or whenever he was just in the mood for it. Nobody really knew it was going on, so I was stuck with the jerk for a while. I’d cover up the bruises when I could and make up excuses when I couldn’t, and it wasn’t until I was twelve that Barry and Iris found out and got me out of there.” The tapping picked up, now a quick staccato.

“It wasn’t really anything out of the ordinary, to be honest. He came home drunk as always, roughed me up because he had nothing better to do. But this time he broke my arm, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to cover that up. So after Dad passed out downstairs I called my Uncle Barry, and by the next day my dad was in jail for child abuse.”

He was emotionless as he told the dark tale. Factual. The way Wally spoke, he described his story like it was someone else’s life, with the detachment of any other storyteller. Like the tragedy was someone else’s burden to carry and not his own.

He cleared his throat. “Anyway, that’s about it. I’ve been with Barry and Iris ever since.”He waited, expecting Artemis to say something. _Tap_. _Tap_.

“Wow,” was all she came up with.

Wally snorted. “Yup.” The tapping slowed, tempo relaxing as he did. “Moral of the story is, I get it, okay? Up until I started living here I had some pretty…some pretty fucked up expectations of what a family is supposed to be like. But I got used to it.”

Artemis considered that. She moved until she was at the edge of the bed, leaning her head over the side to see Wally better. Her hair brushed the floor. “I’m sorry,” she said.

She couldn’t see Wally beyond his silhouette, lit only by the dim shine of the moonlight. He shrugged. “Nah, it's fine,” he said. “Things are better now.”

Artemis lay back, staring up at the ceiling. A funny thought came to mind. “Heh.”

“What?”

“Nothing, just...” She snorted again. “Just never imagined you and I would ever actually have something in common.” That was about as unexpected as the Spanish Inquisition, in her mind.

“And what’s that?”

She shook her head slowly at the ridiculousness of it. “Both our dads are in jail,” she replied.

* * *

**Wally**

When Wally competed in his tenth grade spelling bee, he came in second place.

His last word was the only one he’d struggled with that entire night and was the reason for his loss of the oh-so coveted first place trophy.

_Serendipity: (noun) the occurrence and development of events by chance; coincidence._

After that he’d studied the word dozens of times, memorizing every synonym and committing them to memory so he’d never miss it again.

The word _serendipity_ came to mind now.

Wally sat up. He examined Artemis’ face closely, straining his eyes against the darkness, searching for any signs she was joking. “Wait, you’re serious?”

“Mm-hm.”

Wally’s mouth went dry as he eased back down. “…Wow,” was all he could manage.

“Yup.” He could hear the smile tugging at the corners of Artemis’ mouth. “Don’t worry, though. I’m still winning. My mom is in prison too, so I get extra points.”

Wally laughed outright at that, which felt nice compared to how heavy the atmosphere had been no less than five minutes ago. “What’d they do?” he found himself asking.

He expected Artemis to throw a pillow at his face, but all she did was inhale deeply. “They…” She struggled to come up with the right words. “We lived in Gotham.” Like that was an answer in and of itself. “For most people, when you live in Gotham, you’re either living in poverty or you’re doing criminal activity to keep food on the table.”

Wally’s mouth formed a silent _oh_.

“Yeah. You can probably guess that my parents were the latter. They got arrested when I was seventeen and have been in Belle Rev ever since.” She breathed softly through her nose. “My sister Jade took care of me after that, so I wasn’t _completely_ alone, but…still.”

“That sucks,” Wally said when he couldn’t come up with anything better.

“It does. I mean, I know we were never a perfect, or even _normal_ family to begin with, but it still sucked. Nothing will really stay the same, you know? Jade is gone. My mother was paralyzed and is now stuck in a wheelchair. She has parol in three years, actually, but my dad…he has a long way to go.”

"I'm sorry." 

"Don't be. That asshole can rot in hell for all I care." 

Wally’s stomach sank. "That bad, huh?" 

Artemis' teeth clicked, like she was clenching her jaw. "Understatement," she muttered. 

Wally didn't want to ask, but he felt like he had to. "What would he do?" he asked, afraid of what he might hear. 

"Oh, you know, the usual. Murder people by night, take out his aggression on his daughters by day. Some days he wouldn't even come home, which were the only days I could be in my own house without being terrified about what my dad would do." She huffed a frustrated breath. "My mom was great and tried to keep the job as far away from us as possible, but my dad pretty much _expected_ us to carry on the family business. He'd train us in fighting and theft, then beat the crap out of us when we messed up." 

Wally's teeth dug into his tongue until his mouth tasted like rusty metal. 

"I remember this one time," Artemis continued, "when I couldn't do a round house kick hard enough, so my dad broke my leg and made me do it again." 

"That's awful." Just hearing about what Artemis went through made Wally want to round house kick her father in the skull himself. He hoped that dirt bag never saw the outside of a prison again for the rest of his sorry life. 

Artemis shrugged. "That was life." 

Wally tried to imagine it. A childhood, a _life_ worse than his own? It seemed unthinkable—something he would never in a million years wish on anyone. _Especially_ not Artemis. He’d always had a suspicion that there were things Artemis wanted to hide, but he’d never imagined… “Artemis, I had no idea—”

“I don’t talk about it a lot,” Artemis said. “Kind of feels like whenever I do, everyone always looks at me like they expect me to follow in my parents’ footsteps or something. Especially after Jade jumped ship like she did, leaving me and Roy behind to pick up the pieces. Now he hates me, and I know everyone else is just waiting for my tainted DNA to make me to screw up and do the same or worse.”

“That…really sucks.”

Artemis laughed. “Perfect way to describe my life. _That sucks.”_

Wally thought about that, his lips twitching. The thought of him and Artemis sharing one thing, and that thing being having crappy childhoods? It was almost laughable. It _was_ laughable. Wally tried to hold it in, but a snicker broke through. Another. Pretty soon he was laughing uncontrollably, unable to stop as the ridiculousness of it all came crashing down on him.

“What’s your damage?” Artemis asked, baffled.

Wally tried to quell his laughter for fear of waking up the whole house, and it took a few tries for him to dial it down from hysterical laughter to quiet giggles.

“Nothing, it’s just—” He snorted. “We’re both _way_ more fucked up than I thought.” Honestly, what were the odds? He makes one enemy and that enemy turns out to have more in common with him that most of his actual friends. That brought on another round of laughter, one he didn’t try to suppress this time. He propped himself up on his arm, probably looking like a lunatic right now.

In the moonlight, he could see Artemis’ lips twitching, trying not to follow his lead, but it was contagious. She gave in and allowed a smile to form. “You’re such an idiot,” she said, shaking her head and snickering.

That only made Wally laugh more, tears forming. Artemis soon couldn’t hold it back any longer and joined in, and the two lay there laughing like drunken teenagers as though they hadn’t just experienced one of the heaviest conversations either had taken part in to date.

But maybe that in itself was why they laughed. Not because there was anything funny about their abuse, but because what else was there to do but laugh it off?

At this time, they had one thing that linked them, something neither had been able to connect to someone else with, and the absurdity that this had to be the one thing they had in common was so ridiculous there was nothing better to do than laugh until their sides hurt, until tears ran down their faces, until they couldn’t laugh anymore.

When they finally did finish and their lungs ached, Wally felt a whole lot lighter. It was as though a great weight had been lifted off his chest. He remembered reading somewhere that the more tired you are, the more honest you are. Well they just about proved that tonight, didn’t they?

Artemis settled back in the bed, breathing heavily. “I guess that’s one way to do therapy,” she snickered.

“Yeah,” Wally agreed. “Nothing like a good angst session followed by drunk laughter to calm the nerves.” Artemis leaned over and slapped his leg, but Wally rolled out of her reach.

When Artemis pulled her arm back, Wally noticed her staring at him again.

“What?”

She pursed her lips, like she was debating with herself in her head. Eventually she seemed to come to a conclusion. “That doesn’t look comfortable,” she said, gesturing to him on the floor. “You can sleep up here on the bed if you want,” she offered.

Wally eyed her carefully, expecting her to take the offer back or maybe hit him just because. “You sure? You’re not going to, like, kick me off or something, are you?”

Artemis rolled her eyes and fell back onto her back, pulling the covers up to her chin. “Oh my god, I’m trying to do a nice thing here, Ron Weasley, so you can either take it or not. If you’d really rather sleep on the hard floor, be my guest, but—”

“No, no,” Wally said quickly, throwing off his blanket. “I’ll take it,” he assured her. To be honest, the floor was killing his back, but he wasn’t about to go ask for the bed in case it would make Artemis uncomfortable. Iris had raised him better than that.

Artemis scooted to make room, and Wally climbed into the bed, careful to stay as far away from Artemis as possible, just in case. “And I’m not even going to say anything about the Ron Weasley thing because I’m just so proud you made a Harry Potter reference,” he added.

Artemis scoffed, elbowing him in the side.

They fell back into silence. Wally could hear the clock ticking in the hallway, the rustling of the oak tree outside his window, Artemis breathing beside him. It was a nice blend of sound, enough to lull him to sleep. But something nagged at him though, preventing him from falling asleep completely.

He knew Artemis was still awake as well, so he took the risk. “Um, on a more serious note…” He chewed his lip, courage faltering.

“What?” Artemis was quiet, her whisper echoing in the dark stillness.

Wally’s fingers mindlessly tapped the mattress. “Well, I’m going to warn you that this probably sounds way better in my head than out loud, but…I just want you to know you’re not your family. All that stuff your parents did, what happened with your sister, it doesn’t change anything. You’re still you, you know? You get to choose your own life. You have nothing to prove. At least…not to me, okay?”

Yikes. Maybe that really _did_ sound better in his head than out loud.

Artemis was quiet, the only sound in the room Wally could hear over his own heartbeat being her breathing. He thought she'd fallen asleep, until, “Okay.”

Wally let out the breath he’d been holding.

“And, Wally?”

“Yeah?”

“It…sounded fine out loud.”

Wally smiled crookedly, his head relaxing on the pillow.

For once, it felt almost like he and Artemis had an understanding, which was a weird concept. New. _Different_. But at the same time, Wally found that he didn’t hate the idea. In fact, he actually rather liked the prospect of getting along with Artemis. It felt strangely nice.

As sleep gradually overtook him, the last thing Wally heard was Artemis’ snoring, which gently lulled him to sleep.

* * *

**December 9, 00:36 EST**

_**Group Chat: The Mind Link** _

**Get Traught** : Do you think birds have feelings?

**Fight Me** : Dick what the hell

**Get Traught** : It’s a valid question

**Fight Me** : Zatanna please drug Dick so he can go to sleep and stop bothering us with his midnight musings

**Get Traught** : Sorry she’s actually asleep and she’s also adorable might I add

**HelloMegan!:** I think I read somewhere that crows hold grudges

**HelloMegan!:** Or maybe that was bats?

**Fight Me** : Birds don’t have feelings

**Iconic** : I feel like you were way too confident when you said that how do you know

**Fight Me** : Dick is a bird and he has no feelings

**Get Traught** : Fuck you?

**Mermaid Man** : I’m sorry, but why are you texting us so early in the morning?

**Conner** : or late at night depending on your perspective

**HelloMegan!:** Ooh that’s a interesting take

**HelloMegan!:** Like a glass half full kind of thing

**Iconic** : I want to go back to Kal’s question why are you all up right now

**HelloMegan!:** But you’re awake too

**Iconic** : Criminal Minds reruns don’t sleep and neither do I

**Iconic** : Though Anissa threw a pillow at me ten minutes ago so the clock’s ticking people

**Get Traught** : Let’s be real, does anyone here actually sleep?

**Fight Me** : No

**Conner** : no

**Mermaid Man** : No.

**Iconic** : Damn we’re such messes

**HelloMegan!:** Artemis and Wally are being suspiciously quiet right now

**HelloMegan!** : Usually they’re the first ones to join in these kinds of conversations

**Conner** : maybe theyre sleeping?

**Iconic** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Get Traught** : WALLY! ARTEMIS! RISE AND SHINE SLEEPING BEAUTIES

**Get Traught** : Yup they’re asleep

**Get Traught** : Speaking of which, can we talk about the blonde and ginger elephant in the room?

**HelloMegan!** : ???

**Get Traught** : Nobody else finds it wild that they’re going on an actual trip together? To visit Wally’s family, no less?

**Conner** : i dont think so? why?

**Get Traught** : You know those two

**Get Traught** : Wally would have been freaking out too much to ask her to go in the first place, and Artemis would have fought tooth and nail to get out of going

**Mermaid Man** : Are you sure it’s appropriate to talk about them here where they can read this all in the morning?

**Iconic** : Oh Kaldur, you sweet innocent sunflower. Way to be our morality

**Mermaid Man** : ...Thank you?

**HelloMegan!:** I agree, they’ll get mad at us tomorrow

**Get Traught** : Nah, I’m actually erasing this convo from both their phones as we speak

**Iconic** : You can do that??

**Get Traught** : Maybe :)

**Fight Me** : I’ve been telling you guys this for years. Dick is a devious gremlin inside

**HelloMegan!:** Yikes

**Get Traught** : :)))

**Get Traught** : Okay but seriously though

**Get Traught** : Nobody else finds this crazy?

**Conner** : you hacking into our phones?

**Get Traught** : Wally and Artemis

**Get Traught** : I know both of them pretty well, and I don’t think they’ve ever done something this big with someone they dated before

**HelloMegan!:** Maybe they didn’t have much choice? My Uncle John got me to bring Gar over once so he could meet him and I couldn’t get out of it

**Get Traught** : Even so, you know neither of them are as nice as you are. They’re stubborn enough that they totally could’ve found a way out of it easily, but they didn’t

**Mermaid Man** : So what exactly are you saying?

**Get Traught** : I dunno, I just find it pretty interesting? They both have walls the size of China but now they’re on an intimate getaway with Wally’s family

**Get Traught** : I guess I’m just kind of proud?

**Iconic** : Same

**Iconic** : It was hard enough getting Artemis to tell me her favorite kind of rooted vegetable

**Fight Me** : Why did you need to know her favorite kind of rooted vegetable?

**Iconic** : I was at the farmers market

**Conner** : and your first thought was to buy artemis a vegetable

**Iconic** : Yeah I bought her some carrots. I do the same thing for Zee and Kaldur

**HelloMegan!:** Why?

**Iconic** : Because I want my friends to grow up big and strong??

**Get Traught** : This is so strange I love it

**Conner** : hey kal whats your favorite rooted vegetable

**Mermaid Man** : The rutabaga.

**Get Traught** : I love my strange friends

**Iconic** : And Zatanna likes ginger

**Fight Me** : What, does she grind them up to season stuff?

**Get Traught** : No she just eats them whole

**HelloMegan!:** Um

**Conner** : thats kind of weird, no?

**Get Traught** : I know it’s the weirdest thing ever I love her so much

**Fight Me** : That’s……um. Okay

**Fight Me** : Anyway

**Fight Me** : I’m just surprised Wally and Artemis are able to be together for more than a couple hours and not kill each other

**Conner** : i mean

**Conner** : they _are_ dating

**Fight Me** : Yeah but you know what I mean. They’re like one of those constant love/hate couples or whatever

**Fight Me** : Which doesn’t surprise me at all by the way

**HelloMegan!:** Maybe this is a good sign then

**HelloMegan!:** Dating or not, either way it would have been hard for them to do something this huge, being able to let down their walls enough to actually connect on this kind of level

**HelloMegan!:** I think it’s good for them. They’re starting to grow

**Iconic** : Y’all that was deep

**Iconic** : Also in unrelated news, Anissa just fell asleep and I don’t have work tomorrow so who wants to come with me for a midnight trip to the arcade

**Iconic** : Choose quickly because if not I’ll lose interest and be boring instead

**Conner** : arent you supposed to be a responsible wife and mother?

**Iconic** : How dare you suggest I have ever been responsible once in my life. Perish the thought you scoundrel

**Fight Me** : I’m up for the arcade

**HelloMegan!** : Same here! Conner just fell asleep cuddling with Wolf though so he’s out

**Mermaid Man** : No, thank you.

**Mermaid Man** : I have a dentist appointment in the morning.

**Get Traught** : I’m up for a late night arcade run as long as we can do more stuff that people don’t normally do at night

**Get Traught** : If we’re going to be up at the witching hour we might as well do it right

**Iconic** : Meet me at the ice cream shop on main street and make sure you bring a pair of snowshoes and some Frisbees

**HelloMegan!** : :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone wanting receipts, Wally’s parents (or his father, at least) were canonically abusive in earlier mainstream comics. I know they were sweet as angels in Young Justice, but what can I say? I thrive on angst and dark backstories.


	4. Please Freeze My Brain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A week ago, Artemis had wanted nothing more than to stay as far away from Wally as possible, but now she found herself actually _enjoying_ the time spent with him. Did that mean they were officially in friend territory? The line seemed awfully blurred. So blurred, in fact, that Artemis found herself wondering if she and Wally had at some point already crossed that line without her even noticing until it was far off in the distance. 
> 
> If there was something Artemis had been prepared for during this charade of theirs, it certainly hadn’t been becoming friends with someone she’d once loathed more than Conner hated monkeys or the country hated G. Gordon Godfrey. 
> 
> Being genuine friends with Wally West, impulsive annoyance extraordinaire. What a concept. 
> 
> And now, the more important question: _Now what?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent an hour trying to post this update because AO3 wasn't working for some reason and wouldn't post the chapter, and I couldn't close the tab because then all of my formatting would have been erased and I'd have had to start all over again. Thank God it started working again, so yay for that small blessing. 
> 
> Anyways here ya go, enjoy a steaming hot cup of chapter four.

**December 10, 20:26 EST**

**Artemis**

It wasn’t that Artemis disliked movie nights. Far from it, actually. Who doesn’t love a good movie night? Getting to snuggle on the couch in your pajamas, a bowl of popcorn in your lap and a mug of tea steaming on the coffee table while you settle in to watch your favorite movie. _Those_ were the kind of movie nights Artemis enjoyed.

What she _didn’t_ like were ones arranged by her two meddling best friends who clearly had suspicions about the lies she’d spun and couldn’t keep themselves from toying with the situation. Because friendship, of course.

Artemis had been looking forward to finally getting some time away from Wally after the weekend they had. Unfortunately, fate had no interest in granting Artemis a reprieve.

The longer the month wore on, the more Artemis found herself forced to spend more time with Wally than she’d ever wanted. _And it was only the second week._ But, as Zatanna always said before a magic show, the show must go on. No rest for the guilty parties who spun tales about fake relationships.

Artemis had asked why the sudden plans when Zatanna first called.

“Come _on,_ Artemis,” Zatanna had said. “It’s the only night until the weekend of the wedding when everyone is free. Well, besides Roy, that is. Which makes it even more important that you guys come!”

Artemis had glanced at Wally, who was listening in with a neutral look on his face. Artemis tapped her leg, getting his attention. She held the phone against her chest. _“What do I do?”_ she mouthed.

Wally shrugged, mouthing back, _“Say no?”_

Artemis fought back the urge to groan. Like that would work. Zatanna would inevitably ask why, and Artemis and Wally _technically_ didn’t have any actual reasons not to go. She could have lied, of course, but they were already caught up in enough fibs. She didn’t need to tack on another.

Artemis tipped her head back until it hit the back of her seat. She banged it a few times, raising the phone back to her ear, a sigh building in her chest. “Okay, you got me. Sounds fun.” She waved off Wally when he whipped his head around, his expression one of alarm.

Whatever. Artemis had already been stuck with Wally enough times since they made the deal. One more night was a small price to pay. Artemis had accepted long ago that she wouldn’t be allowed to simply ignore Wally until the day of the wedding. She would just suck it up and spend the extra time with her “boyfriend” whether she wanted to or not.

Which brought them to now.

The happy couple was back in Wally’s beat up car, which was starting to become one of Artemis’ least favorite places in the world. The seats smelled of cheap old leather, the mirror was held to the roof with duct tape, and Artemis couldn’t for the life of her figure out why Wally had a Squidward bobblehead propped on the dashboard.

She snuck a peek at Wally, who was humming along to the radio under his breath and tapping on the steering wheel with the tips of his fingers. To the untrained eye, he looked casual. Cavalier. But Artemis knew better. His muscles were stiff, his brow perpetually wrinkled. He was just as tense as Artemis, if not more. Just because he did a better job of hiding it didn’t erase that.

The rest of their visit to Central had gone fine, albeit awkward. Very awkward.

That late-night talk they’d shared had been cathartic for the both of them, but a lot of secrets and insecurities had been bared. Secrets Artemis wasn’t entirely sure she was comfortable with someone else knowing, and Wally didn’t seem it either.

Before that weekend they would fill their time together with arguments and banter, but now there was nothing between them but thick silence and fleeting eye contact. They could barely look at each other without stuttering and stumbling around their sentences.

Sure, telling Wally such personal things had seemed like a good idea _at the moment,_ but 3AM Artemis was a much different person from Regular Artemis. 3AM Artemis had felt safe enough to reveal all of her skeletons, while Regular Artemis was left to deal with the aftermath. This is the same reason people don’t invite their therapist to their birthday party.

Every time Artemis thought about talking to Wally, she remembered what he had told her. His father, his childhood, all of it left a bitter taste in her mouth. She found herself torn between wanting to sweep it all under the rug like it never happened, and… Well, that was about it. But what she _wanted_ to do was very different from what she was actually _capable_ of doing, which was being awkward and unable to utter more than two sentences to Wally at a time.

She wanted to go back to normal. _God,_ did she want to go back to normal.

All this electrically-charged atmosphere, all this static like two radios not quite synching up, it changed everything between them. The easy banter, the sarcastic jokes, it was covered by this film of discomfort that they just couldn’t break through.

For the rest of the visit they acted like nothing was wrong, which wasn’t easy on top of already having to act like they were dating. Contrary to what one might think, pretending to date someone was a hell of a lot more difficult when you couldn’t look that someone in the eye without remembering how they told you about their abusive parents and dark past. Who knew, right?

Artemis kept herself busy by talking to and interacting with Wally’s family—whom she’d quickly become fond of, by the way—rather than Wally himself. She wasn’t sure if they picked up on the tension between them or not. She hoped they hadn’t. Even so, if they did, they didn’t mention it.

Really, the only difference was when they interacted with each other, which was wildly different from how they’d been yesterday. Apart, they were fine. Wally teased Bart and helped Iris in the kitchen, Artemis talked with Jaime and listened to Barry’s stories about all the cases he’d worked on. Apart, Wally and Artemis were just two people enjoying their time with the family.

The only time the tension was _really_ apparent was when they were together, so they tried their best to keep their distance for the time being. That was much easier than sorting through their newfound issues with Wally’s family an inch away.

This lasted until finally, _finally,_ they left for home with hugs from Barry and reminders for Artemis to “come by more often; it’s so nice having someone around who knows how to reign Wally in.” (Wally and Artemis had chuckled awkwardly at that.) Artemis had to admit that being with the Allens was so much better than she’d been anticipating, and she’d found herself fleetingly hopeful at the prospect of seeing them again before reminding herself that this was all temporary. That, plus the issue with Wally, dampened that hope in seconds.

When they managed to get out the door, a spark of optimism fluttered in Artemis’ chest. The long drive back was bound to fix things right up between them, right? Maybe the atmosphere would gradually fade back to how it had been before. They didn’t need to discuss it, they didn’t need to acknowledge it, they just needed to wait it out, let time do its job. That would fix everything, right?

Wrong.

To Artemis’ chagrin, the drive back was the polar opposite of the drive there. The radio played quietly between them, neither doing more than hum along occasionally. Not an argument, not a comment, not a sound. If a stranger had been in the backseat, they’d have assumed one of them had killed the other’s family with how tense it was. And not even an angry tension either. Artemis would have _preferred_ anger. Anger, she could deal with. Had handled it in past, could more than handle it now.

But this kind of tension was a mutated sphere of pity and awkwardness and regret and about a hundred other emotions Artemis didn’t know how to identify. Figures. She opens up to one person and that person winds up being the guy she had to spend the next month with. She was never trying _that_ again, that was for sure. 

Artemis had been eager to get home and have some cool down time, but here they were, back together in a small space, and neither with any idea of how to speak to the other. 

The tension was so thick one could slice it in half. Oddly enough, Artemis had liked it better when they were perfectly ignorant of each other’s personal lives. She wished she could turn back time, back to when she saw Wally as an impulsive, shallow boy who didn’t know how to take things seriously. She mourned the times when she and Wally could safely argue over trivial things like music on the radio or opinions on raccoons. 

A door had been opened during that night, during that _talk,_ and now they had no idea how to close it. 

And if that wasn’t bad enough on its own, now they had to deal with this movie night at literally the worst time in the universe. At this point, Artemis shouldn’t have been surprised that was how things worked out. 

Wally clicked his tongue. “So,” he started, keeping his eyes fixed on the road. “Who knew having a fake relationship would involve so many social gatherings, amiright?” 

Artemis hummed, chin resting in her hand, her elbow propped against the door. 

Wally took a deep breath. They slowed to a stop at a red light. “Okay, I think we should clear the air,” he said carefully. 

“Why? There’s nothing wrong,” Artemis said, not moving her head. She didn’t want to be having this conversation right now. Or ever, for that matter. She didn’t want the tension to last, but she sure as hell wasn’t going to talk it out either if that’s what he was planning on. She’d much rather let the issue resolve on its own, which was exactly what she planned on doing. 

“Yeah, besides the fact that you can’t even look at me.”

Artemis drew her mouth into a hard line. Shifting her torso, she faced Wally and caught his eyes with her own. “There. I’m looking at you. Happy?” 

Wally’s eyes stayed locked on hers, green searching gray. Half challenge, half relief. Was this the first real eye contact they’d made since their talk? It had been less than a day since their cutting off contact, but it felt longer. Doing this simple action, this small act of meeting each other’s eyes, it was crossing an obstacle, and they both seemed to feel it. 

Artemis held his gaze for another second before they were torn apart when the horn of the car behind them made Wally turn forward and press on the gas. “I still think we should talk about this,” he said, his voice rough. 

Artemis leaned back and faced forward, intent on staying like that for the duration of the drive. “Or we could not talk about it and just wait for it to blow over on its own. I like that idea better.” This was the most they’d talked since Sunday morning, and already Artemis could feel the air turning to static. And not even the good kind of static, either. The kind you feel right before lightning strikes to char the tree branch you’re sitting on. A warning, a sign of danger. 

“Yeah, but…” Wally searched for the words but came up empty. He drew in a deep breath. “We learned stuff,” he said. “We learned… We learned a _lot_ of stuff. I learned stuff about you, you learned stuff about me.” 

Artemis fixed her glare on Squidward, bobbing his little head with each bump in the road. “Is there a point to this?” 

Wally clicked his teeth. “I just…I think it would be better for both of us if we just dealt with this now so we can go back to whatever it is we were before.” 

“Rivals who can’t be in the same room without trying to kill each other?” 

_“Friends.”_

Artemis scoffed. “We tried that already. We gave being friends a shot, but we went too far and now look where it got us. Still somehow not friends.”

Wally shrugged. “We could be. It would be a lot easier than what we are now.” 

“Easy and realistic aren’t the same thing.” 

“Come on, Artemis, can’t we at least _try?_ It’s better than fighting or having this weird awkwardness between us. If we’re going to keep this up, we have to be able to be normal again.”  
Squidward bobbed his head as though he were agreeing. Artemis resisted the urge to swat it off the dashboard. She let out a slow, heavy breath. “Fine. I guess we could try being friends.” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah. Just…Let’s just try and pretend this whole weekend never happened, okay?” 

Wally nodded. “After this whole dating thing blows over, I think we should forget _everything_ that happened during this month overall. Agreed?” 

Artemis huffed a laugh. “I’m _definitely_ on board with that.” She rubbed her forehead. “God, we’re not even finished with the second week and already I’m exhausted.” 

“Not to mention getting through tonight, too,” Wally added. 

“We should have just turned them down when we could,” she said, turning back to the window to watch the orange street lights go by. 

“Yeah. Dating is way more work than I thought it would be. I was hoping it would just be holding hands occasionally and sitting together at the wedding. Not getting invited to couple’s nights,” he said. 

“It’s only because Zatanna is testing this whole—” she gestured between the two of them “—you know. This thing.” 

“Wait, you mean she knows about us?” 

Artemis spared the smallest smile. “She suspects. She hasn’t said anything, but I know she knows something is up. She just can’t prove it, though, which gives us the advantage.” She turned to Wally and leveled a serious expression. “Which means we’re going to have to put a lot of effort into acting like we’re in love tonight to throw her off our trail.” She sounded like a soldier discussing battle plans. 

“You do realize you’re starting to sound like a crazy person, right?” That worked too. 

Artemis shrugged. “Hey, all’s fair in love and war.” 

Wally shook his head slowly, an easy grin spreading across his lips. “Well in that case, don’t sweat it, Arty. I’ll be smooth as a ninja.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “A _romance_ ninja.” 

Artemis rolled her eyes. “Hooray. Just what every girl dreams of. A ninja boyfriend.” 

“Hey, for your information, I am an _excellent_ ninja boyfriend. I should know—I’ve watched more than enough ninja movies to be an expert on it.” 

“Sure, Jan,” Artemis said, inclining her head with a teasing smile. 

“Did you…Did you just _meme_ me? How dare you insult a man in his own car.” But he was laughing, and Artemis couldn’t hold back her own giggles. 

They bantered like this all the way to the house, and it felt…better. Lighter. Like the tension between them had finally begun to settle and they were back to where they were before. Although, at the same time, it was so much _different_ than it had been before. 

Before, they fought because they hated each other. Now they fought simply because they wanted to. Because they liked it. Because that was what they _did._ Absent was the sharp bite that had always laced Artemis’ retorts. When Artemis called him Baywatch, it wasn’t an insult anymore. It was just a nickname now. They were bickering simply for the sake of bickering, and it was new. 

Not just new—it was _nice._

Being friends with Wally had seemed inconceivable five minutes ago. When he brought it up, Artemis was sure that endeavor would crash and burn by the end of the week. But before even the end of the _car ride,_ it felt more than possible. It felt _definite._

Had they somehow already drifted into friend territory without Artemis knowing it? 

Whatever it was that had happened during their trip, it changed things between them. In just two days, the pair through some miracle crossed the line from enemies to friends, which was something Artemis hadn’t been expecting to get out of this experience. 

Whether that was a good thing or a bad thing, Artemis wasn’t sure. But it was definitely different. That, she was certain of.

* * *

When they arrived at Dick and Zatanna’s house, everyone else was already there. Zatanna was the one who answered the door, and Artemis didn’t miss her eying Wally and Artemis’ intertwined hands. She was one of the few who still hadn’t gotten used to the prospect of Wally and Artemis being a couple. Then again, neither was Artemis, but in her case it was for different reasons. 

Oh, and another weird thing about all this? Holding Wally’s hand didn’t feel like it had on that first night of their fake relationship. Back then, on the few occasions in which they held hands, it was stiff and forced. But now? 

Now, holding Wally’s hand felt normal. It felt natural, the sensation of Wally’s warm hand slipping alongside her own and his fingers wrapping around hers. She welcomed it, even. Thought about how nice it was to casually hold someone’s hand like second nature. 

Being someone who wasn’t quite used to physical affection, of course it was an intriguing experience for Artemis. That didn’t surprise her. It was just the _fondness_ for the action that gave her pause. 

And not just holding hands in general. Holding _Wally’s_ hand. That was certainly an alarming detail, one she tried not to dwell on for too long. One thing at a time, Artemis, one thing at a time. She focused on playing the part of a girl in love, which she was getting better at as the days wore on. She would earn an Oscar by the end of the month for her impressive acting. 

Once through tne doorway, Artemis gave the room a once-over. Megan sat perched on the couch, deep in conversation with Raquel’s wife, Anissa. Raquel herself was cross-legged on the carpet in front of the television, sifting through Dick’s assortment of DVDs with Conner. Dick poked his head out from the kitchen when he heard the door, calling out a greeting before ducking back in. Artemis smelled something burning, so maybe it would be best she stayed in the living room for the time being. 

She looked around, realizing someone was missing. “Where’s Kaldur? I thought you invited him too.” Artemis has been comforted knowing there would be at least one other person there not in a relationship, thinking maybe that would make it easier being with Wally even though as far as everyone else was concerned, they _were_ in a relationship. But Kaldur was nowhere in sight. 

Raquel snatched a DVD from Conner’s hands. “We did, but when he found out Roy would be watching Lian and Amistad tonight, he was all-too-willing to help out.” She waggled her eyebrows. 

Artemis carefully masked her disappointment. “That’s too bad. I was just hoping I would get the chance to ask him about if he would be bringing someone to the wedding so I’d have an estimate on how many chairs we’ll be needing,” she lied smoothly. 

Zatanna groaned from where she stood a distance behind her, hanging up their coats in the hall closet. “Ugh, can we please not talk about the wedding tonight? I feel like every conversation I’ve had all month has been about either the engagement or whether we’ll be having steak or fish at the reception.” 

“In all fairness, you have to admit you brought that on yourself,” Megan pointed out. 

“Correction: _Dick_ actually brought this on me by proposing in the first place.” 

Raquel went back to rummaging through the movie collection. “On behalf of all of us, I would just like to say thank you for accepting, because that means I get wedding cake out of it, so—” She cut herself off with a gasp. “Found it!” She held up a bright red DVD case. “We are _so_ watching Shrek, guys. No buts, okay? This is definitely happening right now, we _have_ to watch it.” 

Wally settled on the armrest of the loveseat against the wall, crossing his arms. “Now hang on a second, that depends on which one it is.” 

“The third one.” 

Wally wrinkled his nose. “Nope, no way. Sorry, but I won’t settle for anything less than the first one. Everyone knows that’s the best one.” As though it were an obvious fact of life.  
Artemis gasped like he’d just offended her great ancestors. “Excuse me?” She had to be hearing him wrong. 

“What?” 

_“Hello?_ What about the second one?” 

“The second one? That movie sucked.” 

_“Excuse me?”_ Nuh-uh, child. Now it was about to go down. 

“Well, duh,” Wally said. “What could be better than watching Princess Fiona beat the crap out of the merry men? It’s iconic.” 

Megan tentatively raised a hand. “He’s right, Artemis. You can’t beat the first Shrek movie.” 

Wally finger gunned in Megan’s direction. “See, my girl Megan knows what’s up.” They air-fived. 

“Um, no? The first Shrek was great, I’ll give you that, but the second one was on a whole other level that the first one simply can’t touch, and that’s a fact.” 

“Artemis, that’s so unbelievably wrong I— You know what? It’s so ridiculous I can’t even explain it to you.” He ate a chip from the bowl on the coffee table and reclined diagonally across the couch cushions. They all watched him, waiting. 

Then, after a moment of silence: “You know what, it’s actually gonna bug me if I don’t so _first of all—”_ He held up a finger. “The first Shrek movie laid the foundation for the whole franchise, so your movie would be nothing without it and that’s the tea.” 

“A preposterous lie.” 

“And _secondly,_ the only redeemable thing about Shrek Two was the part at the potion factory and everything else was filler and the plot was weak to begin with.” 

What the fuck? Artemis waved her hands. “Nope. That’s it. Sorry, Wally, but I can’t date someone who would rather watch Lord Farquad being a short bitch than Fairy Godmother belting out _I Need a Hero_ in a sparkly red gown. I won’t do it.” She dropped to the floor beside Conner and threw her arms over his shoulders from behind. “I’m leaving you for Conner. I’m sure _he_ can appreciate the beauty of Shrek Two, unlike you goddamn heathens.” 

Conner shrugged, unimpeded by the extra weight on his shoulders. “Honestly, I’m more of a Happy Feet fan, but okay.” 

“Okay, well that’s just ridiculous,” said Raquel. “Happy Feet sucked and y’all know it.” 

When that sparked a whole new debate, Artemis decided the safest option would be to remove herself from the situation before things got ugly. Shrek she could do, but this was territory she wasn’t in the mood for. She sat on the couch next to Megan, who calmly watched Raquel and Conner argue over the validity of the Happy Feet plot. 

“So how’s it going with the bakery?” Artemis asked, idly kicking Raquel in the back when she flailed too close in the now very heated debate. 

Since freshman year of college, Megan’s dream had been to open up her own bakery. And a little less than a year ago, she’d done it. _Megan’s Sweets_ now stood on the corner of Fifth and Main Street, steadily gaining more attention with each day it opened its doors. 

It was a small shop, simple. Not too extravagant aside from the fact that it was bright pink from floor to ceiling. Still, it had become quite popular, which was unsurprising to those who’d had the pleasure of tasting Megan’s treats before. They were addictive. In the end, no one was shocked when business boomed from opening day to present. 

Megan’s eyes lit up. “Business has been great, actually. And I’m meeting with an investor on Wednesday, so I might be able to buy those magenta diner chairs I’ve been wanting.” Artemis let Megan ramble a while, only catching every third word or so because _man_ could Megan talk fast when she got excited. Artemis didn’t mind, though. 

Megan was in the middle of describing the new rum cupcake recipe she’d been perfecting when Artemis’ gaze drifted to Wally, now sprawled out on the floor with Conner and Raquel. He was in the middle of doing his Hiccup the Viking impression, which was, admittedly, spot on. 

Artemis couldn’t tear her eyes away when he began laughing at himself, his eyes scrunching and his stance completely open and unguarded. She found her eyes tracing the freckles splattered across his face, thrown into stark relief against his pale complexion by the light from the television screen, still frozen on the DVD menu. As she studied them closer, she found his freckles spread down his neck, branching out all across his collarbone and shoulders. How had she not noticed that until now? 

When she realized she was staring, she flinched and turned away, checking to see if Megan had caught her leering. She relaxed when Megan kept talking like nothing had happened. _That_ would have been embarrassing. Though logically, Artemis had no reason to worry, right? She and Wally were pretending to be dating. Anyone who caught her staring at him would assume it was because she found him attractive. 

So why did the thought of someone catching her admiring Wally make her so uncomfortable? It’s not like anyone would question it, and—

Wait. 

Hold up. 

_Admiring Wally?_

What the hell? Had she seriously just said that? Sure, it was in her own head space, but… What even was that? It suddenly crashed down on Artemis that she had actually been _leering creepily at Wally._ And not even hiding it very well until she’d realized she’d been doing it. That was a thing only pining lovers or stalkers did, and Artemis was neither of those. Maybe she was more tired than she thought. Her mind was wandering into lands unknown. 

“—and that’s why we’re not allowed in Petco anymore.” 

Artemis blinked. Had Megan been talking this whole time? 

Before Artemis could come up with a response, she was saved by the bell when Raquel announced, “All right, my dudes. Since Shrek is apparently too controversial, it has been decided by me that we’re going to be watching this one instead. All in favor?” She held up a new movie, this one with a dark case. 

“Is that a ninja movie?” asked Zatanna. 

Conner shrugged. “I don’t mind ninjas, so I’m sold.” Murmurs of agreement followed. 

Wally and Artemis locked eyes across the room, smiling secretly to each other. How fitting.

* * *

**Dick**

Dick was only half listening to the conversation going on in the living room—too invested in the popcorn he’d been popping on the stove. Why he ever thought making it on the stove would be a better idea than just popping a few bags in the microwave, he would never know. 

He was in the middle of his third batch—which was actually coming along fairly well, to his utter surprise—when Zatanna ducked back into the kitchen. 

“Hey, Zee, do you think you could get some bowls from the—” 

“Shh!” Zatanna grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the entrance to the living room. She tugged him behind the wall, peeking around the corner covertly. All Dick could see was their friends, still talking and laughing in the living room. 

“Uh, what are you—” 

“Keep your voice down!” she hissed. She pointed at Artemis and Wally, who were now seated on the couch and talking. “Look. You see that?” she whispered. 

“Uhh, what exactly am I supposed to be seeing?” Dick asked, whispering now as well. 

Zatanna rolled her eyes impatiently. _“Them._ Wally and Artemis. Have you seen them tonight?” 

“Uh, yeah? They’re sitting right there, Zee—” 

“No, I mean, have you _seen_ them.” 

Dick scratched the back of his neck. “I…” He dropped his hand at his side. “I’m not following you, honey.” 

Zatanna let her head thump against the wall. “You know what I mean. They’re acting so…so…” 

“In love?” Dick supplied. 

“Yes! That!” 

Dick put his hand to his chin, stumped. “Zee, I love you, but you’re really confusing me right now.” 

“Come on, Dick, you’re a detective. Are you telling me you haven’t noticed that all of a sudden they’re acting all lovey dovey out of nowhere? How they’re _clearly_ overdoing it on purpose?” 

“I mean, I guess, but they said that they were just hiding it until now for our sakes. They’re letting themselves indulge, or whatever.” 

“Oh, please. They’ve been dating for months and only when they need a date for our wedding do they decide to come clean? You can’t tell me that’s not fishy.” 

Dick considered that. When she phrased it that way, it did sound a little odd. “What are you thinking, then? That they’re just faking the relationship so they don’t have to admit they were lying about having dates?” That sounded extreme, even for them. 

But Zatanna snapped her fingers like he was right on target. “Exactly. I’m about sixty percent positive that this whole thing is a scam, give or take. I just need a way to prove it…” she mused, trailing off in thought. 

Dick peeked around the corner again at Wally and Artemis. They were fairly close together, shoulders almost touching. “I don’t know… They’ve been acting like they’re pretty into each other all night.” 

“Of course they have. They know that we know, so they’re playing it up to try and throw us off the trail. But what they don’t know is that we know that they know that we know, which gives us the advantage!” Her face lit up like she’d just discovered the cure for cancer. 

“…You’re giving me a headache.”

* * *

**Wally**

Back in the living room, everyone was settling in for the movie. 

Popcorn and snacks had been passed around, drinks distributed, movie already spinning in the DVD player. 

Dick and Zatanna cuddled in the armchair, Zatanna contently seated on his lap and Dick absently trailing his hand up and down her back. They were such an old married couple it wasn’t even funny anymore. 

Conner and Megan had claimed the loveseat, cuddling up as well. On the left side of the other couch sat Raquel and Anissa, leaving Wally and Artemis to sit together on the other side. 

Like, together. As in, right next to each other. As in, close enough that their knees were barely an inch away from touching. 

_That_ kind of together. 

And… Okay. So this wasn’t the first time Wally and Artemis had been in close proximity. Far from it, actually. They’d been in pretty close quarters the past few days, so being near Artemis shouldn’t have been anything new to Wally. 

But at the same time, it kind of was? 

The last couple days, sans that rough awkward period of time, Wally and Artemis had been close as two lovesick people could be for everyone else’s benefit. They held hands, they sat next to each other, all so to the naked eye, they looked like any two people in a relationship should.

Now, however, it was dark. No one could see more than their silhouettes, let alone whether they were holding hands or not. There was no real need to keep up the act for the next hour or so, when everyone would be too busy focusing on the movie to pay any attention to them whatsoever. 

So why was it that all Wally could think about was the fact that Artemis was sitting directly next to him? 

He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. She was reclined on the couch cushions, one leg crossed over the other and her eyes locked on the television screen. The dim light from the movie allowed Wally to see the angular edges of her face; the sharp slope of her nose, the gray of her eyes. She looked relaxed, but the stiffness in her shoulders told him otherwise. 

Was Artemis just as distracted by their current situation as he was? 

Her left hand rested on the space on the couch between them. Her sleeve rode up a little, showing the tan skin of her wrist and—had she always had that tiny arrow tattoo there? It would have been so easy for Wally to move his own hand closer, laying it over hers, lacing their fingers together—

_Nope._

Wally cut that thought off immediately. What was he _thinking?_

The lights were off. It was _dark._ There was no plausible reason to hold Artemis’ hand when no one would be able to see it anyway. No reason to play up the act now. So why did Wally have to clasp his hands in his lap just to keep himself from reaching over to take her hand? 

By the time the film was halfway in, Wally couldn’t tell what it was about. The battling ninjas and muted colors on the screen barely registered with him, which was odd, considering ninja movies were his favorite. 

What was _wrong_ with him tonight? 

Okay, okay. Think rationally about this. 

It was late. He’d been stressing all weekend. Maybe he was just overly tired? It was certainly possible. It would explain why he was having such a difficult time focusing even without throwing his ADHD in the mix. Yeah, that must have been it. He was just tired. 

If he could just _relax,_ surely that would make him less edgy. 

Murmuring an excuse, Wally rose from the couch. The moment he freed himself from Artemis’ presence, he felt colder. Bare. That was new, but he shook it off and went to the bathroom down the hall. Maybe it would help if he splashed some water on his face. His brain would wake up and allow him to focus better. 

Locking the bathroom door behind him, Wally turned on the faucet and cupped his hands under the cold stream, splashing water on his face. He dried his face on a hand towel, lowering it and looking at himself in the mirror. He _did_ look pretty tired. There was the barest hint of purple under his eyelids, and he looked a shade paler than usual. 

_Yeah, that’s it,_ he assured himself. He was just tired, that’s all. And all those weird thoughts about Artemis were just the product of his ADHD brain running on little sleep and too much coffee. That was it. He just needed to get through the night, get some sleep, and tomorrow he’d be laughing at himself for being so jittery around Artemis. 

Wally waited a few more minutes to gather his bearings before going back in, settling back alongside Artemis and ready to hopefully keep himself focused on the movie long enough to banish those thoughts for the time being. 

…

Orrrr maybe not. 

The moment he was seated, Wally found himself in the exact same predicament as before. He was suddenly very aware of Artemis next to him. He could hear her quiet breathing, every twitch of her fingers, every little movement. He tried to ignore it, he really did. But every time he thought he was starting to get into the movie, he was snapped back to thoughts of, _Oh my god, Artemis is right next to me._

By the time the movie was over, it felt like five years had passed. Credits rolling, the names and titles blurring together. Artemis bumping his elbow with her own, sending sparks through his bones. Asking what he thought about the film. Wally replying with something along the lines of it being good, even though he still couldn’t recall a single thing that happened on the screen.

* * *

**December 11, 15:26 EST**

**Artemis**

Monday. 

Artemis was _so_ grateful for Monday. 

Now, normally Monday was the most dreaded day of the week, and for good reason. The end of the weekend, the beginning of the work week. Monday was a day for misery and restarting the cycle of waiting for Friday to come faster. But this particular Monday was a relief. Artemis was itching for some time away from Wally, if only to regather her bearings. Adjust to all the changes. 

Like, were she and Wally friends now? Was that what they were? He said they should try it, but would it actually work, or would they be back at square one in a couple days, hating each other’s existence and waiting for the month to be over? 

As more time passed, though, the latter seemed less and less likely. 

A week ago, Artemis had wanted nothing more than to stay as far away from Wally as possible, but now she found herself actually _enjoying_ the time spent with him. Did that mean they were officially in friend territory? The line seemed awfully blurred. So blurred, in fact, that Artemis found herself wondering if she and Wally had at some point already crossed that line without her even noticing until it was far off in the distance. 

If there was something Artemis had been prepared for during this charade of theirs, it certainly hadn’t been becoming friends with someone she’d once loathed more than Conner hated monkeys or the country hated G. Gordon Godfrey. 

Being genuine friends with Wally West, impulsive annoyance extraordinaire. What a concept. 

And now, the more important question: _Now what?_

Artemis and Wally were more or less friends now. Okay. 

So what did this revelation mean? It seemed a hell of a lot more appealing a week ago to pretend to date her rival and enemy, crazy as it sounds. Because both knew that the day after the wedding, they would break up. They would be just an ex-boyfriend and an ex-girlfriend, no amity between them whatsoever. 

They could go right back to where they’d started: Hating each other’s guts and bickering whenever they met. No mess, no change, just straight back to the beginning. Simple. 

Now, though, the thought of having that endgame left a bad taste in her mouth. She didn’t want to make a friend in Wally only to lose him again in just a few short weeks. 

Hence the need for space. Space was good. Space would give Artemis the chance to clear her head. Which was why as soon as Megan had called Artemis that afternoon and asked for a hand with the wedding invitations she’d been placed in charge of, Artemis couldn’t say yes fast enough. 

They sat now on the carpeted floor of Megan and Conner’s living room, surrounded by invitations and envelopes, some filled out, some not. 

The invitations were simple. Three hundred and twenty printed copies, each with the same gold lettering in elegant script: 

_You are invited to the wedding of Zatanna Sindella Zatara and Richard John Grayson._

The gold lettering oddly enough matched the Kents’ home perfectly, through some coincidence. 

Artemis had always enjoyed the aesthetic of Conner and Megan’s house. It was a cozy home, right around the corner from Megan’s bakery. The outside was a bright yellow, reminding Artemis of sunny days and warm feelings. Flowers bloomed in the garden during summer, and the orange tree in the front yard was already beginning to show buds, soon to be blossoming. 

The house was somewhere straight out of a seventies sitcom, perfectly paralleling Conner and Megan’s relationship. 

The two had been high school sweethearts, dating all the way from when they got together sophomore year to graduation, and still going strong. They reminded Artemis of lovesick teenagers in a romantic comedy, an image of Sandra Dee and Danny Zucco. Their love was sweet and gentle, full of secret smiles and chaste kisses and cuddling on the sofa. 

Artemis could very clearly picture them in twenty years, now older and wiser but still as in love as they’d been from the start, inhabiting a homey sunlit house filled with children and laughter and baked goods wafting through every doorway. 

Speaking of children. “How’s it going with the adoption?” Artemis asked as she sealed another envelope. “Any luck yet?” 

Megan gave a grim smile. “We’re not sure. There’s still so much paperwork to get through, not to mention getting it approved that we’re capable of caring for him. But I’m pretty sure he’ll be living with us by March.” 

“And how is Garfield handling all this?” 

Megan made a _so so_ gesture. “About as well as you could expect. I mean, it’s only been three months since his mom died. Can’t imagine how hard it must be, especially now that he’s living in foster care with no one to really talk to aside from our phone calls, you know? But from what he tells me about his foster family, it doesn’t seem to be too bad.” 

“That’s good.” 

Garfield Logan was Megan’s surrogate little brother, whom Artemis had been hearing about nonstop since Megan first met him and his mom at the vet when they started bringing Wolf there. When Megan learned about how they were struggling, she’d offered Marie a job at her bakery, and they’d been close ever since. 

Marie had recently died in an accident, leaving fourteen year-old Garfield an orphan. Having no family left, the poor boy had been living in foster care ever since. But Conner and Megan were working to get him adopted so he could live with them, and that hope was slowly but surely becoming a reality. 

“God,” Artemis murmured. “I can’t wait until everything settles down. There’s so much change going on lately.” 

Megan shrugged, licking an envelope. “Granted, you and Wally are in part at fault for that, revealing your secret relationship and all. Kind of a big deal. It’s like something out of a fanfiction.” 

Artemis kept her eyes down, fiddling with the package of stamps rather than meeting Megan’s eyes. 

“How is that going, by the way?” Megan prompted, failing to hide her curiosity. 

Artemis shrugged vaguely. “Fine. It’s—we’re fine.” God. She sounded tense, like someone confessing to a murder. _Keep it cool,_ she reminded herself. “But I feel like that’s all anyone talks about anymore. Can’t we talk about something else? Like maybe the fact that our friends are forgetting they’re getting married in a church and not a football stadium?” She gestured to the bountiful piles of invitations around them for emphasis. 

“I think it’s sweet,” Megan said, shrugging. “They’re taking a huge step and they want to share it with the people they love. I get that.” 

“Well, yeah, but have you even heard of some of these people? It’s like they could only narrow it down to a town instead of the whole state.” 

Megan laughed, high and tinkling like bells. 

“And have they told you where they’re going for their honeymoon, yet?” Artemis asked. Megan shook her head. “An actual private island. Like, the kind you see in movies. Tropical birds, beaches, coconuts, all of it. Bruce Wayne owns one and is letting them borrow it for two weeks.” 

Megan’s eyebrows raised, though her eyes remained trained on the task in front of her—closing the envelope that simply refused to stay shut. “Talk about classy,” she said. 

“Yeah. I’m tempted to ask if I can come too just for the beach,” Artemis laughed. 

Megan sighed, a smile tugging at her lips. “They’re so lucky,” she said, almost dreamily. 

Artemis raised an eyebrow. “How about you and Conner? Is he planning on popping the question anytime soon?” 

Megan’s cheeks flushed. She toyed with her purple and silver _Demi Goddess_ bracelet, a nervous habit of hers. “We’ve talked about it,” she admitted. She shook her head quickly. “But we agreed not to get married for at least another few years. There’s just so much going on right now, what with adopting Gar and starting up my business. We want to wait until we’re settled to take any big steps, you know?” 

“I get that.” 

“Besides, I’m comfortable with where we are now. We’re living simply, just having some fun being boyfriend and girlfriend for a little while longer. It’s like a movie sometimes. Just day after day of perfect normality. It’s nice.” She smiled for real that time, her eyes drifting somewhere else. 

Warmth flooded Artemis’ chest. That right there—Conner and Megan— _that_ was a fairy tale romance if Artemis ever saw one. All of her friends were so wonderfully happy it made her heart ache. Dick and Zee were engaged, Conner and Megan were living the domestic life, Raquel and Anissa got their happy ending, and even Kaldur was on his way to moving on from Tula. Artemis was grateful she got to watch her friends get their happiness all at once. 

They did their invitations in silence for a while, only the sound of rustling paper heard over the quiet Christmas music Megan had playing from her phone. The same phone that buzzed ten minutes later at exactly the same time Artemis’ did. 

Pulling her cell from her pocket, Artemis checked the caller ID to discover it was from Dick to the group chat. He’d sent everyone an image, and when Artemis saw it she couldn’t contain the laugh that bubbled out of her. 

It was a selfie Dick took with a sleeping Wally, who was propped up against a vending machine. They must have been in a mall, if the food court and adjacent Hot Topic were any indication.  
Wally was slumped on the floor against the machine, his mouth open and his eyes closed. His face was slack, relaxed. Around his neck he wore a hastily-made paper sign that said, _I fell asleep in a shopping mall when my friend left to go to the bathroom for five seconds because I’m an actual lazy toddler._ It reminded Artemis of those pictures of pets with signs explaining what they did wrong. 

Dick took the selfie from an angle, his body positioned next to Wally’s left shoulder. His right hand flashed a peace sign while his left held the phone, and his dark sunglasses obscured his eyes completely, despite them being inside and away from sunlight. His smile was so bright they may have been necessary, though. From the looks of it, it must have taken a lot of trial and error to take this picture without laughing and shaking the camera, and even in this shot, Artemis could tell he was barely keeping from cracking up. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, I present my boyfriend,” Artemis said dryly. 

Megan laughed. “Wally’s not going to be happy when he sees that.” 

“Eh, it’s not like he doesn’t deserve it. Must take a lot of dedication to fall asleep in a shopping mall.” 

Megan agreed, then put her phone away and went back to working. She was still smiling fondly. “It’s so nice seeing them be friends again,” she said. 

Artemis’ mind stuttered. “Again? When did they ever stop?” 

Megan looked up, confusion replacing the fondness in her features. “You know, their falling out. When they stopped being friends for like four years? You know about that, don’t you?”

Falling out? Memories of Artemis’ stay at the Allens’ suddenly washed over her. _We weren’t…as close during high school,_ Wally had told her. Artemis had been pondering that statement ever since the visit. Now it looked like she would finally be getting the answers she wanted.  
His words echoed in her head as Megan continued. “I thought Wally had already told you about the whole falling out that happened after his accident.” 

Wait, _accident?_ “What accident?” 

Megan cocked her head to the side. “You really don’t know, do you?” When Artemis shook her head, Megan bopped herself on the forehead. “Hello, Megan! Of course he wouldn’t tell _you_ about it, you’re his girlfriend. The only reason I even know is because I figured most of it out anyway. I don’t think he likes talking about it much.” 

“What are you talking about? What accident?” And more importantly, what would an accident have to do with Wally and Dick having a falling out? Thing One and Thing Two were as inseparable as two boys could be. It didn’t seem physically possible for them to go a week without seeing each other, let alone years. 

Megan shifted uncomfortably. “What do you know about Wally’s past, exactly?” 

_You mean besides his abusive father and overall sucky childhood?_ “Not much,” Artemis said instead. “I know he lived with his aunt and uncle for most of it. He did track and was a science nerd, and he and Dick were friends since, like, elementary school.” 

Megan bit her cheek. “Well, this is mainly about the track part of it. Like you said, Wally was a track star all through high school. He was on his way to being as great as his uncle, and he had all these scholarships lined up for when he graduated.” She paused. “There was this race between him and schools from all over the country. It was the most important competition for him, and winning would have… Well, it pretty much would have set him for life.” 

“And let me guess, he lost?” Artemis guessed. Unfortunate, yes, but not overwhelming. Her fingers twirled a loose piece of thread from the carpet.  
Megan pressed her lips together. “He tripped and shattered his knee twenty feet from the finish line.” 

Artemis lifted her head, fingers stilling. Eyes scanning Megan for any sign she was joking. She wasn’t. _“Shattered_ his _knee?_ In a freakin’ footrace?” 

Megan nodded. “If he hadn’t had so much momentum, it probably wouldn’t have been so severe, but the more momentum you have, the more extensive the damage. And it was bad—physically _and_ emotionally. The damage was so bad he could never run the same anymore, and once that happened he lost all of the scholarships, so that whole future was gone. After that he cut himself off from practically everyone, including Dick. After a few months of silence, I think Dick just gave up trying, and that was the end of that friendship.” 

Artemis didn’t understand. “But if it was that bad, wouldn’t he have…I don’t know, leaned on his friends even more?” 

Megan shrugged. “Everyone handles loss differently. Some people rely on others to help them, and some retreat into themselves entirely. I can understand that.” 

Artemis sat back, bracing her hands back against the floor, taking it all in. “Wow. I can’t believe he told you all that.” 

“He didn’t. At least, not exactly. Not at first. I may have put the pieces together on my own,” Megan admitted sheepishly, pink tinting her cheekbones. 

That certainly wasn’t surprising. Count on Megan to figure out something before it’s even mentioned just by being around someone. Conner liked to joke that she was a telepath with how intuitive she could be. It was almost like she could sense your feelings before you even knew them yourself, sometimes. Hence why she made the perfect confidant, and why it was unsurprising that Wally told her his story once he learned she’d already figured it out. Everyone and their mother knew Megan Morse was one of the most understanding and trustworthy people in the universe. 

Artemis, on the other hand, felt like her head had been filled with rubber. She thought hearing about Wally’s childhood was bad? This was a whole new level. It was starting to feel like the more she learned about Wally, the harder it was to understand how someone who’d suffered so much could be so damn _happy_ all the time. 

Looking at him, Artemis never would have guessed he’d been through so much. No wonder pretending to be in a relationship with her came so easily to him when he’d already had years of practice faking smiles and acting like nothing hurt him. Wally was a much better actor than she’d thought. She misunderstood the guy _big time._

Artemis considered all this as Megan finished up the last handful of invitations. She stacked them neatly in a pile, tapping them against the coffee table until they were perfectly aligned. She looked back up at Artemis. “Hey, could you maybe not tell Wally I told you all this? I feel bad telling his secrets, but I just…I felt like you should know.”

Artemis nodded. “No, yeah. Thanks for telling me. It’s just… God, I never would have guessed any of that. Especially his falling out with Dick. Looking at them now, it’s like none of it ever happened.” 

“I think they met up again when Wally and Zatanna were in college together. They became friends, then Zatanna found Dick, then he and Wally met up again through her, and the rest is history. It kind of seems like fate led to them meeting up again.” 

_Yeah, the same fate that led to Wally having gone through all that crap in the first place._ Artemis was interrupted before the words could leave her lips when the front door opened and Conner stepped through. He spotted Artemis and Megan on the floor, and a smile graced his face. “Hey, Artemis. I didn’t know you were coming over today.” He tossed his brown leather jacket onto the couch before hanging his keys on the hook. 

Megan sprang up, brushing off her skirt. “Artemis was just helping me with the invitations,” she said. She crossed the room and leaned up on her tiptoes to kiss him. “Hi,” she said when they parted, smiling like a school girl admiring her crush instead of a twenty-four year old woman saying hello to her boyfriend of eight years. 

They were _so_ a sitcom couple. 

Conner pecked Megan on the nose once, twice, three times until she was giggling. Artemis turned away, a secret smile playing on her lips. She felt like an intruder, witnessing their love like that. Sometimes they could be so cute it made her heart feel sore. 

Grabbing her bag off the coffee table, Artemis stood up, stretching out her stiff legs. “I’d better get going,” she said. She scooped up the invitations, packing them into her bag. “I’ll drop these off at the post office on my way home.” 

“Thanks for helping me out, Artemis, you really are a lifesaver. God knows how long it would’ve taken me to do it on my own.”

Artemis shrugged. “It’s nothing. What else have I got to do besides work and watching TV all day?” 

“And Wally,” Conner added. He and Megan laughed when Artemis’ face flushed. 

She cleared her throat. “And on that note, I bid you two lovebirds adieu.” She bowed low, then shrugged her bag on over her shoulder and started for the door. She could hear Conner and Megan still talking as she closed the door behind her, discussing plans for dinner and the rest of the night. 

Out of everyone Artemis knew, those two had to be the best at being adults to the point where they made it look like a science. They were in some void caught between high school sweethearts and fifty year-old lovers, a blissful void filled with nose kisses and cuddling on the couch and getting ice cream at the beach on warm days. 

Speaking of which, Artemis noted how unseasonably warm the air outside was compared to how it’d been when she’d first arrived. Despite being almost winter, the weather sure didn’t get the memo. The forecast warned of a snowstorm coming at some point in the coming weeks, but if this fifty degree weather was anything to go by, chances are it would never happen. 

Just one of those months, Artemis guessed. It was only fitting that the weirdness of the situation she’d been thrust into with Wally be highlighted by the sun not knowing where the fuck it was or the fact that it was supposed to be cold out. Not that Artemis was complaining, of course. She wasn’t one to turn down warm weather. 

As she walked down the stone path to the curb, she wished to just skip the whole winter season altogether and go straight to summer. Summer was good. Summer was days jogging by the beach and sipping slushies on the boardwalk. 

Mm, slushies. Artemis could really go for one right about now. 

She straddled her bike, rummaging through her bag. She’d declined lemonade from Megan earlier, and she was beginning to regret it. There was a 7/11 right around the corner, and the more she thought about it, the more her desire for a slushie grew. It rose from absent wondering to _Holy shit, a slushie would be_ awesome _right now._

She pouted, hand retreating from the depths of her bag. Damn. She didn’t have her wallet. And the real kicker was that she knew exactly where it was: sitting on her nightstand all the way at her apartment building fifteen minutes away. Going back to get it only to come right back here seemed pointless. 

Unless...

Not wasting time pausing to think it over, she pulled out her phone and dialed a number that was becoming (regrettably) familiar to her. 

_“Hey, Rapunzel. What can I do you for? Did Martians finally invade? Because I’ve got a box of matches and a pocket knife in my kitchen drawer all ready to go.”_

“Wally, I hope you know that the only reason I’m going to ignore everything you just said is because I have more important things to think about right now.” 

_“Um, okay? Like what?”_

“I’m cashing in my favor.” 

_“Favor?”_

“Don’t play dumb with me, Wally. You know what I’m talking about. We agreed you’d owe me a favor for Central. Whatever I want, whenever I want, no expiration date.” 

_“Oh, yeah. That favor. So what is it you want? I hope it’s not going to end in me getting arrested or maimed.”_

“That depends. How fast can you make it to the 7/11 on Seventh?” 

Wally thought about it. _“I could probably be there in a couple minutes. Why?”_

“Just meet me there and bring your wallet.”

* * *

**December 11, 16:09 EST**

**Artemis**

“I can’t believe you’re using your once in a lifetime, super special, unconditional Wally West trademark favor for a slushie.” 

Artemis had met Wally outside the 7/11, practically giddy in the prospect of getting her free slushie. Call her wasteful for using up her favor like that, but she was a material person at heart. A very _dehydrated_ material person, to be exact. 

Wally had his hands shoved in the pockets of his sports jacket as Artemis perused the aisles. If this shopping trip was all-inclusive, then she couldn’t not get a couple snacks with her slushie. It was the smart thing to do. 

“I wonder if they have those minty Oreos here,” she thought aloud, ignoring Wally.

He wrinkled his nose. “Oh no, you’re not one of those heathens who likes toothpaste in their food?” 

“It’s not like toothpaste. More like candy canes. Or peppermints.” 

She skipped to a rack of chips, eying it like a bank vault. This was the greatest favor she’d ever cashed in on. It was like setting a kid loose in a toy store with only the instructions, “Get whatever you want, kid.” Not paying for stuff rocked. 

“Which is like toothpaste,” Wally muttered under his breath. He changed course before this became a full blown argument about the validity of mint-flavored foods. “You do realize snacks weren’t included in the deal, right? Those are gonna cost you extra.” 

Artemis turned around, her eyes still fixed on two bags of chips she’d picked out that she was trying to decide between. “We agreed I get a _favor._ And I chose for you to buy me stuff at 7/11.” She paused, then nodded to herself and shoved one bag back onto the shelf. “Snacks included.” She thrust her chips towards his chest. “Here, hold these please.” 

“Why?” 

Artemis was already moving to the store window overlooking the parking lot. Next to the lotto machines and sunglasses rack was another rack with assorted pinwheels sticking out of it. Some were shiny, some were colorful, some had cartoons on them. 

Artemis selected a lime green one and a silver one, carrying them back to where Wally stood, a skip in her step. “I’m getting these too,” she said. 

Wally looked down at the pinwheels, then back at Artemis. “Are you five?” 

“Hey, I have the freedom to buy anything I want right now. I’m going to take advantage of it.” She blew gently on the silver pinwheel, watching it spin. 

Was this dumb? Hell yeah. But there was something thrilling about a mid-afternoon shopping trip with her fake boyfriend/current human ATM machine. She was going to take the opportunity to have some fun with it. 

And after the weekend they’d had, it was nice to be back at middle ground with Wally. Yes, Artemis had been planning on ignoring him for the duration of the month, what with whatever invisible problem had gone down during the movie night, but urgency forced her hand. And the shocking part was that it wasn’t even weird at all. Overnight, by some miracle, everything eased. 

Having almost a whole day apart for the first time in days apparently did the trick. Maybe it was the movie night; maybe it was Artemis just feeling lighter in general after spending time with Megan, a literal ray of sunshine; maybe it was something else. 

And… Okay. So maybe Artemis was overplaying the casualty a little. It was easier than thinking about the fact that in less than a week she had already learned so much about Wally she felt like she’d stolen the information somehow. She couldn’t look at him seriously without feeling guilty, so this was an infinitely better alternative. Just push it out of her mind and focus on the free slushies. They were for once doing an activity together that didn’t involve tragic backstories or fighting over dumb stuff, and Artemis was in no hurry to change that. 

Because right here, right now, middle ground felt good. Middle ground felt _great._

“If you want,” she said, “we could say this was a date or something later. Get some extra dating points. Going to 7/11 for slushies, that’s a thing couples do, right?” She cocked her head to the side, watching the pinwheel spin as she thought. “Maybe it would have been smarter to do research before getting into this,” she murmured to herself, seriously considering it. “Watch _The Notebook_ or _Sleepless in Seattle_ a bunch of times or something. What do you think?” 

She tore her eyes away from the pinwheel to Wally. She hadn’t realized he’d been staring at her. His eyes were locked on her face, this strange look in his eyes. Gone was the irritated air he’d had minutes ago, replaced by something Artemis couldn’t define. His cheeks were flushed, his mouth relaxed and lips parted slightly. Upon Artemis noticing his staring, he quickly turned his eyes elsewhere, but Artemis hadn’t missed that moment of admiration in them. Like someone getting their first glimpse of a priceless painting words couldn’t describe. 

But as fast as the moment came, it passed. 

Wally coughed, gripping the snacks tighter so they crinkled. “So, uh, if you’re done with your pinwheel adventure, I’m pretty sure the main reason we came here was for slushies,” he hinted. He jerked his head toward the slushie machines at the back of the store. 

This 7/11 in particular, over all the others in Happy Harbor, was by far the most popular solely for its variety. It had more slushie options than most branches, which earned it its spot as citizens’ favorite place for a refreshing slushie. 

Twenty different flavors spun lazily in the machines, each a different shade of crushed ice. Everything from watermelon to berry blast to raspberry was represented, a beautiful spinning rainbow of flavor. 

Wally’s eyes brightened and he grabbed one of the extra large cups from the stack. He started with cherry, filling the cup about an eighth of the way, then stopped and thrust it under Mountain Dew. He continued much like that, getting a wide range of flavors. 

Artemis, however, was a simple person. 

She tapped her cup under the Coke flavor, filling her cup to the brim. Variety was okay, but not when it came to slushies. Slushies were sacred and not the time for risks. Risks were risky. Risks ruined perfectly good slushies. Risks resulted in icy disasters. 

Okay, so maybe that was a little dramatic. But still. 

She pressed a lid to her cup, taking a sip from the neon purple straw. She watched Wally look back and forth between orange creamsicle and pink lemonade. His cup was a second away from bursting, but he was dedicated. He decided on pink lemonade and ever so carefully managed to fit a few drops onto his mixture. 

Satisfied, he dropped in a straw and took a sip. “Whoever invented slushies deserves an award,” he sighed, savoring the treat. “What kind did you get?” 

“Coke.” 

Wally waited. “Coke and..?” 

“More Coke?” 

He pulled back. “You mean that’s it? Artemis! The whole point of slushies is to mix and match as many flavors as you can. That’s, like, basic knowledge.” 

Artemis took another sip, thinking it over. “Yeah, no. Coke is good and I’m not going to risk messing it up by adding something else.” 

Wally groaned. “Artyyyy. That’s boring and you know it. You can’t just order the same thing every time. That’s a federal offense in the eyes of the law. I should know—I work with cops and every one of them would have you sent to prison for life if they saw you blatantly ignoring this wonderful gift from our lord and savior 7/11.” 

Artemis stood there and waited for him to finish his sermon. “You done?” 

Wally crossed his arms. “Yes.” 

“Great. First of all, not wanting variety is perfectly okay if you’re a normal person who knows that taking risks like that is how you ruin a perfectly good drink.” Another sip. “And second of all, you said _I_ was a heathen for liking minty snacks, and you’re standing here drinking like fourteen different flavors of slushie all in the same cup?” 

“It’s fifteen, actually,” Wally pointed out. “I added a tiny bit of banana.” 

Artemis wrinkled her nose, gesturing to Wally in his entirety. “I rest my case.” 

She turned away from him, intent on enjoying her slushie in peace. Her eyes scanned the store lazily until they landed on some gummy bears on the shelf behind Wally’s head. Hell yeah. Her hand darted out, grabbing three packages. “Ooh, I have to get me some of these,” she said, debate long forgotten. “Come on.” 

She started towards the register at the front, but skidded to a stop when Wally suddenly grabbed her bags. She wheeled on him. Eyes flickered from the gummies, to Wally’s face, back to the gummies. She squinted up at him. “Wally, I hope you know I say this with the utmost love and respect: Give me back my gummy bears or I swear to god I’ll body slam you right here, right now.” She made a grab for the package, but Wally pulled his arm so it was just out of reach of her grasping fingers. 

“Hang on, hang on, I have a proposal,” he said, waving his arm around when Artemis kept trying to reach her stolen merchandise. 

She grunted in frustration. “This is _my_ favor, Wally. We already agreed that I call the shots here. And I’m not listening to the kidnapper who’s holding my food hostage.” 

“Okay but if you hear me out, I’ll buy you slushies for the rest of the month.” 

She stilled, eyes narrowing into slits. “Why,” she asked slowly. “What do you want?” 

“I think you need some variety in your life. Take different flavors of slushies, for example,” he said, looking pointedly at the machines still rolling beside them. 

“Why do you even care, Wally?” She crossed her arms, face hardening into her normal scowl. 

“Because I think you could stand to let loose once in a while. Have some fun. Take some risks. Playing it safe is, like, one of the worst ways to spend your life.” 

“Because you’re the expert on the meaning of life?” 

“Come onnn, Artemis,” Wally insisted, shimmying his shoulders. “Expand your horizons a bit.” He lowered the gummies an inch. “If you try a new flavor of slushie every… What day is today?” 

“Wednesday, moron.” 

“—Every _Wednesday,_ I promise I’ll buy you all the snacks and refills you want.” 

Artemis tapped her foot impatiently. God, what a dork. Only someone like Wally would get so worked up about slushies. 

Still…A month of free slushies sounded pretty good. 

Wally innocently leaned in, singing, “Freeze your braaaaain,” quietly until Artemis shoved him. 

She grunted. “Fine, whatever. Just gimme the gummies.” She held out her hand, curling her fingers around the package when Wally dropped it into her waiting palm. “You’re very dramatic, by the way,” she informed him. “Next time I want you to buy me stuff I should start an argument about not liking Skittles.” 

Wally gave her a weird look. “What the fuck? Who could ever hate Skittles?” 

Artemis held up a hand. “You know what? Never mind. I’m not getting into this one with you.” She nodded her chin at the slushie machines. “So all I have to do is pick a type of slushie that isn’t Coke?” When Wally nodded, Artemis sighed in resignation and went to stand before the machines. After dumping out her cup, she examined the options. None looked very appealing. 

“Which kind is the least gross?” she asked. Coke had been her go-to flavor for good reason. The labels all had weird names. Apple Rollercoaster? Rainbow Jazz? Pumpkin Sugar? She already regretted her decision. 

Wally sipped idly at his cup, leaning back on the counter with the self-serve coffee. “That’s not how the game works. It’s gotta be something where you won’t already know how it tastes.” 

“Why?” 

He shrugged one shoulder. “Why not? It’s fun.” 

“In that case, when I get poisoned it’s your fault.” 

“Need I remind you of the word _fun?_ It means not hating slushies for being slushies. Let them live their lives. They’re trying their best.” 

Artemis rolled her eyes, throwing her whole head into the gesture. Sighing heavily, she just closed her eyes and held out one finger, moving it around blindly. It eventually landed at a spot to her right. She opened her eyes. “Coconut?” She wrinkled her nose. “Why is that even an option?” 

Wally took a slurp from his own slushie. “I’ve actually tried that one. It’s not bad.”

“Yeah, but that means it’s not good either.” Artemis longed for her old reliable Coke. “Can I pick another one?” 

Wally waved a hand. “Sure, if you’re really too scared, you could always go with a more mainstream –” 

Artemis whipped her head around. “Did you just call me scared?” Her eyes narrowed, claws unsheathed. 

Too late, Wally realized what he said. His eyes widened like a deer caught in headlights. “Uh…no?” 

“I’m not scared,” Artemis insisted. 

Wally gulped. “I…” He paused. His expression shifted. His lips turned upward in a crooked smile, stance once terrified, now mischievous. “I mean, there’s nothing wrong with being _scared,”_ he said, stressing the word so it was unmistakable. He gauged Artemis’ reaction, testing the waters. 

She put a hand on her hip, glaring. “I _said_ I’m not scared.” 

“I’m just saying, you could always go with one of the safer options if you’re too chicken to try coconut.” 

“I’m not chicken.” 

“Oh yeah?” 

_“Yes.”_

“Prove it.” 

“Fine, I will.” Apprehension now replaced with determination, Artemis filled her cup to the brim with coconut slushie. She grabbed a straw and stuck it in her cup, taking a long drink, glaring at Wally the whole time. Jerk. 

The taste reminded Artemis of an Almond Joy left in the freezer for a week, then liquefied. Admittedly, it wasn’t terrible. She’d expected it to be awful, but it was surprisingly sweet. It reminded her of a Vietnamese custard her mom had always used to make for her and Jade back when they were kids. She could taste the nostalgia in the slushie, like it had been infused with memories. 

It was pretty good, to be honest. But she wasn’t about to give Wally the satisfaction. Artemis swallowed, then narrowed her eyes. “Don’t ever call me chicken again, you jerk.” 

Wally rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, I was kind of running the risk of getting my arms ripped off by saying that, huh? Thanks for not killing me, by the way. So how is it?” 

Temper settling, Artemis shrugged. “Not disgusting,” she admitted. “But it’s not great either, so don’t get a swelled head.” 

Wally smiled. “Hey, at least you tried it.” He walked over until he was close enough to bump her elbow with his own. “See, I told you trying new stuff could be fun.” 

Artemis rolled her eyes. “Whatever, Baywatch. Now just give me my snacks so we can pay for this stuff and get out of here.” 

He chuckled warmly, surrendering the food and pinwheels and topping it all off with a salute. “Aye aye, captain.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, the only reason I added the slushies part is because I was listening to Freeze Your Brain from Heathers when I was writing this chapter, and I decided to add it in on a whim because why not. Also it works pretty well for the rest of the story and, I dunno, it just felt right having them start this stupid weekly hangout.
> 
> Thanks for reading this chapter! Comments are appreciated, but don't feel pressured to do so.


	5. Getting Away With Nothin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Get Traught:** Anyway, when we got home an hour ago the whole kitchen was covered in cake frosting?? What the fuck did you two do???  
>  **MoonGoddess:** …  
>  **Wallman:** …  
>  **Iconic:** Ohhhh I know where this is going ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
>  **Mermaid Man:** What?  
>  **Iconic:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
>  **Wallman:** NO NO WE DID NOT  
>  **Wallman:** STOP THINKING THOSE THOUGHTS RIGHT NOW MRS. RAQUEL ERVIN-PIERCE WE DID NOT DO THAT  
>  **Annataz:** what did you do then?  
>  **Wallman:** um  
>  **MoonGoddess:** Um  
>  **Wallman:** um

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is currently one in the morning and I have just spent the past two hours doing shots of Sprite in a bottle cap and watching Rent. And now here I am, hastily posting this after forgetting about it yesterday. Life's a climb, my friends, as a very wise and blonde undercover pop star once said which probably doesn't even make sense in this context but oh well.

**December 14, 06:12 EST**

**Wally**

If Wally had to name his favorite part of the day? His morning run, definitely. 

He couldn’t quite recall how long he’d stuck with this routine—since before high school, definitely. He’d stopped for a long time after the accident, but picked it up again a while ago, if only for the sake of bringing back the habit. Though it couldn’t really be called running. More like jogging, most days. And on other days, barely a brisk walk. He hadn’t tried _running_ running since the accident—he just couldn’t bring himself to take that step. But man, Wally missed running so much it hurt. 

From birth, it seemed, Wally had been a runner. For an ADHD kid like him, it had been the perfect way for him to curb all his restless energy and the unquenchable need to be constantly moving. It was the perfect solution for his restlessness, and easily became his favorite hobby. 

There were enough track ribbons and trophies in his room back home to fill six trophy cases; probably more. Besides science, running was the only thing Wally did that let him connect with the world, be special, be _noticed._

He’d had a track scholarship in the bag in high school—to no one’s surprise, of course. Not a single student there could beat Wally on the track, and he knew it. Oh, did he know it. Running had been Wally’s only confidence booster during his youth, what with his dad tearing him down at every opportunity and having been considered a loser at school just for being smart. Running helped all that. 

And when he made it to nationals junior year, it was supposed to have been one of the greatest days of Wally’s life. He’d trained for months, pushed himself harder than he ever had, all so he could claim that coveted prize and change his life for the better. Winning the national title for his division would no doubt get him into his dream college, get him everything he wanted at the time. He had everything riding on that win. _Everything._

The morning of the race, Wally had been so excited. He’d woken up extra early, gotten in a few extra hours of training with Uncle Barry, did everything he could to prepare. He was more pumped than he’d ever been. 

When he’d taken his place on the track, waiting for the gunshot signaling him to go, he remembered having this huge smile on his face because he’d been so confident he would win, more confident than he’d ever been of anything in his life. Everything from the cheering crowd in the bleachers to the nagging voice in his mind trying to bring him down, it all faded away into background noise. 

The gunshot went off. Wally ran. He ran faster, harder, swifter than he ever had before. There was nothing but the finish line in the distance and the ground flying beneath him. For once in his life, nothing distracted him. 

But like the climax of a book, of course that had to be when everything went wrong. 

It was the smallest, simplest mistake anyone could have made. So stupid, Wally couldn’t even believe it happened because really, who trips over their own feet during the National Track Championships? 

Wally, that’s who. 

It had only taken seconds, but it felt like an eternity from the moment he felt his right foot slip, to when he stumbled, to when he went sailing through the air. It all happened in slow motion: realizing what was happening, watching the ground get closer and closer, and feeling mind-numbing pain explode in his left knee as it hit the pavement. Pain rushing from his leg all the way to his spine and radiating in every nerve. He could almost hear his knee shatter as much as he felt it, and boy did he feel it. 

But more than that? He heard the pounding of feet around him as the other competitors passed him, sprinting to the finish line and leaving him behind, once so far ahead in first place, now in dead last with nothing but a shattered knee and shattered hope. 

He’d needed surgery, of course. His leg was so messed up it was hard to believe this was happening to him and not some stranger in a movie. But that was the reality, and Wally wished so hard for it to be anything but. After all, from the way the doctors had described it, it seemed like he had just about the worst luck in the universe. 

The right momentum coupled with just the right angle of impact… That kind of perfect disaster doesn’t happen on accident. If just the slightest detail had been changed, maybe he would have been okay. Maybe the damage would have been less extensive. But from Wally’s place, it seemed that he simply wasn’t allowed to be happy and this was the universe’s way of telling him so. Why else would this be happening to him? 

The hospital stay passed by in a gray and white blur. Nothing registered. 

Not Aunt Iris kissing him on the forehead and telling him everything would be okay. Not the visits from friends whom he couldn’t even look at because all he would see were sympathetic eyes and pity. Not the doctor telling him his knee would never recover fully and his running career was over and his future was completely ruined and he might as well give up on dreaming altogether. 

Well, that’s not exactly how she’d phrased it, but she might as well have. 

After that, Wally came to the grim conclusion that happiness never lasted, so why fool himself into thinking so? He switched to the more realistic career of a forensic scientist like his uncle. He gave up on racing entirely, throwing his running shoes into the trash the day he returned from the hospital. 

It was a time he affectionately called his Dark Days. Months passed, filled with alternating unfathomable rage and dense numbness. He cut himself off from everyone, because how could he face them now that he’d lost everything? He would dodge Dick’s calls and texts for weeks until eventually he stopped trying. 

The damage to Wally’s leg was severe—too severe for a mistake as simple as tripping over his own feet. His knee required two surgeries, months of physical therapy, and even after all that, gave him a limp that took him years to learn how to hide. As if he hadn’t suffered enough. 

It took so long for Wally to run again. So long that he’d almost forgotten how much he loved the sport before he’d lost it. Wally could run nowhere near as fast as he used to and didn’t attempt to try, plus he had to take frequent breaks when his knee pain flared up. He never had any reason to see what he was actually capable of after the accident, and the thought kind of scared him, honestly. But that didn’t stop him from going anyway, if only for a small taste of what used to be. 

On mornings like this when the air was crisp and the sun was out, Wally couldn’t resist the urge to run. It was cold, but that was a minor inconvenience. 

Wally had just turned the corner past Bibbo’s Diner when something caught his eye and made him falter in his step, his leg nearly buckling. He stopped himself from falling over just in time. 

Wait, was that—? 

Wally ducked under the arch of a pet store entrance, peeking around the brick wall covertly. His eyes strained to see the spot about twenty yards ahead of him. Surely that couldn’t be her, could it? No, of course not. That tall blonde figure he spotted jogging down the sidewalk towards him _had_ to have been someone el—

Crap. He’d have recognized that Rapunzel ponytail anywhere. 

She wore a loose sweatshirt with her hair in its infamous high pony, earbuds in her ears. He could see her breath puffing in the chilled air. 

But what was Artemis doing jogging in the exact same place as Wally at seven in the morning? Sure, he’d known she lived close by to his building, but he never thought it would be close enough for them to run into each other on a freaking morning jog. 

_Okay, okay, think about this rationally._ From the looks of it, he had two options: 

1) Hide until she passed and pretend this never happened. 

Don’t see her, _definitely_ don’t let her see him, and they’d never have to mention this again. Taking the cowardly route was always a good option. 

2) Go back out there and deal with the consequences. 

At least it was more dignified than standing there hiding from his fake girlfriend like a creep. Of course, doing so would mean he would have to face the risk of Artemis seeing him. Having to explain to her what he was doing, just so happening to be jogging on the same street as she was at the exact same time of day. He didn’t want to seem like some weirdo who followed his fake girlfriend around in his free time. 

…Okay, Option One it was. 

Wally risked a peek around the wall again. It didn’t look like she had spotted him yet. If he could just duck into the pet store for a minute or two until she was gone, he’d be home free and could forget this whole morning ever happened. 

As he went to jog up the front steps to the entrance, however, he didn’t catch the loose pebble on the second step. Per smooth Wallman fashion, Wally tripped and flailed, falling backwards and landing hard on his back on the sidewalk. “Owwwww,” he groaned. 

“Wally?” 

Wally closed his eyes and let his head fall back on the pavement. Double crap. That wasn’t embarrassing at all. 

He turned his head to the side and watched Artemis jog up, all hopes of escape dashed. Her expression told him she was caught between being concerned and entertained. She stopped, looking down at him on the ground. Had she always been that tall? 

“You okay down there?” she asked, a pinch between her brows. She pulled out one of her earbuds, letting it dangle freely. 

Wally pushed himself up on his elbows, looking up at her. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” he grumbled, and sat up. He was surprised when Artemis held out a hand—not to slap him or to flip him off, but to help him up. He took it, and she pulled him easily to his feet. 

“Thanks.” He brushed himself off. 

“No problem. So what are you doing out so early in the morning?” She sounded slightly out of breath. 

“Running. Why?” 

That seemed to take Artemis by surprise for some reason. Her eyes flickered down to his leg, then back up just as quickly. “I didn’t know you still— I mean, I didn’t know you run.” It was like she’d caught herself from saying something else, like she’d nearly slipped up and mentioned something she shouldn’t have. 

Wally shrugged, deciding not to dwell on it. “To be honest, it can probably barely be considered running, more like a slow jog,” he admitted. “I haven’t really run in years. And I didn’t know you run either. You pegged me more as the _point and shooty_ type.” He mimicked pulling back a bowstring and releasing an arrow. 

Artemis rolled her eyes, but it wasn’t an angry eye roll. “Yeah, well, it’s cheaper than the gym and more fun than buying a treadmill.” 

Wally gasped. “Artemis Crock having fun? I’m scandalized!” 

She hit him on the arm. “Shut up, I know how to have fun. It’s not my fault your idea of fun is video games and nacho-eating contests.” 

“Yeah, ‘cause those are _fun._ Seems to me you just don’t know what real fun is.” Was he baiting her? Okay, maybe. But she started it. And Wally was eager to cover up the fact that she had just watched him fall on his ass not two minutes ago. His ego was as bruised as his tailbone. 

Artemis glowered. “I do too know what real fun is.” 

“Do not.” 

“Do too.” 

“Do not.” 

“Do too!” 

“Okay, prove it.” 

Artemis’ breath hitched as she was about to fire off another retort in their little back-and-forth, but then she hesitated. “...How?” she asked slowly, like she already knew she was getting into something bad but had no intention to stop it. 

“Race me,” Wally said simply. 

Wait, wait, wait, time out, everybody. 

_What?_ What was he _doing?_ Wally didn’t—Wally _couldn’t_ race anymore. He hadn’t raced since that last one, didn’t even know if he was capable of it, but he didn’t stop to consider it first. He was running solely on adrenaline, making him forget risks and just go for it. He knew he should have been terrified at the thought of racing again, but something in his bones replaced it with excitement, clouding his judgement. In the back of his mind, he wondered what had caused it. 

Artemis blinked, startled as he was. “Wait, you mean you’re serious?” 

“Totally. Why, you don’t think you could take me?” 

“No, but…” There she went again, glancing down at his leg. Almost like… Oh. 

Wally’s heart fell low into his stomach, heavy as an anchor as he understood. His excited energy dissipated, leaving phantom ache in its place. He clicked his tongue, dropping his gaze to a patch of withered grass sticking between a cluster of cracks in the sidewalk. “Who told you?” He knew she knew what he was talking about. 

“Told me what? Nobody told me anything.” But Wally could hear the rush behind her words, her voice rising a fraction of a pitch. 

“It’s okay, I know you know. So who told you? Was it Megan? I’ll bet it was Megan.” Wally shouldn’t have been surprised she told Artemis about his accident. He’d assumed she’d find out at some point, and his money had been on it being either Megan or Dick. He just… It was as much a worry as it was a relief. He’d wanted Artemis to know, at least so he wouldn’t have to feel weird about hiding it. But it also felt like he was making himself vulnerable all over again, knowing she had this knowledge about him. 

He looked back up, and Artemis had that deer-in-headlights look. “It’s okay, really,” he assured her. “I actually…” He scratched the back of his neck. “I’m actually kind of glad you know?” 

Artemis stared at him, doubtful. “You are?” 

Wally shrugged. “It’s not like it was much of a secret, anyway. I just…I don’t like talking about it much, you know? Kind of relieved Megan was the one who told you so I don’t have to. Part of me was probably hoping she would, if only so I wouldn’t have to hide it, I guess.” He met her eyes. 

“So you know the whole story, I’m guessing? The accident, the thing with Dick, all of it?” 

Artemis nodded, somewhat guiltily. “Sorry.” 

Wally waved a hand. “Nah, don’t be. Shit happens. You knowing is just one more weight off my shoulders.” 

“You’re sure?” 

“I’m sure.” And that was the truth, for the most part. Wally really was sort of glad Artemis knew, so at least he wouldn’t have to tell her himself. But feeling vulnerable was the worst feeling in the world, and just thinking about the accident brought on an onslaught of vulnerability, even with that weird energy he felt. Knowing that Artemis knew it too just increased it tenfold. But Wally chose not to think about that right now. 

“Speaking of racing, are you game? Because I’ll admit, winning is my favorite thing, and winning against you just makes it like, ten times better.” He grinned, taunting. Like this wasn’t a huge deal, like he raced all the time and this wouldn’t have been the first time in years he’d taken that step back to racing. Like he wouldn’t normally be uncomfortable even attempting it, but right now was excited in a way he hadn’t felt in years. 

Artemis looked temporarily unsure, but seemed to come to the conclusion that Wally desperately wanted to keep the subject off his accident. Which he did. A lot. Then she got that competitive gleam in her eye. “Where are we racing to?” 

Wally crowed. “Yes! Now _that’s_ the kind of enthusiasm I was looking for.” 

Artemis pulled her right arm across her chest, linking it with her elbow and stretching. “I’m just doing this to make you shut up, you know.” 

Wally chuckled as he stretched out his hamstrings. “Sure you are, Arty. You don’t have to admit you actually enjoy having fun, no shame in it.” 

“I told you, I can have fun,” Artemis insisted. 

A wink. “Whatever you say.” They stretched a few more minutes, then lined up alongside each other and got into running stances. “Okay,” said Wally. “You see that huge tree all the way up there?” He pointed forward at a large oak the length of three football fields ahead, situated right next to a coffee shop. “That’s the finish line.” 

“What happens when I win?” 

“When _I_ win, loser buys coffee. Deal?” He held out a hand, and Artemis slapped it. 

“Just tell me when to go,” was all she said. 

Wally put on his best announcer’s voice, which triggered plenty of memories from the old days. “Okay, runners. On your marks…Get set…” He held out the suspense until Artemis hit him, making him laugh. “Okay, okay. GO!” 

They took off, sprinting as fast as they could. Wally hadn’t run anywhere near this fast in years. And while he was nowhere near as fast as he used to be, Wally was still a track star. 

And so was Artemis, apparently. To his utter surprise, she kept up with him way better than he’d thought she would, running right alongside him, keeping pace perfectly. It was hard to tell who was in the lead. Sometimes Wally, sometimes Artemis. Together they shot down the sidewalk, weaving around pedestrians and earning irritated looks as they ran. Wally didn’t notice any of it. 

In this moment, Wally felt euphoric. The ever-aching pain in his knee went nearly unnoticed compared to how truly _amazing_ running felt. He was back in high school, lapping around the track after school, beating every record there was. That familiar burn in his muscles, the wind pulling at his hair, the feel of the pavement flying beneath him. 

Wally didn’t want it to end. 

He could hear Artemis next to him, pushing herself just as fast as he was. He’d assumed she’d fall back about halfway through, but she kept pace so easily he was impressed. He risked a glance to find Artemis looking straight forward, arms pumping, breaths coming in heavy, her hair flying behind her like a ribbon in the wind. Wally almost ran into a mailbox while he was staring, turning forward again and winding around it just in the nick of time. 

The tree in the distance got closer and closer until they were in the last few seconds of their race, each pushing themselves harder and harder, trying to gain an edge. They were neck and neck, flying to the finish line, and…

Wally’s hand slapped the tree half a second before Artemis’. 

“Yes!” he cheered breathlessly, bracing his hand on the trunk as he doubled over, gasping. But he was grinning widely, his eyes wild and his cheeks flushed. It had been so long since he’d felt this good, and he wanted the rush to last as long as possible. 

Artemis tossed her head back, gasping for air as she slowed to a stop, hands on her hips. “No…fair…” she huffed. She looked at Wally, sweat beading on her forehead despite the December air. “The tree was on your side of the sidewalk,” she said, breathless. “You were way closer.” 

Wally coughed, slumping against the tree. He dried his face on his shirt as his chest heaved. “What’s… _phew_ …wrong, Arty? Sore…sore loser...much?” 

They took a few more minutes to catch their breath before Wally jumped up, nodding towards the coffee shop. “Now, my lovely loser, I believe we agreed you’re buying coffee?” 

Artemis’ collarbone glistened with sweat. “That race was rigged and you know it. But you know what? Since I’m feeling in a generous mood today, I’ll buy coffee anyway from the goodness of my heart.” 

“Call it what you want,” Wally said, shrugging. “All I need is the knowledge that I finally beat you at something, whether you want to admit it or not.” 

Artemis rolled her eyes. “Had that been a fair race, I would have won easily and you know it.” 

“Please, they didn’t call me Kid Flash in high school for nothing.” 

“More like Kid Fake,” Artemis muttered, starting towards the coffee shop door. 

Wally followed, holding the door open for her. “Sorry, couldn’t hear that. Too busy basking in my victory to worry about your insults.” 

They got in line and ordered their coffees, with Artemis paying as agreed. After that they went back outside to lean against the brick wall of the building, sipping their drinks and enjoying the brisk breeze to cool off. 

“Are you sure it’s a good idea for you to have caffeine?” Artemis asked, inclining her head towards Wally’s cup. “Because you’re unbearable enough even without coffee in you, and I really don’t want to be around when you go insane.” 

Wally laughed. “Please, this thing is about five percent coffee and ninety-five percent whipped cream. The best I’ll get from this is a sugar rush. You, however, could probably use some caffeine. Maybe it’ll make you less of a stick in the mud,” he teased, poking the side of her head. 

Artemis slapped his hand away. “Shut up.” 

“Maybe _shut up_ will be our _always.”_

“Did you really just quote John Green at me, you nerd?” 

Before Wally could retort, they were interrupted by text alerts from both of their phones at the same time. They looked at each other, confused, before pulling out their phones to check. 

“Hey, did you get this?” Artemis asked, eyes fixed on her phone screen, reading the message. “I thought Dick and Zatanna weren’t supposed to be in town today.” 

Wally was equally perplexed. “They’re not. So why do they need us at their place?”

* * *

**December 14, 09:23 EST**

**Artemis**

Turned out there was a mix-up with the wedding cake samples.

Zatanna and Dick had ordered sixteen samples of wedding cake to test and see which one they wanted for their wedding reception. The bakery was some high class shop that gave them a twenty percent discount for knowing Megan. Only problem was, that bakery apparently couldn’t schedule to save their lives.

Instead of delivering the samples on the eighteenth as planned, the delivery driver called Dick and Zatanna to inform them that the samples were on their way, which was kind of a problem, considering they were in a completely different state at the time. The couple had flown to Gotham the night before to visit Dick’s family and would be there for the rest of the weekend, leaving no one to pick up the delivery.

They tried telling the delivery man that they needed to reschedule and to send them again on the eighteenth, but he informed them that the cakes would not be fresh then and it would require a whole other order, which had a long enough waiting list already and would cost them full price.

Such is the life of the couple who needs everything to go right but finds that they’re just not that lucky.

The only solution was to call Wally and Artemis and have them handle the delivery, being the best man and maid of honor, respectively. As second-in-commands, it was their duty to handle this when the bride and groom couldn’t. Who would have thought that being maid of honor meant being the bride’s backup for when things went wrong?

Their instructions were simple: Try each sample, take notes on what they thought, save half for Dick and Zatanna to double check when they got home, and put down the first deposit for them to confirm later.

Which led to Wally and Artemis all set up at Dick and Zatanna’s kitchen table, sixteen cake samples set before them, each with a place card in front of it to indicate the flavor. They’d already taken half of each sample and wrapped them to store in the freezer for when Dick and Zatanna got back.

Artemis tried to take the job seriously, preparing a notepad for writing down her opinions on each sample.

Wally was just in it for the free cake.

“All right, so which one do we try first?” His eyes greedily scanned the samples, reminding Artemis of a lion overlooking a tasty plain of gazelle. “Ooh, I vote for this one,” he said, pointing at a rich chocolate one with white roses on top.

“Remember, Baywatch, this isn’t just a free cake party,” Artemis reminded him. “We have to take this seriously.”

Wally rolled his eyes. “You take everything seriously.”

Artemis shrugged, sticking her fork into the first sample. “Life is serious.”

Wally did the same, closing his eyes and groaning when he tasted it. “Oh, god. Have I ever mentioned I love cake? Because I do.”

Artemis chewed thoughtfully, picking up her pen. “This one’s good, but it’s a little dry.”

Wally snatched the pen and notepad, swatting away Artemis’ hands when she tried grabbing at them. _“This one tasted like that feeling when you fly a paper airplane and it doesn’t crash into the ground midflight,”_ he read as wrote it down.

Artemis narrowed her eyes. “That’s not a review, that’s just a weird analogy.”

“Eh, same difference,” Wally replied, passing the notepad back to her. “Okay, what’s next? The taste is already fading from the last one.”

Artemis pulled over the next sample. “Number two: Devil’s food with raspberry buttercream.”

Both dug their forks in, tasting it. They immediately recoiled in disgust.

“Oh god,” Artemis groaned, feeling sick. “It _burns.”_ The cake was so rich it tasted like there wasn’t even any sugar—just unignorable chocolate. “I thought this was supposed to be a _good_ bakery,” she said, spitting into a napkin.

Wally ran to the sink and gargled with water straight from the tap. “I’m pretty sure they only added the strawberry frosting to cover up how gross that cake was.” When he sat back down, he pushed the plate far away from him like it was poisonous. “If the next one isn’t good, I’m leaving. Feeding people gross cake is the ultimate betrayal. I’m never trusting like that again.”

“Yeah, yeah. Now be quiet, I have to write down the review “

“Here, write this: _This cake tasted like a punch to the face.”_

Artemis snorted. “Yeah, no.”

“Not descriptive enough? Okay, then how about: _Eating this cake was like when you run your hands under water that you thought would be cold until five seconds later you find out it was actually boiling hot but now it’s too late and you’re dying.”_

Artemis laughed out loud at that one. She held up the notepad, reading off, _“This cake tasted like when you find out you failed the one test you actually studied for.”_

Wally broke into a grin. “Hey, nice one! See, I told you it’s fun.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Artemis allowed, and pulled over the next plate.

The tasting continued much the same way. After each sample Wally would make some dumb comment, while Artemis wrote the actual review on the notepad. Each of Wally’s got weirder and weirder the longer this routine went on:

“You know when you start to lean too far back on a chair but catch yourself just in time? That’s what this cake tastes like.”

“Ugh, I’m eighty-seven point two percent positive this cake was made with toenails and goat hair.”

“This one tastes like sliding down a cheese grater slide. What is it?”

“Orange cream.”

“Disgusting. I love it.”

They took a break after sample twelve, and Wally slouched in his chair with relief. “I never thought I could ever get sick of cake, yet here we are,” he said. “I knew the end was near.”

Artemis smirked at Wally's misery while she raided Dick and Zatanna’s fridge for a soda. “I told you not to take more than a couple bites of each sample. Not my fault you’re an idiot who decided to eat almost half of each one.”

Wally pouted. “Okay, but you can’t just put free cake in front of me and tell me not to eat as much as I can. That’s like asking me not to breathe. Or like asking you not to wear that little ring of yours every day.” He twiddled his middle finger and nodded in the direction of Artemis’ hand.

Artemis looked down at her ring, watching her fingers curl into a fist as she sipped her Coke. She shrugged. “Random choice of comparison, but okay.”

Wally sat up straighter, his eyebrows knitting together. “You know, I’m actually kind of curious about it.”

“About what?”

“The ring. Why do you wear it? Is it a sentimental thing, like a family heirloom or whatever, or does it just look nice? Because you don’t really strike me as the jewelry-wearing type, no offense.”

Artemis dodged the question, instead asking her own. “Why are you so curious about my ring? Do you spend all day staring at my hands or something?” she asked, leaning back against the counter.

Wally fiddled with his fork, twirling it on the tabletop. “I dunno, it’s just you’re always twisting it and stuff. Wondered if maybe it was important.”

How much attention had Wally been paying to her? Artemis was already well aware of how she messed with her ring a lot. Twisting it, tapping it against surfaces, stroking the metal with her thumb, it was absent-minded most of the time. Whenever she was concentrating hard or her mind wandered to Jade, her fingers immediately went to her ring. She already knew about the habit.

What she hadn’t known was that _Wally_ had been paying attention to it. The more time she spent with Wally, the more Artemis became aware of how intuitive he could be. If he noticed the ring thing, what else had he noticed about her?

She kept it simple. “My sister gave it to me.” He didn’t need to know more than that.

“Oh, you mean… You mean the one who left.”

 _“Yes._ The one who left.” She put down her soda, walking back to the table. Back to business before things got angsty. “Okay, break’s over. I think we were on sample thirteen, right?”

Wally gave her a weird look, but went along with it. Smart choice. “Yeah…”

They were mostly quiet after that, tasting cakes and jotting down notes. Occasionally Wally would make a comment, but they were professional for the most part. Good.

When they reached sixteen, Wally sighed. “Finally. Remind me to never eat another cake ever again after this. Until the wedding at least, where I plan to eat at least half of that cake. Which one is this?” The outside was dark chocolate, almost black. There were swirly red accents all over the top and sides.

Artemis read the label. “Red velvet with strawberries in the filling.”

Wally looked at the cake like it was God. “I am _so_ happy I get to be a guinea pig for this.” He stuck a finger in the frosting, licking it. “Yup, this is it. The cake I’m going to marry. It’s true love.”

Artemis slid the cake away from his eager hands. “Stop vandalizing the cake.”

“Why not? We’re going to be eating it anyway, right? And let me just say, it is goooood.” He reached for it again, but Artemis slapped his hand away.

“Get your grubby fingers away from the cake, mister.”

“Excuse you, my hands are clean,” Wally said, holding up his hands defiantly. “Now stop hogging the cake.” He made a grab for the plate, snatching it and holding it to his chest protectively. “I’m so sorry,” he cooed to the cake. “I’ll never let mean old Arty steal you ever again.”

Artemis put her hands on her hips. “You do realize this is supposed to be a job, right? We have to take it seriously.”

“I am taking it seriously. I’m serious when I say my new lady love is too beautiful to be eaten.”

“Don’t mean to break up the only real relationship you’ll ever have, but I’m going to need that cake if we’re going to have a verdict for Dick and Zee.”

Wally held the cake as far away from Artemis as his arms would allow. “Sorry, not going to happen.”

“You just want it all to yourself.” She made a lunge for it, but Wally backed up.

“Nuh-uh! This cake is perfect. Eating her would be a crime against humanity.”

“That’s dumb. Now—ugh, Wally, give it!” Artemis finally caught the plate, tugging it back to her, but Wally held on tight. “Let go, you weirdo.”

It became a tug of war between them, each pulling on the plate like two dogs fighting over a bone. Artemis eventually gained the upper hand, the plate jerking closer and closer to her side. She grinned, feeling herself winning.

But her grin melted and she let out a yelp when her thumb slipped and she lost her grip entirely. Instead of falling, Wally’s force on the plate made the cake fly off, soaring towards him at top speed until it smashed into his shirt. He’d taken off his hoodie earlier, so the white t-shirt underneath made the perfect target as it splattered, leaving his chest a decadent painting of black and red frosting.

Artemis’ eyes widened, but the shock on Wally’s face was enough to make her burst into a fit of giggles. “Ew,” he groaned, which only made Artemis laugh more.

“Oh my god the cake—and—and your face!” she laughed. “Priceless.”

“It’s not funny.”

Artemis doubled over, bracing her hands on her knees as the laughter bubbled out of her. “Yes it is,” she giggled.

Wally pouted, pulling his shirt away from his body, examining the damage. “Oh, man! This was a new shirt,” he whined. That only made Artemis laugh more. His eyes narrowed as she cackled, red-faced and gasping. Her lungs ached, but she didn’t have it in her to care.

She was shocked out of her fit when Wally wiped a handful of cake and frosting off his shirt and smeared a big glob across Artemis’ arm. She gasped, jumping back. “Hey!”

A playful grin took over Wally’s face. “Serves you right.”

Oh, so that was how he wanted to play it? Fine, then. Artemis stuck one finger in the mashed up cake on her arm, getting some of the red frosting on the pad of her finger. Her hand darted out and, before Wally could pull back, dotted it on his nose.

He crossed his eyes, looking down at his nose and frowning.

“Hey, you asked for it, Wally _Rudolph_ West.”

Wally the Red Cake-Nosed Reindeer grumbled, “I knew I never should have told you my middle name.”

“Sorry, no take-backs.” Artemis grabbed a napkin and wiped at the cake on her arm, which only made it smear more. She grimaced at the stickiness. “And now we’re even.”

“How does that make us even?”

“You get cake on me, I get cake on you. That’s called even.”

Wally scoffed. “Oh yeah, and conveniently forget about you throwing a whole cake on me.” He gestured to his chest.

Artemis forgot all about her arm and tossed the napkin back on the table. “That is _so_ not on me, Wally. You were the one who stole it to begin with.”

“Whatever, it was still your fault.” He thought about it, then his eyes took on the mischievous glint Artemis was becoming so accustomed to. “Which means we have to even the playing field,” he said, reaching for one of the many half-eaten cakes on the table.

Artemis immediately caught on to what he was doing and backed away. “Don’t you dare,” she warned.

Wally stuck his hand into a chocolate and vanilla marble, sinking his fingers in and grabbing a handful. Artemis reached out and grabbed the closest thing—a perfectly clean blue placemat—and held it up as a shield. Just in time, too. She’d just raised it when a glob of cake flew and hit the placemat, splattering like a wet spit ball. Unfortunately, the splatter sent at least half the ammunition splashing into her hair.

She lowered the shield, making a disgusted face when she reached up and felt the sticky frosting covering her hair like tree sap. “Wally!” she gasped. He just laughed giddily, reminding her of a child who’d just won a game of kickball.

She grunted in frustration, grabbing the nearest cake—the carrot one Wally hated. “Oh it is _on,”_ she said, a sense of competitiveness washing over her.

The next ten minutes were chaos.

For a two-person battle, it was still one hell of a fight. Cake was flung. Frosting was smeared. Once decadent flavors now painted every surface like splatter paint. There was yelling, there was laughing, there was Wally screaming when Artemis chucked a banana which hit the wall behind him not a second after he ducked just in time.

To an outsider, it must have looked pretty stupid—two grown adults having a food fight like a couple of schoolkids. But Artemis was having too much fun to care, and, judging by Wally’s laughter matching her own, his predicament was the exact same.

By the end of it, they were both covered from head to toe in frosting, cake, and toppings of every kind. Chocolate dripped down Wally’s forehead. Artemis’ hair was caked with literal cake. And it felt amazing. Breathless, Artemis slumped into a kitchen chair, careful to keep her limbs far away from her body. “Dick and Zatanna are gonna kill us,” she said, wiping a smear of vanilla frosting from her eyebrow.

The entire kitchen looked like a disaster zone. It was going to take them hours to clean it all up, plus themselves, being covered in sixteen layers of cake samples and all. But Artemis didn’t regret a single thing.

Wally’s tongue darted out and licked a dab of mousse at the corner of his mouth. “They’re the ones who left us alone in their house unsupervised in the first place. It should be common knowledge by now that we’re walking disasters.” He licked red velvet off the back of his hand. “At least I taste delicious now.”

Artemis smirked. “That’s the one we never got around to testing. What’s the verdict?”

“Hm. Tastes the way cake in heaven probably tastes like. Though it’s hard to say, seeing as it’s mixed with about five others cake samples, so I really can’t be trusted.”

“I already knew that, but I’m glad you’re finally admitting it.”

Wally rolled his eyes. “Har, har.” He crossed his arms, then grimaced. “Ugh. I feel gross now. It’s like someone shoved me into a pool of honey or something.” In one swift move, he pulled off his shirt, bunching it up and tossing it on the floor.

Blood rushed to Artemis’ cheeks. She knew Wally was fit; had seen him run and hadn’t missed the lean yet defined muscles under his shirts, but…wow. She found herself shamelessly staring at the smooth skin over his abs, knowing full well she was probably leering but couldn’t look away. Luckily for her, Wally hadn’t noticed. He was too busy looking around the room, taking in the destruction.

“This is going to take forever to clean,” he said.

Artemis snapped herself out of her trance, blinking. “Uh, yeah,” she got out. She swallowed hard, looking everywhere but at Wally. She settled on a fondant rose that had gotten stuck to the floor and now looked more like mush than a rose. “And we should probably clean ourselves up, too.”

She ran her fingers through her hair, making a face when they met clumps of cake and frosting. That was going to be hard to wash out later. She pulled the tie from her hair, letting her ponytail loosen until her long tresses were free. She shook out her hair, combing it with her fingers to try and separate the clumps.

Wally watched, the tips of his ears going red. He coughed. “Yeah, uh, we’d… We’d better go get cleaned up and— Yeah.” His eyes darted away, focusing on the floor.

Artemis made the mistake of setting her eyes on Wally and his shirtless chest again. She blinked rapidly, clearing her head. “Yeah, I’m gonna go…go do that.” She stood up and walked past Wally and out of the kitchen, careful to keep her eyes ahead.

Artemis went to the bathroom around the corner, going straight to the sink to try and clean herself off as best she could. She turned on the tap, wetting a washcloth and starting on her arms. As she did that, she got a good look at herself in the mirror.

She looked like someone who’d just gotten into a fight with a cupcake factory. Frosting marked her face in smeared lines. Chunks of cake were literally caked into her hair. Not to mention her clothes, which she would definitely have to change before stepping foot outside of the house. She’d have to borrow an outfit from Zatanna.

When she finished with her arms, she set on her face. She dabbed away the chocolate on her cheekbone, which covered her still very deep blush. Wally’s little strip tease had really messed her up, which was…weird. _He_ was weird.

She groaned when she got to her hair. That endeavor seemed about hopeless, so she just put it up in a messy bun and saved it for later when she could shower at home.

She ended up borrowing a _Let’s Pan This Out_ sweatshirt and yoga pants from Zatanna, making a mental note to herself to return them later. Turns out Wally had the same idea, as after Artemis had cleaned up the best she could and wandered back to the kitchen, Wally was already there in a pair of Dick’s sweatpants and the hoodie he’d discarded earlier. There were still dashes of cake samples in his hair, but he didn’t seem to care.

They spent almost two hours cleaning up the kitchen, ridding it of any evidence of their little cake war. Artemis ended up rewriting the reviews, seeing as the open page in the notepad was one of the unfortunate casualties like everything else in the room.

At the bottom of the page, Wally made sure to add his own little comment before they left: _In conclusion, cake is good and serious is stupid—a wise quote from your friendly neighborhood Wallman._

* * *

**Group Chat: The Mind Link**

**Get Traught:** WHAT DID YOU DO  
**MoonGoddess:** What’s got your panties in a bunch?  
**Get Traught:** YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHY MY PANTIES ARE BUNCHED YOU ACTUAL STALE FROOT LOOP  
**MoonGoddess:** Rad, I always wanted to be a froot loop  
**Get Traught:** STOP ACTING ALL INNOCENT YOU CRIMINAL. YOU DEFILED MY KITCHEN  
**HelloMegan!:** Hi Dick  
**HelloMegan!:** How is your day going?  
**Get Traught:** ASIDE FROM MY CURRENT STRESS IT WAS FINE, THANK YOU FOR ASKING MEGAN. I SAW A DOG ON MY WAY TO WORK AND IT WAS BEAUTIFUL  
**HelloMegan!:** That sounds great  
**Get Traught:** IT WAS. THANK YOU FOR TAKING AN INTEREST IN MY DAY. YOU ARE A RAY OF SUNSHINE AND I LOVE YOU  
**HelloMegan!:** :)  
**Get Traught:** NOW BACK TO BUSINESS  
**Get Traught:** WALLY GET OVER HERE. I KNOW YOU’RE HOME RIGHT NOW ANSWER YOUR MESSAGES  
**Get Traught:** BEEP BEEP MOTHERFUCKER  
**Wallman:** WHY ARE YOU YELLING  
**Mermaid Man:** Yes, and who exactly is it you’re yelling at?  
**Get Traught:** WALLY AND ARTEMIS KNOW WHAT THEY DID  
**MoonGoddess:** WHAT DID I DO??  
**Wallman:** YEAH I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHAT I’M BEING YELLED AT FOR PLEASE  
**Conner:** CAN YOU STOP YELLING, DAMN!  
**Conner:** youre giving me a headache  
**Iconic:** Yeah stop yelling in front of the child  
**Conner:** im not a child? im two months older than you?  
**Iconic:** Says who?  
**Conner:** time?  
**Iconic:** Mmmm…Nah  
**Iconic:** I’m at least twelve years older than you  
**Conner:** how  
**Iconic:** What’s the capitol of Arkansas?  
**Conner:** why would I know that  
**Iconic:** False, it’s actually Little Rock, check and mate  
**Annataz:** what an icon  
**Conner:** roy is telling me to get off my phone but this is not over  
**Iconic:** What are you and Roy doing?  
**Conner:** -sent an image-  
**Annataz:** ARE THOSE BUNNIES??!!!?!!  
**Iconic:** YOU’RE PETTING BUNNIES??? OH MY GOD I WANT ONE  
**HelloMegan!:** Oh yeah they do that every once in a while. They go to the pet store and hold some bunnies for a few hours. It’s a stress relief thing I think  
**Wallman:** I want to live like you Conner. You’re my idol. I worship you. Thou art holier than Beebo  
**Conner:** thanks  
**Conner:** bye  
**-Conner has left the chat-**  
**Wallman:** *salutes with tears in my eyes* farewell, oh wise Bunny Man  
**MoonGoddess:** Now that he’s gone, can we please address the issue at hand?  
**Iconic:** Oh yes speaking of which, um why the HELL are you screaming in the group chat??  
**Get Traught:** Because I couldn’t get the Stale Froot Loops™ together at the same time for five seconds of their lives  
**Wallman:** what can I say? I’m a busy man  
**MoonGoddess:** I just didn’t feel like it  
**HelloMegan!:** Hey Artemis did you know you make facial expressions and stuff when you text? I just saw you shrug  
**MoonGoddess:** No I don’t, stop lying to these fine people  
**HelloMegan!:** You just narrowed your eyes  
**HelloMegan!:** KALDURRRRR ARTEMIS JUST FLIPPED ME OFF  
**Mermaid Man:** Artemis, please don’t flip off Megan.  
**HelloMegan!:** Yeah Artemis. You’re one of my closest friends but don’t think that makes you immune to this baseball bat  
**Wallman:** baseball bat??  
**HelloMegan!:** We’re at the batting cages  
**Wallman:** asdfghjkl why??  
**MoonGoddess:** Why not?  
**Wallman:** …okay that’s fair  
**Mermaid Man:** Now I’m curious. What exactly did you two do?  
**Wallman:** um  
**MoonGoddess:** Um  
**Get Traught:** Don’t “um” at me you cowards  
**Annataz:** oh yeah I remember what we’re talking about now  
**Annataz:** I concur with the Stale Froot Loops™ statement  
**Annataz:** you guys messed up my kitchen  
**Iconic:** Knock knock what did they doooooooo  
**Iconic:** I’m ready to pour some tea over here. Please tell me what they did or I will literally die  
**Mermaid Man:** No, you will not??  
**Iconic:** I know?? I was using hyperbole???  
**Mermaid Man:** Then why did you use the word “literally”????  
**Iconic:** Because????? It adds emphasis??????  
**HelloMegan!:** I still don’t know what’s happening right now. Raise your hand if you’re confused!  
**Iconic:** *raises hand*  
**Mermaid Man:** *raises hand*  
**Wallman:** *raises hand*  
**Annataz:** put that hand down you liar  
**Wallman:** *slowly lowers hand*  
**HelloMegan!:** Dick tell us the story please  
**Iconic:** FINALLY  
**Get Traught:** You people are so nosy  
**HelloMegan!:** Don’t put your dirty laundry in the group chat if you don’t want us butting in then  
**Get Traught:** I NEEDED A LARGE GROUP SO YOU CAN ALL SHAME WALLY AND ARTEMIS WITH ME  
**Wallman:** I’m feeling very attacked right now, just thought you should know that  
**Get Traught:** Fine here’s what happened  
**Get Traught:** While Zee and I were in Gotham, we had Wally and Artemis handle the wedding cake sampling for us  
**HelloMegan!:** How was Gotham?  
**Get Traught:** It was lovely thank you  
**HelloMegan!:** :)  
**HelloMegan!:** <3  
**Get Traught:** <33  
**Iconic:** *waits patiently for you to stop being weird in front of your friends and your significant others and god*  
**Annataz:** <333  
**Get Traught:** <3333  
**HelloMegan!:** <33333  
**MoonGoddess:** I’m just surprised you used the word “lovely” when referring to Gotham  
**Conner:** why whats wrong with it?  
**MoonGoddess:** Have you ever been to Gotham?  
**Conner:** no  
**MoonGoddess:** Good. Don’t.  
**Get Traught:** You’re not even going to try and be proud of our home town?  
**MoonGoddess:** No, no I’m not  
**MoonGoddess:** One time I was walking home from school and got mugged by three different people and when I had no money the third one took my hello kitty backpack  
**MoonGoddess:** In second grade they uninstalled the fire alarm in the school because they had to sell it to pay off their debts to a gang  
**MoonGoddess:** Once my dad made me mug someone and she mugged me back  
**Mermaid Man:** Wow.  
**Annataz:** that sounds terrible  
**MoonGoddess:** Ikr  
**Get Traught:** Well anything sounds bad if you say it like that  
**Wallman:** you grew up a rich kid though  
**Wallman:** I remember when we went to the candy shop by my house and you thought a chocolate bar cost fifty bucks  
**Get Traught:** ….Point made  
**Wallman:** you’re darn right  
**Wallman:** anyways finish the story dude  
**MoonGoddess:** You were there, you already know the story  
**Wallman:** yeah but I like hearing stories about myself  
**Get Traught:** Anyway, when we got home an hour ago the whole kitchen was covered in cake frosting?? What the fuck did you two do???  
**MoonGoddess:** …  
**Wallman:** …  
**Iconic:** Ohhhh I know where this is going ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
**Mermaid Man:** What?  
**Iconic:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
**Wallman:** NO NO WE DID NOT  
**Wallman:** STOP THINKING THOSE THOUGHTS RIGHT NOW MRS. RAQUEL ERVIN-PIERCE WE DID NOT DO THAT  
**Annataz:** what did you do then?  
**Wallman:** um  
**MoonGoddess:** Um  
**Wallman:** um  
**MoonGoddess:** We…kind of had a food fight?  
**Annataz:** oh. that’s…actually better than what I expected  
**Mermaid Man:** I  
**Iconic:** PFFFFFFHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  
**MoonGoddess:** Shut uuuuuuup  
**Iconic:** I FUCK ING CAN’T BREATHE RIGHT NOW THIS IS GREAT  
**Mermaid Man:** I am friends with very strange people. I feel like I’ve been conned into affiliating with you.  
**Get Traught:** Are you guys five?  
**Wallman:** on a rate from one to ten yeah  
**MoonGoddess:** …..  
**Wallman:** wait  
**HelloMegan!:** You seriously had a food fight in their house? What the heckity heck  
**MoonGoddess:** Please Megan just let me die in peace  
**Wallman:** what I don’t get is how you found out? I thought we cleaned everything  
**Get Traught:** You literally only cleaned the surfaces. There was a chunk of cake stuck between the fridge and the wall. There’s frosting under the table. I found chocolate dripping from the chandelier  
**Wallman:** drat  
**Annataz:** also I know you have my favorite sweatshirt Artemis  
**MoonGoddess:** I’m gonna give it back!  
**Mermaid Man:** This is one roller coaster of a conversation.  
**Iconic:** Yes yes it is and I’m loving every second of it  
**Iconic:** All in favor of shaming Wally and Artemis say aye  
**Get Traught:** Aye  
**HelloMegan!:** Aye! (sorry)  
**Annataz:** aye  
**Mermaid Man:** Aye.  
**MoonGoddess:** Traitors  
**Get Traught:** Clean my house, Froot Loops  
**Wallman:** yeah yeah, we’re coming  
**Get Traught:** Thank you  
**Mermaid Man:** Thank goodness this strangeness is over.  
**HelloMegan!:** Agreed  
**MoonGoddess:** Fuck you guys

* * *

**December 18, 15:28 EST**

**Wally**

The next few days were relatively uneventful, at least compared to the more… _eventful_ ones.

Wally met with Dick, Zatanna, and Artemis on Saturday to go over wedding planning and decide seating arrangements for the reception, but after that was all dealt with, everything else was surprisingly low-key.

Wally spent some time at the forensics lab catching up on a few cases he’d been procrastinating on; went to the movies with Raquel since, shockingly enough, no one else in their group of friends were big fans of zombie movies; and stopped by Megan’s bakery this morning for some cupcakes, (it being National Cupcake day and all, of which Wally was a devout observer).

And now to Fate Suit Outlet, where he and the rest of the groomsmen were getting their tuxedos fitted for the big day.

The wedding party—minus the bridesmaids, who had done their dress fittings on Sunday morning and were currently ahead of schedule—was made up of Wally, Conner, Kaldur, and Roy as the groomsmen, and Tim as an usher. And Dick, of course. He was kind of a big part of it.

The store was fancy—fancier than anyone but Dick could afford, which was why it was lucky his dad was the one paying for everything. It smelled like lemon polish and clean fabric, with high ceilings and mirrors covering every wall, reflecting racks and racks of practically everything a man could need for a special occasion.

The guys were currently in one of the several fitting rooms, which was about twice the size of Wally’s living room. Wally stood in front of one of the floor length mirrors, turning this way and that, getting a good look at his tux, which he looked mighty fine in, by the way.

Roy was in one of the changing areas still getting on his tux, and Tim was in front of the mirror next to Wally’s where a tailor was altering his suit so it would fit his skinny figure better. That kid needed a hamburger.

The tuxes were simple, but classy: black satin blazers, matching black vests, and white button downs underneath. The shiny black shoes were polished until they reflected the lights overhead. The only things that set each ensemble apart were the bowties, which were all different colors. Wally’s was yellow, Kaldur’s was a light aqua blue, Roy’s was sunset orange, Conner’s was black, and Tim’s was red.

Wally twisted in the mirror, watching the way the black dress slacks hugged his legs. “All right, I’m just going to say what we’re all thinking: I look hot.” He spun and struck a pose, loving the way the expensive material felt against his skin.

Conner snorted from where he sat next to Kaldur on one of the white sofas. He was clad in his own tux, like the rest of them. “Keep telling yourself that, Wally,” he said. Kaldur snorted.

Wally gasped, offended. “How dare? I look like a love god in this and you know it.”

Dick popped his head in from where he’d been exploring the depths of the store, sporting his own identical tux. “Hey, love god. I could use your advice on some bowties over here.”

Wally pointed at Dick and gave Conner the devil eye. “See? Everyone knows I’m a fashion expert, so suck it.” Leaving Conner laughing behind, Wally followed Dick, who led him to the tie section of the store. On the displays were hundreds of different ties of all designs, colors, and patterns. This place was like an armory for formal attire.

Dick apparently had trouble deciding between two bowties: one royal blue, and one a darker midnight shade. “I feel like the darker one goes better with the suit, but the lighter one is happier,” he said, frowning in contemplation.

“How can a bowtie be happy?”

“I dunno, maybe he won the lottery.”

“If he’s rich, then he doesn’t need to keep his job being your bowtie. He should quit.”

Dick laughed and shoved Wally with his elbow. “Okay, now come on. Seriously. I want your honest opinion.” He held both ties up to his neck, raising his eyebrows expectantly. “Which one looks better? Or maybe I should go for a color that’s in the middle of them both. Or go with a different color entirely. I could do red?” His eyebrows pulled together. “Wait, no, Tim’s is red. Or I could do purple, since that’s Zatanna’s favorite color. Although I don’t know if it would look good since the flowers are going to be lavender and then I’ll match everything which would be weird and I’ll look stupid and Zatanna will hate me and divorce me before the ceremony is over and—”

 _Whoa._ Wally felt like this conversation had just skipped a couple steps. He put his hands on Dick’s shoulders. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. You’re rambling faster than I do, dude. Where is this coming from?”

What could have made Dick so jittery all of a sudden? It was as if someone drive-by shot him with a dart filled with espresso. Dick’s breath hitched and he steadied himself, lowering the ties. “Sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry, it’s just— The tux and the bowties and the flowers… I think it’s all just sinking in. I’m getting _married,_ dude.”

Wally pulled back, watching at him warily. “You’re not having second thoughts, are you? Because while I think that’s kind of mean to propose and then take it back, you know I’ll be right there with you, all ready to drive the getaway car to Canada.”

“What? No. No way,” Dick said, like the thought of backing out was the craziest thing he’d ever heard. “No, marrying Zatanna is one of the only things I’ve ever had my heart set on this much. I’m just…anxious, I guess? But I’m pretty sure it’s a good anxious. I think.”

His eyes suddenly focused on the wall behind Wally, like he was thinking hard. “That reminds me, I have to pick up Tim’s anxiety meds on the way home. And call the florist to confirm the flower orders. And put a deposit down on the wedding venue, and ask Zee about which centerpieces she chose, and—”

“Dick, calm down. You’re freaking yourself out. Don’t sweat it, there’s still plenty of time to get everything done. Plus, you have me! Fast is my middle name.”

“I thought it was Rudolph.”

Wally rolled his eyes. “Point is, you don’t have anything to worry about. Two heads are better than one, and all that junk.”

Dick smiled. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, Walls.” Then his eyes dimmed the slightest bit, nostalgia touching the edges. “I’m so glad that after…you know…” He paused. Backtracked. “I’m just really glad we’re friends again.”

Wally had to agree. Those few years without his best friend in the whole world had been torture. He had friends, sure. Megan and Roy and Conner… But not having Dick to go to arcades with at three in the morning and eat tubs of ice cream with to see who threw up first and play video games with at his house on bad days? It was like losing half of himself. That’s how partners in crime worked. You couldn’t have one partner without the other, and you couldn’t have Wally without Dick.

He clapped Dick on the shoulder and squeezed. “Me too.”

Dick ducked out of Wally’s grip, still grinning. “Hey, while we’re still riding Angst Airlines—”

“Nice name.”

“—Thank you. While we’re here, I was wondering if I could ask for a favor.”

“Shoot.”

Dick tucked his hands into his pockets, leaning back against the shelves. “I was wondering if you could maybe do a best man speech? For the toasts after the wedding and stuff.”

Wally’s face didn’t know want to do—it kept shifting between disbelieving to excited. “Really? You want me to do it?”

“Well, duh. You _are_ the best man, after all,” Dick laughed.

Wally grinned. “Yeah, sure! Totally! I mean, it’ll probably be stupid and you might have to kick me out of the reception when it turns out bad, but of course, man.”

Dick looked relieved. “Awesome. Now we’d, uh, probably better get back to the others. I don’t trust them to be around all this expensive stuff unsupervised.”

“You’re literally the second youngest one here out of all of us. If anything, _you’re_ the one who needs supervision.”

They started going back, but then Wally stopped with a hand on Dick’s forearm. “By the way—” He looked down at the fabric Dick still held. “—go with the happier bowtie.” Dick grinned and tossed the darker bowtie back onto the shelf, tying the royal blue one around his neck as they walked.

They rejoined the others, who were just about finished getting their suits fitted. Tim’s tux was altered to fit him like a glove, and he admired his reflection like someone perusing art in a museum. “I look like a young James Bond,” he mused, obviously pleased.

Dick smirked. “Steph is going to love that, then.” His smirk only grew when Tim’s once confident expression turned sour, a blush tinting his cheeks pink.

Conner tilted his head curiously. “Who’s Steph?”

“Tim’s girlfriend,” Dick teased. He ruffled his little brother’s hair as he passed, dodging Tim’s slap.

Tim turned back to the mirror and straightened his blazer, cheeks flaming. “She’s not my girlfriend,” he insisted. A pause. “Just my friend who happens to be really pretty. And funny. And awesome.”

“And who happens to be your date to the wedding,” Wally added, sitting next to Kaldur on the sofa. Wally had no idea someone could blush so deeply. It was almost impressive.

“Come on, Timmy,” Dick encouraged, flopping onto one of the other couches. “Just ask poor Stephanie out already.”

Tim fiddled with a button on his sleeve self-consciously. “Well, uh, she may have…already asked me out? Sort of?”

Dick sat up abruptly. “Wait, what? When did this happen?”

Tim didn’t look away from his fascinating button. “She asked if I wanted to be her boyfriend the other day but I…I said I needed a couple of days to think about it.”

“What is there to think about? You like her, she likes you, she wants to date you, you want to date her. The answer is pretty obvious to me.”

Tim mumbled something incoherent.

“While I don’t think pressuring Tim into accepting the offer is the way to go,” Kaldur chimed in, “I do agree it would be wise to take the chance while it’s still available. I know from personal experience that if you miss this opportunity and don’t realize it until it’s too late, you’ll never forgive yourself.”

Everyone got uncomfortably quiet, then. They all knew what Kaldur was implying. Tula. His first love who, years ago, died in a surfing accident before he could reveal his true feelings for her. It was his greatest regret and kind of a touchy subject all around.

Which was why Dick tactfully shifted the conversation back. “Look, Timmy. Do you like her?”

Tim shifted, embarrassed. “Yeah…”

“And going off the fact that she asked you out, we can probably assume she likes you too.”

“I guess.”

Dick leaned back, satisfied. “Then there you go. You like her, she likes you, you should date. It’s pretty simple.”

Tim rolled his eyes. “No, it’s not. There are _so_ many other factors to consider.”

“Like?”

“For starters, what if I screw something up? I have no idea how to date someone, let alone someone as great as Steph. And what if once she spends more time with me she realizes she doesn’t actually like me and decides she wants to break up? What if she gets bored of me? What if she meets Damian and he bites her hand off?”

Wally lifted one eyebrow. “That last one seems a little insane.”

Tim crossed his arms. “Well, still. Plus, it’ll change the whole dynamic we have. It’s so fun spending time with her, but making it a real relationship will change everything. And if it doesn’t work out, then it’s not like we can ever go back to the way things used to be.”

“So?” Kaldur prompted. “Maybe you won’t be able to go back to the way things were, but that doesn’t necessarily make it a bad thing. Change is good, is it not?”

“It’s still risky.”

Kaldur simply shrugged. “I choose to believe love is always worth the risk.”

Roy, now sporting his own tux, came over and threw an arm around Kaldur’s shoulders, which made Kaldur’s skin darken to match Tim’s blush. “Yeah,” Roy agreed, jumping into the conversation easily. “I mean, look at Wally. He took a _huge_ chance dating someone like Artemis, and look at how happy he is now.”

It was supposed to be encouraging, no real intent behind it, but Wally still found himself distracted by his phrasing. Like a switch being flipped, the mood of the conversation changed. “Wait a second. What do you mean, _someone like Artemis_?”

Roy waved a hand nonchalantly. “You know what I mean.”

Wally crossed his arms. The temperature of the room dropped a few degrees, and everyone felt it. “No, actually, I don’t. What’s so crazy about me and Artemis?”

Roy pulled his arm off Kaldur and shrugged. “I’m just saying you took a big risk trusting her and all. It was a brave choice. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

The others looked at each other nervously, sensing the oncoming danger. Dick took the initiative and tried to make peace. “Guys, maybe this isn’t the best conversation to be having right now—”

“No,” Wally insisted. “I want to hear what he has to say. What’s so terrible about Artemis that she can’t be trusted, huh?”

Honestly, Wally didn’t know what he was doing defending Artemis so fiercely. If Artemis had been there at the time, he’d have gladly stayed out of the way and let her handle it herself. Because if there was one Wally had learned about Artemis, it was that she was more than capable of fighting her own battles.

But maybe that was the thing. Artemis _wasn’t_ there. And Wally—whether he knew why he was doing it or not—would be damned if he was going to let Roy drag his friend through the mud like that.

Roy smoothed out his lapels, straightening up. “I don’t see how any of this is a surprise to you. You know how Artemis grew up.”

“And Jade grew up the same way and you married her, so what’s your point?”

“Yeah, I did marry Jade. I had a _child_ with Jade, and where is she now? Gone. For all you know, Jade and Artemis could be alike in that way.”

“Or maybe you’re just pissy because Jade left you and you’re too stubborn to admit you have no one to blame but yourself, so instead you take it out on Artemis. Sound about accurate?” Wally didn’t take that psychology course in college for nothing, and the look on Roy’s face was more than gratifying.

Roy narrowed his eyes. “Aren’t you conveniently forgetting who let Jade leave in the first place?”

Wally rolled his eyes. “What are you talking about? Artemis would never—”

“She didn’t tell you about that part, did she?” Roy’s expression was hard and cold, so steely it made Wally’s own flicker, momentarily unsure.

“Tell me what?”

“Jade stopped by Artemis’ apartment that night, and when she left, Artemis didn’t do a thing to stop her. She stood by and did nothing while her sister _abandoned_ her entire family.” He was so confident, so sure in the way he said it, that Wally didn’t have anything to counter with.

Wally let the information soak in. Artemis…had never told him that part. But that just had to mean Roy was lying, right? Artemis would never…

Wally expelled the thought from his mind. Whatever the truth was, good or bad, it didn’t matter right now. What mattered was that Roy was accusing Artemis of something Wally knew she felt insecure about, and that just wouldn’t stand. And being her fake boyfriend only gave him more reason to defend her. Still, though, the silent question loomed in the back of his mind like an itch he couldn’t scratch.

Roy didn’t miss Wally’s little moment of doubt. “Listen, Walls, I know you love her and all, so I’m not going to call her a bad person. All I’m saying is to be careful. You may have feelings for Artemis, but if there’s anything I’ve learned through my experience, it’s that you can’t trust her.”

Wally couldn’t listen anymore. He spun on his heel and strode out of the room, muttering, “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.”

As he left, he heard Dick say, “Nice going, Roy.”

“He has a right to know,” Roy replied. “Forgive me for not wanting to watch him get hurt when Artemis breaks his heart.”

Wally was grateful when he got far enough away they were out of earshot.

He wanted to erase that entire conversation from his mind, but he couldn’t ignore that itch. Artemis wouldn’t do that to him, right? She wasn’t like her sister, she wouldn’t bolt like she did.

Wait. Why was Wally even worrying about this? They were _fake_ dating. It shouldn’t matter to him whether Artemis would betray him or not because come January first, she would be out of his life once more. Long term wasn’t a factor here, and neither was whether or not Artemis was trustworthy enough to give his heart to.

Maybe it was because if Artemis were really the kind of person who would do that, who would follow in her sister’s footsteps and hurt everyone she loved so swiftly, would that make her a bad person? Would that say something about her morals? Wally felt gross even considering it. Everyone had faults. He did, Artemis did, the freaking pope did. If Artemis were truly who Roy claimed she was—and this was all hypothetical, of course—should that even matter to Wally?

Rationality told him no, it didn’t. But the irrational part of him said otherwise, and he couldn’t figure out why that was. He needed to distract himself before these contradictions drove him crazy.

He wandered to a random section across the store without caring where he was going. Anything that would give him something to do far away from the president of the Anti-Artemis Crock fan club.

Wally found himself coming to several stands selling cufflinks and figured he might as well get a pair, seeing as he hadn’t even known what they were before Dick explained them to him. And at least it would give something to do, far away from the others.

He was inspecting a pair of silver ones when a voice behind him said, “Ah, those are a good choice.”

Wally jumped, startled, and turned around to see an old man of about eighty or ninety standing before him. His face was etched with wrinkles, but his eyes were youthful. And, given that those eyes were trained pointedly on the cufflinks Wally held, he was talking to Wally.

The old man continued, “Though for that particular tuxedo, might I recommend these?” He reached around Wally and picked up a new pair, these ones rounder and with small golden zigzags in the middle.

Wally didn’t have much knowledge on what was deemed appropriately fancy aside from the time ten years ago when Dick had invited him to one of Bruce’s parties, but even then, the two boys had spent the whole time playing basketball outside. Still, he appraised the cufflinks, hoping he pulled it off and looked like he actually knew what he was doing. “Huh, not bad. Kind of remind me of lightning bolts.”

The man laughed. “That’s the idea. From what I can see, they look more like your style. Wanna try ‘em on?”

Wally did. Once they were fastened, he held his arms this way and that to get a good look. They completed his attire perfectly. “Nice. Have a kind of _badass gentleman_ vibe to them.”

The old man chuckled. “And what is it you’re getting dolled up for? Big party?”

“Huge. My best friend’s wedding, actually.”

“Sounds like it’ll be quite the shindig.”

“Yeah,” Wally agreed. “And I’m the best man, so I’ve got to look, you know, my _best.”_

The old man nodded. “In that case, I think these cufflinks will definitely do the trick.” Then he held out his hand. “I’m Kent Nelson, by the way.”

Wally shook it. “Wally West.”

“You know, Wally, I still remember my own wedding. Best day of my life. It was, oh, sixty-seven years ago? Heh. Still feels like yesterday. And lemme tell you, marrying my wife Inza was the best decision I’ve ever made.” He took out a golden pocket watch from his jacket and opened it to reveal a photo of a beautiful woman inside. Kent sighed wistfully. “Ah, she was a real pistol, that Inza.”

A second passed before Kent picked his head up like he was coming back to reality. “Anyhoo, do you have a special someone in your life? From personal experience, weddings are only fun if you have somebody to share it with.”

For some reason—probably just habit—Wally’s mind went straight to Artemis. But he reminded himself that he didn’t have to pretend to a stranger. Still, the truth didn’t exactly feel right either. “Uh…kind of. Maybe.”

Kent’s eyes twinkled knowingly. “Well, that’s a yes if I ever saw one.” He winked. “I’m guessing things are complicated?”

“More complicated than you’d believe,” Wally sighed.

“Well, don’t worry about it too much. The way I see it, fate always finds a way. Heck, I wouldn’t have found my spitfire if I didn’t believe that.” He smiled and shook his head. “But that’s none of my business. So, what do you think?” He gestured to the cufflinks.

“Pretty sweet,” Wally said. “I think I’ll take them.” Cufflinks, and advice. This kooky old man might have a point. After everything with Artemis was behind him, Wally would have to give some of that spitfire stuff a try, maybe find someone for himself. Plus, being with Artemis was so great that, with all the practice he was getting, maybe he'd have better luck with romance than ever before. It wouldn't be the craziest thing to happen.

Then, from across the store this time: “Hey, Wally!” Wally spied Dick waving from just outside the room their group was in. “You mind helping over here for a sec? Conner has a knot in his tie that we can’t figure out and I think he’s starting to lose oxygen.”

Wally chuckled. “Duty calls, I guess. It was really nice talking to you, Mr. Nelson.” They shook hands once more.

Wally made it about five paces away when Kent called after him. “Oh, and Wally? Some free advice before you go.” Wally stopped and looked back. “Whatever happens with you and that special someone, I hope you figure it out soon. And you know, I’ll tell you the same thing I told myself a long time ago when I found my Inza.”

He met Wally’s eyes. “Find your own little spitfire.”

When Wally imagined Artemis again, this time, for some obscure reason, he didn’t stop it.

“One who won’t let you get away with nothin’.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *wipes tear* These kids, helping each other get out of their comfort zones and enjoy life for once. Ah, young love.
> 
> And don't get me wrong, I love my loveable asshole Roy Harper so much and he's not by any means the bad guy of this story, mostly because there _is_ no bad guy. He and Artemis are just really stubborn and bad at communicating, so each sees the other as being at fault for Jade leaving and honestly it's just a mess.
> 
> Also in case you haven't already noticed, I have officially given up on putting spaces between dialogue in the mind link conversations on account of I am simply too lazy.
> 
> For any of you interested, [here](http://sohotthateveryonedied.tumblr.com) is my Tumblr.


	6. Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh my god, I have a _great_ idea. We should all do a double date tonight!” She beamed like it was the greatest idea ever conceived.
> 
> Wally, on the other hand, choked on his popcorn. He coughed, pounding his chest and hacking up the chocolate and kernels. When he’d regained his breath, he squeaked, “Did you just say _double date?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact, I wrote the end of this chapter like three months ago and have been waiting to post it ever since so YAY.

**December 19, 12:00 EST**

**Wally**

Wally had long forgotten how or when the tradition started. The only detail that mattered was that he and Zatanna dedicated themselves to this routine religiously, and nothing but death or disaster could keep them from fulfilling it. 

He arrived at the Graysons’ house promptly at twelve—a time of day when Dick would be safely at work—with a bag of chocolate-covered pretzels and his still-mint stack of DVDs in hand. 

Harry Potter Day. 

A lasting tradition Wally and Zatanna cherished and took serious as a heart attack. Nothing could keep those two away from their bi-monthly Harry Potter marathons. Every two months they would meet up and spend hours binging the Harry Potter movies, eating a smorgasbord of the unhealthiest snacks they could get their hands on. Dick called it _Designated Nerd Time,_ which probably wasn’t too far off, truthfully. It may have been a lame thing to bond over, but it was theirs. 

“Sweet, you got the dark chocolate ones I like,” Zatanna enthused as Wally stepped into the living room, brandishing his goodies. 

“Three bags, actually. You know, as a precaution in case the first two run out or are stolen by burglars.” 

“Smart move.” Zatanna went back to the kitchen and brought out the caramel corn and smoothies. “So which one are we watching today? I’m pretty sure we did Order of the Phoenix last time, right?” 

“So we’re on the Half-Blood Prince today, and maybe Fantastic Beasts, if we have time,” Wally said, holding up the two movies. 

“Daring. I like it.” 

Wally grinned and slipped the first movie into the DVD player, grabbing the remote from the coffee table and tossing it to Zatanna. He plopped onto the couch, opening the first bag of chocolate-covered pretzels and dumping the entire thing into the bowl of caramel corn. For convenience purposes, of course. 

Zatanna grabbed a handful while she navigated the main menu. “We should make a note for next time to add marshmallows to this,” she said. “Or peanuts.”

“Or both.” Wally tipped back his head and tossed a handful in the air, catching half of it in his mouth while the rest bounced off his face and fell in crumbs on his shirt. 

Oh, how he loved their marathons. It was different from when he would hang out with Dick or Roy or any of his other friends. Sure, Dick was his best friend in the whole world, but there were times Wally would talk about Doctor Who or a particularly exciting scientific discovery he read about, and as much as Dick tried to understand, he always had that same blank look. 

These Harry Potter days were the only times Wally could enjoy something he liked and for once have someone to share it with who appreciated it in the way he did. 

But this time, something was off. Wally couldn’t put his finger on it exactly; it was more like a _feeling._ Like one of those cats who can smell when someone is close to death. Something in the atmosphere unsettled him. But damn it, this was Harry Potter day, and Wally wasn’t in the mood for foreboding premonition, thanks. So he sat back against the cushions, grabbed another handful of pretzel-corn, and settled in for the movie, unsettling vibes be damned. 

As the opening scene began, Wally felt eyes on him, burning into his neck. He turned and caught Zatanna staring at him from the corner of her eye. When she realized she’d been caught, though, she quickly shifted her eyes back to the screen. Wally did the same, but felt unnerved. Did he have something on his face? He ran a hand over his nose, just in case. 

He tried focusing on the movie, he really did, but Zatanna just kept looking at him. She was covert about it, didn’t make it too obvious she was staring, but Wally could still feel her eyes on him almost suspiciously, like she was trying to read his mind. “What?” he finally asked after this had gone on long enough. 

“Nothing, nothing,” she said quickly. Yeah, right. And when Wally had begrudgingly turned his attention back to the movie, she spoke up again. “So how are things going with Artemis?” 

Wally’s breath hitched. _Oh._ That explained it. 

Artemis had already told him Zatanna had her suspicions when it came to their relationship, but did she really _know?_ He risked glancing at her again: She looked casual, eyes fixated on the TV, but there was this smugness beneath. This sense of challenge. 

Wally coughed. “Uh, it’s fine. She’s— I mean, _we’re_ fine.” 

“Good, good. I’m glad.” Zatanna lifted a straw to her mouth and sipped at her smoothie. 

“Right,” Wally murmured. Inside, he chided himself. _Be cool. She has no reason to suspect anything if you keep it casual._ “Why do you ask?” 

Zatanna shrugged. “No reason. It’s just you two have been dating so long without anyone knowing, so I have a lot of catching up to do.” Okay, okay. So she was just curious. That was no reason for alarm, right?

But she continued, “You know, it still feels like just last month you were hating each other’s guts and arguing all the time. Crazy how well you were able to keep up the act for so long, no?” She tossed a piece of popcorn in her mouth. Was it possible for someone to chew smugly? 

Wally shrugged. “We’re just really good at acting, I guess.” _Who’s cool? I’m cool. Cool as a cucumber. Cool as a popsicle. Cool as the iceberg that killed DiCaprio. Cool as—_

“Yeah, I’ll bet that’s it,” Zatanna replied all too easily. Wally’s hands felt clammy. His flags went up, like that time he broke a plate and waited in panic for his dad to find out and smack him all the way to Tennessee. 

What did Zatanna know? Or, better question, what did she _think_ she knew? Did she know for real, or did she just suspect? Oh God, Artemis didn’t tell her, did she? 

Wally whisked away the thought before it could fully form. No, no. Artemis would never have done that—she wouldn’t break their deal. Wally was getting way too ahead of himself. Zatanna must have just been suspicious. That was fine. They could handle that. 

It was a few minutes later when Zatanna spoke again, after Wally had started to hope maybe they were finished talking about this. “It’s kind of funny, actually,” she said. 

“What is?” 

“We fell in love with each other’s best friends. Crazy coincidence, right?” 

Wally absorbed that for a moment and, even though he knew full well that it wasn’t the actual truth, a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Huh. I guess you’re right.” 

“Yeah, kind of feels like fate or something, right?” Once that thought soaked in, Zatanna suddenly sat up like she’d just been struck by an epiphany and clapped her hands together. “Oh my god, I have a _great_ idea. We should all do a double date tonight!” She beamed like it was the greatest idea ever conceived.

Wally, on the other hand, choked on his popcorn. He coughed, pounding his chest and hacking up the chocolate and kernels. When he’d regained his breath, he squeaked, “Did you just say _double date?”_

“Yeah! Dick and me with you and Artemis. Just the four of us. There’s that carnival on the pier that’s still open for another week. I’m performing a show there tonight, so I’m getting discounts on everything. It’s perfect!” 

Wally fumbled for words. How long had she been sitting on _that_ wild card? Was that what all this was about? Poking and prodding about their relationship only to build up to this bazooka of a reveal? Wally wracked his brain, sifting through any reasons he could think of not to go. Maybe he could say he was sick? Artemis had a family reunion to go to? A death in the family?  
Wally loved carnivals, don’t get him wrong. Carnivals rocked. But a double date with Dick and Zatanna? When technically it wasn’t even a _real_ double date since half of the people involved weren’t even a legitimate couple? That just spelled disaster, _especially_ when Zatanna was clearly trying to catch Wally and Artemis off guard enough to prove their relationship false. Going on the date would be way too risky. 

Wally went for a gentle approach, clearing his throat uneasily. “Uh, not that it doesn’t sound like loads of fun, Zee—which it totally does—but you know, Artemis and I are always so busy, and—” 

“Are you busy tonight specifically?” 

Wally blanked. It was clear Zatanna wasn’t going to give up without a solid reason, and his brain was becoming more and more a pile of mush by the second. Any plausible reasons his mind could conjure immediately flew out the window. Poof. Zatanna’s determination scared them away. Sure, that girl could be sweet and innocent sometimes, but when she wanted something, she was immovable as a mountain. 

No wonder she and Dick ended up together. Crafty trolls, the both of them. 

“I…I guess not…” Wally conceded, noose already tightening around his neck. 

Zatanna brightened. “Great! It’s a date, then.” And with that, she sat back and turned her eyes back to the movie, her smile unfading. 

Wally, on the other hand, was anything but eased. 

Artemis was going to _kill him._

* * *

**December 19, 17:07 EST**

**Wally**

The minute Wally was in his car with the door shut, he let the panic that had been building during the interrogation boil over. Groaning, he dropped his forehead against the steering wheel, the car giving a long, drawn-out honk. “Damn it.” 

He never should have let Zatanna bait him like that. He knew she was headstrong—they’d been friends for years, of course he’d known that and admired her for it—but _tricking_ him into accepting a double date? How had she even managed that? It had all happened so fast that not even Wally’s hundred-miles-an-hour brain could catch on before it was too late. He was losing his touch. Or maybe it was the pretzels that did it. The sugar rush messed with his mind and dampened his decision-making skills. 

He let his head rest against the wheel for a little while longer, listening to the loud drone of the horn. Maybe if his eardrums spontaneously burst, he wouldn’t have to go on the date. If only it was that easy.

This whole scam took a lot of effort, but Wally and Artemis were making it work like a couple of naturals. In fact, Wally himself on occasion found himself forgetting their relationship wasn’t real. 

But spending hours with Mr. and Mrs. Doubtful, being scrutinized for any slip up? That was a whole new can of worms. Gross, slimy, detective worms who were well-versed in the art of catching liars in the act. If they were caught, they would _never_ live this down. On their joint gravestones it would say: _Died of mortification after being caught faking a relationship so they could hide the fact they were actually unlovable lonely people._ Stupid worms. 

Okay, this was probably getting weird now. Someone was going to call the cops to report a twenty-five year-old man disturbing the entire neighborhood with his internal crisis. Maybe he should drive out to some field where he could honk his car horn in peace. Possibly until he either missed the date or died—whichever came first. 

No, he couldn’t do that. That would be running away. Wally made his own bed, and now he had to lie in it, Goldilocks style. 

So, sighing long and loud, Wally lifted his head off the steering wheel and took out his phone. 

**Wallman:** on a rate from one to ten, ten being “ready to throw the corpse of Ben Affleck into a volcano” and one being “skipping around tossing rose petals everywhere,” how’s your mood right now?  
**MoonGoddess:** What did you do  
**Wallman:** answer the question please  
MoonGoddess: WHAT DID YOU DO  
**Wallman:** why do you always assume it was something I did?!  
**MoonGoddess:** So you didn’t do anything bad then?  
**Wallman:** …….  
**MoonGoddess:** Ugh  
**MoonGoddess:** Okay, fine. A four. NOW will you tell me what you did?  
**Wallman:** please keep in mind it’s not completely my fault and in my defense, I was under a lot of pressure and I was too busy thinking about Draco to come up with an excuse and there was really no polite way to say no and also it’s not really even that bad so please don’t kill me  
**MoonGoddess:** Wally. Please just tell me what you did. I’m babysitting Lian and it’s hard to text and play power rangers at the same time  
**Wallman:** okay well first of all I’d just like to applaud Lian for breaking societal gender roles, tell her I love her  
**MoonGoddess:** No  
**Wallman:** boo you whore  
**MooGoddess:** Still waiting to hear what you did…  
**Wallman:** oh yeah  
**Wallman:** well Z and I were having our bimonthly HP marathon earlier  
**MoonGoddess:** Nerd  
**Wallman:** aND ANYWAY  
**Wallman:** she kind of….asked us to go on a double date to the carnival tonight?  
**Wallman:** and I kind of accepted?  
**MoonGoddess:** Fine, what time?  
**Wallman:** PLEASE DON’T KILL ME I HAVE THREE KIDS  
**Wallman:** wait  
**Wallman:** what?  
**MoonGoddess:** You know, what time they want to go to the carnival? Did you suddenly forget english?  
**Wallman:** no not that  
**Wallman:** you’re actually okay with this???  
**Wallman:** I had to psych myself up to do this for nothing?????  
**MoonGoddess:** Well I mean. It was bound to happen eventually, right? And Zatanna already mentioned this at the engagement party, so I kinda saw it coming  
**Wallman:** ……..wow  
**Wallman:** didn’t see that coming, but okay  
**Wallman:** this actually took a lot of stress off my shoulders so thanks for that  
**Wallman:** so we’re doing this then?  
**MoonGoddess:** Seems that way  
**MoonGoddess:** What time are we going?  
**Wallman:** She said to be there by eight thirty  
**Wallman:** btw I just saw some dude with a dog in one of those baby carrier things, and I thought you would like to know that  
**Wallman:** Artemis?  
**Wallman:** you still there?  
**Wallman:** you haven’t responded in like twelve minutes  
**Wallman:** come backkkk I have time to kill before I have to go in for my shift at work  
**Wallman:** why aren’t you answering, are you cheating on me? have you found a new fake boyfriend??  
**Wallman:** ARTEMIS HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIALLLLLL  
**MoonGoddess:** GODDAMN WALLY I LEAVE FOR FIVE SECONDS AND YOU HAVE A MENTAL BREAKDOWN CALM YOURSELF  
**Wallman:** Artemis!!!! :D  
**Wallman:** I knew you would never betray me!!!  <333  
**MoonGoddess:** Yeah yeah, Lian just dropped her stuffed cat in her ice cream and I needed to clean it off  
**Wallman:** sounds like a CATastrophe ;))  
**MoonGoddess:** Bye Wally  
**Wallman:** NOWAITARTEMISCOMEBACK  
**MoonGoddess:** Did you just drink a lot of coffee or something? Or did you break into a liquor store and drink every bottle they had? You seem extra hyper right now, which is saying something  
**Wallman:** sorry, Zee and I were eating sugary snacks so I’m riding a very pleasant sugar rush at the moment :)  
**Wallman:** Really though, what are you guys doing? Roy never lets me babysit Lian  
**MoonGoddess:** I can’t imagine why  
**Wallman:** rUDE  
**MoonGoddess:** And we’re actually watching Alice In Wonderland  
**Wallman:** huh. thought you’d be more the Robin Hood type, but okay  
**MoonGoddess:** Yeah and I’d assumed you’d like Cars since you’re fast, red, and have an ego bigger than the moon, but that’s none of my business *sips tea*  
**Wallman:** ...wow, so that’s what betrayal feels like  
**Wallman:** and for your iNfOrMaTiOn, I actually love Cars, so ha  
**MoonGoddess:** *sips tea*  
**Wallman:** *switches your tea with hot gatorade and watches you suffer*  
**MoonGoddess:** *reveals that I actually had a decoy tea the whole time and it’s in fact YOU who is drinking the hot gatorade now*  
**Wallman:** *pours the hot gatorade on your leg so it’s not enough to burn but still enough to be a minor inconvenience*  
**MoonGoddess:** *takes over Russia and uses its cats to form an army which will then storm your house and take you hostage and use you as a court jester for eternity*  
**Wallman:** well that escalated quickly  
**MoonGoddess:** :)  
**MoonGoddess:** oh shit Lian wants to make cupcakes this is gonna be messy  
**MoonGoddess:** I have to go, but I’ll see you tonight  
**Wallman:** tell Lian I would die for her and she’s an amazing chef  
**MoonGoddess:** No.  
**Wallman:** eh, worth a shot  
**Wallman:** okay so I’ll pick you up at eight?  
**MoonGoddess:** You know, actually, why don’t I drive?  
**Wallman:** oh, you have a car? didn’t know that  
**MoonGoddess:** Nope  
**Wallman:** ?  
**Wallman:** Well color me intrigued  
**MoonGoddess:** Pick you up at eight, Kid Confused ;)  
**Wallman:** …I don’t know whether to be offended or amend you for the alliteration  
**MoonGoddess:** Bye Wally  
**Wallman:** see you tonight, Arty

* * *

**December 19, 19:58 EST**

**Wally**

“You have a _motorcycle?”_

Wally stood on the sidewalk outside of his apartment building, gazing at the shiny green motorcycle parked along the curb. Artemis leaned against it, the corner of her mouth tugging upward as she watched Wally lose his mind. 

He’d been expecting… Actually, he had no idea what he was expecting. When he’d been sitting staring out his window for ten minutes waiting for Artemis to arrive, it had never occurred to him that she’d come speeding down the street in an honest-to-God _motorcycle._

Wait, now that he thought about it, spending ten minutes looking wistfully out the window and waiting for Artemis to arrive sounded _way_ too eager. Best not to mention that to her. 

And he also probably shouldn’t mention his spending six times that many minutes working on his appearance for the night. Picking an outfit, immediately deeming it not worthy enough, changing it about five times, and working on his hair to get it to that perfect medium between charmingly messy and carefully styled. 

Hopefully his resulting look was enough to make it seem like he actually knew what he was doing. He’d settled on a white V-neck with an unzipped olive green flight jacket thrown over it, coupled with some nice jeans which he desperately hoped were neither too grungy nor too fancy. 

He’d just been so _jumpy_ preparing for this night, an affliction he blamed on scam-related performance anxiety and not anything to do with the fact that it was a date with Artemis because really, this should be as normal as going to the carnival with a friend. He had no reason to freak, right? Right. 

But as it turns out, all of Wally’s meticulous planning had turned out to be pointless in the end. He gathered that the second he came jogging down the front steps of his apartment building and saw Artemis there waiting for him. He thought _he_ looked good? Artemis was a whole other level. 

_Good_ didn’t cover it. He wanted to say radiant? Amazing? Probably both. _Especially_ standing next to such a beautiful bike, which was probably the only reason Wally even noticed the way she looked in the first place. He wouldn’t ordinarily notice anything about her appearance. Definitely not. 

But right now, he couldn’t even pretend ignore it. Artemis just looked so much _different_ from how she usually appeared. She wore dark jeans, boots, and a black leather jacket over a blood red blouse. For once, her hair was down, falling in golden cascades down her back. Not to mention the dim light of the streetlight above them bathing her in its warm orange glow. 

The word “goddess” flashed in Wally’s head like a neon sign. He wanted so badly to comment, to tell Artemis that she looked so good Wally was fairly sure his brain had leaked out his ears and was now MIA, but that wasn’t something _just friends_ said to each other. So, against his greater desire, Wally held his tongue. 

_Focus on the motorcycle, Wally. Focus on the motorcycle._

He stepped closer and walked around the bike, dragging a finger over the smooth metal. Like a true champion, Wally wisely kept his eyes on the machine rather than the girl beside it. He whistled. “Holy crap, this is awesome. Why didn’t you tell me you had a motorcycle?” 

Artemis shrugged. “You never asked. So are you ready to go, or would you rather just take my bike on a date instead?” 

“I would, but I don’t think he’d be allowed on the ferris wheel.” 

“I love how that’s your only reason for not dating a motorcycle.” She straightened, opening up the compartment under the seat and pulling out two helmets—one dark green, one yellow. She tossed the yellow one to Wally. “Safety first.” 

Wally grimaced at the bright color. “Gee, thanks. I always wanted to wear a giant lemon on my head.” 

Artemis tugged on her own helmet. “Well, you could always opt not to wear it and risk getting your brains splattered everywhere, but it’s really your choice.” She shrugged, smiling like the thought of Wally’s splattered brains was all too hilarious to her. 

Wally rolled his eyes and took the hint, pulling on the helmet. “Thanks for the visual.” The helmet felt big and clunky, and the chin strap dug uncomfortably into his skin. He held out his arms. “Okay, how ridiculous do I look?” 

Artemis looked him up and down. She frowned, like she was actually considering it. “You know, it’s actually not half bad.” 

Wally scanned her face, searching for any sign she was lying. He didn’t find it. 

“Actually,” Artemis continued, “You look pretty…spiffy.” 

“Spiffy?” 

She nodded. “Yeah. It looks good.” Her eyes widened. “I mean, not good, good, because you rarely ever actually look good, but…you know. Good.” She hesitated, then quickly turned away and straddled the bike, avoiding looking at Wally. “Anyway, let’s get going. We’re stopping for slushies on the way.” 

Wally’s feet felt like blocks of cement, but he managed to force them into movement. He stepped forward next to the bike, staring at the seat behind Artemis. He hadn’t thought about it before now, but he’d be riding on a motorcycle. With Artemis. Motorcycling with Artemis. Motorcycling with Artemis when he would be sitting right behind her, pressed up against her back. He gulped. 

“Well?” Artemis half turned, looking over her shoulder. “Get on.” 

Wally snapped back to his senses and did as she said, carefully situating himself behind her. He left a large gap between their bodies so they weren’t touching at all. Artemis laughed. “You do realize that you’re going to need to hold onto me, right? Come on, I don’t bite.” 

Wally felt heat creep up his neck. “Uh…okay. Um.” He scooted up until he was pressed against Artemis and slowly raised his arms, wrapping them loosely around her waist. His fingers brushed against the sliver of skin peeking between the hems of her shirt and jeans, and he quickly moved them before he could have a heart attack. “Is this okay?” He was thankful Artemis was in front of him so she couldn’t see his blush. 

He felt her chuckle more than heard it. “Hold on tight, Baywatch.” She started the ignition, and Wally felt the bike rumble to life under them. It was loud, far louder than his car. His hands instinctively tightened around Artemis. 

Artemis, obviously sensing his nervousness, let loose another snort and said, “What’s wrong, are you scared? ‘Cause I’m just warning you, I drive fast.” 

Wally rolled his eyes even though she wouldn’t see it. “Me? Scared? Please, fast is my middle—aAAARTEMIS HOLY SHIT!” While he was talking, Artemis had taken off quick as a bullet, the bike jerking forward so fast Wally’s stomach had been left behind about twenty yards back. 

Wally felt the bike accelerate in no time to something faster than he’d ever gone, and he held Artemis’ waist in a death grip. He felt her laugh, the vibrations lost in the roar of the motorcycle. 

They sped down the street, Artemis weaving in and out of traffic like a ribbon. Wally had kept his eyes screwed shut from the moment they took off, burying his face in Artemis’ shoulder. God, this woman was going to kill him. Before the end of the night, police would be finding his body smeared on the pavement all the way from Montgomery Ave to Palmer Street. It was like riding a roller coaster without seatbelts, being flung around with the good chance of flying off the track completely and smashing into the ground at top speed. 

Wally could feel the vibrations of the bike rumbling in his gut, feel the wind slapping at his skin at a hundred miles an hour, feel his breath leave him as they rode faster and faster, to speeds he’d never so much as gotten close to when he ran. It felt…it felt… 

His eyes snapped open. 

It felt _amazing._

Indeed, this was nothing like running. Not even close. It was _better._ When Wally had still been a runner, he’d always dreamed of being this fast. Of sprinting down the track at a velocity that would make it feel like any second his feet would leave the ground. He’d tried accomplishing that objective through street racing, but it just wasn’t the same being in a car, separated from the true experience of the speed around him. This was a whole new level of fast he’d never imagined before, one that had Wally grinning. 

He sat up straighter, leaning his head back a little as he felt the air whip past his face. The speed was incredible. They zigged past cars and zagged around pedestrians like it was nothing, going faster than Wally had ever imagined. Screw roller coasters. This was like being on a freaking rocket ship. 

Wally whooped, throwing his back and howling with delight. Artemis turned her head a fraction so Wally could see her smile over her shoulder. “Having fun?” she called over the roar of the engine. 

“You kidding?” Wally yelled back. “This is amazing!” 

He didn’t want it to end.

* * *

**December 19, 20:32 EST**

**Wally**

They ended up making great time even after spending extra time getting the slushies. Going twenty miles above the legal speed limit is helpful like that. 

After spending an additional three minutes arguing over who got to pay for the tickets, (they came to a compromise on that one: Wally pays for tickets and Artemis pays for snacks later on), they were finally in the carnival park. 

The place was big, but thankfully not too crowded due to the frigid weather. The place in its entirety was arranged in a huge rectangle with rides, games, and snack stands scattered throughout. From the gates, Wally could see a roller coaster on one side of the park and a towering ferris wheel on the other. The scent of funnel cake and hot chocolate wafted through the air, so sweet and inviting it made Wally’s mouth water. 

He and Artemis strolled side by side, sipping at their slushies. Artemis, with some prodding, got a Peach Sunrise this time around, which she didn’t seem to mind. That was a definite win in Wally’s book, though he didn’t dare mention it. 

Artemis scanned the crowds bustling around them. “Dick and Zatanna said they would meet us by the pretzel shack. Any idea where that is?” 

They looked around until Wally spotted the large pretzel sign about halfway across the park. “Found it,” he announced. In front of the pretzel shack were a handful of picnic benches, one of them occupied by two very familiar black-haired figures. 

“Race you there,” Artemis said, sending Wally a wicked grin. 

Wally snorted. “Are you kidding? I’m not running across a whole carnival and risking spilling my— HEY, NO FAIR!” Artemis had taken his distractedness as an opportunity for a head start, the little cheater, and sprinted away without so much as a _Ready, set, go._ Rolling his eyes, Wally took off and chased after her, weaving around crowds of people and children in an effort to catch up.

It wasn’t easy, following Artemis as she easily navigated around the crowds like an agile weasel. Wally had to drop his slushie into a trash can as he passed to avoid splashing ten frozen assorted flavors all over the ground. The real losing factor was when Wally stumbled and nearly crashed into a little girl walking with her little pink bundle of cotton candy. It cost Wally precious time, and when he finally reached Dick and Zatanna, Artemis was already there, bracing her hands on her knees and panting. But she grinned at him when she saw him run up. 

Wally leaned over and caught his breath, chest heaving. “You…cheated…” he huffed. His lungs felt like they were inflating with dry ice. 

“And you’re…slow..” Artemis fell onto the bench. 

“No...way. Need I remind you who won last time?” 

Artemis dragged in a deep breath, wiping her forehead with her sleeve. “Well I won this time, so suck it.” 

Wally’s breath started returning to its normal rhythm as well. “Because you cheated!” 

“You cheated last time, too!” 

“That wasn’t cheating and you know it.” 

“Well it definitely wasn’t _not_ cheating, so that makes us even.” 

“That makes no sense!”

“Uh, are we interrupting something?” 

Dick and Zatanna had been watching wide-eyed since the Dynamic Dumbasses sped toward the pretzel stand at full speed. Dick looked at Zatanna out the corner of his eye as if telepathically asking if maybe backing away real slowly and pretending they were never there would help. 

Wally pointed at Artemis like a toddler tattling to the teacher. “You guys saw her cheat, right?” he demanded. 

Artemis crossed her arms. “You’re officially the sorest loser I’ve ever seen.”

“It’s not sore losing when the so-called ‘winner’ cheated.” 

Zatanna laughed, amused more than anything. A sharp contrast to her bemused partner. “You guys are too competitive for your own good.” 

“I’m going to choose to take that as a compliment.” Wally clapped his hands. “So. Carnival stuff. Let’s go get our eighties movie bonding montage on.” 

“About damn time,” Zatanna said. Then she snapped right into business. “All right, listen up, class. Here’s the game plan, since our time is limited: I go on at nine and it takes ten minutes to get ready, so we have about twenty minutes to do games. After the show is over I figure we have another hour, so we should have enough time to get through everything at least once. I think the best course of action is starting at one end of the park and working our way over game by game. Questions?” 

Artemis raised her hand. “Yes, just curious about why you sound like a drill sergeant.” 

“Because that’s how shit gets done.” 

Wally wiggled his arm in the air. “Do we get bathroom breaks?” 

“No.” 

He dropped his arm. “Fair enough.” 

Zatanna clapped her hands once. “Okay, people, let’s go! I want to get in as many games as possible before the show.” 

Wally mock saluted her. “Aye, aye, captain.” 

They started walking, Artemis and Zatanna leading the way with Dick and Wally taking up the rear. Artemis and Zee talked in hushed tones about Zatanna’s magic tricks for the night. 

“So,” said Dick to Wally, quietly so the girls wouldn’t hear. “I didn’t know you started running again.” 

Wally blinked. “Oh, that? Yeah, Artemis and I race sometimes, I guess.” To be honest, running with Artemis felt so natural, Wally almost forgot how unusual that must have been to someone who hadn’t known about their newfound competitive habit. 

Dick looked mystified. “Well that’s…that’s new.” He patted Wally on the shoulder. “I’m proud of you, though. It’s been a while since I saw you that happy.” 

Wally knew why that was, of course. Running gave him this kind of giddiness he’d never been able to replicate off the track. He still felt the last remnants of it tingling in his bloodstream, warming him all over. To be quite honest, he was beginning to notice he got that same feeling every time Artemis walked into a room. Like he was a human Pixie Stick. 

But was he about to admit that? Heck no. So he kept his eyes ahead, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Yeah, well, you know me. Kid Flash can’t be still for long,” he said, smiling crookedly. 

Dick shook his head. “Nah, I think it’s more than that.” He nodded towards Artemis, who was too busy laughing at something Zatanna said to listen in. “It’s because of her, right?” 

Wally looked at Artemis, watching her hair shift and fall over her shoulders as she walked. For the third time that day, he found himself tongue-tied. “It’s…It’s kind of…” Kind of what? He didn’t want to confirm Dick’s observation, but he found himself not wanting to refute it either. Probably because he himself didn’t know the answer. 

It was true he hadn’t really _run_ for so long since that last horrific race, despite wanting so desperately to. Physically, he was capable. Sure he was nowhere near as fast as he once was and ran the minor risk of his knee buckling, but those weren’t real excuses. He’d never admitted it to himself, hadn’t even let the full thought form, but honestly? He was scared. He didn’t want to face the cold hard truth that no matter what, he would never be back to the way he used to be, no matter how much it hurt. 

But somehow, on that first day he raced Artemis, his fear dampened like a wet towel. That day, Wally was confident. He was _happy._ Being around Artemis was like injecting him with some drug that erased all his worries and replaced them with something else. Something better. 

Wally hadn’t realized he’d been quiet for so long until Dick said, “I’m glad you have her, you know. Glad you have each other, actually.” 

“How’s that?” 

Dick shrugged. “I don’t know, it’s more like a feeling. Can’t really describe it, but you both seem…better. Happier. Whatever it was that held you back from letting in happiness, you’re curing each other. We all noticed it.” 

Wally…Wally didn’t know how to respond to that. To be truthful, he had somewhat noticed it as well. For a long time Wally had been blurring through life, moving as fast as he could away from anything that could weigh him down. He’d been so afraid of being hurt, he chose not to give anyone the chance. All those flirts and hookups were as temporary as he could make them. 

But for once, Wally was strangely okay with slowing down. He no longer feared getting attached, allowing himself to hope again. It felt foreign, but at the same time, it felt as easy and comfortable as though he’d been doing it his whole life. 

He found his eyes drawing back to Artemis. Whatever it was that made Wally this way…it was because they were good at pretending, right? He was simply getting caught up in the scheme, that was all. Just good method acting. 

So Wally brushed the thought off and shoved Dick with his shoulder. “Stop playing feelings doctor. I thought Megan was supposed to be the mind reader.” It made Dick laugh, but thankfully he got the hint and dropped the subject, much to Wally’s relief. Though he mentally stored that conversation to reflect on later when he could psycho-analyze himself in peace. 

Because now? Now was carnival time. 

They played a few games, starting off with the easiest ones. Wally was very pleased to win the basketball hoops, if only because Artemis’ ball got stuck in the hoop at the last second. Wally’s victory was short-lived, though, when he tripped over his feet in the middle of his happy dance. Talk about a buzzkill. 

The quartet got through about six games before ending with the ring toss—the last activity before Zatanna had to leave for her show. Artemis and Dick creamed them at that one, of course. Wally came in last place, as he only got one hoop around the stick. Zatanna beat him with two.

“I don’t get how you two can be so good at this,” Wally said, flexing his wrist. 

Artemis shrugged and twirled a metal hoop around her finger. “I’ve been aiming stuff at targets all my life. Everything else is easy after you master hitting a tiny target a hundred feet away.” She let the hoop fly off her finger and, through some miracle, it flew and landed perfectly around one of the sticks. Artemis blew on her fingers like a cowboy with a pistol. 

“And one time I knocked out a mugger by throwing my gun at him,” Dick chimed in. 

“I don’t think that’s how you’re supposed to use a gun,” Artemis snorted.

Dick shrugged. “Still pretty effective though.” 

Zatanna threw her last hoop, watching it ricochet off the backboard and clatter to the floor. “Yeah, well, we can’t all be ninjas like you two.” She dusted off her hands and pulled out her phone to check the time. “Whoops, eleven minutes to show time. I’ve gotta go get ready. You guys will be watching, right? I’ve added some cool new features to my show that I think you’ll _really_ want to see.” 

“Definitely,” said Artemis. “Break a leg.” 

Zatanna and Dick walked off, leaving Wally and Artemis alone. “You know...” Artemis said, tossing a hoop in the air and catching it. “We still have time for one more game. Wanna try your hand at balloon darts?” 

Wally grinned. “Artemis Crock, I like the way you think.”

* * *

“Ladies and gentlemen, I proudly present, the magical Zatanna Zatara!” 

This was far from Wally’s first time at one of Zatanna’s magician shows. All in all, he’d attended at least twelve. More if you include the times she’d sometimes show him new tricks she was working on. 

Contrary to what one might think, Wally actually really enjoyed magic shows. They were like challenges. He liked watching and trying to figure out how they did the trick, how to prove it wasn’t real magic by figuring out the scheme behind all the pizzazz. He and Zatanna had an ongoing game where she would try to come up with increasingly difficult tricks with the hope that Wally wouldn’t be able to figure them out. So far, she’d been unsuccessful. 

And besides, even if Wally _hadn’t_ liked magic shows, Zatanna’s were still always worth watching. 

Wally and Artemis picked a spot to stand that was closer to the back, where they could spot Dick right at the front, watching his fiancée with pride. 

The stage was small, out in the open. It was nestled in the large space between the largest refreshment stands, the perfect place to gather an audience. Two spotlights shined on Zatanna, who was in her usual magic show attire: white collared shirt with a black blazer, a white bowtie, fishnets, and a black magician’s hat to top it all off. 

Zatanna had a general routine for each of her shows: Start off with the more minor tricks and work her way up to the most amazing to finish with a bang. Per the usual, this time she started off with a simple card trick, asking for a volunteer from the audience. A young lady from the front raised her hand, and Zatanna beckoned her onstage. 

“Pick a card,” she said. When the woman did, Zatanna pulled out a pen and instructed her to sign it. She did. 

“Oh, I know this one,” Wally whispered to Artemis. “She’s going to switch the signed card with a normal one.” He pointed. “See, she slipped the signed one into her sleeve when she put away the deck, so the one she has now is just a normal card.” 

On stage, Zatanna proceeded to rip up the card in her hand. “Now I will restore your card, good as new at the top of the deck.” Then she proceeded to speak her “magic words,” which Wally was pretty sure was just normal English said backwards. _“Drac, evom ot pot fo eht kced!”_

She pulled the deck back out of her pocket, doing a quick show of her hands, then sliding the top card off the deck. “Is this your card?” She turned the card so it faced the crowd, revealing it to be the same one, signature and all. The audience clapped, mystified. 

The show went on much like that, with Wally whispering hints to Artemis with each new trick. The best part about Zatanna’s shows? Even if Wally didn’t believe in magic and debunked every trick, they were still such compelling acts he found himself entertained anyway. Zatanna just had such a way with magic that even if it wasn’t real, it never made her any less magical to watch. 

Twenty minutes later, and Zatanna was just about to perform her fifth, final trick. 

Artemis was the one who spoke this time. She raised herself to Wally’s height and whispered, “Zee told me about this one. She said she designed it specifically so you wouldn’t be able to figure it out.” 

Wally rolled his eyes. “I’ve been able to debunk every one of her tricks. I think I can handle this one.”

Zatanna stood at the center of the stage, the spotlights on her dimming dramatically. “For my final act, I’m going to need one more volunteer.” Many people eagerly raised their hands, and Zatanna selected one man in the middle of the crowd. He came onstage, and Zatanna said, “I would like you to empty your pockets, please.” Then again, to the audience this time, “And everyone else, too, please make sure all of your pockets are empty,” she instructed. Wally didn’t have anything in his own besides his wallet and a rubber band. 

“Sir, I would like you to pick one thing you took from your pockets, anything you like.” He selected a credit card. “Perfect,” said Zatanna. “I’d like you to read out the first three numbers for me, please?”

“Five, seven, eight,” he read aloud. 

“Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to borrow your card for just a moment.” When she took it, she turned back to the crowd. “Someone please call out a color, any color.” 

The first person to shout said orange. Zatanna gave a confident smile and threw the card in the air. _“Siht si hsirebbig tub ouy tn’od wonk eht ecnereffid!”_ She caught it in both hands, concealing it for a moment before opening her hands again to reveal that the card, once blue, had turned orange. The crowd applauded. 

“Another color,” said Zatanna. Two more people answered, this time shouting out pink and rainbow. _”Siht tsuj ni, swobniar era yag, sklof!”_ Zatanna did the same thing, throwing the card in the air and turning it neon pink, then again to a perfectly blended rainbow. The crowd went wild. 

Artemis leaned in close. “How do you explain that, Baywatch?” 

To be frank, Wally didn’t know. He’d watched Zatanna the whole time, searching for any sleight of hand or deceit, but he came up with nothing. Still, he wasn’t dissuaded so easily. “The guy was probably a plant or something. Maybe they made copies of the card in every color beforehand.” 

Before Artemis could reply, Zatanna said, “And now for the best part of this trick. Watch as I magically teleport this card before your very eyes.” From the stage, Zatanna made eye contact with Wally where he stood far off in the audience. Her eyes filled with smug determination. _“Yllaw si na toidi, sedud!”_

She threw the card into the air once more and this time, when she caught it, she opened her hands to reveal the card had vanished. “Now I would like for everyone to check their pockets, please.” Her eyes locked on Wally’s again, and he felt a sinking feeling in his gut. 

And, sure enough, when Wally reached into the supposedly empty pocket of his jacket, his fingers closed around something flat and hard. “Goddammit,” he murmured to himself, and pulled out the card. 

Artemis saw the motion and smirked. “Now what do you call that?” Wally didn’t answer, too busy trying to go through all the possible ways Zatanna could have pulled that off. 

“Whoever has the card now, please raise your hand,” Zatanna said, though the way she so smugly stared at Wally told him she’d had this planned out all along. He slowly raised the hand with the rainbow card in it, and Zatanna grinned. “Please, sir, read out the first three numbers on that card for us?” 

Wally grimaced as he glanced at the card. Sure enough, there they were. Reigning in his frustration, Wally said, loud enough for Zatanna to hear onstage, “Five, seven, eight.” The audience roared, clapping and whistling in amazement. 

Zatanna held up her hands for quiet. “Trick’s not over yet, folks. You, with the card, would you mind throwing it up in the air for me? As high as you can.” 

Wally ignored Artemis’ knowing look and did as asked, expecting the worst. Zatanna spoke her magic words. 

_“Eht airdnocodim si eht esuohrewop fo eht llec!”_

At the highest point, the card suddenly disappeared into thin air. The crowd gasped in shock, while Wally’s eyebrows furrowed. Logically, that shouldn’t have been possible, and it gnawed at him. The whole trick did. He looked up at Zatanna for explanation, but she faced the man onstage. 

“Sir, I would like you to check your pockets again.” He did, and when he reached into his right pocket, his eyes widened. He slowly pulled out his hand to reveal in it his credit card, back to its original color. Zatanna bowed, and Wally hadn’t heard applause that loud in years. 

Artemis nudged him in the side and said, speaking over the noise of the audience, “Any explanation for _that?”_ She radiated smugness, and Wally couldn’t blame her. 

“If I had more time I could totally figure it out, you know. Just because you can’t explain it doesn’t make it magic.” 

Artemis put a finger to her chin, thinking it over. “Hm, that sounds an awful lot like someone who’s too afraid to admit there’s such a thing as magic. Pity.” 

Wally stuffed his wallet and rubber band back in his pocket, turning and stalking off to one of the benches. “Whatever. I’m going to wait for Zatanna and Dick to come back, and then we’ll ask _her_ how she did it. So _ha.”_

Unfortunately, by the time Zatanna came back changed into her regular clothes and was immediately bombarded by Wally for answers, she merely smiled. “Magic.” 

“Okay, but seriously. I’ve been able to figure out every single one of your tricks but this one. How did you do it? Was the guy a plant? Did you have multiple copies of the card? A backwards pickpocket in the audience who slipped the card into my pocket when I wasn’t looking?” 

“No, no, and no,” Zatanna replied. “I told you, it’s always magic.” She wiggled her fingers in front of his face. 

Wally scowled. “This isn’t fair, you know.” 

“Fine, then how about a deal? You admit magic is real, and I’ll tell you how I magically did my very magical magic trick.” 

“Not gonna happen.” 

Zatanna shrugged. “Well, I can’t say I never tried.” 

She turned to Dick. “So, Dickie, I think you and I have a date on a certain roller coaster.” To Wally and Artemis: “We’ll meet you guys back here in an hour, okay?” And with that, Dick threw an arm over her shoulders and they walked off to the other end of the park. 

“Wasn’t she the one who planned our whole night out half an hour ago?” Artemis asked. 

“When do the things we do ever go as planned?”

“Fair enough,” she allowed, smiling playfully. 

Wally smiled back. “So, you up for some more games? Because I’ll admit, I’m undefeated at Whac-A-Mole. It’s embarrassing, really.” 

“Yeah, I’ll bet.” 

They played nearly every game in the park, getting predictably competitive as they did so. Then again, was anything they did _not_ competitive? Artemis beat Wally at all of the shooting games, of course. That was unsurprising. But Wally proved himself confirmed champion at Whac-A-Mole and skeeball. 

After they finished up the strongman game, (Artemis beat Wally by two points), Wally led the way to the bottle game. “Are you serious?” Artemis protested. “Everyone knows these games are rigged.” 

Wally wagged a finger. “Not if you know how they rigged it.” They went over to the game and waited while another customer finished up his turn. As figured, he had no luck. On his third ball he hit the stack of milk bottles right in the middle, which should have knocked them all down, but one still stayed standing, barely wobbling. 

“Too bad. Better luck next time,” the carnie said as he reset the bottles. 

Wally leaned in close to Artemis and pointed at the bottle to the bottom right. “You see that bottle? It’s weighted. That’s how they rig it. One bottle is twice as heavy as the others so you can’t knock all three down, but you can do it if you hit that bottle in just the right way. It’s all math.” 

Artemis raised her brows. “Huh. Not bad, Kid Genius.” 

Wally winked as he handed over his ticket to the carnie. “Watch and learn, milady.” He picked up his first baseball and aimed carefully at the stack, his eyes narrowed in concentration. He reared his arm back and threw the ball, missing the bottle by an inch. 

Artemis laughed. “Hey, in case you didn’t know, the goal is to actually _hit_ the bottles.” 

Wally rolled his eyes. “Shut up. Just needed to warm up, is all.” Wally may have been a track star, but traditional sports most definitely weren’t his forte. Especially those that required good aim, which Wally pitifully lacked in. 

Picking up his second ball and tossing it in the air a few times, Wally threw it as hard as he could. It sailed right past the bottle stack and hit the board behind it, ricocheting and nearly hitting another carnival-goer in the back of the head. Wally winced. “Sorry!” he called. 

Artemis leaned against the counter of the booth, a smile tugging at her lips. “So you really can’t aim to save your life, can you?” 

“I can,” Wally insisted. “It’s just…the sunlight. Yeah, the sun’s in my eyes.” 

Artemis stared at him for a long time. “It’s dark out, you idiot.” 

Oh. Yeah. 

Wally was about to change course, but Artemis held up a hand to stop him. “Save it. Now come on, you hopeless thing. I’ll show you how it’s done.” She pushed off from the counter and came over until she was behind Wally. She reached around him, wrapping her hand around his which held the ball. Her other hand gripped his shoulder. 

“Okay, now watch the spot you want it to hit,” she said. Her breath was warm against the shell of his ear. “You have to be completely focused on the target, not the ball. Just keep looking at that target.”

Wally’s pulse pounded in his ears, and he hoped she couldn’t hear it. Being so intimately close to Artemis like this made it hard to think. But he tried to do as she asked, training his eyes on a spot right in the middle of that damned weighted bottle. 

Slowly, Artemis drew his arm back. “Now let go of the ball at the point it gets farthest away from your body. But don’t let your eyes leave the target,” she said. Her hair tickled the back of Wally’s neck. He smelled something sweet—her shampoo? _Calm down,_ he told himself. _Focus._

With Artemis guiding him, Wally threw his arm forward, watching the ball spin in the air as it flew straight toward the stack. It hit the stubborn bottle right at the center, sending it and the others all toppling over at once. 

Wally’s face brightened. “Hey, I did it!” 

Artemis sounded proud when she said, “See, I told you. It’s all about the aiming.” 

It was around that same time when they both realized Artemis was still pressed against Wally, her hand still wrapped around his, fingers almost interlocking. Wally felt her choke on her breath. She pulled away, leaving Wally feeling cold once she was gone. She quickly dropped his hand, and Wally couldn’t help being disappointed she let go so soon. 

The carnie, a little grumpy that they beat his game, said, “Pick any prize.” He gestured to the rows of stuffed animals hanging overhead. 

Wally turned to Artemis. “You heard the man. Pick a prize, oh wise teacher,” he said, grinning. 

Artemis picked out a Cheshire Cat plush. The man took it down from its hook and handed it to her. “Thanks,” she said, though her eyes were on Wally. 

“All right. Off to the next game, I guess.” Wally started off, but Artemis’ hand tugged him back. 

“Hold your horses, Baywatch. We have to commemorate the occasion.” She pointed at a red and white photo booth a few feet away, nestled into the corner a distance between the roller coaster and the park fence. It was secluded, almost unnoticed compared to everything else. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” 

She pulled harder on his hand, tugging him closer to the booth. “Come on, we have to. I want to remember the moment when I got to actually teach you how not to screw up at something. Plus, it’ll be more convincing to everyone that this was a real date if we have a souvenir. Nothing says ‘date night’ like a cheesy photo booth session.” 

To Wally’s chagrin, she did make a compelling argument. So, against his greater instincts to book it as far away as he possibly could, Wally let her shove him into the booth. The space was small—so small he found himself squished up against Artemis when she slid in beside him on the uncomfortable bench. 

Wally brushed a lock of Artemis’ hair off where it fell against his shoulder. “This thing is making me claustrophobic,” he muttered. 

Artemis looked around the small booth curiously. “I’ve actually never been in one of these things before.”

“Me neither,” Wally admitted. 

“Wish I could say I’m surprised.” 

Wally chuckled and inserted a dollar into the machine. The screen lit up. According to the directions, the camera would take five photos, giving them ten seconds between each one. 

The counter began counting down from ten. 

“Okay, uh. Smile, I guess,” Wally said. He was stiff next to Artemis, whose shoulder was pressed against his. He didn’t make any move to get closer or pose, and she didn’t either. It felt like when he’d attended his senior prom and Iris kept making him pose for pictures when really, all he’d wanted was to just leave already. He’d felt awkward then and he felt awkward now.

He was pretty sure he was smiling, but his lips felt like stretching a rubber band. The camera flashed. The picture displayed itself on the screen. 

Wally was right when he thought they’d look stiff. Admittedly, it wasn’t a bad picture. Kind of reminded him of the pictures of couples he’d see in magazines and catalogues advertising engagement rings or something. But it just…It didn’t fit. It didn’t _feel_ like the kind of picture Wally and Artemis would take. It looked silly, in a way. It looked like they were trying too hard and it threw them off kilter completely. 

Artemis snorted, confirming Wally’s thoughts. “You look like an awkward statue.” 

“Like you look any better?” Well, actually, Artemis looked pretty good in that photo, which came to Wally as no surprise. But he wasn’t about to, you know, say it. 

Artemis bumped him with her shoulder. “Come on, Wally, we have to act like we’re a normal couple who can take a picture together without being all weird. We need to look natural.” 

“You want natural? Fine.” The countdown was at four. Wally quickly shifted his arm, raising it until his elbow rested on Artemis shoulder from behind her head. He held up two fingers, giving her bunny ears, and smiled at the camera. The flashing light illuminated Artemis’ glare. 

When the picture showed on the screen, Wally laughed like a maniac. Artemis just rolled her eyes. “You’re hilarious,” she deadpanned. 

Wally took back his arm and crossed it with the other one over his chest. “I’m glad you’re finally acknowledging it. It’s about time I got some recognition for how funny I am.” 

The timer was at nine. 

Artemis arched an eyebrow. “Seriously?” She crossed her arms, mimicking Wally. In a bad imitation of Wally’s voice, she said, “Hi, I’m Wally, the lame carrot man who listens to cheesy nineties songs and eats more food than that creepy Pokémon that can eat mountains, yuk yuk yuk.” 

Wally cracked up, laughing so hard he had to steady his arm on his knee before he fell over. Artemis lost her smirk and started laughing as well until soon the two were gasping for air, leaning on each other for support. The camera flashed, but neither cared. 

When they finally sobered up, still giggling occasionally, Wally picked up his head and realized he and Artemis had gotten close. Like, _really_ close. Close enough he could feel her breath on his cheek. Close enough that he should have probably pulled away by now. Close enough it should have been weird that he didn’t _want_ to pull away. Her face was just inches away from his—so close he could see the flecks of blue in the gray of her eyes and a tiny freckle above her right eyebrow that he’d never noticed until now. 

Her eyes were fixed on his—captivating and keeping him from looking away. Her breath hitched, but she didn’t pull back. Why wasn’t she pulling back? Why wasn’t _he_ pulling back? 

_Ten._

“Wally,” she said softly, snapping him out of his daze. Her breath ghosted across his face. 

_Nine._

He made some sound between _What?_ and _Wuh-un?_ His mouth was suddenly dry as a desert. 

_Eight._

Her eyes were serious, flickering back and forth between his. Her voice was little more than a whisper now when she said, “I’m going to kiss you.” Just like that. So soft he barely heard it. 

_Seven._

Wally’s breath shuddered, but he didn’t move. Didn’t pull away. Just stayed a breath away from Artemis as though some force refused to let him put his instincts into action. 

_Six._

“Tell me now if you want me to stop.” Her eyes looked unsure, like she was just waiting for him to say no. Begging him to turn away. 

He didn’t. He didn’t say no, didn’t pull back. If anything, he inched a nanometer closer, not breaking eye contact. “I don’t…” He licked his lips. “I don’t want you to stop.” 

_Five._

“It’s just for the camera,” Artemis whispered, moving a fraction closer as well, still not touching him. Her eyes flicked down to his lips, then back to his eyes. Gauging his reaction. Seeing if this was okay. 

_Four._

“J-just for the camera,” Wally repeated, no more than a breath. “It doesn’t mean anything.” 

_Three._

Their faces drew closer, almost in slow motion, neither wanting to move too suddenly. Closing in, centimeter by centimeter, until Artemis’ lips hovered over Wally’s, not quite touching, but close enough he couldn’t ignore their presence. Outlining. Waiting. If he moved his lips, they would be brushing hers. 

_Two._

“We’re just acting,” she exhaled, like she was reassuring herself. Her breath was warm against his chapped lips. Somewhere in the background, the timer beeped a warning, but Wally was too foggy-minded to pay it any attention. His mind was spinning, only one single word getting through. The only one that mattered. _Artemis. Artemis. Artemis._

With her name in his head, Wally impulsively crossed that last bit of air between them, meeting Artemis’ lips with his own. And, like waves crashing over the shore, they were kissing. 

_One._

The camera flashed, but it was as irrelevant as the rest of the universe.

* * *

_Lightning._

Sparks of white hot lightning burst behind Wally’s eyelids and raced down his veins, sending shockwaves all throughout his body. His lips moved with Artemis’, their mouths slotting together like pieces of a puzzle finally reuniting. 

Wally hadn’t realized he’d raised his hands until they were on the sides of Artemis’ face, his fingertips touching her temples just firm enough to hold her close to him. One of Artemis’ hands snaked up his arm until it was pressed against the junction between his neck and collarbone. 

In the back of his mind, Wally became vaguely aware of the camera counting down the final seconds for the next picture, but it barely registered. The sensation chased all thoughts away. He didn’t notice the flash of light in front of his eyelids when it happened; Artemis had struck him blind, deaf, and dumb. And he welcomed it. 

He felt like screaming. He felt like singing. He felt like running until his lungs burned and the wind stole what was left of his breath. Every sane thought—the ones that demanded he remember this was _Artemis,_ that this wasn’t what was _supposed_ to happen—got crushed by other, stronger thoughts that agreed, _Exactly, this is Artemis._

Blonde, strong, beautiful, _amazing_ Artemis. Artemis and her stupid nicknames for him. Artemis and her long silky hair which he was really starting to enjoy the sensation of running his fingers through. Artemis and her fiery temper that made him want to scream with rage and delight and fury and joy. Artemis, Artemis, _Artemis._

He couldn’t see anything besides the splotches of light bursting in front of his eyelids. He couldn’t hear anything but Artemis’ small puffs of breath that ghosted against his lips. He couldn’t think about anything but how much he wanted to stay in this exact moment for the rest of his life. He couldn’t think, plain and simple. 

He didn’t want it to end. He wanted to stay right here, right now, in this crappy carnival photo booth with Artemis for all of eternity, where problems and fake relationships and lies were nothing but a faint memory. 

But unfortunately, all good things have to end sometime. 

When they finally separated, it was Artemis who did it. She pulled back so suddenly it sent Wally reeling, and he would have leaned back in to sweep up her lips again had it not been for her hands on his shoulders, holding him in place. Her eyes were wide, her face flushed. She looked just as shocked as he felt. 

They sat there breathing heavily, staring at each other with wide eyes and red faces. Wally didn’t know what Artemis was thinking, but his brain was moving so fast it was all a useless jumble of thoughts and feelings and realizations. 

Holy shit. Holy _shit._

He just kissed Artemis. 

He just kissed Artemis and he _liked_ it. 

He just kissed Artemis and he liked it so much he wanted to do it _again._

He just kissed Artemis and—

They jumped when Artemis’ phone chimed, breaking the daze. Wally jerked back when he realized they were practically glued together, moving as far away from Artemis as the photo booth would allow. 

Fingers fumbling, Artemis pulled out her phone and checked the screen. Her voice was rough when she said, “Z-Zatanna and Dick. They’re wondering where we are.” 

“Oh.” Wally licked his lips. 

“We should probably go meet them.” 

Neither made any move to leave. It was eventually Artemis who moved first after so long in empty silence, staring and breathing and reeling. Tearing her eyes away from Wally’s, she slid out of the booth, and Wally followed, his legs wobbly. He wasn’t sure if Artemis was as much of a mess as he was, but he felt like he’d just been electrocuted.

Artemis smoothed out her hair and took a deep breath. She didn’t make eye contact with Wally when she said, “We should—We should probably go.” 

“Y-Yeah, we should…Yeah.” Shakily, he followed her. 

They were only a few footsteps away when Wally suddenly remembered: “Hang on, we forgot the photos.” He rushed back and grabbed the two strips of photo paper, shoving them into his back pocket without looking at them. He ran to catch up with Artemis. 

They had hot pretzels and sodas with Zatanna and Dick, but it was so tense Wally was afraid he’d combust into flames. To the naked eye, they were at ease. They joked around with their friends and laughed, but Wally and Artemis didn’t dare look at each other the entire time. 

Even when it was time to leave, things hadn’t settled at all. Wally just kept getting bombarded with the realization that _I just made out with Artemis._ It was like he’d suddenly become a broken record. That phrase kept repeating over and over, making everything else fade into background noise. He was fairly sure he nodded and replied whenever Dick or Zatanna said something, but none of it registered. They didn’t seem to notice anything amiss, though, so he must have been doing something right. 

To keep himself from going crazy, Wally kept reminding himself over and over that it was _just acting._ That kiss, everything that happened, it was all fake. They only did it because they had to. It was just pretend. Just pretend. Just pretend. 

He would repeat that to himself over and over again until, hopefully, he would start to believe it. 

And it was fake, right? Artemis wouldn’t kiss him because she wanted to kiss him. They just needed something to solidify their relationship in a way that would convince everyone else. That was all it was. 

Wally was so busy with his mental breakdown, he didn’t even notice the fact that they never did wind up showing Dick and Zatanna the pics. Their little publicity stunt stayed a secret. 

When Artemis dropped him off at his building later, it was late. Wally didn’t feel tired, though. If anything, his nerves felt like they’d been infused with caffeine. 

Even after he got off the bike, he and Artemis lingered on the sidewalk for a moment. Artemis’ eyes shone in the moonlight. Wally looked at her, at the way her hair was tucked behind her ear, at the way her brows pinched, like she was warring with herself just as much as Wally was. 

She cleared her throat. “I had fun tonight,” she said. “I mean—I know it was all fake. But…still. It was fun.” 

“Me too,” Wally said. He wanted to say more, say _anything,_ but he couldn’t articulate his thoughts enough to voice it. To be honest, he didn’t know what he was feeling right now. Artemis seemed to read his mind. 

“So, uh, that kiss…” she started. She looked up at him, for once unsure. “That was fake too, right? Just part of the job description?” 

Wally almost said no. He _wanted_ to say no. “Yeah,” he found himself saying instead. “Acting. Just acting.” 

Artemis nodded, and he couldn’t tell if it was a disappointed nod or not. “Acting,” she repeated. She took a deep breath. “Good. Just checking.” She turned to get back on her bike, but Wally remembered something. 

“Oh, Artemis, hang on. I forgot—” He pulled the strips of photos out of his pocket and handed one to her. “Souvenir,” he said, smile playing at his lips. 

She looked at the photos, then folded the slip and put it in her own pocket. “Thanks,” she said quietly, corner of her mouth lifting into an almost-smile. “Goodnight.” 

“Goodnight,” Wally said, his breath fogging in the cold air. 

Wally watched from the sidewalk even after she sped away, disappearing down the block. It was another minute of standing frozen before Wally finally turned and trudged up to his apartment, his mind circling so fast he didn’t realize he’d even made it there until he was shrugging out of his jacket and throwing it over a chair. He plopped down in the same chair and, for the first time that night, looked at the photos. 

The first three were amusing. In the first one, they looked stiff and statuesque, reminding Wally of an old painting. The next one made him laugh quietly. Artemis looked so mad as Wally gave her the bunny ears, but it was a cute mad. Like she was holding herself back from laughing along with him. Which she did in the middle one, and Wally smiled fondly at the memory of Artemis’ laugh, something that had somehow become one of his favorite sounds. And the last two… 

Wally swallowed hard as heat flared beneath his skin. To anyone else seeing the photos, they would shrug it off, because they looked just like any other couple. They were definitely convincing enough, that’s for sure. But that’s what gave him pause. 

Artemis’ words echoed in his ears: _That was fake too, right? Just part of the job description?_

Wally lifted a hand to rub at his forehead and closed his eyes. Why was this messing him up so badly? Looking at these photos sent sparks crackling through Wally’s whole body, working their way from his heart in every direction. He couldn’t explain what it was. 

Kissing Artemis had been…an experience. In that moment, he forgot that it was all fake. He forgot it was only for the camera. He forgot they were just pretending. In that one moment, it had all felt so undeniably real, he could have fooled himself into believing it was. 

And the worst part? He almost _wanted_ it to be real. But why would he want that? There was no reason he’d be having such monumental feelings over a little kiss with Artemis unless—

Eyes snapping open, Wally dropped the photos, letting them flutter down to the table. 

_Oh, no._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, this entire chapter: "Wally, you're in denial." Black Canary would agree with me. 
> 
> By the way, the Harry Potter thing was suggested by my best friend in the universe, Julie, aka @damthosefandoms on Tumblr, aka @damsevendemigods on here. I rant to her all the time about this fic and she suggested it as a minor thing to add but here I am, having an entire scene revolve around Wally and Zatanna being total Harry Potter nerds.


	7. One Step at a Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So, let me just get my head wrapped around this,” he said, closing his eyes. “You mean to tell me everything about your and Artemis’ relationship was made up?” 
> 
> “Yup,” Wally said, idly tracing an infinity sign on the table with his finger. 
> 
> “So you and Artemis weren’t _actually_ in love when this all started.” 
> 
> “No.” 
> 
> “But now you are and she’s not?” 
> 
> “Yep.” 
> 
> “But you’re not supposed to be.” 
> 
> “Exactly.” 
> 
> Dick blew out a puff of air, letting it all sink it. “Wow. That’s…really complicated. You’re in quite a pickle, my friend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be posted over a week ago, but I got distracted cutting off other characters' legs and also I am actual garbage so yeah. Moral of the story is this is very late and I'm sorry. I wound up finally finishing it this morning and spent the rest of that time editing, but something happened and all my editing work was lost. So, in the name of not carinb, I'm posting it now without editing again because I'm Tired so yeah. Enjoy!
> 
> Also introducing two new characters: Drunk Megan and Drunk Zatanna

**December 20, 02:49 EST**

**Wally**

Wally’s List of Problems, in No Particular Order: 

1) He had a crush on Artemis  
2) Artemis _definitely_ didn’t have a crush on him  
3) They were only supposed to be fake dating  
4) They were going to “break up” after the wedding, which was in less than two weeks  
5) His back _really_ itched and he couldn’t reach it

Wally had half a mind to bang his head against a wall until he forgot everything that had ever happened to him in his life. Or, since November at the earliest. At least that way he wouldn’t have to sit here while his emotions had complete breakdowns. 

Wally hadn’t moved since flopping upside-down onto the couch in disbelief about ten minutes ago, hanging his head off the seat while his brain moved faster than even he could comprehend. _Think rationally, Wally,_ he told himself. _It’s what you’re good at._

But he _couldn’t_ think rationally, that was the problem. He ran through every moment he and Artemis had shared, trying to find something that made sense. How had this happened? How had Wally fallen for Artemis without even knowing it was happening until it was too late? Sounded like the start of a Taylor Swift song. 

He couldn’t even pinpoint the exact moment it happened. It wasn’t like in the movies where he had some glorious _Aha!_ moment and was suddenly smitten from that moment on. More like quicksand, if anything. Over the course of weeks, Wally sank deeper and deeper into that cursed love pit, so slowly that by the time he realized his predicament, he was already waist-deep with no way out. 

To be fair, he probably should have noticed it earlier, but how was he supposed to know the things he felt for Artemis were romantic? All those flutters in his stomach and the warmth in his chest that arose whenever he saw her, he’d assumed that was just a case of really bad indigestion. Certainly not _love._ Since when was that even an option?

Fuck, this was bad. This was _really bad._ Nothing about this deal was supposed to be long-lasting. Wally wasn’t supposed to get anything out of it besides a convenient way to cover his own tracks and keep everyone else in the dark. After the wedding, he and Artemis were scheduled to go right back to where they started: rivals and nothing more. No fuss, no mess. 

But getting attached… Well, that made a whole lot of mess. A whole lot of mess that Artemis had never agreed to. 

Wally got dizzy from all the blood rushing to his brain and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he stared up at the flipped image of his living room, trying to come up with a plan. Should he pretend this dumb crush never happened? Should he back out of the deal and not show up for the wedding? Should he pursue the slim possibility of what he so greatly wanted? Should he come clean and release himself and Artemis from the bonds of the deal before it was too late? Nothing seemed right. 

Again, Wally tried rationality. It was late. He was tired, and warring with himself like this would get him nowhere. If he kept going like this, he would drive himself nuts. 

What Wally really needed was some guidance. A wise friend trustworthy enough to think through this situation in a thoughtful way and help come up with a solution. Someone so grown up and responsible, nothing could possibly ever go wrong.

* * *

**December 20, 03:16 EST**

**Wally**

“Wally, would you mind telling me why you felt the need to come to my house and wake me up at three in the morning?” 

Dick Grayson. The solution to Wally’s distress. 

After hours of spiraling, Wally on impulse left his apartment, got into his car, and drove straight to the Grayson/Zatara household without giving himself a second to think it over or consider the drawbacks of revealing his situation to one of the people it was created to deceive. Life’s funny that way. 

Wally now sat in one of Dick and Zatanna’s kitchen chairs, elbows on the table and face in his hands. Dick stood at the counter while he put on a pot of coffee. He yawned, shooting a grumpy look at Wally. But hey, Wally was having a crisis here. A little sleep deprivation was a small price to pay for his mental health, which he could feel dwindling into confetti by the second. 

“I fucked up, Dick. A lot. Like, _a lot_ a lot. Like, so badly I might as well pack my bags, move to Kentucky, and become a spinach farmer with a pet cow named Milkshake.” 

Dick turned around, rubbing his sleep-crusted eyes with one hand. “Are we talking ‘Said “you, too” after getting a coffee’ fucked up? Or ‘There’s a dead man in your trunk right now’ fucked up. Because I’m a cop, remember, so I might not be the best help in that situation.” 

“Neither. Both? I don’t know,” Wally said, words muffled in his hands. Qq

Dick must have been expecting something more colorful, for some of the exhaustion left and made way for real concern. “Hey.” He took a seat at the table, ducking his head to catch Wally’s gaze. “Tell me what happened.” 

So Wally told him. He told him everything—every bizarre, complicated detail. The deal he made with Artemis, the conversation they had in Central, the kiss, the part where somewhere along the way he fell for her without knowing until it was too late. He told him all of it. 

When Wally finished, the clock on the stove read 4:11. Wally was on his fifth cup of coffee, while Dick’s mug remained in front of him, cold and untouched. He had been silent for the entirety of Wally’s roller coaster of a story, and once it was over he sat back, lifting a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. 

“So, let me just get my head wrapped around this,” he said, closing his eyes. “You mean to tell me everything about your and Artemis’ relationship was made up?” 

“Yup,” Wally said, idly tracing an infinity sign on the table with his finger. 

“So you and Artemis weren’t _actually_ in love when this all started.” 

“No.” 

“But now you are and she’s not?” 

“Yep.” 

“But you’re not supposed to be.” 

“Exactly.” 

Dick blew out a puff of air, letting it all sink it. “Wow. That’s…really complicated. You’re in quite a pickle, my friend.” 

“I know,” Wally groaned. His hands wrapped around his mug, thumbs tapping the ceramic at a quick pace. “This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Any of it. Not becoming friends, not spending all this time together, not _liking_ the time we spent together, and definitely not this weird… _crush_ thing. We’re supposed to break up in _eleven days,_ Dick.” 

“And now you don’t want to do that,” Dick summarized. 

Wally ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t…I don’t know. Maybe? After the wedding, we’re supposed to go right back to hating each other like we did before—no mess, no attachments. _That_ was the deal. Not—not liking her for _real._ This is going to ruin everything!” 

He went to drain the rest of his coffee, but Dick snatched it away before he could. “Calm down, Wally. Let’s think this one through, okay? For starters, are you sure you actually like her? It’s not just the thrill of being in a relationship messing with your head?” He had slipped into detective-mode, rationalizing the situation. 

This right here, _this_ was why Wally picked Dick for his confidant. No one could do detective work like Dick, forcing things to make sense when they wouldn’t otherwise. And Wally desperately needed this to make sense.

Wally slumped, his chin falling onto the table. “I mean…I think I do. It feels like I do. But I can’t—I can’t explain it, exactly.” He wrinkled his nose. “It’s frustrating.” 

“What happened to you two hating each other a month ago? I thought it would take a miracle for you to get along.” 

“That’s what I thought too. To be honest, I don’t even know how it happened myself. I mean, I _hated_ Artemis. Or, at least…I think I did. She was always so grumpy and bitter and _sarcastic,_ and we would always fight so much, but at the same time, I kind of liked fighting with her? It was fun, in some crazy way. And we used to fight because we didn’t like each other, but now it’s…different, somehow. She still makes those stupid comments, but now they make me laugh. And she knows what I hate but she also knows what I love, and she doesn’t take risks a lot but when she does, you can see the accomplishment in her eyes and her nose wrinkles and her eyes get all big and bright and _beautiful,_ and—” Wally stopped himself, choking down babbles. 

He risked a glance at Dick, who was nonplussed. “Wow,” he said, crossing his arms over his _Gettin’ Bi_ t-shirt. “You really are hooked, aren’t you?” 

Accepting defeat, Wally turned his head so his cheek pressed against the table. “Yup,” he sighed. 

“Then why can’t you just tell her how you feel? It’s not like it’ll be the end of the world, right?” 

Wally picked his head up so Dick would see him rolling his eyes. “Yes, actually, it will be. It’ll be the end of this. Us. Artemis doesn’t like me, and I promise you, she never will. And to be honest, I don’t blame her. She—we went into this expecting it all to be _temporary._ But my stupid heart had to go and fuck it all up. How is Artemis going to react when I tell her I want to be with her for real? She’ll never talk to me again.” The thought of that happening tasted like rust on his tongue. 

“But what if you’re wrong?” 

“Wrong?” 

“What if she feels the same way?” Dick said it like he believed it, like he actually thought that was a genuine possibility and not just some hopeless notion. 

Wally snorted. “Fat chance of that happening. The only reason we’re faking this relationship to begin with is because it’s just a means to an end. We didn’t go into this expecting it to last longer than a month, and getting the idea that she feels the same way I do is setting myself up for disaster.” 

Dick leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. “But isn’t taking that chance worth it? It’s like Kaldur said; if you don’t take this chance now, you’ll only regret it later on.” 

Kaldur’s words from that day at the suit outlet echoed in Wally’s head, but then another, louder voice overshadowed them. _Find your own little spitfire. One who won’t let you get away with nothin’._ Wally shook his head, willing the voices to leave. 

“No. No, I _can’t._ Telling her and putting that burden of knowing I like her on her shoulders, that would be selfish. It’s not her fault I’m an idiot who can’t keep a stupid promise without his own agenda getting in the way.” 

Dick leveled Wally with a serious look. “Stop calling yourself that,” he said. “I mean it. The way you feel is never your fault, and Artemis will understand that. And from what you’ve told me, it kinda seems like maybe your feelings aren’t as one-sided as you think.” 

Wally scoffed. Yeah, right. But he humored Dick regardless. “Okay, fine. So let’s pretend for a second that I do tell her and by some insane miracle, she feels the same way. What do I do then?”

Dick’s eyebrows furrowed. “You date? I don’t think that one’s too much of a thinker.” 

“Yeah, but you said it yourself, Dick. I can’t _do_ relationships. If through some twist of fate we end up together, that relationship is going to be finished before it even begins. I’ll mess it up before the day is over. It’s pointless.” 

Dick rolled his eyes. “You don’t know that—” 

“Yeah, actually, I do. The last time I dated was with Linda and you remember how that turned out. I got too clingy and—and I didn’t know what I was doing. Having something steady like I want with Artemis…I’m just not built for it, Dick.” 

Screwing his eyes shut, Wally ran a hand through his hair, pulling so hard the ends stuck up. He was rambling again, he knew it, but the brakes were gone and he was riding downhill. “I can flirt with everything on two legs but with actual relationships, I—I panic and I try everything to make sure I _don’t_ screw it up and by doing that I just make things even worse and it ends in one huge, giant disaster and it’s all my fault.” 

Dick’s expression didn’t change. God bless this man‘s endless patience. “But what about this one?” 

Wally looked up, a new string of words dying on his tongue. “This— What?” 

“As far as everyone is concerned, you _are_ in a relationship right now.” 

Wally rolled his eyes. “That doesn’t count and you know it.” 

“But what if it did? If you had screwed up as badly as you’re afraid of doing, Artemis would have quit on you weeks ago. But you didn’t, and you two are cruising it to the wedding date, as perfect as any other fake couple could be.” 

Wally thought about that, teeth worrying his bottom lip. “But what if the only reason it’s working is because it’s not supposed to be real? What if once it _is_ a real thing, I go and fuck everything up like I always do?” 

Dick shrugged. “Honestly? I have no idea. But from what I can tell you, Artemis is different. I saw you with Linda, I saw you when you had that thing for Megan, but I’ve never seen you react like this. Never. You know what that means?”

“That anxiety gets worse with age?”

“That Artemis is special. This entire situation is. You may not see it, but I can. You’re good for each other.” 

“You don’t know that. You don’t know that I’m not completely wrong for her.” Wally buried his head into his folded arms. 

“You’re right. I don’t,” Dick said. “But you never know.” 

Wally considered that, trying to sort it all out. So what if they were, possibly, good for each other? Artemis would never want to consider Wally anything more than a friend, and even that was pushing it. Artemis was beautiful, and headstrong, and fiery, and everything Wally didn’t deserve. Everything he wanted. 

Finally he looked up at Dick, eyes pleading. “So what do I do?” 

Dick thought it over, taking a long sip of cold coffee. “You really like her, don’t you?” 

“I do.” 

“Then you have to tell her, Wally. Not taking this chance would be a mistake and you know it. And if she doesn’t feel the same, then yeah, it’ll be a bummer, but at least you won’t be left wondering for the rest of your life if you should have done something differently.” 

“I don’t know…” said Wally. “What if things work out for a while but get screwed up in the end anyway? How am I supposed to keep myself from running in too fast and messing it all up like I always do?” 

Dick spread his hands uselessly. “I don’t know, you just…you just have to be patient. Take it one step at a time. Things will work themselves out eventually.” 

Wally sighed. “I hope you’re right. I don’t want to lose her. Back when we hated each other… I don’t want to do that again. Everything feels so much _better_ when I’m with her, you know? I can’t stop thinking about her.” 

Dick nodded sagely. “Well that, my friend, is definitely what I’d call love.” 

Wally gave a half-smile. They sipped at their coffees in silence, the shadows at the edges of the room inching back with each passing minute. 

“By the way,” said Dick after a while, “remind me to kill you later for lying to me.” 

Wally grimaced. “I was kind of hoping you’d forget about that small part,” he said sheepishly. 

“You mean the ‘small part’ about this whole thing being because you couldn’t admit you _lied_ about having a date to my wedding?” 

“In my defense, I went to a whole lot of effort to keep you from finding out. Don’t I at least get some recognition for that?” 

“No, no you don’t,” Dick said, a smile gracing his lips. “And for lying, I think it’s only fair you make me pancakes to make up for it.” 

Wally narrowed his eyes. “You’re evil.” 

“Don’t I know it.” 

Wally rolled his eyes. Then a new thought struck him. “Speaking of me lying and all, do you think maybe you could keep this info to yourself? The deal, I mean. Nobody knows besides you, me, and Artemis, and I’d like to keep it that way. Artemis will kill me if she finds out I told you. So just…try not to tell anyone? Please? Even Zee.” He nodded towards the bedroom, where Zatanna still slept. 

Dick waved a hand. “Don’t worry about it,” he said. “Your secret’s safe with me.” 

Wally let out a breath. If nothing else, that was one weight off his chest. Only a million more to go. “Thanks, man. Really.” 

Dick shrugged with one shoulder and smiled. “That’s what pals are for, sorting through romantic issues and whatnot. And at least things are starting to look up for once, right?”

Wally considered that. This talk gave him a lot of chew on, but one thing was for sure. Whether he was really supposed to be with Artemis or not, they still had this. Now. Until the wedding, Wally would at least get these few short days with Artemis to appreciate while they lasted. And that reassurance alone was enough to make him return the smile. 

Things were definitely starting to look up.

* * *

**Group chat: The Mind Link**

**Annataz:** hey wuay do you get whe you mixxx the coloor yelow and a duck 

**Annataz:** A YELLLOW DUKC!;!! 

**HelloMegan!:** HAHAHAAJNA!!!!!! 

**MoonGoddess:** Oh god what’s happening 

**Iconic:** I don’t know but frankly I’m terrified 

**HelloMegan!:** Ssuhhut up Miguel tjis is hilaruiiiis and you kmow it 

**Iconic:** Did you just call me Miguel 

**Fight Me:** Are you guys high? Because I’ve been there and it’s Not Fun don’t do drugs kids 

**Wallman:** thanks JJ Bittenbinder 

**Fight Me:** Street Smarts ™ 

**Conner:** sorry, please disregard this 

**Conner:** we went to a bar and megan and zatanna went a little too hard 

**Wallman:** yikes

 **Conner:** dont worry im the designated driver though so ill make sure they dont get into too much trouble 

**HelloMegan!:** Seee babhy that’s whyy I luve you so much yourr so responsine 

**HelloMegan!:** reslobkme 

**HelloMegan!:** responkje 

**Annataz:** I tnink it’s responsibkle 

**Annataz:** SHIT LOOKK AT THAT FUKIGN CUTE DOG OBER THER3 DO YOU GUY6S SEE IT I TNINK ITS A CORGI 

**HelloMegan!:** OHMYGISGG YOUR3 RIGT SHE’S SO BESITIFUL I WSNT TO CRYYY 

**Annataz:** -sent an image- 

**Iconic:** Zatanna 

**Iconic:** Honey 

**Iconic:** That’s a purse 

**Annataz:** I THINK I WOUKD KMOW WHAT A CORGI LOOOKS LIKE R A Q E L 

**MoonGoddess:** This is amusing yet terrifying at the same time 

**MoonGoddess:** Conner what happened to them?? 

**Conner:** i swear i only turned my back on them for a second 

**Conner:** they wanted to test all the drinks they could to see which was best and before i knew it they were plastered and hiding under one of the tables 

**Annataz:** I fouhd a french fry umder here 

**Wallman:** I thought Dick was going with you guys 

**Wallman:** man, if I had known he wasn’t going, I totally would’ve come instead. I’ve been bored af all day 

**Conner:** he was going to, but he just got a new homicide case so he has to work late 

**Fight Me:** I love how casual that was 

**Fight Me:** “Yeah, somebody got brutally murdered. Guess that means the cops have to work late, what a bummer” 

**Annataz:** MY BOYFERIND SHOOTSA PEEPLE ISNT HE SO GRAET

 **Wallman:** he has literally never shot a single person ever 

**Iconic:** And he’s not even your boyfriend anymore he’s your fiancé

 **Annataz:** AAAAASAAAAAAHHH YOUR RIIGHT 

**Annataz:** HES GUNNA BE MY HUSBANDW SOON ISN4 THAT SO GRAET IM GONN BE A WIFE 

**MoonGoddess:** Is it just me or is this really adorable 

**MoonGoddess:** Reminds me of that vid where the dude was high on pain meds and forgot he was married but got really excited when he was told about it 

**Mermaid Man:** Megan, Zatanna, I would strongly advise you to drink some water.

 **HelloMegan!:** Dont youh wprry your pretyy little butt Kaldi wedre so respponnsibllee 

**Iconic:** Hear that Kaldur I told you your butt is great, even Megan agrees with me. Flaunt that ass my man 

**Wallman:** *gasp* is this adultery I see? In MY group chat?

 **Iconic:** Buddy you are talking to a real live lesbian 

**Wallman:** I thought you were American 

**MoonGoddess:** no actually I heard lesbians are a species native mostly to Lesbos Island

 **MoonGoddess:** They can be found in zoos, though

 **Wallman:** wow, nature is so beautiful 

**Annataz:** HEYY ARTY PARTY I FORGOT TO ASK DID Y8U HAV FUN AT THE CARNIVAL??!!! YOU AND WALL-E LEFT SO FAST AFGTER 

**HelloMegan!:** oHOH I LOOOOVE CARVINALS!!! WAS IT FUN???? 

**Annataz:** IT WAS SO FUN UBTILL WALLY AND ARTSEMIS ACTED WEIRD AT THE END IT WAS LIKE THAT TIME IN GREYSS ANATATOMY WHEN OWEN ACCDIDNELFY FELT UP J0S BOOBS AND THEY WEERE AKWARD ABOUT TI THE NEXT DAY. IT KINDAA DAMPEND THE HOLE MOOD

 **HelloMegan!:** OOOOHJHHH THATS SUCH A GOOD SECRET.. DONR TELL WALDY AND ARTSEMSII THAT WE WERE TALKINH ABOUT THEM THO THEY LIEK KEEPINH SECRETS SOOOO MUCH THEY DON’T WANTS US TO NO THERE SECRETSS 

**Annataz:** YAH SHHHH DONT TELL THEM WE WERE SAYING SKK THIS STUFFF ABOUT THEM SHHHH

 **Iconic:** Oh Drunk Zatanna, I love you and your secret-spilling superpower 

**Annataz:** I LUVE YOU TOO ROCKYYYY  <3<3<3

 **MoonGoddess:** Nothing happened at the carnival. They’re just drunk they don’t even know what they’re talking about 

**Iconic:** Mm-hmmmmm 

**Iconic:** Things are heating up here folks 

**MoonGoddess:** It’s nothing really it’s just the cocktails talking 

**Annataz:** nno its not i erember you and wlally left and playedd games f8r awile and when youu got nback you were bluuuushing and all red amd u guys couldmt even talk to eachpther what happened did you 2 bang on the feris wheel or soemthing ?? 

**Iconic:** ? 

**Fight Me:** You did it on a ferris wheel? That’s seriously gross, guys. Kids ride on those

 **Mermaid Man:** So does Artemis, apparently 

**Wallman:** normally I would be so happy to see Kal making a sexual pun but the fact that it includes me kind of ruins it. good job guys 

**Iconic:** Hey Artemis what’s she talking about? 

**MoonGoddess:** Nothing! 

**MoonGoddess:** Like I said she’s just drunk she doesn’t know what she’s saying 

**Conner:** okay…? 

**Annataz:** anmd wally what were you doings with dickie early this mornign? It waz like 4 am what wsa that 

**MoonGoddess:** What?

 **Wallman:** nothing! I don’t even know what she’s talking about haha 

**Annataz:** no no I remmebebr you guys were talkinh about Artemsi and you thought I was slleeping but I was so sneaky and was awayke and lisstening from my bedromm and hezrd you talking about my beauriful Arty and you sounded wierd even for youu 

**MoonGoddess:** Uhhhh Wally? 

**Wallman:** nothing! 

**Wallman:** Zee go get some coffee or something you’re talking nonsense 

**Mermaid Man:** Wally? Why would you choose to talk to Dick so early in the morning?

 **Wallman:** I didn’t! 

**Fight Me:** Kind of sounds like you did. Drunk people don’t lie 

**Fight Me:** Ohhhh or was Dick having pre-wedding jitters? 

**Conner:** uh oh is that really why he didnt come tonight? 

**Mermaid Man:** Whatever it is, I’m sure he’s over it by now. Or at least he will be by the wedding, right, Wally? 

**Annataz:** waiit what??!! dickie dosent want to marry me??!!!!! why not??!?; ?? T.T 

**Iconic:** I already bought them a toaster, does this mean I get to keep it? 

**Iconic:** Because I already have a toaster 

**HelloMegan!:** bbut now you get TWOO toasters s 

**Iconic:** Shit you right 

**Conner:** i cant believe dick proposed only to get cold feet and back out. poor guy. and this is going to kill zee when shes sober 

**Iconic:** It’s such a shame too, I was really excited to have another pair of married friends

 **Wallman:** HANG ON EVERYONE STOP OKAY 

**Wallman:** DICK DID NOT HAVE SECOND THOUGHTS, NO ONE IS BACKING OUT OF THE WEDDING 

**Annataz:** yaaayYyYY!!!!!!!

 **Mermaid Man:** Why did you tell us he did, then? 

**Wallman:** I didn’t! Roy did! 

**Fight Me:** In my defense, you gave me incomplete context clues 

**Conner:** okay now im confused 

**Conner:** is dick marrying zatanna or not? 

**Wallman:** YES

 **Annataz:** hooorayyyy!! Im saved!!! 

**Fight Me:** Why were you talking to Dick so early in the morning then? 

**Wallman:** don’t you guys think this is getting a little intrusive? 

**Fight Me:** I have nothing better to do than butt into your relationship drama with Her 

**MoonGoddess:** I have a name, asshole 

**Fight Me:** You sure? I’m almost positive your name is Arsenic Cruck 

**MoonGoddess:** Whatever you say, Ray Hooker

 **Conner:** if i didnt get involved in your guys business i would never know what anyone is talking about 

**Conner:** in high school i never paid attention to what people were saying and ended up going to my graduation in scuba gear. never again

 **Iconic:** And I’m married to a doctor. The intrusiveness rubs off 

**Iconic:** Plus it’s been almost a month since I’ve gotten my nails done. I need to fill my gossip quota somehow 

**MoonGoddess: And I would like to know if someone talks about me behind my back**

**Wallman:** we weren’t really even talking about anything 

**Wallman:** I randomly got too anxious to sleep so I went to Dick and Zee’s place for coffee 

**Wallman:** that’s IT 

**MoonGoddess:** What did you say about me then? 

**Wallman:** nothing! 

**Conner:** update: megs and zatanna passed out while they were dancing the harlem shake and now im taking them home

 **Iconic:** The bar was playing the harlem shake? Well that’s a throwback 

**Conner:** oh it wasnt 

**Wallman:** SHAMPOO! 

**MoonGoddess:** What? 

**Wallman:** when I was with Dick 

**Wallman:** we were talking about shampoo and I mentioned that yours smells like vanilla and that was it that was all we said about you 

**MoonGoddess:** That’s…really weird? 

**Wallman:** well it’s the truth 

**Wallman:** moving on now

 **Wallman:** KALDUR

 **Wallman:** been hitting the beach lately? coasting some gnarly waves? give me all the hot goss 

**Mermaid Man:** Er, Wally? It’s winter. 

**Wallman:** oh yeah 

**Wallman:** hey did anyone else watch that new episode of Celebrity Hockey? crazy, right?

 **Fight Me:** Wally, relax 

**Fight Me:** I swear we were just kidding earlier about that Artemis stuff, you don’t need to get all defensive it was just a joke 

**Wallman:** I’m not defensive! 

**MoonGoddess:** Alright, alright, let’s just change the subject, okay? 

**Annataz:** yehah lets tlak about mermaids bevsusw theyre totlsjy real amdm I have proof be ause I watched h2o so I know alllllll about mermaidw 

**Mermaid Man:** I thought you said they passed out. 

**Conner:** they did. they woke up. now theyre in the back seat playing pokemon on the ds gar left the last time he visited 

**Annataz:** I waanna catch all of tje squietles and makes an army to kjll team rocket 

**HelloMegan!:** I love mermaoids!!!!!!! ! !! 

**HelloMegan!:** I aLways wnated2 be a mermaid 

**MoonGoddess:** I was thinking more along the lines of a trip to the movies tonight 

**MoonGoddess:** Anyone interested? 

**Iconic:** I’m in!

 **Mermaid Man:** Me too.

 **Fight Me:** I’m good 

**Annataz:** I WNANA SEE THE CAREBEARS MOVI8E 

**HelloMegan!:** NO NO I WANNA SEE THE ONE WIRH THE FISHHH 

**Conner:** sorry, but you two are going home to take a nap because zee looks ready to puke and im pretty sure you stole some guys hat before we left 

**HelloMegan!:** ITS A FEDORA!!! 

**MoonGoddess:** Wally? Movies? I’ll pay for popcorn 

**Wallman:** actually I can’t go to the movies tonight 

**Iconic:** But you just told us how bored you were 

**Wallman:** yeah I forgot I have a thing tonight. volunteering at the dog shelter. can’t get out of it 

**Wallman:** sorry 

**Wallman:** I actually have to go and do that now, so talk to you later? 

**MoonGoddess:** Oh, okay 

**-Wallman has left the chat-**

**Iconic:** Well 

**Iconic:** That was a fast exit 

**Mermaid Man:** He probably just forgot about it until now and was in a hurry. 

**MoonGoddess:** Yeah, probably…

* * *

**December 21, 14:16 EST**

**Artemis**

_“Hello, Megan!”_

Artemis grabbed another handful of chips from the bowl in her lap as the laugh track played from the TV. She shoved the handful in her mouth, talking around it as she chewed. “Oh, Megan, you forgetful minx.” She brushed a few stray crumbs off her collar. 

Beside her, her phone rang. Fumbling for the remote, Artemis paused the television and answered it. “Mm-hm?” 

_“Artemis, it’s Megan.”_

Artemis swallowed. “Oh, hey. You know, it’s super ironic you called right now. I’m watching that show you like that Garfield’s mom used to—” 

_“I don’t have any time to talk,”_ Megan interrupted, cutting her off. _“You need to come to Dick and Zatanna’s house as soon as humanly possible.”_ She sounded breathless, panicked. 

Artemis sat up, shifting the bowl aside. “Why? Are you okay?” She got up, looking around the living room for where she’d dropped her coat last. She found it draped over a kitchen chair and threw it on, phone pressed to her ear all the while. 

_“Oh God, I don’t even know what happened,”_ Megan said. _“We were just working on wedding plans and I thought going out last night would be relaxing but all it did was make things worse and— Zatanna don’t break that!”_ She made an upset noise. _“It’s really bad, Artemis. Please, just—get here, okay?”_

By that time, Artemis was already out the door, keys in hand. “Yeah, I’m coming. But are you both okay? I thought I heard something crash.” 

_“Yeah, we’re okay. Physically, at least. Just please get here fast.”_ Artemis heard a distant, _“Calm down, we’ll figure this out,”_ then the dial tone as the line disconnected. Artemis jogged the rest of the way to her bike in the garage. 

As she drove, Artemis’ mind ran from hypothesis to hypothesis, preparing for the worst. Everything from _Did the caterer cancel?_ to _Oh no they killed someone didn’t they._

It felt like years before she finally reached the house. Artemis had barely turned off the ignition when she was scrambling off the bike and rushing up the path to the front door. So far the exterior of the house seemed intact—it didn’t look demolished and there were no flames licking at the walls—but that did little to quell her anxiety. 

She didn’t bother knocking and stepped inside, eyes scanning the space with a question dying on her tongue. 

The living room was a disaster. All over were scattered papers, clipboards, and half-made flower bouquets. A chair had been toppled on its side as if kicked in frustration. Zatanna herself stood in the middle of the carnage, fussing over stacks of papers and muttering to herself. On the couch was Megan, sitting with her legs crossed under her and her elbows propped on her knees, looking significantly less panicked than she’d been on the phone. Artemis took this to mean things had hopefully calmed down in the time it took her to arrive. 

Artemis stepped tentatively into the room. “Are you guys…okay?” Nothing seemed amiss aside from the mess, and from what she could tell, no one was injured. 

Megan lifted a hand and gestured vaguely towards Zatanna. “Depends on what your definition of _okay_ is.” Artemis arched an eyebrow. “We had a little problem.” 

Zatanna scoffed, dropping her papers on the coffee table and moving toward the white board on the wall which displayed a long checklist of wedding preparations. She swiped an eraser over it all in a rush. “’Little’? No, _little_ is losing an earring three days before the wedding. This is way more than _little_ —this is a huge mega ginormous fucking problem.”

“We’ll get it sorted out,” Megan tried. Something about the way she said it gave Artemis an idea she’d been down this road before in the time they’d been here. 

“That’s what you told me when I dropped my mom’s necklace down the garbage disposal.”

“We got it _back.”_

“Not in one piece!” 

“Can someone _please_ explain to me what happened?” Artemis demanded. 

Zatanna faced her finally, cheeks flushed and hair frizzy like she’d been pulling at it. “Disaster, Artemis, disaster is what happened.” She ticked off on her fingers. “First the venue called to tell us they wouldn’t be able to provide silverware for the reception, then the wedding band had to cancel because their drummer got mono and our backup band isn’t available that day, and on top of all of that, eleven people still haven’t RSVP’d yet and the deadline is _today.”_ She huffed, breath hitching. “Fuck, this is all—it’s all falling apart.” 

Shaking her head, she picked up a catalogue from one of the many stacks in the room and started rifling through it, scanning madly to try and fix the mess that was everything. “And Megan keeps telling me to calm down but I can’t _afford_ to calm down because the wedding is in nine days and like an idiot I thought we’d be able to have it all done in time. Who _does_ that? Nobody plans a wedding in a month. It’s not even possible, but I thought I could because I’m a _moron_ and now it’s all falling to pieces because fate doesn’t think I should get married at all and everything is getting sabotaged a-and—” Her breath hitched, voice breaking. 

Artemis put a hand on Zatanna’s shoulder, halting her spiral. “Hey, hey, take a breath, Zee. It’s okay.” She spared at glance at Megan, who shrugged as though she were saying, _See what I was talking about?_

“How is any of this okay?” Zatanna dropped the catalogue and pressed her fingertips to her temples. “Nothing is okay right now and I have to find some way to fix it but there’s no _time_ to fix it all. Th-there’s no time to fix it.” 

“Come on, don’t say that—” 

“No, I’m serious. Maybe…Maybe this is a sign, Artemis.” She pushed off Artemis’ hand and sank down onto the couch. “Maybe this is the universe telling me I’m not supposed to be married.”

Well, shit. _This_ was certainly not a conversation Artemis had planned on having today. Especially when taking into account that Artemis’ skill level when it came to comforting people? Mediocre at best. In fact, she’d probably go and make things worse, if anything. Accidentally convince Zatanna the solution to her problems was a bank robbery and a four-day trip to Iceland. 

God, did she wish Megan had called Kaldur instead. _He_ was the one with stored quantities of inspiring pep talks in his repertoire, whereas Artemis was fresh out. 

Still, did she have much choice? At the rate at which Zatanna was panicking, this was clearly the beginning of a meltdown Artemis couldn’t let grow any more than it already had. So, she tried being supportive. “Hey,” she said, “it’s going to be okay.” _“It’s going to be okay”? That’s it?_ She felt the urge to bop herself on the forehead and say, _Hello, Artemis!_

Zatanna shot her a disbelieving look. “How can any of this _possibly_ be okay? I mean, look around us, Artemis.” She gestured to the torn-up plans and discarded arrangements in tatters on the carpet, a watery laugh escaping her. 

Artemis bit her lip. “I’ll give you that. Things aren’t looking great right now, but…” She sought for something helpful. “I’m sure we can fix it, right?” 

“Oh, yeah? How? It’s like every single thing I thought I had under control suddenly decided to turn into crap at the worst possible time.” Another laugh as she shook her head, throat tightening. “Fuck, _nothing_ is working out the way I planned it.” 

Artemis cocked her head to the side. “What, did you expect them to?” 

Zatanna looked up, confused. “What?” 

“Of course things aren’t going as planned. Nothing ever _actually_ goes the way you plan it. Ever watch _Bridezillas?_ Those girls never get through wedding planning without having some kind of disaster, but they always get their happily ever afters at the end, right?” Huh. That wasn’t half bad, actually. Artemis owed herself a pat on the back for her hastily-conjured, somewhat helpful advice. 

But Zatanna shook her head again, doubtful. “Yeah, but they spend months and _months_ planning their weddings. I went and scheduled mine in just one of those because I thought I could do it all myself. Do you know how much detail goes into a wedding? I mean, you have to plan _everything._ The chairs, the name cards, the setup…even the _tissues_ need to be accounted for. I’ll never finish it all myself if things keep getting this screwed up along the way.” 

Artemis wracked her brain for some more wise lines to reassure her with, but apparently she was fresh out. Luckily, Megan saved her. “Duh, that’s why you have us,” Megan said. “Sure, attempting this all yourself would never work, but you’re not by yourself. You’ve got us to help you through it.” 

“Yeah,” Artemis eagerly agreed. “Megan, me, Dick, Wally—everyone is working to make sure this gets done. And it _will_ get done.” 

Zatanna bit her lip. “I don’t know. What if there’s no point? We gave it a shot—we tried making things happen the way we wanted them too, and already we’re failing. Maybe this was a mistake.”

“Just because a few things got screwed up doesn’t mean they were _mistakes—”_

“No, I mean the wedding. Maybe…Dick and I weren’t meant to get married in the first place.” 

Artemis caught Megan’s frightened look. Okayyy, so this crisis was clearly more than the result of things going wrong. “What are you talking about? You’ve been ecstatic about marrying Dick from day one. You spent an hour drunk-crying yesterday about how happy you were.” 

“Yeah, but look at it all now. The plans are falling apart, my dad isn’t here to walk me down the aisle, everyone thinks we’re rushing into it too fast, what’s even the _point_ anymore?” Her voice rose in volume at the end, bordering on hysterical. 

“Now hang on,” Artemis said, waving her hands. “What happened to the Zatanna I know who would have sold her left arm if it meant getting her dream wedding? A couple days ago you were dead set on being with Dick forever.” 

“And I still am!” Zatanna said. “But…I don’t know, I just thought it would be easier than this. I always had this picture in my head of my fairy princess wedding with flowers and music and rainbows. And now it’s finally happening, but it’s like everything around me is moving so fast. Three weeks ago, the farthest I had to plan was what I’d have for dinner that night. And I’m not even _married_ yet but I’m already cracking under the pressure of planning what’s supposed to be the beginning of my new life. At this point, I don’t even know if we’ll make it to the wedding day.” She swallowed thickly, hanging her head. “I don’t know, maybe it’s time we called it quits.” 

_Fuck, fuck, abort mission,_ Artemis’ head screamed at her. _Find someone better equipped for this and make a break for it._ But that route was decidedly out of the question, so she tuned out her head and let the rest of her take over. 

Artemis grabbed Zatanna’s shoulders, forcing her to look at her. “Listen to me for a minute, okay?” She was met with a hesitant nod. “I know you’re stressed. I know you’re worried about every little thing that can go wrong, and it’s completely okay to feel that way. But I want you to forget about all that for a second. Pretend like you and Dick are about to go drive to Vegas tomorrow and elope with nothing but some dollar store rings and a goat as your witness.” Stiffness leaving her shoulders, Zatanna nodded again. “Would you still want to marry Dick? Like, _really_ want to. Because remember, whatever you say, we’ll support you.” 

Zatanna looked at her like she was crazy. “Are you kidding? Of course I do. Every time I imagine what the rest of my life will be like, Dick is always right there beside me.” 

Artemis removed her hands from her shoulders, quietly relieved. “Then there you go. It doesn’t matter if the church explodes into a million pieces the day before the wedding and you have to end up getting married in the alley behind a Walmart. No matter what, you two are going to end up together and disgustingly in love, married or not. And really, that’s the only thing that matters. Okay?” 

Zatanna took a deep breath, wiping a hand under her eye. “Okay,” she said. 

“Besides,” Artemis added. “If the wedding turns out horrible, nobody will even remember as long as the cake is good.” Zatanna let out a real laugh that time. 

Megan reached over, tapping Zatanna on the leg. “Are we good now? No more worries about jumping ship?” 

Zatanna took another deep breath, pushing her hair away from her face. “I think so. Fuck, I’m sorry for being so high maintenance. I think all the stress is just _getting_ to me, you know? There’s still so _much_ we still have to do—not to mention all the things that got messed up and need to be fixed on, like, the shortest notice ever. It’s going to take forever to get it all done in time.” 

“Like we said, that’s why you’ve got us,” Artemis said. She looked around the floor until her eyes landed on what she needed. She reached down, grabbing one of the many clipboards littering the floor and handing it to Zatanna. “Here. You’re going to make a list of all the stuff we still need to do for the wedding. Then we’ll go through them all, one by one.” She placed a pencil in Zatanna’s other hand. 

Zatanna bit her lip, but seemed to accept the idea. She thought for a while, scribbling. “Well, first there’s the band problem, so we need to find someone willing to play that night on short notice. And we need to contact someone who can provide reception silverware that will match the other dishes, and I haven’t even _looked_ at the flower arrangements and—” She kept going like that, writing each new problem that had to be tended to. Already they had a sizeable list, and it wasn’t even finished yet. “Oh, God. I don’t even know where to start.” 

Artemis remembered of a piece of advice her mother had given her every time she felt overwhelmed. Her sudden bride-comforting powers hadn’t steered her wrong so far, so it was worth a shot. “Close your eyes.”

She was met with two baffled stares. “What?” Zatanna asked.

“Close your eyes,” she repeated. “Then I want you to pick one random thing on that list.”

“Why?” 

“We’re finding a starting point. Pick one task, and we’ll focus on nothing but that one thing until it’s done. And when that’s finished, pick one more thing, and so on. One step at a time.” 

Dang, from the way this night was going, Artemis was beginning to think she’d make a very good bridal therapist. Charge twenty bucks an hour, comforting anxious brides with random pieces of wise advice. Good plan. 

Zatanna nodded slowly, closing her eyes and drifting her finger over the list. “One step at a time,” she repeated. 

“That’s right. One step at a time.”

* * *

**December 22, 20:16 EST**

**Artemis**

Artemis’ nerves were shot. Dead. Annihilated. Killed in action. Gone. 

Wally’s strange behavior the past few days had her once again on edge— _infuriatingly_ on edge—as much as she repeatedly told herself not to care. It wasn’t her business, he wasn’t her real boyfriend, and a billion other reasons she had to ignore it barked at her. Yet, for some reason, it was difficult to think of anything _but_ Wally. Hence the murdered nerves. 

Helping with Zatanna’s wedding debacle had been the perfect way to get her mind focused. Artemis, Megan, and Zatanna had worked the whole night through, righting every wrong and repairing every dent in the wedding plans. It had been long, grueling work, but eventually they had managed to set everything back on track. 

They had ended that session collapsing exhausted on the couch, sleeping well into the early afternoon. Artemis still had paper cuts and dried glue from the centerpieces on her hands. 

Luckily, dropping off the tuxes for the groomsmen was her final job of the day. The tuxes had all come in from the tailor, altered and ready to go for the wedding. The bridesmaid’s dresses were due in a couple days, though Zatanna had her own worries about whether they would be in before the wedding day or not, which was a whole other can of worms Artemis simply wasn’t in the mood to deal with. For now, she would focus on what she could handle: dropping off the tuxes. 

Kaldur’s place had been the last stop, and now to Wally’s apartment building. There must have been a storm coming, for the clouds in the sky hung heavy and black, sporadic droplets squeezing through. Artemis didn’t know why she’d saved Wally for last; was that a conscious decision, or just a coincidence? Regardless, after this stop, she was home free. Good thing too, because the cold temperature mixed with icy raindrops sent shivers buzzing across her skin. 

Wally’s tuxedo had been carefully packed away in the storage compartment under the seat of Artemis’ motorcycle. She found herself dreading this visit, no matter how much she told herself how silly that was. She was literally just dropping off a suit. It wasn’t even a personal visit; she was merely fulfilling a responsibility. This was a work visit, plain and simple, and work visits were nothing to stress over. 

So why did she make sure to take the long way to his street and “accidentally” make three wrong turns, extending the trip to twice as long as it should have been? It didn’t help her case any when the rain picked up to the point where, by the time she arrived, she’d been completely soaked through. Still, Artemis lingered outside the building for an additional five minutes before gathering up the courage to make her way up to his apartment, taking the stairs rather than the elevator. 

As she walked through the hallway to his door, Artemis realized she had never actually seen Wally’s home before. Sure, she’d been to the building, but she’d never actually gone inside. Part of her was curious to see Wally’s place. Someone like Wally had to have a home as interesting as he was. 

Not that he was interesting, of course. 

Artemis hesitated at the door, brown wood and golden 4E far more intimidating than they should have been. Scowling at her own lack of courage, Artemis knocked. Wally’s muffled voice yelled, “Coming!” from inside. She tightened her grip on the plastic dry cleaning bag folded over her arm. 

It wasn’t long before Wally opened the door. He blinked when he saw Artemis standing there in the hallway. “Oh, Artemis,” he said, face immediately lifting into a smile. “What are you doing here?” 

She hefted up the bag over her arm, encasing the tuxedo. “Special delivery. My job was to drop off the tuxes, so…here I am. Dropping off the tuxes.” 

Recognition flickered in Wally’s eyes. “Oh, cool. Thanks for bringing it over.” He then tilted his head, looking Artemis up and down. She was ready to ask what his problem was, but he spoke before she could. “Wow, you look like a drowned cat.”

“Is that supposed to be a compliment? Because it’s not a very good one.” 

Wally lolled his head in mock exasperation. “What I’m trying to say is it’s raining outside.” He opened the door wider. “You wanna come in for a while?” 

Artemis shifted, shrugging in what she prayed was a casual and laid-back way. This wouldn’t be the first time the two hung out alone, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last, yet anxiety tingled in her stomach. Artemis chocked that up to the fact that this would be her first time in Wally’s home. “As exciting as that sounds, I should probably get going. You know, stuff to do and all.” She waved a hand. 

“Come on, it’s pouring outside.” He pointed towards the window as if the water dripping from Artemis’ sleeve onto the carpeted hallway wasn’t enough proof. If Artemis was being honest, she wasn’t looking forward to the commute home knowing what awaited her outside. “I mean, you can do whatever you want,” Wally continued, “but I want to offer. Just until the rain stops. Plus you drove all the way over here, so…” 

Artemis snorted. “Yeah, all the way a couple blocks over. What a journey.” Still, she stepped tentatively through the threshold, eying the apartment in a quick sweep. Despite her expectations, Wally’s decorative taste was fairly whelming. 

The place actually looked kind of…normal? Definitely more normal than she’d expected. Artemis had prepared to be bombarded with a decorative likeness to that of his childhood bedroom back in Central City, but upon first glance one would think this home belonged to a completely different person. 

For starters, there were very few pictures hanging around. A handful of old movie posters was plastered over one wall, but Artemis saw no photos of Wally anywhere. On the side table she spotted one framed picture of all their friends that had been taken at Raquel and Anissa’s wedding, but Wally wasn’t in it. 

There were things strewn around half-hazardly and a pile of DVDs next to the television that had probably been in a stack at one point. All around the coffee table in front of the couch were crumpled up balls of paper. Charmingly messy, just like Wally. 

Wally took the tuxedo from her and went to put it away in his bedroom. “Here, you can sit anywhere. I’ll be back in a flash,” he said with a wink. 

Rolling her eyes at the phrase, Artemis took a seat on the couch. She pulled off her coat and set it on the seat next to her. The more time she spent in Wally’s home, the more Artemis became aware of how much it smelled like Wally. A mix of pine and something sweet, like chocolate. It smelled good. 

While admiring the tasteful centerpiece on the coffee table that consisted of a bowl of stale jellybeans and what looked like a melted He-Man toy, Artemis spotted a notepad left open beside it. The page was mostly filled with scribbles—lines and lines of words that had been written and immediately crossed out. Curiosity tugged at her. At the bottom was a full paragraph in what Artemis recognized as Wally’s jerky chicken scratch. 

Wally returned from his room and must have caught Artemis staring. “Oh, yeah,” he said, gesturing to the notepad. “I’ve been working on my best man speech for the wedding. As you can probably tell, I’m not that great with words.” He laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. He sat on the same couch as Artemis, keeping some space between them.

“I’m sure it’s not that bad. You made a pretty good speech at last year’s Christmas party.” 

“Yeah, but I was sloppy drunk at the time.”

“So was everyone else, so to us it sounded good.” Artemis gestured to the note pad. “Can I?” 

“Sure.” 

Artemis picked it up, reading to herself aloud, _“A lot of you know my best pal Dick Grayson. Probably because this is his wedding and it would be weird if you didn’t know him.*pause for laughter*—”_ She looked up. “You really need audience cues?” 

“I like to be prepared. Keep reading.” 

Artemis rolled her eyes, but continued. _“We’ve been friends since we were kids, and I can say from experience that while he can sometimes be a real dick, he’s also super fun and awesome. Zatanna is fun and awesome too, which is why it’s cool they ended up together. Although opposites attract is also pretty good at pairing people up, and they’re not really opposites. But they’re good together anyway, unless they end up getting divorced or one of them turns out to be a serial killer or something. *pause for laughter, hopefully* As my favorite quote from Die Hard always says—”_

Artemis stopped, having seen enough. “Wow. Uh, Wally…” How to put this nicely… “It’s very…creative?” 

Wally buried his face into his palms. “It sucks.” 

“Yeah, pretty much.” 

He sighed. “In my defense, that’s just a fourth draft.”

“Pretty bad fourth draft.” Artemis scanned further down the page. “You made, like, five Die Hard references in here. And I don’t think that tumor joke is going to land as well as you think it will.” 

“It was funnier when I wrote it.” Wally lifted his head, tossing it back against the couch and glaring at the ceiling. “Fuck. When Dick first asked me to do the speech, I thought it was going to be way easier than this. When it comes to words and stuff, I’m about as talented as a walrus. Or any animal, really, ‘cause they can’t talk.” He paused. “Except parrots, I guess. And gorillas because they can use sign language. And I read this thing about dolphins once—” 

“Getting off track here, Wally.” Wally’s face dropped into a pout. Artemis continued, “And it’s not _that_ bad, honestly.” 

“You don’t have to be nice. I know it’s terrible.” He leaned back further into the couch. “I’m not great at talking about… _feelings_ and stuff. And this is supposed to be a speech for my best friends on one of the most important days of their lives, but I can’t—” He moved his hand in a grasping motion. “You know?”

“Yeah, but it’s just a speech, right? It’s nothing to stress over.” 

“But it _is,_ though. Dick is my best friend in the entire world, and this is the ultimate best friend action, speaking at his wedding. Second ultimate is his eulogy, which I have already written.” 

“You wrote his eulogy before his wedding speech?” 

“Hey, I like to plan in advance. When Dick gets tragically killed by a falling coconut during a Starbuck’s run, we’ll see who’s laughing then.” 

Artemis stared at him for a long time. “Your brain must be an interesting place to live in.” She looked around the coffee table, searching. “I need a pen.”

“Why?” 

Artemis finally spotted one on the carpet beside an old candy wrapper. “I’ll need a pen if I’m going to be helping you write your speech.” Popping off the cap, she turned to a fresh page in the notepad. 

Wally watched, confused. “You’re serious? Why?” 

Artemis leaned over and flicked him on the temple. “Because you need all the help you can get, dummy.” 

Wally chewed his cheek for a while, contemplating. “But...I thought I was the one who was supposed to do it.” 

Artemis threw a rolled-up paper at his head because why not continue this lovely game of hitting Wally on the head. “Calm your tits, I’m not going to write the whole thing myself. Just…directing it a little. Being an advisor. Now I’m no good at speeches, but I know weddings are supposed to be all emotional and gushy, so going the heartfelt route can’t hurt.” 

“Yeah, but I don’t know how to _do_ that. Every time I try writing something meaningful, I blank. All I’ve got are stupid one-liners and dick jokes.” 

To be quite honest, Artemis wasn’t the most eloquent speaker either. But something in her truly wanted to help Wally, to be his knight in shining armor. Besides, she’d meant it when she said he could use all the help he could get. “As cliché as it is, maybe you should try speaking from the heart?” 

Wally gave her a _You’re kidding, right?_ look. 

“I’m serious! Okay, how long have you and Dick known each other?” 

Wally had to think about it. “Since we were kids, but it feels like I’ve known him forever. Is that a valid answer? Because really it’s been way shorter than that but he’s in, like, most of my memories, so…yeah. Friends forever, final answer.” 

“See? That’s perfect.” Artemis jotted something down. “All right, how about this: _I’ve known Dick Grayson since childhood, but he’s been such a huge part of my life it feels like I’ve known him forever.”_ She looked up. “See, simple and to the point.” 

Wally hummed. “Huh. That was actually pretty good.” 

“Told ya. You just have to take the truth and make it pretty. Now, what did you first think when he and Zatanna got together?” 

Wally shrugged. “I don’t know. Happy?” 

Artemis gave him a deadpan look. “Happy? That’s it? You gotta give me something to work with, Wally.”

“Fine, I guess I felt a little jealous at first too, since it was at the same time we became friends again and I didn’t want to be forgotten, but I got over it. I mean, they’re great together. They’re like…like Snow White and Prince Charming or something. I’m around their place all the time, and trust me, even when they’re doing something boring like playing checkers or watching TV, it’s like you can just tell, you know? Hell, just watching them kind of makes me hope I get to love someone like that one day.” His eyes drew to Artemis before darting away again, a blush dusting his cheekbones. “I mean—” 

“No, that was good,” Artemis assured him, clearing her throat. “It sounded kind of…cute, hearing you be honest like that.”

“Hm.” Wally sat forward a little, the edges of a smile gracing his lips. “That actually…wasn’t terrible.” 

“Damn straight. I told you, you’ve got a big enough brain to write the speech yourself. You just need to put it into words, is all.” Artemis handed him the notepad. “And, now you have a good first couple of sentences.” 

Wally smiled wider this time, almost in disbelief. Or maybe relief. Dis-relief. “Maybe I won’t make a fool of myself at the wedding reception after all.”

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll find a way to do that no matter what. But at least it won’t be because of the speech.”

Wally rolled his eyes and knocked his knee into hers. “Regardless, thanks. I mean it.” 

Artemis shrugged. “All I really did was point you in the right direction.” 

“You seem to have a knack for that, lately.” His eyes locked on hers, warm and genuine. 

“I guess I do.” Artemis’ skin tingled, but this time it wasn’t from the rain. Feeling the tips of her ears begin to burn, Artemis turned away, dropping eye contact. That’s when something new caught her eye, and the tingles went almost forgotten in comparison. 

Reaching out automatically, Artemis’ mouth fell open in disbelief. She grabbed the object from its place on the coffee table, bringing it closer with the mild hope it would change shape with the touch of her fingers. “You…You kept it.” 

Wally’s breath hitched when he realized what she was talking about. “Oh. I, uh.” He bit his lip. “Kind of?” 

Artemis studied the photos, not quite knowing how she should feel. It was the same photo strip from that day at the carnival. Artemis hadn’t given her own copy so much as a glance before hastily shoving it into the nearest kitchen drawer, yet to be opened again. Artemis had no inclination to look at the photos, already knowing what they contained, but she couldn’t find it in herself to get rid of them either. She didn’t know whether she should be more surprised that Wally had kept his, or that he’d gone so far as to _frame_ it. 

Especially considering that the last two pictures showed the pair with their eyes closed and lips locked, a moment so intimate Artemis’ cheeks flamed. Warmth washed over her at the memory of the soft sensation of Wally’s lips on hers, and a jitter shot through her spine. “Why?” she found herself asking. 

Wally squirmed in his seat. “I don’t know, I…kind of liked the pictures? And I figured it couldn’t hurt to have it around in case anyone came by, so it would be more convincing for the scam, and—” He winced, sparing a look at Artemis, gauging her reaction. “Are you mad?” 

Artemis didn’t take her eyes off the photos, silent for a few beats. _Was_ she mad? “No,” she said slowly. She probably should have been, and no doubt would be later, but at the moment Artemis couldn’t muster anything but wonder. 

“Oh.” Wally swallowed. “Okay.”

With cold fingers, Artemis put back the picture frame. Still, she couldn’t stop staring at it, studying the way the two of them looked in the photos. The way they looked _together._ It sent another rush through Artemis, like she was some kind of peeping tom witnessing this intimate moment. Odd, considering it was her own. 

In the back of her mind, Artemis realized that the rain had stopped outside. When had that happened? And was it weird a small part of her was disappointed? She almost hoped it would start up again, just so she wouldn’t have to leave. 

“So you’re…okay with me keeping it?” Wally asked.

Artemis shrugged, going for nonchalance. “I don’t see why not. After all, it’s just for the scam, right?” 

Wally’s shoulders dropped a fraction. “Yeah. Just for the scam,” he echoed. For a moment—so quick Artemis could have imagined it—Wally sounded almost sad. Why, she had no idea. It was the truth, right? They were simply playing pretend. They already knew that. 

Okay, now it was _definitely_ weird that Artemis wished the rain would come back. Seeing those pictures had filled her with electricity, sparking and buzzing all the way down to her toes. The more time that passed while Artemis was here, the less she wanted to leave. So she forced herself to her feet, eliminating the desire at the source. “I think I’d better get going.”

Wally turned to the window, seeing the newly clear skies, and his face fell a bit. “Oh.” He stood up as well. “You sure?” 

Artemis grabbed her coat, pulling it on. It didn’t provide much warmth for her still damp body, but she ignored it easily. The tingles overshadowed the chill anyway. “Yeah, I...have to go feed my hamster.”

Wally looked confused. “You don’t have a hamster.”

She kept her line of sight trained carefully away from Wally. “Maybe I’m thinking about getting one. You don’t know my life.” 

Wally snorted fondly, like Artemis was the cutest thing on earth. Gross. “Fair enough. I’ll see you later, then?” 

Artemis was already walking towards the door. They seemed to be continuing their newfound tradition of ending every interaction with some heavy layer of awkwardness, which was probably Artemis’ fault this time around. “Yeah, later.” With seltzer running through her veins, she left without looking back. 

Once in the hallway, Artemis shut the door behind her and fell back against it, sagging against the wood. So maybe that wasn't her best exit, but it was her quickest, and that's what she was going for. She took a deep breath, another, trying to steady the shakiness in her legs. Every nerve felt alive and buzzing, from nervousness and adrenaline and _Wally._

It took over a minute for Artemis to calm down enough to begin the long trek downstairs and to the curb where her motorcycle waited for her, now with a sheen of water over the paint. Perfect. 

As she drove home, she fought with herself. What _was_ that? That moment with Wally, however brief, had turned her mind into little more than jelly. Fuck. Artemis needed to get a grip. After all, it’s not like Wally was any different from anyone else. 

Sure, he was funny, and yeah, maybe his playful nature had become endearing rather than irritating in the past few weeks, but that didn’t change anything. Deep down, Wally was still the same annoying, loud, hyperactive guy Artemis hated a month ago. No amount of spending time together or getting to know him better would ever change that. Artemis was simply getting caught up in pretending, that was all. Her distaste for Wally would remain firm as always. 

Then again, Artemis hadn’t felt anything close to this for him a month ago. Not like she was a bottle of soda one shake away from exploding, like she’d been reduced to a sizzling, fizzling mess just by looking at him. It felt eerily similar to the feeling she’d had in that damn photo booth, a time she apparently wasn’t allowed to forget. Back when his face had been a breath away from hers, his eyes looking so deeply into her own and his lips oh-so-inviting. 

It’s funny—when Artemis thought about that moment, it felt different from the other times they’d spent together. It hadn’t felt as forced. When Artemis prepared to kiss him, she didn’t care that it was Wally. If anything, that just made it better. And when they’d been practically pressed against one another, nothing but heat betweem them, it was nice. It hadn’t felt fake. It hadn’t felt like acting. It just felt _good._ Even now, Artemis wondered why that was. After all, Artemis wouldn’t be feeling like this for Wally unless—

When the realization struck, it did with so much force it took her breath away. Artemis had to quickly pull over to the side of the road just to keep from crashing as her jaw dropped, feeling like she’d just jammed a fork into an electrical outlet. 

Holy fucking _shit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeet. 
> 
> Leave a kudos if you too love and cherish Drunk Zatanna and her secret-spilling superpowers.


	8. Yuri On Ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Artemis looked over the ice rink, watching the skaters who all looked far more experienced than she was. “It’s probably fair to warn you I’ve never actually ice skated before, so this isn’t going to be pretty.” 
> 
> “Yeah?” said Wally, as though he were genuinely surprised. Artemis wasn’t sure if she should be flattered or not. “Well, in all fairness, I only went once with my ex and fell on my ass too many times to count, so don’t worry. I promise I’m just as bad as you are.” 
> 
> “I’d love to see that.” 
> 
> Wally precariously stood up, wobbling on his skates. “Then it’s your lucky day.” He held out his hand. “Shall we?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dedicate this chapter to my creative writing teacher, who gave me lots and lots of homework that I had to procrastinate on today because I wanted to finish this first so now I’ll be up all night doing homework. Thanks, Mr. Gunder. 
> 
> Anyways, hi. I myself have never seen Yuri On Ice, but I reference it a lot in this chapter because I have no shame whatsoever and also because ice skating.

**December 24, 18:58 EST**

**Artemis**

Christmas came and went with little hassle. Unsurprisingly, the holidays were an infinitesimally small event that, in comparison to the rest of Artemis’ month, were little more than an intermission between bouts of life. Especially considering her new dilemma: 

Artemis had a crush on Wally. 

Yup, that’s not dangerous at all. 

Just thinking about it sent shivers dancing across her skin. How or when or _why_ this happened, Artemis tried to push it from her mind regardless. Okay, so she liked Wally. Maybe a lot. Maybe too much. But this wasn’t Artemis’ first crush, and if there was one thing she was good at, it was ignoring her own feelings.

So, for the time being, Artemis was more than happy to let herself get caught up in the holiday season and forget about any names starting with a W.

The majority of Christmas Eve was spent at Roy and Lian’s house. The atmosphere was unusually light, if only thanks to the presence of Roy’s adoptive parents, Oliver and Dinah Queen. They made good peacemakers and managed to keep Roy and Artemis from killing each other, if only for Lian’s sake. 

Lucky for Artemis, she and Ollie were already on friendly terms. He was a skilled archer like Artemis, and frequented the range just as much as she did—if not more. They ran into each other quite often and over the years became close. It got to the point where other visitors at the archery range would mistake them for father and daughter, what with their matching blonde hair and skills with a bow. 

Ollie got a kick out of the assumptions. 

Artemis? Not so much. 

Regardless, Lian enjoyed having (almost) all of her family in one place, and that was enough to inspire Artemis to remain civil. It must have had the same effect on Roy, for when he called Artemis cheap for giving Ollie and Dinah gift cards, he didn’t add on that the cards themselves were tacky. And similarly, Artemis reigned in her tongue when she called his stuffing dry by not rubbing it in with the fact that the turkey was undercooked. 

Ah, friendship. 

After that not-quite-hostile visit, Artemis spent the remainder of the day visiting her mother at Belle Rev, going through the motions as she had year before, and the year before that. She’d worn the sweater Paula had crocheted for her, although the big green Christmas tree on the front made her feel a little ridiculous. Of course she made no comment, but Paula still hadn’t let her off the hook. Those Mom Senses, even while incarcerated, were as sharp as ever. 

When Artemis sat down in front of the window and put the phone to her ear, she heard Paula’s quiet chuckles. “I am beginning to think using that color yarn was a bad idea,” she said. 

Artemis smiled as the sound of her mom’s voice and familiar accent washed over her, settling like a warm blanket. She tugged at the fabric around the collar. “I like it,” she said. “It’s unique.” 

Paula smiled knowingly. “No, you don’t. But I appreciate the effort, _cô gái.”_

“Well I’m wearing it anyway, so deal with it.” 

Paula settled with her elbows on the table, leaning in closer. “Okay, okay, enough small talk. We only have one hour until visiting time is over, and I want to hear about my daughter. Tell me how your life has been. Have you been eating enough? I hope you haven’t gotten into that awful _Scandal_ show my cell mate Deva has been telling me about.” 

Artemis laughed. “Everything has been fine, Mom. Things have been going pretty well, actually.” 

“Oh? I’m so glad to hear that. And how are your friends?” 

“They’re great. Megan’s bakery is doing amazing, and Dick and Zatanna are getting married at the end of this month.” 

Paula’s eyes lit up. “Dick and Zatanna? That is wonderful! Give them my best, won’t you?” 

“I will.” 

“It’s so nice hearing some good news for once. I had not even known those two were engaged.” 

Artemis winced. “That’s probably my fault. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to come by as often lately. Things have just been so hectic, and—”

Paula shushed her with a stern finger wag. “Don’t you dare apologize for having a life, Artemis. I won’t have it.” She was steadfast in her demands, leaving no room for debate. “I am perfectly fine here, and I won’t have you feeling bad about not being able to visit me every day. Knowing that you are enjoying life is more than enough for me.” 

Artemis smiled softly, wishing she could reach through the glass and hug her mom. “It would be easier if you could get out of here and we could talk for more than an hour at a time.” 

Paula shrugged. “You do the crime, you get the time. Give it a few years longer, _cô gái._ I will be out soon enough.” She shook her head. “But enough about me. I don’t want to waste the time I get to spend with my daughter talking about myself. Tell me what’s new in your life. Are you still dating Cameron?” 

Whoops. If Artemis hadn’t felt that bad about her sporadic visits before, she sure did now. Last time she visited her mother had been so long ago, she had still been dating Cameron. Talk about a bad daughter.

“Oh, uh, I forgot to tell you. I broke up with Cameron a long time ago.” 

It was impossible to tell whether her mother was surprised at the news or not. She arched an eyebrow. “Really? What happened?” 

Artemis waved a hand. “It’s no big deal. Some stuff went down. He cheated on me, I got mad and hit him, it ended in this big ugly breakup…” 

Paula’s face fell. “I am so sorry to hear that. Still, I’m glad all of that fighting your father taught you got put to good use.” Artemis laughed, but it got cut short when the inevitable question came. “Besides Cameron, has there been anyone else special in your life?” 

Now, Artemis faced quite the conundrum here.

Naturally, her mind jumped straight to Wally. Always Wally. She wanted so _badly_ to tell her mother all about him, to let her know how much fun he’d somehow injected into Artemis’ previously guarded life. To tell her Artemis finally felt happy again for what felt like the first time in forever. 

Yet, at the same time, was there any point? Sure, Artemis wanted to tell her, but what then? It’s not like things would go anywhere from there. Artemis and Wally would break up after the wedding as planned. The next time she visited, Artemis and Wally would no longer be Artemis and Wally. He would be back to a distant acquaintance at best and an enemy at worst in Artemis’ life. It didn’t make sense to divulge all her gushy feelings now, only to say _Ha ha, it was all a scam_ a month later. 

Artemis must have spend too long stuck in thought, for Paula saw through her reluctance and smiled knowingly. “Ah, there is, isn’t there?” She leaned back, settling in for a long conversation. “All right, let’s hear it. Tell me all about the lovely girl or boy who has stolen my daughter’s heart.” 

Artemis felt her face heat up under her mother’s interrogative stare. “There’s no one, really,” she insisted. “No one very important, anyway.” 

“But they are important to you, no?” 

Artemis licked her lips, trying to be delicate about this. “Okay, maybe. But…well, it’s complicated.”

“Complicated how?” 

_You see, Mom, I’m currently fake-dating someone I used to hate but accidentally fell for even though it’s hopeless because we’ll be fake-breaking-up soon anyway. Isn’t that neat?_

“I’ve sort of been hanging out with this… _person_ a lot. And we used to not like each other very much. Or at all, really. But lately, we’ve had to hang out because of a certain situation we were both stuck in. And the more time we spent together, the less we hated each other.” As Artemis went on, her muscles began to relax. The tension waned. Artemis had been bottling her feelings for Wally up for so long, it felt nice to finally tell someone, even if the _complete_ truth remained locked inside her—only droplets squeezing past the barrier. 

She explained the rest of her sad, confusing story. And the whole time Paula simply nodded along, her features undiscernible. When Artemis finished, Paula looked pensive. “Hm. That _is_ complicated.” 

Artemis hadn’t realized her fingers had been gripping the phone like a vice until she loosened them. “Understatement,” she sighed. 

“What are you going to do?”

“No idea. I’ll probably just wait it out until these feelings either go away on their own or I die. Whichever comes first.”

Paula’s lips did The Purse, the kind that showed she was thinking. “And what are this other person’s feelings on the matter? Do they feel the same way about you?”

Artemis rolled her eyes. “Definitely not.” 

“How do you know?” 

Artemis’ hand moved around uselessly. “Because of course they don’t. We argue all the time and they…” She bit her cheek. “They just don’t, okay?”

Paula raised her eyebrows. “You seem so sure.”

“Because I am.” 

“Have you ever asked them?” 

Artemis snorted. “Yeah, I’ll just send them a note. _Do you like me? Check yes, no, or maybe._ No, Mom. And there’s no point in asking them anyway.”

“And why is that?”

“Because this whole thing we’ve got going has a time limit. What’s the point in telling them now when it’s set to end soon anyway?”

Paula wagged her finger. “Ah, but you don’t want it to end.”

Artemis wanted to deny it, but even she knew that would have been pointless. “Well…no…” She shook her head. “But it doesn’t matter. We both knew what we were getting into from the start. This is supposed to be a no-strings-attached, done deal. I’m not going to go ahead and ruin it right at the finish line.”

Paula tilted her head to the side. “The way I see it, that just means you have nothing to lose. If this arrangement you have with this person entails the two of you will cut ties after, then it seems to me there is no reason _not_ to take a chance. If it goes well, then that is good. If not—” she shrugged “—no loss.”

Artemis considered that. When her mother said it, the plan actually made sense. She had nothing to lose, right? But still… “I don’t know,” she said. “Telling them and putting it all out there…”

Paula smiled softly. “Don’t tell me my daughter is scared to tell her crush she likes them?” 

Artemis scoffed. “Please. I’m not scared.”

“I know, Artemis. You have always been strong-willed. And I know whatever you decide, it will be the right choice for you.” Had it been five years ago, this would have been the part where Artemis’ mother would reach over to squeeze her hand with her own, an extra reassurance. And more than ever, Artemis wished for that damned glass wall to disappear. 

“Besides,” Paula continued, “if it truly does work out, then I will have one more thing to look forward to when I get out of here.” 

“Besides being able to leave a room willingly without risking getting tazed?”

“Precisely.” 

They laughed, and just laughing with her mom again made Artemis’ chest ache. As if she hadn’t already regretted every day she hadn’t visited Paula, all the time she’d wasted. With a sad smile, Artemis pressed her palm against the glass. “I’ll visit more, Mom, I promise. For a while there, I think I was kind of…stuck in life. But I’m moving again, and things are getting better.”

Paula placed her own palm against Artemis’ so only the layer of glass separated them. “That makes me happy to hear.” They didn’t move their hands, and despite the cold of the glass, Artemis could almost imagine for a moment that her mother’s warm hand was truly pressed against hers, soaking comfort into her skin. 

“So,” said Artemis. Time for a subject change—one far less personal. “What’s the latest prison gossip? Have Pam and Harley gotten together yet? I’ve got to stay up-to-date on _Orange is the New Black: Belle Rev Edition.”_

Paula’s eyes lit up. _“Chúa ói,_ you will not believe what has been going on here these past few weeks, it is like I live in reality TV.” 

Artemis listened while her mother rambled on about prison romances and fights in the cafeteria. Artemis talked about her friends and her work life, and she made sure to show off the pictures she’d taken of Lian in the new red holiday dress Dinah bought for her. They talked about Paula’s upcoming parole and the next time Artemis would be visiting, which would hopefully be far sooner than the usual rate of her visits. 

Before visiting time was over and Artemis finally left, she made sure to say, “Merry Christmas, Mom. I’ll be back soon. Promise.”

Paula smiled, her eyes crinkling. “Merry Christmas, _cô gái._ I am looking forward to it.” She blew a kiss. She waved as the guard took hold of the handles on her chair to wheel her away, back to her cell. 

As Artemis signed out, she realized that her heart felt fuller than usual, like seeing her mom had been just the energy shot she’d needed. Not to mention that through some miracle, the situation with Wally and the end date of their scam now felt a lot less foreboding than it had earlier. 

She’d figure out the Wally situation soon, she promised herself. But for now, Artemis was going to enjoy the holidays. There were still seven days left to cherish until it would be time to decide what the hell she was going to do; whether to reveal her feelings to Wally, or keep them to herself until she grew to be a crazy eighty year-old woman, telling her sad tale to strangers on a bus bench. 

Hoorah.

* * *

**December 26, 18:44 EST**

**Artemis**

Artemis was halfway finished taking down her miniscule Christmas tree when Wally called. 

It had been only four days since her last conversation with Wally, yet she found herself struck with a surge of glee as she saw his name on the caller ID. God, she was pathetic. Brushing it off, she put the phone to her ear, watching an ornament swing back and forth on her finger. “What’s the sitch, Kim Possible?” 

_“Hey.”_

Artemis frowned. “Is that it?”

 _“Is what it?”_ There was the slightest shudder to his words. Did the heat get turned off in his apartment or something? 

“I make a Kim Possible reference about your ginger-ness and you don’t even comment? I’m hurt, West. That took a lot of effort, you know. I’ve been googling famous redheads, have a list and everything.” 

Wally laughed, a clipped huff of breath. _“Sorry, Rapunzel. I totally would, but it’s so cold it’s already hard to talk as it is.”_ Artemis heard his teeth chatter. The ornament stopped swinging. 

“What, are you outside or something?” She glanced out the window, where snow fell in thick clumps. Must have been a nightmare walking around out there. 

_“Kind of,”_ Wally said. _“I’m actually in front of your apartment building. Love the Christmas lights on your fire escape, by the way. Really screams ‘festive,’ you know?”_

“Are you kidding?” Artemis placed the ornament back onto the counter and went to the fire escape. She leaned over the railing and, just like he said, Wally stood on the sidewalk two stories below, snowflakes falling around him. 

He wore a maroon coat and earmuffs, a thick scarf covering his mouth. In one hand he carried a slushie. Why someone would drink something so cold in below freezing weather, Artemis had no idea. He was looking up at her and waving. _“Hi,”_ he said into the phone. 

Artemis hung up and called down, “What are you doing here?” 

“It’s a surprise,” Wally yelled back, tugging down his scarf. “Can you let me in? I can’t feel my face.” 

Eyes rolling, Artemis went back into the apartment for half a minute and came back with her spare key. She pointed at it, then at Wally. When he nodded, showing he got the message, Artemis tossed the key down to him. He caught it in one gloved hand and waved his arm around like a baseball player after making the winning catch. 

Artemis shook her head amusedly and went back inside, closing the window and pulling her hoodie tighter around herself. She waited for Wally to come up, taking advantage of the few minutes to tidy up the place a little. Make it look more “lived in” rather than “trashed by three tornadoes at once.” She kicked the pile of dirty laundry under the couch, tossed her left-out archery equipment into her bedroom and shut the door, and covered the coffee stain on the counter with a dish towel. 

It wasn’t long before the _Two Bits_ song was being tapped on her door. Upon opening it, Artemis noticed that Wally hadn’t been lying when he said it was cold outside. His nose and cheeks were bright pink, and it took all of Artemis’ self-control not to make a Rudolph joke. Maybe later. Snowflakes had gathered on his coat and in his hair like glitter. 

“Hey,” he said. 

“Hey.” 

For a moment, they both just stood there in the doorway, smiling at each other for longer than was probably normal. Artemis was the first one to break the silence. “So what’s the surprise? Don’t tell me you stood in the snow for five minutes just to say hi.” Not that seeing Wally wasn’t a good surprise all on its own. 

“Come on, Arty, you know you like having me around.” He winked, and Artemis’ heart palpitated. “But I’ll admit I’ve actually come bearing _two_ gifts for my favorite grump queen. First things first—” Wally held out the slushie. “Today’s Wednesday, so here.”

Artemis took it and sloshed the abnormally light contents around. “It’s half empty.” 

Wally grinned sheepishly. “I _may_ have gotten thirsty on my way here.” 

Artemis rolled her eyes and took a sip, tasting it. It was sour, but not in a horrible way. “Tastes like a melted sour patch kid.” 

“A green sour patch kid, specifically. You like it?” 

Artemis shrugged and took another sip. “It’s not bad.” She swallowed. “You said this was the first gift?”

Wally pulled a small brown bag from his coat pocket. He fiddled with it, stifling a grin. He looked proud—the same way Megan had when she’d revealed tickets to a wrestling match for all the girls last year. But the way Wally’s fingers twisted nervously into the bag suggested otherwise. “I was at the mall the other day, doing a ton of last-minute Christmas shopping, and there was this jewelry store. I saw something that reminded me of you, and I… Well, here.” With fumbling fingers, he held out the bag. 

Artemis set her slushie on the counter next to the door and took the bag. Inside was what looked like a small box covered in silver wrapping paper with snowflakes printed on it. The package was light, but something inside tinkled when Artemis shook it. She stared down at it, disbelieving. “You got me a Christmas present?” she asked, aghast. 

The concept of Wally thinking about her while he went about his day was strange enough to imagine, but actually _buying her a gift?_ It hadn’t even occurred to Artemis to buy Wally a Christmas present, but here he was, getting her jewelry like a true boyfriend. It made her stomach twist. 

Wally looked at his boots. “Kind of? But for the sake of originality and the fact that it’s a day late, let’s just call it a thank you.” 

“For what?” 

“You know. The other day, when you helped me out with my speech…” He looked up, peeking tentatively at Artemis, gauging her reaction. “Well, I appreciated it. Really. So, this is me thanking you for that. With a present.” 

Artemis didn’t know what to say. “Wow, that’s…really nice of you, Wally.”

Wally shrugged. “It’s nothing. Just didn’t want to owe you or anything.” But it sounded more like an excuse than anything, which made Artemis smile. Wally nodded towards the box. “Open it,” he said, likely just wanting to take the attention off of himself. Still, Artemis obeyed. 

She peeled back the wrapping paper and uncovered a long white jewelry box inside, like the kind seen in those cheesy Christmas movies where the guy got the girl diamonds because, with movie logic, they could always afford it. Artemis had never owned anything fancier than hand-me-down jewelry before, so this was a first. 

She opened the box, and her breath caught when she saw the dazzling bracelet inside. The chain was silver, with stones studded on either side of a horizontal arrow charm. Artemis looked up at Wally, mouth agape. “Wally, I—” 

He held up a hand to stop her. “Don’t sweat it. Like I said, it’s just a thank you, showing my gratitude and stuff. No big deal.” 

“Kind of seems like a big deal to me. This must have been _expensive.”_

“Would it help if I lied and told you it was on sale?” 

“Not really, no.” 

Wally chuckled and rocked on his heels. “Really, though, don’t worry about it. Part of dating is getting each other presents, right?” His eyes widened. “I mean—you know. Fake-dating. And hey, at least we’re even now.” 

“Yeah. Even,” Artemis echoed. She was still stuck on the way Wally seemed to trip over the _fake-dating_ part, as though he’d momentarily forgotten it was fake like she found herself doing so often. 

“Anyway, that’s why I came by. I just wanted to drop my goodies off, and I guess I did that, so…yeah. I’ll see you later,” Wally said. He started to leave, but Artemis unfroze from her shocked stupor and grabbed his sleeve. 

“Wait, I—” She blinked, her mind the slightest bit discombobulated still. “Thank you,” she blurted. “For the bracelet, I mean. It’s…really nice.” 

Wally smiled, apparently liking the way he’d struck her dazed. “I’m glad you like it.” He went to leave again, tapping twice on the doorway. “Bye, Arty.” 

Artemis watched him go until he disappeared down the hallway and around the corner. That was when she finally closed the door, leaning her forehead against the cold wood and taking a deep breath. “Wow,” she murmured to herself. 

This gift… _Wow._ It made part of her wonder if the purpose was more than simply in the spirit of Christmas or getting even, but she stopped before her mind ran with the idea. No point in giving herself false hope, right? 

Gingerly taking the bracelet out of its box, Artemis examined it more closely. She couldn’t remember the last time someone had given her something so thoughtful, and it made her heart stutter in her chest. She clasped the bracelet around her left wrist and admired it, heat rising in her cheeks. 

_Wow, wow, wow._

* * *

**December 27, 06:12 EST**

**Wally**

The next morning, Wally woke up to find a package waiting for him on his nightstand. 

It looked like a Christmas present, with shiny green wrapping paper and a bright red bow. It reminded him of those classic Christmas presents shown in cartoons. On the note card was a solitary _A._ That in itself motivated Wally to grab the gift and pry off the wrapping paper without stopping to consider the dangers of opening a box that showed up in his home while he’d been sleeping. He snickered when he saw its contents.

A Baywatch box set. Now there was no doubt in Wally’s mind about who sent him this, and his chest went bubbly at the thought. 

Smile not fading, Wally grabbed his cell and called Artemis. She picked up on the first ring. 

_“Why, hello, Wallace. For what reason could you possibly be calling me right now? This is so unexpected.”_

“Yeah, I’ll bet it is.” 

_“Oh?”_ She was putting a lot of effort into playing dumb. It was almost cute. 

“Yeah, wouldn’t you know it, someone left me a present in the middle of the night.” 

_“A present, huh? Wow, whoever gave it to you must be really great. Maybe even, dare I say, the best gift-giver ever.”_

Okay, fine. It was _really_ cute. 

“And a little annoying too, but who’s counting,” Wally added. He bit his lip as he held the gift on his lap, giddy just by the fact that it was Artemis who had touched it last. “So. A Baywatch box set?” 

_“I figured you should at least know about the history of your beloved nickname.”_ He could imagine her smiling. 

“So thoughtful.” Wally started toying with the bow, absently wrapping the fabric around his fingers while he talked. “Really, though, I don’t know what’s more unnerving: that you broke into my place in the middle of the night, or that I didn’t even notice until a couple minutes ago.” 

That made Artemis laugh, and Wally laughed with her. _“Let’s just call it a thank you for a thank you,”_ she said. _“You gave me a present, and I figured I should return the favor.”_

“Now I owe you again,” Wally reminded her. 

_“Seems that way,”_ Artemis replied. 

“Well, thanks for the thank you to my thank you. I love it.” 

_“No problemo, Wallman.”_

* * *

**_Group Chat: The Mind Link_**

**Fight Me:** Why does no one ever talk about the fact that Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus always call each other ma and pa when they have no children 

**Wallman:** imma take a shot and guess you’re watching christmas movies with Lian? 

**Fight Me:** If you even dare to shame The Year Without a Santa Claus I will personally smite you 

**Iconic:** Wow I never realized it but you’re right dude 

**Iconic:** Santa and the Missus have no reason to call each other that 

**Iconic:** Unless the elves are their children and we just never noticed it until now 

**HelloMegan!:** They _are_ tiny people. They could have just been kids this whole time 

**Get Traught:** Yeah but they’re so small and the Clauses are so big 

**Get Traught:** That doesn’t add up 

**Wallman:** it could just be a recessive gene 

**MoonGoddess:** Yeah but they have like. Thousands of elves 

**MoonGoddess:** Santa and Mrs. Claus must really get busy 

**Get Traught:** Well duh, they’re immortal. They’ve got the time 

**Iconic:** Although Mrs. Claus has been an old lady that whole time 

**Iconic:** I’m pretty sure she’s way past menopause 

**MoonGoddess:** Damn you’re right 

**MoonGoddess:** Then maybe they only had one kid like a billion years ago when they were still young 

**Annataz:** that works too 

**Annataz:** they can still call themselves ma and pa even if it’s just one kid 

**Wallman:** a secret lovechild they had to send away to the south pole because Santa was too busy with his work to raise a child. Mrs. Claus has blamed him for it ever since and that’s why the toy making is the only thing keeping their marriage together 

**MoonGoddess:** Tragic 

**Wallman:** indeed 

**Fight Me:** Literally the only reason I started this was to share my revelation that Santa and Mrs. Claus practice the daddy/mommy kink lifestyle and you weirdos hijacked it and turned it into this 

**Fight Me:** This is why I don’t have friends 

**Wallman:** without us you would spend your days sitting on your couch, eating ice cream from the tub and watching project runway alone 

**Wallman:** be grateful 

**Fight Me:** I don’t do that! 

**MoonGoddess:** He does I’ve seen it 

**Conner:** same here 

**Wallman:** seconded 

**Get Traught:** Thirded it’s hilarious 

**Mermaid Man:** Stop making fun of Roy. 

**Wallman:** but daaaaaaaaad 

**Fight Me:** Kaldur you’re my only ally and I love you more than I will ever love these Heathens 

**Mermaid Man:** Thank you.

 **Iconic:** *plays careless whisper on the saxophone* 

**Fight Me:** Shut up 

**Annataz:** quick question, does anyone know what day it is? 

**Annataz:** we’re still in that zone between Christmas and New Year’s where time doesn’t exist 

**Conner:** cant you just check on your phone? 

**Annataz:** but Connie I’m too laaaaaaazy 

**Mermaid Man:** It is the twenty-seventh. 

**Annataz:** Kaldur you’re a peach 

**Annataz:** also EYYYYYY MAH WEDDING’S IN FOUR DAYS, CAN I GET A WHOOP WHOOP 

**Annataz:** I’m so excited 

**Get Traught:** Thanks babe 

**Annataz:** I meant about the food, but I guess you’re nice too 

**Annataz:** (I’m kidding I love you and I can’t wait to marry you bby)

 **Get Traught:** (that’s such a coincidence because I can’t wait to marry you too how wild is that) 

**Annataz:** (also from now on if I ever get mugged in an alley I can tell my attacker “my husband is a cop” instead of saying “my boyfriend is a cop but the committed kind of boyfriend, not the kind who will let me die for the life insurance money”)

 **MoonGoddess:** What kind of people have you been dating 

**HelloMegan!:** Oh! That reminds me 

**HelloMegan!:** I sent all of your presents on Christmas, so they should be coming today if they haven’t already 

**MoonGoddess:** How did that convo remind you of Christmas presents? 

**HelloMegan!:** Weddings happen in churches, churches have bells, jingle bells, Christmas, Christmas presents 

**MoonGoddess:** Acceptable. Carry on 

**Mermaid Man:** Christmas day is certainly a unique choice of date to send Christmas presents. May I ask why? 

**HelloMegan!:** Since Conner and I were in Metropolis the whole time, I knew we wouldn’t get to see any of you on Christmas, and I figured sending them that day would get them shipped faster than if they’d been stuck in the madness of all the other presents trying to get places by Christmas. Especially because most of them are baked goods 

**Conner:** youre smart, i like you. we should go out sometime 

**HelloMegan!:** :3 

**Get Traught:** Yeah don’t worry Megs, we got our High School Musical limited edition box set this morning. We’ve been boppin it to the top since 6am 

**Wallman:** but you don’t dance 

**Get Traught:** I know I can 

**Wallman:** not a chance 

**Iconic:** Come on guys don’t argue, we’re all in this together 

**Conner:** shes right, im sure you can work this out 

**HelloMegan!:** I’m loving all these HSM references. They’re really Fabulous 

**Fight Me:** I can tell these puns are going to be the start of something new 

**Conner:** im just surprised there are so many. they make me want to scream 

**Mermaid Man:** Well, you could always just Walk Away if you’re not having fun. 

**Wallman:** (my man Kal, coming through with the HSM references! I’m so proud) 

**MoonGoddess:** Getting Kaldur to join in on a pun session? This really is a night to remember 

**Wallman:** I’m just impressed we kept it going this long. We’re really Breaking Free from original dialogue now 

**Get Traught:** What can I say? You just gotta get’cha head in the game and it comes easily after that 

**Iconic:** I’m gonna take a shot and guess you and Zee will be listening to the soundtracks Everyday 

**Get Traught:** Oh you can bet on it 

**Annataz:** it’s true. Dick is the music in me 

**MoonGoddess:** That’s what she said 

**Wallman:** HA 

**Iconic:** Fffhfhgghhh

 **Mermaid Man:** Well yes, Zatanna just said it. We all saw her say it. 

**Annataz:** shhh don’t corrupt him Artemis 

**Mermaid Man:** I…don’t understand? 

**Annataz:** just go with it Kal 

**Mermaid Man:** Um. Okay. 

**Mermaid Man:** By the way Megan, the scones you sent were delicious. I’m very grateful. 

**Fight Me:** Same. All the cake pops you sent me are gone and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been 

**Iconic:** Amistad and Anissa ate like half of your gingerbread cookies so I had to hide them under the bed for myself 

**HelloMegan!:** <333 

**Wallman:** cookies??? me want 

**HelloMegan!:** Don’t worry, your snickerdoodles are on their way 

**Wallman:** oh my god. Megan. babe. my wonderful angel of cookies and sparkles and happiness. you rock my world 

**HelloMegan!:** Though you and Artemis actually kind of have bonus gifts

 **MoonGoddess:** ? Do tell 

**HelloMegan!:** Sorry, you’ll have to wait and find out when they arrive ;) 

**Wallman:** color me curious and salivating

* * *

**December 29, 17:44 EST**

**Artemis**

They didn’t know _what_ to do with the tickets. 

When the package of sugar cookies that arrived at Artemis’ place had revealed an envelope among the treats, she was confused. That confusion grew even more when the envelope contained a single ticket to an ice skating rink in two days’ time. Megan wanted Artemis to go ice skating by herself? 

It was only when Wally sent her a questioning pic over Snapchat of his own ticket did everything make sense. 

Hoo, boy. 

Artemis was going to have to brush Megan up on the fine art of subtlety one of these days.

There was some awkward confusion at first regarding how to handle this pickle of theirs. It was clear the tickets were intended for Wally and Artemis to go together, since, in the eyes of everyone else, they were a couple. Yet, this was a solo activity. None of their friends were going to be there, so there was no reason they _had_ to spend any unnecessary time together. 

Artemis tried giving her ticket to Wally, telling him to just use both tickets and take someone else. Just because they were stuck in this situation didn’t mean they had to waste what could be a fun opportunity on each other, right? And as much as Artemis yearned to take this chance for some uninterrupted alone time with Wally, she held herself back. She wasn’t going to take advantage of this, let herself indulge in her little crush. She wasn’t going to subject Wally to that. 

However, Wally apparently had the same idea and tried giving Artemis _his_ ticket. _Take one of your friends or something,_ he’d suggested. _I don’t want you to have to hang out with me when you don’t need to._

Unfortunately, Artemis had difficulty finding someone willing to take the tickets so last minute, and Wally didn’t have any more luck than she did. So it was safe to say they were at an impasse. 

Pretty soon the day of the date came, and they were right back where they started. So in the end, they decided, screw it. Why waste two perfectly good tickets when they could simply go as friends? A pleasant night of platonic ice skating. No biggie, right? 

Turns out, it was actually a very big biggie. A huge biggie. The biggest biggie to ever biggie. 

Artemis’ day was spent going back and forth between panic and excitement, which she did her best to force deep, deep inside her. No way was she getting her hopes up over one little night with Wally. 

She couldn’t even remember how long she had paced the diameter of her apartment, all dressed and ready to go an hour before their scheduled— No, not date. _Platonic outing._

That was what she continuously reminded herself it was; not a date, not anything romantic. Just two friends going ice skating, perfectly casual. Artemis may have developed feelings for Wally, but she sure as hell was not going to let those pesky feelings screw up everything by boggling her head with ideas that would never be fulfilled. 

Besides, it wasn’t fair to Wally to take advantage of the situation they were cornered into. Just because Megan intended for this to be romantic didn’t mean it _would_ be. Wally didn’t like Artemis and would be happier going with anyone else on the planet. If she lost sight of that for even a second, she was going to go and do something stupid, like declare her undying love for him or—god forbid—kiss him right on the spot. 

So, for the sake of her own sanity, she pushed it all from her mind and tried to focus on reality. 

Like the fact that she had no clue how to ice skate, for example, which would certainly make for an interesting experience. Why Megan would pick this specific activity was anyone’s guess, but Artemis’ theories involved secret cameras and probably plans to submit footage to _America’s Funniest Home Videos_ as some kind of blackmail material. Or maybe she just got into Conner’s stash of anime DVDs. 

The ice rink was an outdoor one, right in the center of one of Happy Harbor’s many large parks. Surrounding the ice was a transparent wall about eight feet high, allowing them to see inside the rink. The place was like a winter wonderland, snow falling in tiny flakes on the already snow-covered ground. Holiday music played from speakers somewhere, and on one side of the rink was a hot chocolate stand, the rich smell encasing the whole area in chocolatey bliss. 

Wally and Artemis sat side by side on one of the benches, lacing up their rental skates. It took some effort to figure out the laces, and every once in a while they would bump elbows to the point where several elbow-nudging wars broke out over the course of those few minutes. 

Artemis looked over the ice rink, watching the skaters who all looked far more experienced than she was. “It’s probably fair to warn you I’ve never actually ice skated before, so this isn’t going to be pretty.” 

“Yeah?” said Wally, as though he were genuinely surprised. Artemis wasn’t sure if she should be flattered or not. “Well, in all fairness, I only went once with my ex and fell on my ass too many times to count, so don’t worry. I promise I’m just as bad as you are.” 

“I’d love to see that.” 

Wally precariously stood up, wobbling on his skates. “Then it’s your lucky day.” He held out his hand. “Shall we?” 

Focusing on her skates rather than the fact that she would be holding Wally’s hand yet again, Artemis grabbed it, standing up as well. Balancing on two blades was just as difficult as she’d predicted. It reminded her of that time her father made her practice lock picking while balancing on a soccer ball, because parenting, of course. 

It took a second of wobbling before she got used to it, and Artemis was finally able to stand without falling over. She grinned up at Wally, but her eyes landed on their hands, still gripping each other. She dropped his hand like it was a hot iron. “I—I think I’ve got the hang of this now,” she said. 

It was hard to tell whether Wally missed the presence of her hand or not. But when Artemis took that first step and nearly fell to the ground, he chuckled and held out his hand again, a silent invitation. Artemis simply looked at it, not wanting to allow herself the simple indulgence. 

“Dude, it’s okay,” Wally said. “I’m pretty sure if I don’t have someone to hold onto, I’ll fall flat on my face the second we go onto the ice.”

Alright, so Wally just wanted to steady his own balance. That was fine. Artemis was okay with helping him out if it was only to keep himself from falling. Slowly, she took his hand again, trying not to relish in its warmth. In the back of her mind, she wondered if he had held hands with his ex when they went skating. 

Together, she and Wally teetered their way onto the ice, holding tight to each other for balance. Walking on the snow turned out to be child’s play compared to the rink, for the second Artemis stepped onto the ice, her foot slipped and she skidded into an almost-split. 

Wally laughed and helped her up, holding both her arms until she was upright. “Man, this is way harder than I remembered.” 

Artemis made a grab for the railing that went around the perimeter of the rink. “I’m starting to think this is Megan and Conner’s way of assassinating us.” 

“Or humiliating us. They’re probably hiding around here somewhere, taking a video and waiting for us to fall on our faces.” 

Artemis struggled to gather her bearings, trying to center herself on the skates. “That’s not going to be difficult.” 

Ice skating was the winter equivalent of tightrope walking, it seemed. Wally and Artemis both proved terrible at the sport, so it was less ice skating and more a game of “stumble around and try not to fall over.” They stuck to the outside, shuffling idly around the rink with the railing as their lifeline. 

They didn’t let go of each other’s hands the entire time, lest they fall into a heap on the ground. The other skaters kept a wide berth, staying as far away from the two train wrecks as the large rink would allow. Still, as dreadful as they were, Wally and Artemis had a blast.

Turns out, ice skating involved a lot of hand-holding, laughter, and falling over. At one point Wally felt comfortable enough to let go of the railing, so he held his arms out for balance and slid deeper into the center of the rink. Five seconds later his legs flew out from under him and he wound up slamming onto the ice and skidding a few feet, spread on his back like a starfish. 

Artemis had laughed so hard she lost her own balance and flopped over right after. 

Even with every slip and tumble, the fun never stopped. Ice skating with Wally was some of the most fun Artemis had experienced in a long time. They made fun of the other couples around them, the ones with their arms around their partners and who twirled around hand-in-hand like they were the stars of a romantic comedy with Michael Bublé performing backup. 

Wally leaned in close and nodded towards one couple in particular. “You see those two people with the matching snow hats?” Artemis followed his eye line and spotted the couple in question, both about middle age and wearing identical pink snow hats with fluffy balls on top. “Which one do you think is going to fall over first? Because my money’s on the dude.”

“Bet you a hot chocolate it’s going to be the lady. She’s tipping pretty dangerously over there.” 

Wally’s lip curled. “You’re on.” 

They skated along, trying not to be too obvious with their stares. And when the woman lost her footing and toppled over like a tree, Wally and Artemis had to muffle their snickers to avoid drawing attention to themselves. Artemis elbowed Wally in the side and whispered, “Told you.” 

If Artemis had known being here with Wally would be so much fun, she never would have been so against going in the first place. 

Although around their tenth lap, something strange happened. 

For a moment—the smallest, briefest moment—Artemis entirely forgot it wasn’t real. She forgot this was supposed to be a strictly platonic outing. For a moment, it felt like she and Wally were a real couple on a real date. The hand-holding wasn’t merely for balance anymore, but because they were truly in love just like the skaters around them, enjoying their own romantic comedy world. 

Coming back to reality hurt as bad as a hammer to the stomach. That sliver of a moment in which Artemis gave into her imagination was just that; imagined. This wasn’t a real date, and they certainly weren’t a real couple. 

So why did it feel so achingly real? 

Artemis had tried, she really had. She tried not getting attached. She tried keeping her feelings at bay, restraining her mind from wandering too far away like her heart already had. But skating with Wally, laughing with Wally… Artemis hadn’t been this giddy in so long, she almost forgot what it felt like. 

After about an hour of trial and error, they were gliding along without any major problems. It was shaky, but at least they no longer had to rely on the railing for balance. 

“I think we’re getting the hang of this,” said Artemis. 

“And it only took an hour of falling on our asses.” 

“I’m proud of us.” Artemis skated ahead a few feet, pulling Wally with her. “At this rate I could apply for the Olympics and show the world my expert ice skating skills.” 

“Yeah, you could win a silver medal. I’d get the gold of course, since I’m clearly way better.”

“Is that so?” 

Wally smiled playfully, swinging their arms between them. “Yup. Good balance is in my genes. I’m an ice skating god. They should do a live action _Yuri On Ice_ with me as the star. I’m so good, I could—”

Wally cut himself off with a shout as he slipped, scrambling for purchase but finding nothing to grab onto. His foot slid, taking him down to the ground. Artemis almost laughed, but too late she realized their hands were still connected. Wally fell hard onto his back, pulling Artemis down with him so she landed on his chest, bellowing out an “Oof!” as the wind got knocked out of her. 

Wally groaned, rubbing the back of his head. “Ow.” He looked down at Artemis. “My bad. You okay?”

Artemis picked up her head, shaking the ice out of her hair. She and Wally were face-to-face now. “Perfect balance my ass, Kid Clumsy,” she groaned. 

Wally, that miscreant, had the nerve to laugh. “And to think, we were doing so well.” 

Artemis rolled her eyes, huffing breathlessly. “You’re an idiot.” 

They stayed on the ground for an extra moment, letting themselves catch their breath. Wally’s heartbeat fluttered beneath Artemis’ palm like the beat of a hummingbird’s wings. Her hair had fallen against his collarbone. The fact that she was blatantly lying on top of him struck Artemis as being rather intimate, the kind of position “just friends” normally wouldn’t be found in. She should have felt awkward, but perhaps the cold had numbed her brain because, oddly enough, she didn’t. In fact, she was in no rush to get up, and Wally didn’t seem it either despite how cold the ice beneath him must have been. 

“I changed my mind,” Wally said eventually. “You can take the gold metal.” 

Artemis let out another breathless laugh, feeling Wally’s own laughter reverberate in his chest below her. The condensation from their breaths mingled in the cold. 

“Yeesh, get a room, lovebirds.” 

Artemis and Wally looked up at the same time, twisting in surprise to look up at the two figures towering over them. Dick and Zatanna stood in winter coats and ice skates. And from the twitching of their lips, they were holding back snickers. 

Artemis’ eyes widened, and she quickly rushed to get up, her elbow digging into Wally’s ribcage as she struggled to her feet. “We weren’t doing anything,” she insisted. God, she just _knew_ she was blushing. Wally scooted away from Artemis, rolling onto his knees and trying to push himself up to his feet. 

“We, uh, fell,” he said. 

Dick hauled him to his feet. “Clearly.” 

Artemis brushed ice off her coat. “What are you guys doing here?” Surely they couldn’t have found out they were going to be here tonight, had they? Did Megan tell them about her gift? 

Zatanna spun in a circle on her skates. “What does it look like? We’re ice skating.” 

Dick wore the most shit-eating grin Artemis had seen to date. “And what a _coincidence_ you guys happen to be ice skating too. How convenient is that?” For some odd reason, he seemed to be mostly talking to Wally as he said that. Wally looked mortified. “So this was Megan’s surprise present, I’m guessing?” 

“Did she tell you about it or something?” Artemis didn’t know how to feel yet about Dick and Zee’s arrival. 

“Nope,” Zatanna supplied. “Just felt like going skating today. Total coincidence we happen to be doing it on the exact same day and time and place as you guys.” But the humor in her eyes told a different story.

Wally’s eyebrows arched knowingly. “Do you have any shame?”

“Not really, no.”

Artemis noticed that Dick’s eyes zoomed in on Wally’s and Artemis’ clasped hands (when had they started holding hands again?), and he appeared to be trying to communicate something to Wally with just his eyes. Wally shook his head and made a cutting motion across his throat, but Dick just nodded with a wink. 

Whatever that was supposed to mean, Artemis had no idea, and she couldn’t find it in herself to care. Not when it was all she could do to fight down the blush that burned beneath her skin. She couldn’t even imagine how she must have looked: all flustered and red after being caught sprawled on top of her “boyfriend” in the middle of an ice skating rink. How charming. 

Even now, she could feel Wally’s body heat next to her, so close it was easy to take his arm and pull him away from the other couple whose smirks must have become part of their facial structure at that point. “Well, this has been fun. We’ll meet up with you guys in a bit,” she said, praying to whomever was listening that she would keep her balance as she skated away, dragging Wally behind her. “We’re going to go skate some more.” 

Wally got the message and put his arm around Artemis, which not only sold the act but was mostly just to keep themselves steady as they skated. Luckily, leaning their weight on each other could be read as an average couple being all touchy-feely simply because they wanted to be; not because they were two seconds away from slipping and falling to the ground at any moment.

Wally blew out a long breath once they were a safe distance away. “Fuck, I think my blood pressure just rose like ten notches.” 

“What are they even doing here? I thought they would be too busy with wedding planning or something to go ice skating.” Artemis moved her arm down Wally’s forearm to his hand, lacing their fingers together. Looked like their little “platonic outing” had been switched to a “fake-date designed to appease our doubtful friends.” Ah, the life of Artemis Crock. By the time this was all over, she should write an autobiography. Title it _My Confusing Unrequited Experience With My Not-Boyfriend._ It’ll be a hit. 

Wally shrugged. “Not going to lie—at this point I’ve come to accept we’re not going to be able to avoid anyone ever again. You think we can duck out and escape before they notice?” 

Artemis shrugged. “I think we’re stuck here. But…” She pulled Wally’s hand up and around her shoulders again, snuggling in close. “That doesn’t mean we can’t have a little fun with it. What do you say? Want to be that annoying couple everyone else wants to shove off the ice?”

“Artemis Crock, I thought you’d never ask.”

* * *

After an hour of skating around the rink, talking loudly and leaving no space between each other whatsoever, suffice to say Wally and Artemis had a blast. Not to mention the instances in which they crossed paths with Dick and Zatanna. 

A silent competition of sorts began between the two couples, each trying every lowbrow trick they knew to trip the other up and make them fall over. 

Artemis grabbed hold of Dick’s scarf as they passed, yanking him back so he fell flat on the ice. Another time, Zatanna tossed her knit hat in the exact spot Wally’s ice skate was about to slide over, making him stumble and fall right on his ass, taking Artemis down with him for the second time that night. 

Who would have thought a cheesy ice skating date with her friends would have been so much fun? Well, if you leave out the part about Artemis’ unrequited crush on the same guy she’d been _awfully_ close to for the extent of their time on the rink. 

And even now, here he was buying hot chocolates for the both of them. There had been a lot of back and forth on who was going to pay despite their bet from earlier, so they flipped a coin. Artemis didn’t like the idea of Wally paying for her, even if it was for a stupid frothy beverage. It made it feel too much like a date, which Artemis had been steadily convincing herself tonight was certainly _not._

Still, for a fantasy, it was an awfully pleasant one. 

Artemis sat on the bench, waiting for Wally to return with the drinks. She watched Dick and Zee on the ice, slowly gliding along the edge of the circle. Dick’s arms were around her waist, his chin nuzzled into her hair. It was cute. It was domestic. It was a couple in love. 

They didn’t have to hide their feelings. They could be with each other and not have to worry about lies or unreciprocated feelings or trying not to get caught up in fantasies. And most of all, they didn’t have to worry about a time limit—having only so much time to enjoy before the end would come and pretty soon, everything they had together would be no more than a memory. 

Did it make Artemis a bad person that she was jealous of them? 

And even worse—was it so terrible that a tiny part of her wished the wedding would be postponed for just a little longer? 

Two days. Artemis had only two days left to enjoy with Wally until the end of their relationship. The relationship that was never real, but felt more real than any relationship Artemis had ever had. Was it selfish to want a world where the wedding would get pushed to later and later dates, so Artemis’ time with Wally would never have to end?

Or even better; a world in which this little charade of theirs had never begun at all. Artemis should have turned down Wally’s offer when she had the chance. She should have womanned up, cut her losses, and come clean about not having a date. At least then she only would have had to endure a few minutes of embarrassment and be done with it. 

Now she was stuck in the pickle to end all pickles. She traded a short time of embarrassment for who-knows-how-long of regret, wishing she’d have acted differently, mourning a relationship that had never even existed in the first place.

“Hey, you okay?” 

Artemis tore her eyes away from the couple on the ice to find Wally standing in front of her. He looked down at her with concern, mouth downturned at the edges. In his hands he held two styrofoam cups. 

Artemis blinked rapidly. “I—” She swallowed. “Yeah. Just lost in thought for a second there.”

Wally sat beside her, his left leg flush against her right one. When had they gotten to the point where being close like this felt so natural? He handed her one of the cups and then held out his own ebulliently. “Bon appétit, mademoiselle.” His French accent was terrible, but he didn’t seem to care. 

Artemis rolled her eyes at the theatrics and tapped her cup to his. They drank their hot chocolates, sitting in comfortable silence. That was another thing—since when had they gotten to be this comfortable around each other? 

For as long as Artemis had known him, Wally felt the need to fill every silence or lull in conversation with chatter. It was impossible for him to go more than five minutes without having something to occupy his attention, as though not having that constant stimulation gave him too much time for his mind to wander to dark places. But lately, it was like he’d stopped needing that crutch around Artemis. 

The more Artemis noticed the little developments in their interactions, the less she wanted the wedding day to come and wipe it all away. 

“You know,” she said after a while, “when I was a kid, my sister and I used to go to an old diner a couple blocks down from our house. This old lady there used to give us free hot chocolates in the winter. Every time our power got cut off because my parents couldn’t pay the bill, we would borrow some of my dad’s shirts and use them as coats so we could walk to the diner and get hot chocolate to warm ourselves up.”

“Must have been rough.”

Artemis shrugged. “It was good hot chocolate. I think it was made from scratch—not like those little packets that taste like chemicals.” 

Wally hummed. “My mom used to make hot chocolate from scratch. Before she left, every winter she and I used to play in the snow after school. Then we’d go back inside and she’d already have some cocoa warming on the stove. She’d add all these spices and stuff to it too so it tasted completely different than the kind you’d get anywhere else. I can’t remember what she’d put in there, but my aunt always tried to replicate it for me.” 

“Sounds nice.”

“It was.” 

They sipped the rest of their hot chocolates in silence, watching the skaters go about their business. Artemis spotted one family with two daughters, teetering on their skates like baby deer. Artemis watched them for a while, a tugging sensation pulling in her gut. 

Once they’d finished their hot chocolates, they put heir skates back on and made their way back onto the ice for a little more skating. They made a few laps around the rink, and it wasn’t long before Artemis noticed that Dick and Zatanna were nowhere to be found. Had they left already? 

Before she could voice her thoughts, Wally beat her to the punch. “What is Dick doing over there?” He had stopped skating and was now pointing somewhere at the opposite end of the rink. Artemis followed his finger and spotted Dick and Zatanna standing by one of the speakers suspended near the outer edge of the circle. 

Dick was fiddling with the wires at the back of the speaker, while Zatanna was doing something with his phone. Remembering all the times a young Dick Grayson would hack into Gotham Academy’s loudspeaker system to play the Macarena on a loop, Artemis knew whatever they had planned couldn’t be anything good. 

Suddenly, before anyone knew what was happening, a very familiar song blared through the speakers and Artemis’ blood ran cold. The volume was so loud, Wally startled violently and would have fallen had Artemis not grabbed his shoulders before he could. 

Wally looked back at their friends, now more confused than ever. He leaned in closer to Artemis so she could hear him over the infuriatingly loud rendition of _Kiss The Girl._ “What are they—” Then it clicked. _“Oh.”_

Why the choice in song, Artemis didn’t know. But the intention behind it was clear and it made her want to die. Heat flared under her skin, overpowering the cold. Her embarrassment skyrocketed even more when she saw Wally sported a matching blush, the color flaming in his cheeks. 

They were already so close, it wouldn’t have taken any effort to kiss him. Artemis could see him so much clearer up close, see the freckles which spread outward from his cheeks, draping the bridge of his nose in tiny dots. As the weeks stretched on, Artemis was beginning to love studying them, seeing the way they ran down his jawline to his neck, scattering over his collarbones. 

Artemis knew this was the part when she should pull away, put some distance between them. Go on and complain about Dick’s trap, how dumb and juvenile it was. Laugh it off and forget it ever happened. 

Instead, to her own surprise, Artemis did something else. 

She didn’t. If anything, she became _less_ inclined to move away from Wally, which had to be crazy. 

Her eyes crept up, and she found Wally’s eyes on hers as well. He was only a couple inches taller than her. All she would have to do to be at his level was raise herself on her tiptoes a little. 

The tip of his nose was red from the cold, as were his cheeks. Or maybe that one was a result of the blush. Maybe both. The music played on, but Artemis didn’t hear it over the blood rushing in her ears. 

Shivers crept up her spine, and she didn’t know if it was from the cold this time. 

Clearly, she and Wally were both thinking the same thing. They were backed into a corner now. Any other couple would kiss right about now, because it’s not like it would be a huge deal. But they weren’t any other couple, and it _was_ a big deal. Not kissing would raise suspicion; kissing would do much worse damage. 

So why did Artemis want to kiss Wally more than anything in the world right now? 

Slowly, with what seemed like puppet strings controlling her, Artemis rose on her toes, closer to Wally’s face. She cleared the scratchiness from her throat. “That was a cheap trick they pulled,” she said. 

“Yeah,” Wally said, his breath fogging in the chilled air. “What did they even think that would accomplish?”

“Nothing. It’s not like we would actually…” She trailed off. 

“Of course not,” he replied. “We’d never.” 

“Never,” Artemis agreed. By this point, their lips were so close she could smell the hot chocolate on his breath. Gray eyes locked onto green, hypnotized. “We don’t have to…”

“Yeah. Just because they want us to…” He cleared his throat. “We won’t.”

“Of course not.” 

They inched closer and closer together until pretty soon there was no more room to inch. Their lips were so close to touching, just brushing against each other yet not quite kissing. The music played, urging them along. 

Obviously this was some plan Dick and Zatanna hatched to get them to kiss, that much was obvious. They doubted the validity of the relationship, so this was their challenge. Fair enough. And of course, it’s not like Wally and Artemis could turn it down, since they have an act to keep up, after all. But Artemis was tense. 

She’d spent the whole night restraining herself, keeping her instincts in check, all so she wouldn’t be tempted to act romantically towards Wally in any way, shape, or form. But here they were, just shy of making contact. 

That was when something snapped in Artemis’ brain. 

At once, every bone in her body stopped resisting and said, _You know what? Fuck it._

So this wasn’t real—would _never_ be real. Artemis had made peace with that long ago, and nothing she could do would ever change that. But they had now. Right now. This moment. And in this moment, Artemis made the decision to just fucking _let go._

She had no idea who initiated it, and she didn’t care. Because in the next second, every forethought she’d ever had flew out the window. She didn’t care that Dick and Zatanna were watching. She didn’t care that they were doing this on an ice skating rink. She didn’t even care that it was plain idiotic to kiss one’s crush when the crush in question didn’t feel the same way. 

Artemis didn’t care because now, now she was kissing Wally. And every other concern in the universe that didn’t involve what was happening right this second could go fuck itself. 

Wally tasted like chocolate and peppermint, an intoxicating mixture. His lips were warm, a steep contrast to the freezing air around them. Artemis deepened the kiss just to taste more of it, and Wally complied easily. 

Artemis knew she shouldn’t be doing this. She’d spent the whole day leading up to the date reminding herself not to slip up, not to get attached. This wasn’t what they’d planned. This wasn’t part of the agreement. The first time they kissed had been a fluke and a mistake—mainly on Artemis’ part. The thoughts that had been warned to go fuck themselves invaded her mind again, making her pull back for air. 

She stared at Wally, breathing heavily. This was so stupid, so thoughtless, so deluded, so—

Wally surged in again, capturing Artemis’ mouth once more. And, against her nagging conscience, she happily let him. 

For a second, Artemis worried they would slip on their skates and crack their heads open, so without separating, she smoothly maneuvered Wally and herself a foot backwards so Wally’s back was pressed up against the wall of the rink. She braced her hands on either side of him, not only steadying herself so falling wasn’t a danger, but also to keep Wally within an easily accessible distance. 

Wally’s fingers gripped her waist tight, like the thought of letting go was out of the question. For Artemis, it was. 

She felt almost dizzy, kissing Wally. It was like every second they stayed together set off sparks crackling through her veins and sinking deep into her bones. She was melting under Wally’s palms and she never wanted to leave. 

She thought the photo booth kiss was good? This was a whole new level. The photo booth kiss was nothing compared to this—freezing on an ice skating rink while a cheesy Disney song played in the background and their two best friends were no doubt laughing nearby. Artemis couldn’t find the will to care about the consequences. 

Consequences were for later. Now, Artemis was going to indulge. So what if the man she liked was only in it for this stupid deal the two of them had concocted? Right now, Artemis could pretend it was real, pretend he felt the same way she felt about her, pretend he was enjoying this kiss as much as she was. And she was _definitely_ enjoying it. 

Wally was pleasantly warm, making it feel as though the winter air surrounding them didn’t exist. The kiss was hard but soft, sweet but urgent, too much but not enough; an oxymoron in and of itself. More than anything in the universe, Artemis didn’t want it to end. If they could only stay in this pocket of perfection, where Artemis could allow herself to imagine this was real, that the ending she wanted was possible. 

For Wally was her own personal Wonderland, and she never wanted to leave.

* * *

**December 29, 20:01 EST**

**Wally**

This was _bad._

Not the kiss— _god,_ not the kiss. In fact, this may have been the hottest kiss Wally had ever experienced in his life. 

But if Wally’s deal with Artemis were an actual job, he would be _so_ fired right now. This was unprofessional. Immature. Selfish. Incredible. 

Every touch of Artemis’ fingertips sent licks of fire up Wally’s spine, making the ice rink obsolete in comparison. Wally was sure his legs would have given out had it not been for the bone-deep need to stay planted where he stood, prolong the kiss for as long as humanly possible. 

_Fuck,_ wait. Wait, wait, wait. This was against the rules. The photo booth incident was one thing, but it was a whole other thing to be openly making out with Artemis in the middle of an ice skating rink with Disney music playing around them. 

Wally felt lightheaded. His thoughts ran ragged around each other, knowing this was wrong but loving how it felt so right. Artemis’ hair brushed his fingers where they rested on her waist, and Wally decided kissing Artemis was his new favorite thing in the world. 

This was it. _This._ Right here, right now, with Artemis so wonderfully close. This was It with a capital I—his perfect image of forever. He wanted it so badly it almost hurt when the shadows at the rim of his mind reminded him what he yearned for was impossible. He could never have a life with Artemis, never have more than the next two days. 

It was that thought which gave him the strength he needed to move his hands to Artemis forearms, separating her from himself. It hurt, but Wally knew if he allowed himself to indulge any longer, he’d never be able to stop. 

“Fuck,” he blurted. “I’m—” _What?_ Sorry? Definitely not sorry. 

Luckily, before Wally could start of a string of very eloquent gibberish, Zatanna saved him. In the time Wally and Artemis were… _preoccupied,_ Dick and Zatanna had returned to the rink. The pair skated past them, Zatanna clipping Artemis on the shoulder and saying, a giggle in her voice, “Leave some room for Jesus. There are kids here, you know.” 

Artemis jumped away from Wally, nearly slipping on her skates. “I—” She swallowed thickly, shaking her head slightly. “I think I’m done ice skating for tonight.” 

Something inside Wally deflated. “Oh.” He didn’t know what else to say. What else _could_ he say? _I’m sorry kissing you was the best thing I’ve ever experienced even though it only happened because we had to. I’m sorry you don’t feel the same about me. I’m sorry it wasn’t real._ “Yeah. Me too.” 

Artemis wouldn’t meet his eyes. She turned away, skating towards the exit. Wally followed, shaky without someone to hold onto. 

They didn’t talk as they were leaving, nor when they were in Wally’s car, aside from the occasional comment about how cold it was. It was like a wall had been planted in the middle of them both. Wally couldn’t help feeling like that was his fault. 

When they pulled up in front of Artemis’ home, she hesitated, her hand loosely gripping the car door handle. “Wally, I…” Her eyes were low, like she was confessing before an angry crowd. “I’m sorry about…that.” 

“Oh, you mean…” Wally coughed. “No, that was my fault. I shouldn’t have…you know. I mean, it’s not like we had much of a choice. Just got a little caught up in the act, is all.”

He couldn’t be sure if he’d imagined it or not, but for a moment, disappointment clouded Artemis’ eyes. “Oh. Yeah, me too. Caught up in the act. I’m just sorry if it made things weird.”

How badly Wally wanted to tell her no, tell her that that kiss was anything but acting. Tell her he liked her so much more than the way she liked him and he wanted nothing more than to kiss her again and again and again. But life just isn’t that gracious. 

Instead, Wally held his tongue, kept his feelings locked away where they belonged. “No,” he said. “No weirdness at all. Nothing weird here. Everything is cool as an ice cube.” 

It was hard to tell if Artemis believed him or not, but she nodded regardless. “Good.” She opened the door, stepping one foot on the pavement. “I’ll see you at the rehearsal tomorrow?” 

Wally’s thumb tapped the steering wheel, almost vibrating. “Yeah. See you tomorrow.” 

He watched Artemis walk up the steps to her building, going inside without another glance toward the car. Once she was out of sight, Wally let out the breath he’d been holding and slumped in his seat. “I’m so stupid,” he growled. He slapped the steering wheel, muttering a long string of curses.

He was so stupid. So _fucking_ stupid. He might have just ruined any miniscule chance he’d ever had at being with Artemis, and like always, he could blame his dumb fucking carelessness. He should have known kissing Artemis would be a bad idea. He’d known that the entire time leading up to it, yet he’d never once pulled away. He never stopped to consider the ramifications, and now here he was. 

Wally covered his face with his hands. And the worst part about all this? Nothing changed. Not a single thing. He was stuck completely, utterly stuck. He still liked Artemis, they were still trapped in this scheme, and he still had no chance of ending things in a way that would fill the emptiness inside of him.

With a heavy sigh, Wally shifted the gear into drive and pulled away from the curb.

* * *

**December 29, 21:16 EST**

**Wally**

Later that night, Wally sat alone in his apartment, without even the energy to satisfy the grumble in his stomach. 

What now? Honestly, it seemed like the hole he was digging himself should reach the bottom at some point, but here he was; still digging. 

Two days left. Two days for Wally to cherish, two days for Wally to endure this not-so-little crush while it burned him alive. If Wally were a brave man, he would probably take what he could from the remainder of their time and confess to Artemis. He would air out his feelings, putting it all in the open. He would admit how, over the course of the time spent with Artemis, he’d somehow fallen for her. He would ask if she felt the same, or if she never wanted to talk to him again. 

But Wally was a coward. How could he take that leap of faith, that risk of rejection? Sure, they would be parting ways in two days’ time anyway, but at least taking the natural route would be less painful. He could live comfortably, knowing in the back of his mind that Artemis probably wouldn’t have liked him back anyway, and even if she had, it was too late. 

To hear her say it out loud that she didn’t return his feelings would hurt. And of course she would never do the unthinkable and _actually_ like him back. Artemis hated Wally, and that would never change no matter how much he wished for it to. She barely tolerated him as it was. 

Then again…what did he have to lose? He’d said it himself: after that wedding, it would all be over anyway. When Wally told Artemis how he felt and was inevitably rejected, he would at least have some form of closure. He wouldn’t be left wondering what might have been. He wouldn’t have a gaping hole rotting in his chest for eternity. 

Wally inhaled deeply, reclining back against the couch cushions. Okay, so he’d tell her. It would have to be soon, either at the rehearsal dinner or the morning before the wedding so it would at least make it bearable being with Artemis on the big day—knowing for sure whether or not she liked him back. Okay. He could do that. Yeah, he might get rejected, but at least he could have some peace of mind for the first time in weeks. And there was still that small chance that she might possibly feel the same, unlikely as it was. 

And if she doesn’t, that would be fine too. No harm, no foul. Wally would accept it and move on with his life, as would Artemis. 

But Wally just groaned. Oh, who was he kidding? He would never be over it. 

Never in his life had Wally felt this way for someone. Every one of his mild infatuations paled in comparison to the way he felt about Artemis. It was like every detail he’d always thought he’d hated about her, he now loved so much it hurt. Her fiery attitude, her piercing gray eyes, even her _voice_ made him feel like his blood had been infused with pop rocks. 

Wally would never be over Artemis Crock. 

With deadened limbs, Wally sat up, ready to put his racing mind to bed. Then something caught his eye. 

His best man speech sat on the coffee table still, untouched since that night Artemis had visited. He’d tried in the last few days to add on to it, but it was like his brain had jammed. Up until tonight, Wally hadn’t known what to write about. Now, with Artemis’ image in his mind, something changed. 

After staring at the blank page for a minute, Wally grabbed the notepad, picked up a pen, and began to write.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you even know how hard it was to not make Artemis visit her mom at 9pm just so I could quote Rent when Mark said “December 24, nine pm eastern standard time. From this point on I shoot without a script." Very hard. 
> 
> Wasn't this chapter so cute and fluffy? Yeah, the next chapter won't be. The next chapter will crush your soul and also your bones. :D


	9. Oh Take Me Back to the Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **[9:27 PM] HelloMegan!:** Artemis, are you okay?  
>  **[9:28 PM] HelloMegan!:** If you want to talk about it, just know I’m here for you  <3
> 
>  
> 
> **[9:36 PM] Annataz:** god Artemis I’m so sorry, I had no idea. do you need to talk?
> 
>  
> 
> **[9:59 PM] Get Traught:** Come on Artemis, I’ve called you like fifteen times. Everyone’s worried about you and I don’t even know where the hell Wally went  
>  **[10:03 PM] Get Traught:** Please, _please_ pick up
> 
>  
> 
> **[9:20 PM] Wallman:** Artemis I’m so sorry  
>  **[9:22 PM] Wallman:** I cant even believe what I said it was out of line and  
>  **[9:22 PM] Wallman:** fuck  
>  **[9:23 PM] Wallman:** please. please pick up  
>  **[9:35 PM] Wallman:** I’m such a fucking piece of shit  
>  **[9:41 PM] Wallman:** I know you want space and that’s fine but I really really really need you to know I’m sorry because I fucking. I’m so sorry Artemis  
>  **[9:42 PM] Wallman:** please talk to me, I’m losing my mind here  
>  **[9:42 PM] Wallman:** fuck I just  
>  **[9:50 PM] Wallman:** I’m sorry  
>  **[9:51 PM] Wallman:** I’m so sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry this took so long to post—I feel like it’s been forever. School is killing me and also I am a master procrastinator, so yeah. But it’s here! The angst monster! And for those of you who want to make it even sadder, I strongly recommend you listen to Coldplay’s _The Scientist_ when Wally gets involved in the argument with Roy because dang, that’s some good pain right there. And yes, I did indeed include song lyrics because I am actual trash. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**December 30, 18:44 EST**

**Artemis**

Looking back, it was almost impossible to believe how far they’d come. It felt like just yesterday Wally and Artemis had been picking fights over anything and everything, rivals to the core. And now here they were, nearly at the finish line of this Twister game of a situation. The date had snuck up on Artemis, its presence incomprehensible until finally it pounced and forced her to face reality yet again.

The wedding was tomorrow—a day Artemis was both excited for and dreaded. She _should_ have been excited. She should have been filled with mirth and joy at the thought of watching her two best friends finally get their happy ending together.

Was she a terrible person for feeling only sadness at the prospect? 

One day left until the end. Artemis’ stomach plummeted just thinking about it—about the threads that had been woven throughout this whole month becoming untethered one again. About how, after tomorrow, she would end up right back where she started: alone. 

And tonight was the rehearsal dinner, where the wedding party and all close relatives would be attending for one last gathering at some fancy-schmancy restaurant before the big day. The celebration before the storm. The prelude before the finale. The overture before the climax. It was as though the day itself were teasing her; warning Artemis about the limited time she had left to enjoy with Wally. 

The wedding rehearsal itself hadn’t taken long, thankfully. Whether that was because weddings were naturally simple affairs or because Artemis had been wrapped up in her own thoughts was up in the air at the moment. 

As she watched Dick’s stepmother give instructions on who stands where and who walks down the aisle with whom, Artemis had been contemplating the irony of endings—the bittersweet nature of them. When you think about it, aren’t happy endings an oxymoron? No ending can be truly happy, because just the fact that there is an end is a loss in and of itself. Nobody cheers when they finish their favorite book. Nobody throws a party when they get divorced. Every happy ending is touched with a twinge of sadness. 

Yes, tomorrow was a day long-awaited, a month of planning finally coming to fruition. It was supposed to be a happy day. So _why couldn’t Artemis summon the optimism to enjoy it?_

Was she happy for Dick and Zatanna? Of _course_ she was. But the deeper parts of her, the parts she was ashamed existed, could muster nothing but sorrow. Sorrow at the knowledge that the beginning of Dick and Zee’s lifetime of happiness would simultaneously usher in the end of Artemis’ relationship with Wally. Everything would go away. Everything would end in one fell swoop, and just thinking about it hurt so bad it sent Artemis’ stomach in knots. 

And the real kicker? Artemis couldn’t ignore the fact that she had no one to blame but herself. 

She’d _known_ this was coming. She had warned herself time and time again not to get attached, knowing what it would entail. Yes, she had developed feelings along the way, but she had been determined to shut that crush down as soon as humanly possible. So _why didn’t she?_ Why did she indulge in something she knew had an expiration date? Why had she masochistically set herself up for heartbreak? 

Everything would have been so much _easier_ if she had done what she was supposed to and kept feelings out of it altogether, but maybe Artemis just wasn’t built for easy. 

Even now, from the passenger seat of Wally’s car, goosebumps prickled all along Artemis’ arms from a swirling mix of anticipation, suspense, and sheer proximity to Wally. 

…Or maybe it was just the cold weather seeping into her skin thanks to her sleeveless dress, even with a coat over it. Yeah, let’s go with that. 

It wasn’t until this morning when Artemis had realized she didn’t have a single outfit that was right for a semi-formal rehearsal party. She had to scramble to the nearest clothing store at seven in the morning in a blind search for _anything_ suitable for the occasion. Luckily, Fate had been gracious for once. Artemis found a long, dark green dress in her size that worked like a charm. 

It had cost quite a pretty penny, but it was more than worth it when she caught Wally eying the slit that ran the length of her right leg, stopping just above the knee. 

Wally who, by the way, was looking awfully nice in his white button-down/red blazer combo. The guy looked like he’d just stepped out of a clothing ad, and it didn’t take a genius to assume he’d gone to Dick for advice. Not that Artemis was complaining, of course. She could really get used to seeing Wally in classy attire. 

_Enjoy it while you still can_ , her bitter conscience reminded her. 

“So, are you excited?” Wally asked, breaking the twenty-minute-long silence. 

Artemis flinched, realizing she’d been staring. Luckily his eyes remained locked on the road ahead instead of catching her in the act, and Artemis forced herself to do the same. “About the wedding?” 

He looked at her from the corner of his eye. “Well, that too, but I meant about the last day of the deal. We’re almost in the clear.” 

Oh. That. “Yeah,” Artemis said, ignoring the pang in her gut. “Real excited.” 

She must have sounded more pessimistic than she’d meant to, because Wally’s eyes lingered for a moment. If he thought something off about her answer, he didn’t mention it. “Oh, me too. Yup. Can’t wait.” 

Despite her mood, Artemis half-smirked. “Can’t wait to be free of dealing with me every day?” 

“Oh, definitely. I mean, I can only put up with someone who eats mint Oreos for so long. I’m impressed I lasted a whole month.” 

“At least I don’t watch _Keeping Up with the Kardashians_ unironically.” 

“Please, you watch even more trashy TV than I do.” He shook his head, tutting. “I don’t know how I survived dating you for so long.” He was smiling, though, and Artemis found herself doing the same. 

“Well you leave your stuff all over the place like a slob, _and_ you didn’t know how to use a Foreman grill before I taught you, so I think it’s only fair you reimburse me for what I’ve had to deal with.” 

Wally shot her a wink. “You know getting to see my beautiful face every day is payment enough.” 

“Oh, yeah, it’s a real treat to see pasty skin and spinach in your teeth. I’m so lucky.” 

Wally gasped. “Rude! I would never eat spinach in my life and you know it.” 

Artemis chucked, digging an elbow into his side and dodging when he retaliated. “We’re going to need to plan the breakup, you know,” she said. Might as well get that over with while her rain cloud was still lifted. 

Wally’s nose wrinkled. “Oh, yeah. That. So…what are we going to do? Just cut off contact the day after and tell everyone it didn’t work out?” 

“Knowing our friends, we’ll probably need some kind of a story.”

“I’m always open for suggestions.” 

Artemis chewed her lip for a second, thinking. “We could…say we had a fight.” 

Wally smiled crookedly. “We always fight. It’s our thing.” _Our thing._ Artemis’ heart jumped. 

“We could tell them one of us cheated, then,” she said. “That’s why I ended things with…you know. Takes away any chances of us getting back together.” 

“No offense, but I can’t imagine myself cheating on you.” 

Artemis raised one eyebrow knowingly. “’Cause I’d kill you?” 

“Not exactly. I just don’t think I’d find someone…” He waved his hand around, trying to come up with the right words before giving up entirely. “I mean, who else would be willing to put up with me?” 

“Fair point. And I hate just about everyone, so it would take a lot of effort to find someone worth cheating on you with.”

“Thanks? I guess?” Wally looked somewhat smug before wiping the expression away. He pursed his lips in deliberation. “Maybe we could just take the easy route and say we’re too different for each other.”

“Really? Everyone keeps saying how we’re practically the same.”

Wally cocked his head. “Really? Do tell.”

“For starters, we’re both stubborn as hell,” Artemis said, ticking off a finger. “And we both apparently suck at relationships, so it’s a miracle we’ve been together this long.”

Wally tilted his head. “Huh. That’s kind of interesting, actually.” 

“Whatever.” Artemis rested her chin on her hand. “It shouldn’t be this hard to think of a reason to break up, should it? I mean, it’s _us.”_

Wally shrugged. “Why do other people break up?” 

“I don’t know, abuse?” 

He recoiled immediately. “No way. I can’t imagine hurting you. Next?”

“Different values?” 

“I don’t know, I think ours align for the most part. Next.” 

“We could…say I was framed for murder and you just couldn’t bear to be associated with a criminal.”

Wally laughed at that one. “Not bad, but I think we’d need a body for that one. Maybe you won the lottery and decided to run off to the Bahamas where you can live out your days with a tan hunk rubbing suntan lotion on you all day.” 

“Ooh, I like that one. If only I weren’t broke as fuck. How about I adopt a dog, learn you’re deathly allergic, and have to make a tragic choice, in which case of course I’ll choose the dog over you.”

Wally pressed a hand to his heart. “I’m touched. But I’m tragically not allergic to dogs and I’m pretty sure everyone knows it.”

“Well there goes that plan.” Artemis drummed her fingernails against the arm rest. “And to think I figured finding a reason to break up would be _easy,_ given how we used to hate each other’s guts.”

Wally looked at her, still smiling. He nudged her with his elbow. “But not anymore, right?” 

Artemis found herself returning the smile. “No. Not anymore.” 

Wally looked almost relieved, as though he’d been worried she would say something different. “Good. Me neither.” He turned back to the road, shaking his head in awe. “Can you believe that was just a month ago? Feels like forever.” He looked back at Artemis. “For what it’s worth, I had fun. Getting to hang out with you like this…” He cleared his throat. “It’s been really cool. Kind of wish we had more time.” 

Artemis felt hollow. “I had fun too.” 

There were so many things she could have chosen to say in that next moment:

_I like being with you so much, I don’t want it to end._

_I want this to be real. I want_ us _to be real._

_Why don’t we put off breaking up for a while and see how it goes?_

But, at the last minute, she chickened out. “Look, why don’t we just make it simple? We had an argument, figured out we weren’t compatible, and quit before someone got hurt. Anyone asks for more details, say we’re too sad to talk about it and call it a day. What do you think?”

Wally nodded, lips pressed together. “Good idea. Keep it easy breezy.” But he didn’t sound the least bit excited. You’d think he was commending her on planning a tasteful funeral. _Good idea choosing the daisies; they used to make the corpse’s eyes pop._

Wally scratched the steering wheel absently with his thumbnail, like his mind was miles and miles away. “You know, Artemis…” He stopped, teeth sinking into his bottom lip. 

Artemis raised her eyebrows. “Yeah?”

Wally inhaled deeply, clutching the wheel until his knuckles turned white. “I just wanted to tell you… Well, I—I figured you should know…” He turned to look at her, eyes filled with so much _something_ they were unreadable. “I…” His mouth hung open, trying to form words, but finally he closed it, sighing deeply. His grip slackened. “…You look beautiful,” he said finally. Why did it sound so much like a cop-out?

“Oh,” Artemis said, veiling her disappointment. She pushed it aside, but still the silent question in her mind tugged at her. “Thanks. You look nice too.” 

She could have sworn Wally had something else on his mind, something he couldn’t bring himself to say. Artemis wanted to ask, to know what was running through his head this time, but they were truly as alike as they said. Neither made any attempt to reveal what they were thinking. 

They didn’t bring up the breakup again for the rest of the drive.

* * *

**December 30, 19:02 EST**

**Artemis**

Whoever decorated the rehearsal party venue, Artemis had to hand it to them. She hoped they’d taken a moment to pat themselves on the back because when she and Wally stepped into the room, it was like stepping into a wedding reception preview. 

Lining the walls were strings of fairy lights, giving the room an ethereal glow. On one wall Artemis spotted a huge banner which said _Congratulations Dick and Zatanna!_ in bold script. Below that was a long table with desserts and— Was that a chocolate fountain? 

The event wasn’t a sit-down dinner, but rather a casual affair with a handful of tables scattered about while everyone stood around mingling. A bartender was serving up cocktails at an open bar across the room, and all around were waiters carrying around hors d’oeuvres. 

The sheer class of it all suggested that Bruce must have had a not-so-small part in organizing the party. No one seemed to be complaining, of course. 

Artemis saw their friends standing to one side talking, and laced her arm through Wally’s. “Let’s get this show on the road,” she said, plastering on a smile. 

To Artemis’ regret, the car conversation had bummed her out more than she thought it would. The very idea of partying and pretending nothing was wrong had her temples aching. Luckily, Artemis had spent so much of this month lying and hiding her true feelings that by this point it was almost second nature. 

Artemis and Wally did all that was expected of them. They walked around, chatting it up with their friends. They maintained contact at every opportunity: holding hands, linking arms—Artemis even sat on Wally’s lap for the better part of a half hour while they listened to Zatanna’s cousin Zach deliver a thrilling tale about the time he met Ed Helms in a Baskin Robbin’s. 

It wasn’t even that hard to be cozy with each other given that Artemis was absolutely _freezing_ in the open room. She was seriously regretting not getting a warmer dress. At least, she regretted it until Wally would wrap his arms around her and pull her close to his body. Then she almost wished it were colder. 

They were as perfect a couple as they had been at the last gathering they went to, and the one before that. Like it was natural. Like it had been practiced to the point of perfection, which Artemis supposed it had been. 

But there was an empty quality to it. Every time Wally played with her hair or she teased him about the way he couldn’t help mouthing along the lyrics to the soft music drifting through the room, she ached.

It was as though everything they did only reminded Artemis of what she was going to lose. This was their one last hurrah; the last chance they got to be together in this way. It made it difficult to enjoy herself, and Artemis was content to let the night pass by before her. 

It was almost like a dream. There was a quality of absentness to the party around her, but at the same time her gut roiled in anticipation. Like the kind of dream where you realize you didn’t study for the test the teacher was handing out, or where you walk into school without your underwear. You can feel the anxiety twisting your stomach in knots, but you’re forced to endure the duration of the dream until you can wake up and be released. 

It hurt, pretending to enjoy herself while waiting with bated breath for the other shoe to drop. 

After what felt like hours of faking, Artemis needed a break before she lost it. She and Wally planted themselves at the table closest to the chocolate fountain. Wally went and got a plate of chocolate-covered strawberries, which he and Artemis shared. 

Yup, just two fake date-mates sharing the most romantic food known to man on the night before their last day of dating. This was fine. Everything was fine. 

Artemis settled for ignoring everything inside and instead watching the people around her. In one corner Jason and Tim appeared to be arguing about something or other, which honestly wasn’t that much of a spectacle. Artemis caught sight of Roy and Kaldur at a table, heads together and watching something on Roy’s phone. 

“When people get married,” she said, staring thoughtfully at her strawberry, “who says their vows first? Do they decide beforehand who goes first, or do they just wing it?” Artemis had been so out of it during the rehearsal, she honestly couldn’t remember who went first with the vows. 

Wally shrugged. “Maybe they do rock/paper/scissors and the winner gets to go first.” 

“Hm. I like that. We should tell Dick and Zee about it and have them start the tradition. Walk down the aisle, ask if anyone objects, then have a quick game of rock/paper/scissors to decide who says their vows first. It’ll be a new wedding tradition.” 

Wally laughed. “We should have just put you in charge of the wedding planning in that case.” 

She bit into her strawberry, humming as she chewed. “I would also have the bridesmaids and groomsmen all carry pool noodles so they can hit anyone who falls asleep during the ceremony.” 

“Remind me to never come to your wedding.” Wally licked the chocolate off another strawberry, and Artemis’ eyes drew to the smudge of chocolate on the corner of his mouth. 

“You know,” he continued, “I read somewhere that the reason bridesmaids and groomsmen are at weddings was originally so they could wear the exact same outfit as the bride and groom that way any evil spirits would get confused and kill them before the newlyweds.” 

Artemis wrinkled her nose. “So you’re saying I’m just canon fodder for the demons that crash the wedding? I’m not sure if I should be insulted or not.”

“Plus, the main purpose for groomsmen was to help the groom kidnap the bride for the wedding because consent wasn’t a thing back then.”

Artemis gave him a deadpan look. “This is what I get for fake-dating a genius. You’ve officially ruined weddings for me.”

“I’m not a genius.” 

“Oh, yeah? What’s the square root of pi?”

“1.772453851 but that’s not the point.” 

“Exactly.” 

Wally threw a strawberry leaf at her. “Come on. You like my brain.”

“Nope. Just makes you more annoying.”

“Then you like me when I’m annoying.” 

Artemis rolled her eyes. “Oh, yeah. The only things that turn me on are you, mimes, and heavy traffic.” 

“Guess I should become a mime and stand in the middle of the highway then,” Wally teased, leaning toward her. 

“You do that,” Artemis said dryly. That was when the hairs on the back of her neck tingled, chilled by the hundredth draft that night. She shivered, pulling her arms around herself. “Remind me to castrate the building manager before we leave. Who doesn’t put on the heat in December? Did they expect the guests to bring their own portable heaters?” 

Wally hummed. “Maybe it’s just the iciness of your soul making you cold.” 

“You sure know how to compliment me, darling.” 

Holding back a chuckle, Wally stood and shrugged off his jacket. Artemis didn’t understand until he held it out to her, and her cheeks reddened. She took the offering, shoving her arms through the sleeves and pulling the jacket tight around herself. Wally’s body heat lingered in the fabric, warming her to the core. It took all of her willpower not to breathe in deeply, knowing it would smell just like him. 

Wally grinned, satisfied, and sat back down. “Better?”

Artemis nodded, face burning. “Thanks. But won’t you be cold now?” 

He waved his hand like that was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard. “I always run pretty hot. I’ll be okay.” He pushed up the sleeves of his shirt to prove his point, showing off. Artemis tried not to stare at his forearms. That boys-rolling-their-sleeves-up-to-the-elbows thing everyone always talks about? Totally legit. 

”Do you think they’ll be disappointed?” Wally asked suddenly. 

“Who?”

Wally jerked his head towards the center of the room where their friends stood. “Them. Everyone. They seem to get a real kick out of us ‘dating.’ You think they’ll be sad when it’s over?” 

Tension coiled in Artemis’ core. _Over._ She shrugged. “They’ll get over it.” 

Wally nodded, eyes downcast as though he were lost in thought. His thumbs tapped on the edge of the table anxiously. “Yeah.” After a moment, he lifted his head. “But what if this didn’t have to be the end?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“What if maybe we didn’t have to stop being friends after this?”

“…I don’t think people go back to being best friends after a breakup, Wally.” 

“I know, but just—” He scratched the back of his neck, fishing for the right words. “We have fun together, you know? I know we made a deal to part ways, but if we still be friends on the side or something? That could be okay, right?”

Hurt stabbed at Artemis in vengeful pinpricks. God, she couldn’t do this. Was Wally trying to make this difficult on purpose? It was like dangling a life preserver just out of reach while a shark swims two feet away. 

Would Artemis love to keep Wally in her life after this? In a heartbeat. But Wally wanted _friendship._ He wanted a buddy to spend time with whenever none of their friends were around. And if Artemis were being completely honest, she would have been grateful for even that barest of blessings. She would have been perfectly happy with what little scraps she could get. 

But who was that fair to? Certainly not to Artemis, who would have to live in that purgatory of _not quite_ and _out of reach._ Not to mention how unfair that would be to Wally. He didn’t like Artemis any more than he liked the rest of their friends. Artemis had promised to herself not to ensnare him in this trap longer than he had to be, not to selfishly indulge while he was left unaware of her true feelings. It just felt _wrong,_ somehow. It made her feel dirty, knowing she took every encounter and appreciated it in a way he didn’t. 

So she forced it all down. “I don’t…think that’s possible, Wally.” 

His face fell, eyebrows twitching on a cliffside of hurt and confusion. “Oh,” he said quietly. “You don’t…” He licked his lips. “Okay. You’re right, it’s dumb. Forget I—” 

“It’s not you,” Artemis said quickly. “It’s just…I mean, we always knew this wasn’t going to be a permanent thing, right? Maybe it’ll be better if we just have a clean break. Go according to the plan like we’re supposed to.” 

Wally stared at her, stunned. “Wow. You really don’t sugarcoat anything, do you?” he murmured. He forced a chuckle, too clipped to be remotely natural. Guilt stabbed at Artemis. 

Wally took a deep breath and leaned back in his chair, drumming his fingernails on the table. “That’s…okay. Fine. Break up, never talk to each other again. Follow the plan,” he said tersely. 

Artemis winced. Yeah, he was certainly taking the news well. Wasn’t this what they both wanted in the first place? Why was Wally making this so hard? “Wait, are you mad?” she asked incredulously. “I thought—” 

“No,” Wally said, cutting her off. “No, it’s cool. Totally cool. You don’t want to be stuck with me after the deal is over.” He shrugged. “I get it. Everything is great.” 

Clearly Wally was the exact _opposite_ of great. But it wasn’t like Artemis could provide any comfort that wouldn’t just make things worse, so she kept her mouth shut. The combination of guilt and pained suspense roiled in her gut, making her lungs feel tight. She needed some air. 

“I need a drink,” Artemis said, standing. “Want something?” Ah, avoidance and cowardice; Artemis’ two best friends. 

Wally had schooled his expression into one of careful neutrality, but if she looked deeply enough, Artemis could still see straggles of hurt bleeding through. “Sure, I’ll have a—” 

“A raspberry cosmopolitan. Got it, princess.” 

Wally winked. His coy smile didn’t reach his eyes. “You know me well, babe.” 

As she walked away, Artemis dug her nails into her palms. Yeesh, since when had she memorized Wally’s drink order? Might as well have drawn up some marriage papers right there and then. 

Artemis went to the open bar across the room and took a seat on one of the many empty stools. She told the bartender Wally’s order and ordered a rum and Coke for herself. While she waited, she took advantage of the time alone to get a grip on herself. Artemis knew she would only drive herself nuts if she kept up this conflicted moping all night, but it was like she was stuck in quicksand. She toyed idly with her bracelet, trying to sort through this tug-of-war her mind seemed to be enthralled in. 

Would it be impolite to fake a stomachache and leave early?

The worst part was Artemis had already made peace with knowing the breakup was coming. She had spent a whole month with this knowledge in the back of her mind, reminding her nothing that happened was permanent. So why did her brain choose _now_ of all times for everything to come crashing down? Why couldn’t she just ignore reality like a normal person instead of mourning as though she’d already lost him? 

And Wally’s “staying friends” idea dangling hope in front of her like that…

This whole night was one arrow to the head after another, she swore it.

“Mind if I join you?” Artemis was startled out of her thoughts when Dick suddenly appeared on the stool beside her. God, she was out of it tonight. 

He ordered an appletini. Despite her melancholy, Artemis found the energy to politely inform him, “That’s gay.” 

“You’re gayer,” Dick replied without missing a beat. 

“Maybe so.” This exchange of theirs had been a running tradition since high school to the extent where it was little more than routine now. 

Dick laughed before leaning his elbows on the bar and facing Artemis. “So. Someone’s awfully quiet tonight.” 

“Really? Hadn’t noticed.” 

Dick bumped her elbow with his own. “Come on. Every time I look at you you’re staring off into space and doing that pouty lip thing.” 

“I don’t do a pouty lip thing.” 

Dick stuck out his bottom lip, complete with puppy dog eyes until Artemis pinched his arm. He cackled and swatted her away. “Seriously, though. You’d think the world were ending tomorrow or something.” 

_That’s because it is._ “I don’t know, I think I’m just tired. Long day.”

Dick nodded, face still pinched. “Fair enough.” At this time the bartender brought their drinks, and Artemis was glad for the lull in conversation. 

“I’m sorry, by the way,” Dick said after a while. “For the ice skating thing yesterday.” 

It took Artemis a second to understand what he was referring to. That night felt like so long ago despite it having been less than twenty-four hours. “What, the prank? Don’t worry about it.” 

“I’m just sorry if it made things awkward.”

She shrugged. “Why would it be awkward? Wally and I are dating.” 

Dick looked at her for a while. “That’s true, I guess.” He stirred his straw in slow circles, thinking. “How _are_ things with Wally?” 

“Fine. Good.” After a second of thought, she added, “A little tense lately, but things are okay now.” Might as well drop a few foreboding hints that the tides are rolling. The lie tasted like iron on her tongue. 

“Cool.” He took another sip of his appletini. 

Artemis did the same. She inhaled deeply as the alcohol soaked into her bloodstream, warming her down to her toes. If nothing else went right in her life, at least she still had her good old friend alcohol. 

As she dragged a finger through the condensation gathering on her glass, Artemis caught Dick eying her strangely. Almost studying, as if he knew something she didn’t. “You know,” he said, “Wally has been happy lately.” 

…Well that took a sharp turn. One minute they were making small talk; the next they were cruising right into the kind of territory Artemis would need at _least_ four more drinks in her system to endure. “Okay?” 

Dick shook his head. “You know what I mean.”

“I really don’t.” 

Dick chewed his cheek. “It’s like…before you two started dating, Wally had trouble connecting with people. Talking about stuff. But lately, for whatever reason, he’s reminding me more of the way he used to be.”

“Seriously? The whole time I’ve known him, Wally has been as cheery as a care bear.” 

“Yeah, but it was all superficial. Just getting him to admit he was upset about something was like pulling teeth. He always brushed everything off, like he couldn’t allow himself to linger on one thing for too long. But…I don’t know. It’s like he’s slowing down for once.” 

Artemis didn’t know whether that was truly the case or not. From what little she’d known about Wally at the start of this month, she hadn’t seen a change at all. Was that because she simply hadn’t been looking, or because it had happened so slowly it was almost natural? She shrugged, not knowing what else to do. “That’s good for him then.” 

“You too.” At Artemis’ eyebrow raise, he continued, “What, you’re really not seeing it? A month ago, you wouldn’t even leave your _apartment_ unless someone made you. But you’ve opened up since then.” 

“I see somebody is shooting for a psychology degree.” 

Dick shrugged. “I’m just saying. It’s been crazy, watching you two together. The second you started dating, it flipped a switch and suddenly everything changed. You started having fun more often, Wally stopped flirting with everything on two legs, and the way you look at each other is just…wow.” He spun his now empty glass on the counter. “Feel like I should have made a scrapbook. Ten pages straight of Wally watching you when you’re not looking like you’re the hottest thing he’d ever seen.”

Artemis choked on her drink. She coughed, her eyes burning. After her lungs stopped spasming, she risked looking back and watched across the room where Wally and Anissa seemed to be enthralled in a very intense thumb war. “Really?” she asked in disbelief. 

“Yeah.” Dick ignored her lapse of composure, as though nothing happened. “He’s obviously head-over-heels for you. Almost as much as you are for him.” 

She broke her gaze, face warming. “I wouldn’t call it that…” 

“Oh?” 

“It’s just…” How could she even _begin_ to describe it? She risked another glance at the thumb war. “…Wally.” 

Dick shrugged, taking another sip. “Whatever it is, I just hope it never ends.” 

_…Fuck._ If that didn’t make Artemis feel like trash, she didn’t know what would. She desperately wished she could tell Dick the truth. Tell him it _would_ end, and much sooner than he thought. Tell him that they were in the same boat when it came to hanging on for however long they could. She wanted anything but for her relationship with Wally to end, because it would be like flipping the switch right back into the off position. 

But now that she thought about it, Artemis had never even _considered_ what else their breakup would do. She’d been so hyper-focused on what she would lose, she’d never given thought to what other impacts it would have. Would their whole friend dynamic change? Dick and Zatanna getting married, and Wally and Artemis splitting up? What would happen? What would change? And most of all, would it be Artemis’ fault? 

Artemis toyed with her straw, feeling guilty all of a sudden. Without thinking, she asked, “Do you think things will change after the wedding?” 

Dick shrugged. If he was thrown off by the question, he didn’t mention it. “Well, yeah. I think that’s pretty much required. Zee and I are going to be _married._ And I know that’s just a formality, but things are still bound to change.” 

Artemis nodded, expecting as much. And even if that hadn’t been the response she’d been searching for, it’s not like Dick would have known what she _did_ want him to say. To say that things would be okay, that not having Wally in her life anymore wouldn’t do as much damage as she knew it would. 

“But,” he continued, “some things will stay the same. Probably always will. We’ll still hang out just as much, do dumb stuff with you guys. The only difference is we’ll be wearing slightly more jewelry.” 

“How do you know?” 

“I don’t. But I do know from experience that if you make the effort, you don’t have to lose anything you don’t want to.”

Artemis hummed, lips pressed together tightly. She downed the rest of her rum and Coke and signaled to the bartender for another. 

Dick eyed her carefully as she gulped down the next glass the moment it was placed on the table. “Seriously, are you okay? You seem kind of…” He moved his hand in a so-so gesture. 

Artemis could have said everything was fine. She could have said she was just tired and would be over it in no time. She could have told him the alcohol was getting to her and making her mopey. She could have said literally anything but the truth. _So why didn’t she?_

For reasons she knew not, something in Artemis’ mind decided _fuck it._ Fuck everything. Fuck secrets. Fuck crushes. Fuck it all. 

The words came rushing out. “What do you do if you feel a way about someone that you know you’re not supposed to feel?” 

She expected at the very least confusion, but Dick’s eyes softened. Had she been less tipsy, Artemis would have been suspicious about his nonchalance. “Well that depends. Are they good feelings or bad feelings?” 

She tried not to turn and look at Wally again. “Definitely good feelings.” 

He nodded. “If it were me? I’d tell them. I’d drop everything I was doing and go tell them as soon as I could, because you never know what could happen. If you hold everything in for too long, you might lose your chance.” 

“But what if they don’t feel the same way? You already have such a good thing going—what if this is the one thing that screws it up and you lose them even sooner than you’re supposed to?” 

Dick spread his hands. “That’s always a possibility, but wouldn’t you rather put it all out there than keep it to yourself until it’s already too late? The way I see it, missing your shot would hurt way worse than rejection ever could. At least this way, there won’t be any ‘what if’s.” 

Artemis rested her chin on the countertop. “Yeah, yeah, it’s better to get closure. I’ve heard it before. But if I don’t tell, maybe the feelings will go away after a while and I can forget about it instead of being sad when the person doesn’t feel the same way.” 

Dick patted her shoulder. “Trust me, I can almost _guarantee_ he feels the same way.” 

Artemis squinted up at him. “How can you be so sure?” 

Dick grinned innocently. “Maybe I’m just smart.” His grin grew, and— Yup, Artemis didn’t trust that for a second. What did he know? 

“So you’re saying I should do it,” Artemis summarized. “Rip off the band-aid, tell the truth now instead of waiting until things are already finished.” 

“If I were in this hypothetical scenario we just made up, then yes. Yes I would.” 

Artemis let that soak in. Whatever the little shit knew, he seemed awfully confident about it. Did he figure it out on his own? And if so, would that mean he was right? Maybe she _should_ tell Wally. Maybe he _did_ like her back. Maybe making the decision to tell him would lead to a Disney movie moment where she would tearfully confess her love for him, Wally would say he felt the same way, and they would hold hands as they walked into the sunset. Happily ever after. 

No worries. No consequences. No more ‘what if’s. 

The alcohol buzzed in Artemis’ veins, and some hidden corner of her mind wondered if maybe this was a bad idea. Every other corner, however, decided not to care. In fact, Artemis had spent too long caring. Too long worrying every moment about slipping up, about ruining this fragile relationship which had yet to exist, about allowing herself the simplest of pleasures. 

Well she was done holding back. She was done worrying. She was done playing it safe. In that moment, Artemis decided to fuck everything and ride this not-caring train as far as she could.

With a new conviction, Artemis downed the rest of her rum and Coke, picked up Wally’s cosmopolitan, and stood. She turned to leave, but then stopped in her tracks and doubled back. 

She narrowed her eyes at Dick, who was daintily sipping his appletini. “Just to be clear: We were both talking about Wally, right?” 

He radiated self-satisfaction, grinning over the rim of his glass. “Yup. Now go get him, cowgirl. And make sure to tell me all the details when you get back.” 

Artemis nodded, already making plans to beat the shit out of him once she found out how he knew the truth about her and Wally. But, first things first. Time to go get some closure. Or, she guessed, _open-sure_ since this could possibly lead to something pretty great if Dick was right and Wally indeed liked her back. 

There was determination in her every step as she crossed the room—a new level of confidence she doubted she could otherwise possess if she didn’t already have two drinks in her system. It wasn’t difficult to locate Wally, now standing with Conner and Megan on the other side of the room. He wasn’t looking in Artemis’ direction. 

Artemis squeezed between people, carving a path to Wally. From the speakers in the ceiling, a new song had started. She absently recognized it as a Coldplay song, nearly undetectable due to the blood rushing in her ears. She had made it halfway across the room when she was intercepted by a body stepping into her path, halting her next step. 

“Listen, blondie, we need to talk,” said Roy, mouth curved into a grimace 

Artemis made a face and shoved past him. “Sorry, dear ex-brother-in-law. I don’t have time to deal with you right now.” Every muscle in her body urged her along, closer to Wally.

Roy sidled so he remained in her way, holding his hand palm-out. “No, we’re doing this now. Look, I’ve stood by and stayed out of your business for a long time, but now you’ve officially crossed the line, Crock.” 

Artemis stopped struggling, features crossed in irritation. “Excuse me?” 

“I mean, bringing one of my best friends into our problems like he’s your lackey?” Roy continued. “I get you’re dating and all, but you could have just asked me to fuck off and I would’ve. You don’t need your boyfriend to do your dirty business for you.” 

Artemis crossed her arms. Her Wally-focused determination fizzled. “Are you high or something?” She ignored the sharpen of Roy’s glare. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m _talking_ about Wally coming by my place this morning and going on about how I need to stop being an asshole and let the stuff between us go, as if I’m the villain or something. If you have a problem with me that’s fine, but don’t bring my best friend into it.” 

Artemis’ face twisted. “I never told him to do anything, dipshit. So back off.” 

Roy rolled his eyes, throwing his whole head into the gesture. “Oh, please. Everyone knows you have Wally wrapped around your little finger. You really expect me to believe you didn’t use him as your human bodyguard?”

“I didn’t!” 

“Clearly you did! And even if you didn’t, obviously you talked enough shit about me to make him think I’m some _demon_ out to ruin your life! It’s fine if you don’t like me, but bringing _Wally_ into it—” 

“Artemis?” 

Artemis’ stomach sank. _Please, no._

Her blood chilled Wally came over to the pair, concern written in every line of his face. “What’s going on?” His eyes darted around, taking in the sizable crowd that had gathered to see what all the commotion was about. 

“What’s _going on,”_ Roy said sharply, “is that Artemis has been manipulating you ever since you two got together and I’m officially sick of it.” 

Wally recoiled, jaw tensing in anger. “Hey, man—” 

“Just stay out of it, Wally,” Artemis said, cutting him off. “This was _never_ any of your business.” 

His jaw dropped, shocked. “What? Artemis, I’m _defending_ you here.” 

“Well I don’t _need_ you defending me!”

Even later, Artemis wouldn’t be able to say what came over her in that moment. Something about the adrenaline and the tension in the air replaced every cell in her body with hot, roiling _anger._ Anger at Roy for pulling the same shit over and over again. Anger at Wally for getting involved, for acting in a place he didn’t belong. Rage, rage, rage. 

Wally dragged a hand down his face. “I never said you did, Artemis. I’m just trying to—” 

“Just trying to what? To butt into where you’re not wanted, to try and fix something you don’t understand? Yeah, that sounds familiar.” 

“I’m just trying to help you!” 

“I don’t want your help! I’m not some damsel in distress for you to rescue, Wally. You have no business coming in and acting like you can control every single thing.” 

Wally snorted. “Oh, that’s funny.” His eyes narrowed. “God, you’re such a hypocrite. Yelling at _me_ for trying to control everything when who’s the one who keeps fighting the same fight over and over because she can’t stand to lose? At least _I’m_ trying to make it better! All _you_ know how to do is get pissed and push people away.“

Artemis jabbed a finger in his chest. “Don’t give me that bullshit. Don’t pretend you understand me, like I’m one of your fucking puzzles.” 

She felt eyes on her from every angle, but couldn’t find it in herself to care. By this point nearly every party guest surrounded the argument, watching stricken as rage and insults were flung. Even Roy had the presence of mind to look somewhat guilty. Good. 

Hanging back at the edge of the audience she saw Zatanna standing beside Dick, both wearing identical expressions of horror. She caught Artemis’ eye and mouthed, _Are you okay?_ Artemis ignored her. 

“I never said—” Wally threw his hands in the air. “God, why do you always feel like you have something to prove?” 

“Guess what, that’s my business! So stay the fuck out of it, Wally! I don’t need you!” Artemis’ eyes stung with fury. “I _never_ needed you!” 

Wally clenched his jaw, eyes set in a seething glare. His voice dropped unsettlingly low. “You know what, Artemis? You’re right. You _don’t_ need me. In fact—” He took a step closer, volume rising. “You know, maybe there’s no point in me pretending to be your dumbass boyfriend anymore, because _clearly_ you’re doing just fine on your own. I’m _glad_ you don’t need me, because I’m sick of acting like there’s anything between us, I’m sick of you, and I’m sick of having to pretend!” 

Artemis flinched back as though he’d slapped her. It felt like he had.

The second the words left his mouth, Wally’s breath hitched. His eyes widened as what he’d said sank in. Mouth agape, he looked around at the party guests surrounding them. 

Everything was silent. The only thing that could be heard was the background party music, quietly filtering through the tension. Each new face Artemis laid eyes on displayed shock, confusion, _revelation._

_There’s no point in me pretending to be your dumbass boyfriend anymore._

They heard. 

They _knew._

The truth was out. 

With that one sentence, everything the two of them had built crumbled into rubble. Every lie, every action, every plan they pulled off. Every single effort they had made this month was wiped clean with one sentence. It was over. It was all over.

“Fuck, Artemis, I—” 

Artemis threw the drink in Wally’s face, cutting him off. As raspberry syrup and alcohol dripped down his skin and stained his shirt, Artemis dropped the glass and stormed off, making her way to the doors at the end of the room. As she marched, she shrugged off Wally’s jacket and dropped it to the floor behind her. 

As she left, the last thing that computed in her anger-numbed mind was the music still playing, getting quieter and quieter with each step she took. 

_Nobody said it was easy…_

...

...

...

_Oh, take me back to the start._

* * *

...

...

...

**[9:27 PM] HelloMegan!:** Artemis, are you okay?  
**[9:28 PM] HelloMegan!:** If you want to talk about it, just know I’m here for you  <3

...

...

...

**[9:36 PM] Annataz:** god Artemis I’m so sorry, I had no idea. do you need to talk? 

...

...

...

**[9:59 PM] Get Traught:** Come on Artemis, I’ve called you like fifteen times. Everyone’s worried about you and I don’t even _know_ where the hell Wally went  
**[10:03 PM] Get Traught:** Please, _please_ pick up 

...

...

...

**[9:20 PM] Wallman:** Artemis I’m so sorry  
**[9:22 PM] Wallman:** I cant even believe what I said it was out of line and  
**[9:22 PM] Wallman:** fuck  
**[9:23 PM] Wallman:** please. please pick up  
**[9:35 PM] Wallman:** I’m such a fucking piece of shit  
**[9:41 PM] Wallman:** I know you want space and that’s fine but I really really really need you to know I’m sorry because I fucking. I’m so sorry Artemis  
**[9:42 PM] Wallman:** _please_ talk to me, I’m losing my mind here  
**[9:42 PM] Wallman:** fuck I just  
**[9:50 PM] Wallman:** I’m sorry  
**[9:51 PM] Wallman:** I’m so sorry

...

...

...

**December 30, 22:16 EST**

**Artemis**

Artemis ignored them all. Her phone buzzed incessantly beside her with each new text, demanding her attention. Wally, most of all. Eventually she just turned the phone off completely and threw it across the room, not caring where it fell. 

The events that occurred between Artemis storming out of the restaurant and arriving at her apartment had blurred together into a hazy, sticky jumble.

She vaguely recalled holding back the tears that threatened to fall as she called an Uber to take her home. She didn’t remember being in the car or walking up the steps of her building, but she remembered slamming the door of her apartment and tearing off those damn heels and her dress, throwing them carelessly to the floor. 

She’d yanked her hair out of its updo, not caring about the sting and the strands of hair that came out with the bobby pins. 

And now here she sat, in an old t-shirt and sweats, huddled on her couch and finally letting the night’s events crash down on her. Weight settled on her lungs, suffocating and painful. 

_How did it all go so wrong so fast?_

And to think, Artemis had planned on _confessing_ tonight. Planned on acting on that glimmer of hope that resided deep in her chest, taking a chance for once. What a fucking idiot. 

Artemis didn’t cry. Not when she left the party, not when she was in the car, not even when she got back home. Even now in the comfort of her apartment, her eyes burned but no tears came. Perhaps it would have been easier if she’d had the slimmest idea of what she felt, but everything was so garbled it was hard to tell her emotions apart. 

Some dark tumbleweed of frustration, grief, numbness, _rage._ Cold, unapologetic rage. The storm outside reflected her emotions so perfectly it was almost poetic.

_I’m sick of acting like there’s anything between us, I’m sick of you, and I’m sick of having to pretend!”_

Wally’s words had been knives digging into Artemis’ heart, stabbing deeper every time they echoed in her head. God, Wally… 

That was it. That was the end. The last chapter of the brief story Artemis got to live out with Wally. The end of their little performance, of their stupid fucking charade. And the worst part? The worst part was that everything went just as planned, if only a day earlier. 

They fought. They broke up. And now the show was over, the curtains drawn. Everything had gone off as planned, yet here Artemis was, mourning the loss of something she’d known from the beginning had never even existed. Had she felt less desolate, she would have laughed at her own stupidity. 

_How did it all go so wrong so fast?_

Beyond the rushing in her head, Artemis heard knocking on the door of her apartment. Safe to say she expected it to come at some point. She was just surprised it took this long for someone to come and check on her after that display. Instead of answering, Artemis sank further into the couch, reminding herself that this was a time of wallowing. Of telling the world to fuck off and leave her be. 

The knocker clearly hadn’t gotten the memo, because they only knocked louder after receiving no response. 

Artemis buried her face into the armrest. “Go away,” she told them. Her voice must have carried because the knocking faltered, and for a moment Artemis hoped the person would leave her alone. But then not a second later her intruder began knocking again. 

She growled under her breath, sitting up. “I said go away!” 

Then, the last thing Artemis expected to hear met her ears. 

“It’s me,” came Roy Harper’s voice. It was slightly muffled, but there was no mistaking it. “Open up.” 

She sat up, stunned. Of all the people on the planet, Artemis could honestly say Roy was the last person alive she’d have ever expected to be here now. But him being in the position he was must have been a stroke of genius, because it was the mixture of confusion and disbelief that had Artemis getting up and going to the door. 

She pulled it open, and indeed, it was Roy standing in the hallway, looking awfully out of place as if he’d been dropped on her doorstep by force. He appeared as surprised as Artemis probably did. “Huh. Never thought you’d actually open it.”

Artemis’ eyebrows furrowed of their own accord. “Me neither.” She crossed her arms, sagging against the doorframe. Whatever harsh words she had for him were buried so deep under everything else, she didn’t have it in her to follow through with her plan to curse him out enough to make a nun tremble. Maybe tomorrow. “What are you doing here, Roy?” 

“Had the dumb idea that I’d be the only one you wouldn’t ignore, since you’re probably going to smack the hell out of me after what happened.” 

She mulled it over. While giving Roy the blackest of eyes sounded awfully enticing, all the fight had been burned out of Artemis. She was just…drained. “Tempting. Lucky for you I couldn’t care less what happens to you at the moment.” She turned her back again, going back to the couch and plopping down again, pulling her knees up. She flicked her fingers toward the door. “Now go away.” 

Roy didn’t heed her instruction. Instead, he came further into the apartment, closing the door behind him. In a wise survival move, he leaned against the counter, a safe distance from Artemis should her rightful wrath kick in. “Megan said I should come here.” 

Artemis buried her face into the couch cushions. “Good for you. Now scram.” 

Roy exhaled deeply, watching her. “Wally went MIA a little after you did, you know.” Artemis stayed silent. “Everyone else is worried about you, I think. Said you weren’t answering their calls and texts, and—” 

Artemis twisted so she was facing him, temper smoldering. “What do you want, Roy?” she snapped. 

That got him. He thought about it for a second, then shrugged. “To be honest, I don’t know.” 

Artemis rolled her eyes and flopped back onto her side, curling up further. 

Roy stood there for a minute, shifting awkwardly. “So…you and Wally were never a real couple, huh?” 

Artemis made a noise that could have been mistaken for a laugh. “Yup.” There was that ache again. “We made it all up.” 

“Why?” 

“So we wouldn’t look like idiots when everyone found out we both lied about having dates to the wedding.” Her voice was a dull monotone. 

Roy arched an eyebrow. “Sorry to break it to you, but you still ended up looking like idiots. Probably even more so now than you would have then.” 

“Gee, thanks,” Artemis muttered. 

Roy uncrossed his arms. “I didn’t— I mean, that wasn’t—” He grunted, gritting his teeth. “Listen, I’m trying to be nice here.” 

Artemis met his eyes, squinting in challenge. “Why? Why the hell do you even _care?”_

He licked his lips. “Because…” A breath. “Because you’re family.” 

“Well that’s certainly news to me.” 

“Okay, fine. I know we’ve had our… _differences—”_

“Understatement of the year.”

“And you may be insufferable,” Roy continued, “but like it or not, we’re stuck together.” 

“Yippee,” Artemis drawled, twirling her finger. “You done?” 

Roy crossed his arms in aggravation. “Hey, I’m trying to reach out here. Can’t you just take it or something?” 

“What, suddenly you’re the good guy ‘reaching out’ and making the big boy decision to make peace after all these years?” Artemis sat up, staring him down. “What the _fuck_ do you think I’ve been trying to do since Jade left? You think I stay in your dumb life and deal with your crap just for kicks? I’ve made every effort imaginable to make things better again, but you were too much of a stubborn ass to take the damn olive branch.”

Roy grimaced. “Yeah, well, now this stubborn ass is in your home and trying to do a nice thing, so shut up and deal with it.”

Artemis gave him a deadpan look. “Please enlighten me as to what ‘nice thing’ you’re trying to do, because it’s sure as hell not working.” 

Roy shrugged. “I dunno, being a confidant or something. ‘S not like you have anyone else to talk to at the moment.”

“No offense, Roy, but you’re kind of the last person I’d go to if I wanted to talk about it.” 

He took a risky step closer. “Exactly. Anything you say to me doesn’t count because I don’t really care anyway.”

Artemis didn’t have the energy to snort at how stupid his argument was. A live cactus would make a better shoulder to cry on than Roy Harper. “Whatever. Even if I wanted to, it’s not like I can complain about Wally to you. He’s one of your best friends.”

Roy nodded, stepping forward again and perching on the edge of the couch, far away from Artemis. He clasped his hands in his lap. “Yeah, he is. But even I have to admit he was out of line tonight. As much as I want to—and I _really_ want to—I can’t exactly blame you for hating him right now.”

But that was just the thing. Even now, after everything that happened—after the fight to end all fights—Artemis still couldn’t find it in herself to hate Wally. And she wanted so _badly_ to hate him. 

“I don’t hate Wally,” she grumbled. “That’s the annoying part.” 

“Oh.” Roy’s eyebrows raised. “That’s…Huh. What do you feel for him, then?”

Artemis gave him a pointed look. “Does it matter? You heard what he said. Our whole relationship was a scam to begin with. It was never real. And now, after tonight, it never will be.” Her chest tightened. She wiped her nose. “Which, you know, whatever. I already knew that. When this stupid plan started, we were going to break up the day after the wedding. I knew everything was temporary, but I still let stupid feelings get in the way and—” She sniffled.  
The last time Artemis had cried was when Jade left. And now, all these years later, she was finally breaking her streak. She wiped her eyes with her shirt. “Why am I even telling you this? You don’t care.”

Roy inched closer. “Come on, sure I do.”

“No, you don’t. The only reason you’re here is because Megan forced you.” She waved him off. “So go. Leave. I’m fine, and you hate me anyway, so…”

A deep sigh. “I don’t hate you, Artemis.” 

“Yeah? Well you’ve done a great job of showing it.” 

He winced. “I know, I’ve been an asshole. It’s just…I don’t hate _you,_ Artemis, I hate myself.”

She looked up at him, eyebrows lowered. “For what? For the heroin thing?” 

“Well, yeah, the heroin thing, but everything else, too. When Jade left, all I cared about was my own pain. I wasn’t a good enough father for Lian, and I pushed all of the blame onto you when really, I blame myself for what happened. If I had been better, maybe Jade would have stayed. Maybe she would have cared more.”

“That wasn’t your fault,” Artemis said, sitting up. “As much as I want to blame you for not giving Jade a good enough reason to stay, I can’t. That was Jade’s decision, and honestly, I think she has always been like that. She just…moves on. It doesn’t matter what she has or doesn’t have—she’s just too free of a spirit to settle down, period.” She shook her head. “You know, if anything, we should be mad at _Jade._ We shouldn’t be blaming ourselves for letting her go when _she’s_ the one who packed up and left us all behind, like we didn’t matter.”

“Yeah, well, that’s her loss,” Roy said. “She’s going to miss out on everything, and that sucks. But we don’t have to.” 

And then slowly, as though approaching a deer, Roy reached one hand towards Artemis and patted her shoulder. It was brief, and he pulled back immediately after, but it was a step forward. It was progress. 

“For what it’s worth,” he said, “I am sorry for all the shit I put you through.” 

Artemis mustered a small smile. “Me too. What do you say we take baby steps, then. Deal?” 

It had been years since Roy had genuinely smiled at something Artemis said, however small. “Deal.” 

Satisfied, Artemis took a deep breath, pushing her hair back. “So,” she said, breaking the now awkward silence they found themselves in. “Wally really chewed you out, huh?” 

Roy huffed a laugh. “Yeah, he did. Came by this morning and told me to stop being a jerk to you. He said that if I had half a brain I’d get over the stuff that happened with Jade and move on instead of, quote, ‘being an actual human garbage can.’”

Artemis laughed despite the throb in her chest. “Sounds like Wally.” 

“Yeah.” He looked at her cautiously. “Speaking of Wally…”

Artemis shook her head. “I’d rather not talk about that whole mess.” 

“Okay. Just…what are you going to do?” 

She spread her hands, lips pressed tightly. “No idea. Probably just mope until I eventually get over it.”

“But I thought you liked him.”

“I did. Do. But this wasn’t supposed to be permanent, and we both knew that.” God, every time she said that it was like a rusty knife twisting its way into her bones. “And now the objective has been fulfilled. It’s over.” 

“Is it?” 

_I’m sick of acting like there’s anything between us—_

Was it? 

_I’m sick of you—_

Was everything they worked for—everything she and Wally had together—truly gone just like that? 

_And I’m sick of having to pretend!”_

Artemis took a deep breath. “Yeah,” she said. “Yeah, it is.” Her chest tightened, and she knew she was dangerously close to crying again. She took a shuddering breath, angling her face so Roy couldn’t see. “Can you go now? Tell everyone I’m fine and they can stop trying to contact me. I want to be alone right now.” 

Roy looked like he wanted to say something more, but then simply nodded. “Okay.” He patted her on the shoulder once again, stiffly, and left. And as he did, some of the emptiness that resided within Artemis ebbed. It was as though part of the weight on her shoulders had lifted. 

Late that night, Artemis lay alone in bed, curled on her side and waiting for sleep to take her. Her eyes were exhausted and half-lidded, watching as rain pummeled the window pane. Outside, lightning crackled as if sensing Artemis’ state and adjusting accordingly. 

As she lay there, willing her racing mind to ease, Artemis got to thinking about lightning. Each new bolt flashed against black clouded backdrop, lighting up the sky so brightly it was as if the whole universe was forced to take notice. But after that split second of passionate fire, it’s gone as fast as it came, leaving barely a trace. 

Just like Wally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :’)


	10. A Happy Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That didn’t just happen. 
> 
> _God, why do you always feel like you have something to prove?_
> 
> No way.
> 
> _I don’t need you! I never needed you!_
> 
> Impossible. 
> 
> _Maybe there’s no point in me pretending to be your dumbass boyfriend anymore, because clearly you’re doing just fine on your own._
> 
> Just a bad dream, that was all. 
> 
> _I’m sick of acting like there’s anything between us, I’m sick of you, and I’m sick of having to pretend!_
> 
> Oh, God.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally we're at the end of this monster of a fic! I'm so happy to be putting this project to bed, and even happier to provide you fellas with some much needed fluff after that last emotional doozy of a chapter. Enjoy!

That didn’t just happen. 

 

_God, why do you always feel like you have something to prove?_

 

No way. 

 

_I don’t need you! I never needed you!_

 

Impossible. 

 

_Maybe there’s no point in me pretending to be your dumbass boyfriend anymore, because clearly you’re doing just fine on your own._

 

Just a bad dream, that was all. 

 

_I’m sick of acting like there’s anything between us, I’m sick of you, and I’m sick of having to pretend!_

 

Oh, God.

* * *

**December 30, 21:07 EST**

**Wally**

The slamming of the door reverberated in Wally’s head like a gong. It was as though he were frozen, feet cemented to the floor. All he could do was watch in shock as Artemis disappeared out of the restaurant, leaving a trail of fury and confused guests in her wake. 

Alcohol dripped down Wally’s face and neck, soaking the collar of his shirt pink and leaving behind sticky tracks. Stricken, his mind ran through the previous ten minutes, over and over, looping like a broken disc. His own words echoed the loudest, sending chills down his spine with every syllable. 

He could feel the eyes burning into the back of his neck. Everyone had seen their performance. Everyone knew the truth about Artemis and Wally’s web of fabricated lies. 

_They knew._

Hushed whispers filled the air around him—guests asking each other what had just transpired, what this meant, how long the two of them had been _lying_ to everyone—but nothing registered in Wally’s mind strongly enough to overpower the utter _horror_ at himself. 

_I’m sick of acting like there’s anything between us, I’m sick of you, and I’m sick of having to pretend!_

Ice seeped into Wally’s skin, freezing him down to the bone. 

_That didn’t just happen._ Please _tell me that didn’t just happen._

A hand touched his wrist, bringing him out of his head and back to the present. Not that the present was any better. “Walls,” said Dick, concern etched in every crinkle of his forehead. “Are you—” 

Body moving of its own accord, Wally backed away, and Dick’s hand fell. It felt like Wally was choking on air, like the oxygen in the room was being sucked away faster than he could draw in a breath. 

_That didn’t just happen._

Wally didn’t know what to say, what to think. The world around was rushing too fast for him to comprehend, and he didn’t even realize he was running until he was already halfway to the exit Artemis had just stormed out of. His throat was packed with Styrofoam, and his knees wobbled, and his vision blurred to the point at which it was a miracle he could see where he was going. For once, running didn’t feel like liberation. 

Cold, thin air met Wally as he emerged onto the street. The sidewalk was empty, from what he could see under the streetlamps. He looked around himself frantically, searching for blonde hair, but Artemis had disappeared. 

“Fuck,” he gasped. Wally backed up until his shoulders hit the cold brick of the restaurant’s exterior, stark against the hot panic surging through his veins. 

Breath coming in pants, Wally fumbled for his phone. His fingers shook as he pressed on Artemis’ name, but it wasn’t from the cold this time. He held it to his ear, murmuring, “Please pick up, please pick up, please pick up…” 

At finally hearing Artemis’ voice he was hit with a surge of relief, but it vanished just as quickly. 

_“This is Artemis, leave a message.”_

Gritting his teeth, Wally dropped his hand to his side. Fuck. _Fuck._

At some point during the night it had started snowing again, and loose flakes caught in Wally’s hair as he stood there slumped against the building, desperately wishing he could turn back time. Erase the last twenty minutes from existence and start over again. Or even better, go back to when he woke up this morning. Complete reset. 

Because what now? What could Wally _possibly_ do to fix this now? He couldn’t talk to Artemis—she must have hated him more than anything in the world at the moment, and she had a right to. He wouldn’t give himself the time of day either after the things he’d said. Wally had fucked up so badly, it was hard to believe it was even possible for a person to fuck up to the level at which he had. 

Going back inside certainly wasn’t an option either, for all that would greet Wally when he re-entered that room would be judgmental stares and pushy questions and _I told you so_ s. There was no way he could look his friends in the eyes and explain the awful truth to them. Not after that scene. 

So, seeing no other options, Wally started walking. 

He left the party to continue without him, left his car to gather snow in the parking lot, and wandered aimlessly without taking so much as a minute to think it over. He didn’t know where he was going, but no way was he stopping to figure it out. Leave all his problems behind, back on that sidewalk, back with the ashes of his heart. 

It was impossible to say how long Wally walked for. 

After roughly the fifth block Wally drew his arms around himself, realizing he had left his jacket in the restaurant. And he knew exactly where it was—right on the floor where Artemis had dropped it. 

Whatever. He deserved to feel cold after the things he’d said to her. After he broke the _one rule_ they had sworn not to break, doing so like it meant nothing to him. Just thinking about it made Wally nauseated. 

He yelled at her. He actually _yelled_ at her. God, what kind of an asshole was Wally that he would carelessly hurt the one person he cared about so much? Wally had been so preoccupied with his own hurt over Artemis rejecting him, he hadn’t even stopped to consider the consequences before going on his one-man mission to hurt her right back. 

In less than a minute, he had effectively severed every thread keeping them together. Every inside joke, every fond touch, every heart-to-heart—everything that had held their fragile non-relationship together was wiped away with just a few crushing sentences. It was almost humorous how easy it was. If Wally had retained any feeble hope that Artemis could like him back one day, those hopes were roadkill now. 

It was really, truly over. All because of Wally. 

Because of Wally’s stupid mouth. 

After a stretch of time he couldn’t quantify, Wally spotted the glow of a gas station a block ahead. The sign above glowed bright neon against the night’s black backdrop. A handful of cars mulled around the parking lot, but otherwise it was a ghost town. Nobody in their right mind would be out this late in this weather. 

On a halfhearted whim, Wally dug around in his pocket and discovered the all but forgotten two dollars’ worth of change he’d won from his games with Anissa. Yippee. At least he could now cross “dying of hypothermia” off his list of things to worry about. 

The bell at the door rang as he went inside the small convenience store, fluorescents buzzing overhead. Wally avoided looking at the off-brand slushies tumbling in the machines as he passed the aisle to the hot drinks. 

He got one small, sad hot chocolate, giving the lone cashier his sadder and smaller handful of pocket change. If she had any concerns about a strange depressed man with raspberry cosmopolitan all over his shirt coming into her store at this hour, she didn’t share them. 

Mumbling a thanks, Wally went back outside into the cold, unforgiving night. All but two empty cars had left the parking lot, leaving Wally alone with nothing but his thoughts to keep him company. He sat on the curb outside the storefront entrance, the dim glow of the storefront a weak shelter from the surrounding darkness. 

Wally clasped his steaming cup in both hands, soaking in the warmth. He tried not to think about the last time he’d had hot chocolate. 

The first sip, though helping to expel the chill prickling through his body, did nothing to soothe the painful throb in his chest, nor the lump in his throat he couldn’t seem to swallow down. But at least it was tasty. Wally took another sip. 

His phone buzzed, and for a split second, Wally’s pulse jumped at the faintest possibility. He hurriedly grabbed the phone, heart pumping because _Artemis._

Only for his heart to drop again when he saw Dick’s name emboldened on the screen instead. 

**[9:17] Where’d you go, man? Everyone’s getting worried about you and Artemis going off the map.**

Wally slumped back down and scoffed, swiping away the notification. In the back of his mind, he wondered what everyone was doing back at the rehearsal party. He hoped they had gone right back the way things were before their little performance. It would only make him feel like even more of an asshole if he had gone and ruined everyone’s good time on top of everything else he did tonight. 

Taking another sip of hot chocolate, Wally stared at the lit screen for a moment before pulling up his contacts. It’s not like he had anything better to do. 

_“This is Artemis, leave a message.”_

A deep breath. “It’s me,” Wally said after the beep. “I…I don’t know what to say. Really wish you’d pick up. Wish you’d talk to me.” He waited. “Listen, I know I fucked up, Artemis, I do. I was an asshole and I shouldn’t have gotten involved in the first place, and I really shouldn’t have said all that stuff to you. Any of it. And you probably want to punch me in the face right now, which is understandable because I know I’d deserve it, but I need you to know I’m sorry. I’m…I’m so sorry, Artemis. And I really want to make sure you’re okay, so please call me back. Please.” 

Wally ended the call then, throat having tightened to the width of a drinking straw. Never had he felt as powerless as he did in that moment, because what now? What could Wally _possibly_ do now? Artemis wasn’t answering. He couldn’t go back to the party and face everyone. He didn’t yet have the energy to walk back and get his car to go home. 

He was stuck. 

So, having nothing else helpful to do, Wally dialed Artemis’ number again. And again. And again. And when that didn’t work, he texted her for good measure. 

He didn’t even know why he kept at it. What would he say if, on some leap of faith, Artemis actually picked up? _Sorry I made you feel like shit and broke our deal because I was bitter you don’t like me back, which is another thing I wasn’t supposed to do. Hope you can forgive me, even though what I did was unforgivable._

Artemis was right in not wanting anything to do with him. He ought to cut his losses and quit before his phone lost its remaining twenty-eight percent battery power, but Wally couldn’t stop himself from trying to get ahold of her. Maybe because he had nothing better to do. Maybe because if he didn’t have something to devote his energy to, the whirlpool of regret spiraling overhead would take him completely. 

After the seventh voicemail and twelfth text with no answer, Wally was about to try again when some mental override made him stop, pressing the End Call button before the first ring. He let the phone slip into his lap, dropping his head into his hands. _What am I doing?_

Nothing he could do would fix what he did. No amount of calls or texts or messages left could change the fact that he hurt Artemis deeper than a simple apology could fix. After everything the two of them had been through—after every argument, every fight—there had been a line. There had always been that thin, dotted line neither of them dared cross. They didn’t _want_ to cross it. 

It was silently understood that coming clean about their deal would not only sell out the one confessing; it would also sell out the other in the process. In taking themself down, they would be taking the other one right down with them. You couldn’t out one without double-crossing the other, so that line hadn’t so much as been toed because what kind of a selfish jerk would choose to humiliate someone like that? 

Wally would.

Wally _did._

And that was something he couldn’t take back. 

Feeling hollow, Wally stared blankly at the contact list on his phone, thumb hovering over Artemis’ name for the dozenth time. But before he could press it, another name caught his eye, and without giving the action any thought Wally changed tracks. He stabbed the name directly below Artemis’ and pressed the phone to his ear, bouncing his knee.

It picked up on the fourth ring. _“…Wally?”_ Barry’s groggy voice answered. Wally immediately felt guilty for waking his uncle up, on top of every other offense he’d committed tonight. _“What’s up, kid?”_

For a moment, Wally didn’t know what to say. The thought of confessing his predicament to his uncle loomed overhead like a scythe. He swallowed around the lump in his throat. How does one explain to their father figure that they royally fucked up something that had never even officially existed to _be_ fucked up? 

“I screwed up, Bare,” he said, voice breaking after so long of holding the thick waves of emotion at bay. “I screwed up really bad this time.” 

The click of a lamp on the other end, the rustle of blankets as Barry sat up. _“What happened, buddy?”_

Wally dug the heel of his hand into his eye, breath catching in his throat. “Every time. Every _fucking_ time I try so hard, but right at the finish line I go and fuck it all up. Why do I do that? Why do I sabotage everything good I have going for me?” 

Barry was quiet for a while. _“Did…something happen with Artemis?”_

Wally huffed something close to a laugh, but it didn’t sound right. “I…We had a fight. A really bad fight.” 

_“About what?”_

It was difficult to explain without giving away too many details. For some reason, even after the truth was already out, Wally didn’t want Barry to know the whole truth. He didn’t want his uncle’s disappointment piled on top of everything else. 

“I butted in somewhere I didn’t belong,” he said eventually. “We argued, and she _told_ me to stay out of it, she _knew_ I was only making things worse, but I didn’t listen. I just wanted to help, you know? But I just kept pushing until something snapped and I told pretty much everyone we know a secret we were both supposed to keep.” 

Barry whistled quietly. _“That…sounds complicated. Have you apologized?”_

“She won’t let me. She left right after the fight and she hasn’t answered any of my calls. I’m…I’m scared I might have just lost her for good, Barry.” 

Barry sighed, and Wally could imagine his uncle’s eyes crinkling the way they always did when he was tired. _“Don’t say that. If you just tell her you’re sorry and work on making it better, I’m sure she’ll forgive you eventually.”_

“Why should she?” Wally asked, voice thick. “If I were her, I would ignore me too. I was such an asshole, Barry. I don’t even deserve to be listened to.” 

_“I’m sure you didn’t mean it. Artemis will understand that.”_

“Will she? Because frankly, I don’t understand it either. I was just so mad, and all of these terrible things kept coming out of my mouth, but I couldn’t stop them. And she said some mean things too, don’t get me wrong, but…” He wiped his nose with his sleeve. “I crossed a line, Barry. I crossed a line I can’t uncross.” 

Now that he heard the words out loud, heard the unchanging reality which was that Wally had just forfeited his one chance at happiness, it was like the truth finally hit him smack in the face. 

That was it. He’d lost her. No matter of apologizing or begging for forgiveness could change that Wally had gone and messed up to the point of no return. Nothing could turn back the clock, and nothing could change the fact that Wally’s time with Artemis had officially come to an end. 

They went into their agreement expecting an end date, and it had arrived right on schedule. 

Wally coughed wetly, the lump in his throat growing to the size of a golf ball. “Listen, Barry, I’m gonna go, okay?”

_“Wally—”_

“I’ve gotta get up early for the wedding tomorrow anyway, and honestly I think I just want to go home and go to bed.” 

_“Are you going to be okay?”_

Wally shook his head. “Yeah. Yeah, I’ll be good. Call you guys tomorrow, okay?” 

_“Wait—”_

“’Night, Barry.” Drained, Wally hung up the phone before he could hear Barry’s answer. 

Taking a deep breath, Wally downed the remains of his now lukewarm hot chocolate and stood. The lot around him was as still and quiet as it had been when he’d first arrived. Aside from the storefront, the full moon was the only source of light. 

Wally cleaned himself up at the rusty sinks in the gas station bathroom, wiping the sticky raspberry syrup off his face and neck with a wet paper towel. His shirt was definitely a goner, but he tried to sponge out the stains anyway. Anything was an improvement to the way he looked now. 

As he mopped at his shirt, Wally watched his reflection in the cracked, foggy mirror. Bloodshot eyes, hair in disarray, stained shirt. He looked like crap. He looked pathetic. He looked like someone who had just lost everything. 

After the night he’d had, something about witnessing the man in the mirror dab at his shirt with his soggy excuse for a towel was what finally pushed Wally over the edge. The lump in his throat he’d spent hours trying to swallow down made it hard to breathe. The dam broke. The water spilled, torrential and unyielding, and a sob broke through trembling lips because this was really, truly the end. 

The end of everything he and Artemis never had. 

And there, in that smelly, unsanitary gas station bathroom, Wally West finally broke down in tears.

* * *

**Wedding Day**

**Artemis**

Before leaving for Zatanna’s house, Artemis had made a promise to herself. Under no circumstances whatsoever would she let her own personal troubles ruin what was scheduled to be a day filled with nothing but romance, happiness, and hope. Three things Artemis severely lacked at the moment. 

After the first ten minutes of wakefulness, when it became glaringly clear she would have difficulty abiding by her one and only rule, Artemis was forced to conclude that the best she could do was pretend her problems didn’t exist for as long as she could. At least until the wedding was over and her duties as Zatanna’s supportive maid of honor were fulfilled. 

After all, Artemis had just spent a whole month pretending to be in love with a guy, and then subsequently pretending _not_ to be in love with that same guy. What was another twenty-four hours? 

Last night had been rough, there was no denying that. A heavy stone settled just under Artemis’ ribcage, weighing her down and aching with every inhale. Just thinking about Wally or the prior night only served to make the pain ten times worse, so being forced to be around him all night while acting as though nothing were wrong was bound to be _loads_ of fun. 

But today wasn’t about Artemis. Today was about Dick and Zatanna, and there was no way Artemis was going to let her pathetic sob story get in the way of that. That particular issue was to remain firmly locked away behind steel doors until further notice. 

For the time being, Wally didn’t exist. Fake boyfriends didn’t exist. The humiliation at going to that wedding emptyhanded after all the now pointless lies she’d spun didn’t exist. Easy, right? 

… 

Oh, who was she kidding? 

Getting up that morning had been…difficult. Depression and grief were playing a game of tug-of-war with her mind, and judging by the headache pulsing behind her right eye, they were both winning. Especially when deep down, Artemis knew she _should_ have been relieved. After all, she was free, wasn’t she? No more pretending. No more lying. No more paranoia. 

…No more slushie dates. No more food fights. No more inside jokes. 

No more holding hands. No more races. No more nicknames that annoyed Artemis at first but had grown on her over time. 

No more Wally. 

The stone sank ever lower.

Artemis could have laughed at how much she had underestimated the true meaning of the word “freedom.” Nobody ever thought about how much freedom _hurt_ until they had it. Until they finally had a hold on what they had wanted all along, only to come to the stinging realization that freedom came with its own consequences. 

Hilarious. 

Even more so when Artemis came to the stark epiphany that now, _now_ when she was finally free from the clutches of their arrangement, all she wanted was to go back to a week ago when she and Wally were exchanging silly Christmas gifts and getting slushies every Wednesday. When she could bear to think about red hair and freckles without feeling like she was breaking into pieces. 

When they were Wally and Artemis. 

God, it hurt. It felt as though the universe was on its own personal mission to hit Artemis with as many hardballs as possible until every inch of her pulsed black and blue. And if that were the case, then she had to congratulate the universe, because it was definitely working. Less than twelve hours after _that_ and Artemis had to steel herself to spend all night in the same vicinity as the guy who had broken her heart like it was a game. 

And that’s what it was, wasn’t it? A game. And when Wally had gotten bored of playing, he ended the game in the surest way he could. Game over. Roll credits. 

Artemis had had an entire night to herself to cry and reflect, and still she had no clue whether to focus her infuriation on herself or on Wally. The things he had said to her…it made her angry. It made her want to throw everything within reach across the room and send it shattering against the wall. It made her want to track his ass down and wring his neck for what he’d said to her, for what he’d revealed to every single person they had been trying to fool. 

And yet…

And yet. 

That cursed “and yet” tethered Artemis to the pyre, keeping her suspended between wanting to be as close to and as far away from Wally at the same time. She was stranded in the worst kind of purgatory—a purgatory she couldn’t escape from but had to ignore for the sake of her friends’ special day. 

Mark her words, Artemis was never attending another wedding for as long as she lived. 

The ceremony was scheduled to begin at 8:00 PM, so the girls had made plans to meet up at Zee’s at noon for lunch and prep time. Lucky for everyone involved, Selina Wayne had taken the initiative to spearhead all last-minute issues herself, leaving them to relax and enjoy the day. Small blessings. 

If only Artemis could catch up and take the reprieve for what it was. That morning she had woken from a restless, dreamless sleep before sunrise, fully aware that it would be pointless to lie around feeling sorry for herself and waiting for the wedding to pass. She wasn’t that kind of person, and this wasn’t that kind of day. 

So for now, her only option was to rely on robotic schedule-adhering and pray it distracted her enough. Go through the motions, complete each required task at its designated time, and attempt to ignore every wispy thought her traitorous mind could conjure up. 

Ignorance was truly bliss. 

Artemis made a point of not looking at last night’s dress in its pile on the floor, nor the silver bracelet she had thrown against the wall in a rage, going straight for the bow and quiver perched on the dresser. 

Thanks to whichever almighty being decided to take pity on Artemis and grant her the barest of pleasures, the archery range cleared her head, if temporarily. Time flew faster than the arrows, and Artemis existed in an Elysium-like bubble in which even her momentous problems were too weak to pierce the walls. She could forget all about Wally, and weddings, and lies, and betrayals, and _fucking_ raspberry cosmopolitans. For now, those things didn’t have permission to exist.

Still, despite her efforts to forget, sometimes Artemis pictured Wally’s face on the red targets. And as satisfying as it was to imagine an arrow going through his head, it also stirred a soft ache in Artemis’ heart. She had to remind herself time and time again to _stay angry. Don’t go and slip back into sadness now; Wally deserves your anger._

But Artemis couldn’t help wondering: did he really? Or was that just a maxim Artemis had to tell herself to keep from crying again? 

Conflictions be damned, it felt good having something to bully instead of letting her emotions stew in acid. Every smack of arrowhead into wood chipped away bit by bit at the stone weighing in her gut. Who needed therapy when violence proved an equally effective catharsis?

At this rate, all Artemis would need to get through the next three hours would be a stress ball and a hammer. Wait—she glanced at her phone—make that two and a half hours. 

The day’s schedule had been drawn up weeks ago to the letter, which should have been more reassuring than it was. All Artemis had to do was go through the steps as planned, paint on a convincing smile, and hold out for as long as she could without bringing everything else down with her. 

Unlike the bridesmaids, Dick and the boys had arranged to set up shop at Kaldur’s house until everyone was scheduled to meet at the wedding venue: a lavish hotel where both the ceremony and the reception were to be held. 

The two groups wouldn’t be having any contact until it was time to walk down the aisle. Not because of some heteronormative “separate the genders” garbage, but because of Zee’s steadfast superstition that seeing Dick before the wedding would cause hellfire to rain down on them at the altar and stir bad luck for the rest of their lives, possibly in the form of volcanoes and/or the plague. 

Or something like that. 

Regardless, Artemis certainly wasn’t going to complain.

Per to the schedule, Artemis met with Zatanna, Megan, and Raquel at a diner for brunch—one last reprieve before they would be snapping into nonstop wedding mode for the duration of the night. Artemis hadn’t missed the curious stares she’d received from across the table in the midst of conversation, but nobody mentioned last night’s ordeal, nor had she brought it up. The topic hovered in the air, untouched but not entirely unnoticed. 

Whatever. Fuck honesty. It hadn’t done Artemis any favors thus far, right? And besides, she had enough to do to keep herself occupied without bringing her heartbreak into the fray. 

After brunch, Raquel’s silver Audi delivered them straight to the nail salon for matching mani-pedis. It had been mortifying when the manicurist took one look at Artemis’ calloused fingers and gnawed nails and cringed as though there had been blood under the cuticles as well. 

Still, Artemis put on a happy face and forced herself to enjoy the spa time. She was going to turn herself into a Smiles-A-Lot Barbie doll if that was what it took to not be a downer on this day in which her only real duty was to do exactly that. 

After the salon, it was off to Zatanna’s house for dresses, hair, and makeup. It had taken mere minutes to transform Dick and Zatanna’s bedroom into an authentic bridal boutique. 

Megan had been excited for weeks at the prospect of being the one to style Zatanna’s hair based off a picture she’d gotten from Pinterest, and Artemis wasn’t going to burst her bubble despite being of little help due to her borderline knowledge of beauty techniques. 

She gladly let Megan and Raquel take the initiative on that one, content with passing them brushes and holding the sections of hair Megan instructed her to as she curled Zatanna’s locks. They worked around Raquel, who did Zatanna’s makeup simultaneously. 

It had taken some strategy getting Zatanna’s dress over her head without messing up her makeup or carefully-styled hair, but they had managed it. 

Zatanna’s dress was a hand-me-down from her late mother, so it had a charmingly antiquated aesthetic to it. The fabric was soft silk with lace spreading down from the sweetheart neckline to the sleeves, which hung from her wrists like gossamer. The skirt dragged well past her feet so only the tips of her white heels showed when she walked. 

Her hair fell in loose curls over her shoulders and down her back, inky black against white. Around her neck she wore a thin silver chain with a pale blue stone hanging from it—something Zatanna’s dad had given to her before he passed. 

Raquel had done a perfect job on her makeup, as far as Artemis could tell. She wasn’t the most skilled beauty guru in the world, but she knew enough to tell that every brushstroke and dab had done enough to accentuate Zatanna’s features in a way which looked both glamorous and natural at the same time. Maybe it was sorcery, maybe it was Maybelline. 

Suffice to say Zatanna looked beautiful by the time they were finished with her, something Artemis reminded her of countless times as her ensemble came together. 

The bridesmaids’ dresses, on the other hand, were simple. Zatanna hadn’t been picky when it came to her bridesmaids matching, so they each had a dress in the same style but a different color, “to add some pizzazz,” as Zatanna had put it. Each was floor-length, made of weightless chiffon with an illusion neckline and a thin sash cinching the waist. Artemis kept running her hand over the lace covering the bodice, feeling the fabric beneath her fingertips. 

Altogether, the bridesmaids looked like a sybaritic rainbow. Raquel’s dress was lavender, Artemis’ forest green, and Megan’s sunset red. Artemis appreciated the individuality of their attire, unlike usual wedding parties. Made her feel like less of a clone. Megan had done her own hair in an artfully intricate braid which fell over her left shoulder, and Raquel had styled the front tresses of her pixie cut into curls which framed her face beautifully. 

The two of them had tag-teamed Artemis’ hair, spending close to two hours taming her Rapunzel locks into something they deemed wedding-worthy. Curling, bobby-pinning, and fussing until Artemis’ hair fell in ringlets, thin braids circling the back of her head and draping throughout. 

Lovely, if she did say so herself. 

By the time the florist came to deliver the bouquets, they were just about ready. It was 7:14, and less than an hour remained before Zatanna was scheduled to be finally, _finally_ married. Megan and Raquel went to retrieve the flowers, leaving Zatanna and Artemis alone. 

Artemis sat cross-legged on the bed, playing a game on her phone while Zatanna put together the last touches on her look. She turned to Artemis after a minute. “Do you have something I can borrow?” 

Artemis looked up, the sound of a punch landing emanating from her phone as her flappy bird crashed into a pipe. “What do you need?”

“Doesn’t matter.” Zatanna counted off on her fingers, “I have Mom’s dress, new shoes, and the blue charm on my necklace, but I need something borrowed.” 

Artemis tilted her head. “I never understood that tradition. Like, what happens if you forget one of them?” she mused. “Is it five years’ bad luck? Does your spouse die in a fiery inferno?” 

Zatanna rolled her eyes amusedly. “It doesn’t matter, Arty. Just give me something to borrow.”

Snorting, Artemis grabbed her bag and rifled through it. “Should have asked me earlier. I could have had time to plan and give you something cooler.” After a moment, she pulled out a small package. “Would a stick of gum work?” 

“It has to be something I can give back. Don’t you know how borrowing works?”

“Fine, fine,” Artemis huffed, dropping the gum on the bedspread and rummaging around again. “How about a rubber band?” She held one out to Zatanna, who shrugged and accepted it. 

“That works.” She looped it around her wrist like a bracelet, holding out her arm to inspect it. “Not bad,” she decided. “Has a somewhat ‘ghetto-chic’ vibe to it.” 

“Glad to be of service,” Artemis said with a bow. She dropped the bag on the bed and went back to bashing birds. 

Zatanna looked at her friend for a long while before grabbing the desk chair she had previously been sitting in and pulling it in front of the bed. “So,” she said pointedly. “Are we _ever_ going to talk about what happened last night, or are we just going to keep pretending like it never happened?” 

_Crash._ There went Artemis’ mood, shot down right with her Flappy Bird. “The second option works for me.” To be quite honest, Artemis had seen this conversation coming from a mile away, but that didn’t mean she wanted it to happen. She kept her eyes locked on her phone screen, hoping Zatanna would catch on and let the subject drop. 

Naturally, she wasn’t so lucky. Zatanna put a hand over Artemis’, making her lower the phone. “No, come on, Artemis. We have to talk about this.” 

Artemis bit the inside of her cheek, stone panging. “What’s there to talk about?” 

Zee raised her eyebrows. “A _lot,_ I think? I mean, one minute my best friends are Heath Ledger and Julia Stiles, and the next they’re screaming at each other and it turns out it was all pretend. It’s a lot to wrap my head around.” 

Artemis shrugged. “I’m sure Dick already told you the story by now anyway, and even if he didn’t, it’s not hard to figure it out. I know I lied to you and that was shitty, but—” 

Zatanna waved a hand, cutting her off. “I don’t care about that.” 

Artemis hesitated. “You…don’t?” 

Zatanna looked at her as though she’d spoken in Portuguese. “Of _course_ I don’t. It doesn’t matter what the situation you two had was or what you told us. Right now, all I care about is how you’re holding up. What happened between you and Wally yesterday was rough, from what I could tell, and I know there’s more going on than embarrassment at being found out.” 

“So?” 

“So _talk to me,_ Artemis.” 

Artemis shook her head. “There’s nothing to tell. And even if there was, it doesn’t matter anyway.” She went to brush her hair from her face, but remembered her friends’ careful styling and dropped the hand back to her lap. 

“Come on, yes it does.” 

“Not today, it doesn’t. Today isn’t about me. It’s about you and Dick and your wedding. You don’t need me bringing the mood down with my problems.” 

“But I won’t be able to enjoy myself if I know you’re hurting.” 

Artemis shook her head again, firmer this time. “I’m fine, trust me.” The sentence had spent all day on the back of Artemis’ tongue, rehearsed in her head over and over to the point at which it was automatic. Not true by any means, but automatic.

“Are you?” Zatanna’s eyes drilled into her, disbelieving, and— _fuck,_ why did she have to look at her like that? It was like lying to your mom, which, yeah, Artemis had done a lot, but that didn’t mean she enjoyed it. 

Another “I’m fine” rose to the surface, but Artemis trapped it behind her lips before it could slip out. Maybe it was guilt that this conversation was happening in the first place, maybe it was acceptance that even after everything, Artemis simply wasn’t as good an actress as she thought she was. 

Or maybe it was because after a month of lying and lying and _lying_ until she was blue in the face, Artemis just didn’t have the energy to do it anymore. Not when Zatanna was looking at her like that, with genuine concern for Artemis’ wellbeing even after finding out her best friend had been deceiving her for weeks just to save face. 

“…I will be,” she said, finally. 

Zatanna frowned, grabbing Artemis’ hand and squeezing it. “You sure you don’t want to talk about it at all?” 

Artemis exhaled deeply. “Yes. I’m okay, really. And besides, I knew this was coming. It was always in the plan to break up, so there’s no reason for me to be disappointed. Everything ends eventually, right?” 

“That doesn’t mean you have to be okay right away. You’re allowed to be sad, you know.” 

“I’ll be sad tomorrow,” Artemis said, miraculously unwavering. 

Zatanna opened her mouth to say more, but at that moment Megan knocked on the open doorway. “Sorry for interrupting,” she said. She held her phone to her chest. “Just wanted to let you know that Wally called.” Her gaze flickered to Artemis, sheepish, but she recovered quickly. “Um, he said they’re about to leave for the hotel, so we should probably get going soon.” 

Zatanna squeezed Artemis’ hand one more time, nodding towards Megan. “Great. We’re about ready here, so we’ll leave in a couple minutes.” Megan nodded and turned to go back, but Zatanna quickly added, “Wait, did he mention anything about how Dickie looks?” 

Megan smiled. Zatanna was so shameless. “He said you’re going to have a snack waiting for you at the altar.” 

Zatanna’s grin widened. “Perfect.” She turned back to Artemis. “You good to go?” 

Artemis nodded, trying to push as much confidence into her expression as she could. “Don’t worry about me. Let’s just get you married, girl.”

* * *

**December 31, 20:00 EST**

**Artemis**

The wedding ceremony went off without a hitch, thank god. A month’s work of stress and plans and energy finally coming together so perfectly, Artemis swelled with pride as everything they had imagined came to fruition. 

They went through the motions just as practiced, working through the wedding procedures like it was as simple as walking across a room and standing at an altar for a while, which it was. 

From the moment the soft piano music began, signally the beginning of the ceremony, everything moved forward like clockwork. Artemis’ mind went on autopilot to complete the steps she knew by heart: walk down the aisle, take Zatanna’s bouquet when they reach the altar, hand her Dick’s ring when it’s time. It gave Artemis the chance to appreciate the elaborate setting they had put together. 

As she began the trek down the aisle after getting the cue, Artemis noticed the purple and white flower arrangements Zatanna had picked to line the rows of chairs along either side of the aisle. Friends and family watched on with proud smiles, and it would have creeped Artemis out if she hadn’t known she was wearing the exact same expression. 

At the altar stood Dick, who looked rather dashing in his tux and gelled-back hair. If the smile on his face grew any wider, Artemis was pretty sure his cheeks would tear. Behind him was the officiant. Then there were the groomsmen, and…

Shit. 

Seeing Wally again felt like a punch to the gut. He wore his identical tux and less identical yellow bowtie, hair arranged in a messy/put-together way that shouldn’t have worked but did out of sheer rebellion. He looked handsome. He looked perfect. But he stared down at his shoes, guilt written in every line of his face as Artemis came down the aisle. 

It had been _so_ much easier to pretend the whole ordeal with Wally hadn’t happened when she and the girls were getting ready, but now that they were in the same room again, Artemis could no longer ignore it. She couldn’t ignore how painful it was to think about him, after he had made his feelings about her very clear, and he got off scot free while Artemis was still hurting. 

As she made it to her place beside the altar and waited for Megan and Raquel to follow, Artemis kept her eyes on everything that wasn’t Wally. The petals scattered on the aisle, the familiar faces in the audience, the way Conner kept fiddling with his bowtie like it was strangling him. Anything but Wally. 

She didn’t know if he was looking at her, but she didn’t dare check. 

Finally, at the base of the aisle, Zatanna appeared looking like a model straight out of a bridal catalogue. There was so much love in Dick’s eyes when he saw his bride that he looked a second away from bolting down the aisle to meet her halfway. Walking her down was Bruce, who had offered to do the job since Giovanni wasn’t around to walk his daughter down the aisle himself. Artemis thought that was sweet of him. 

Once at the altar, Zatanna handed Artemis her bouquet and went to her place front and center beside Dick. The guests sat down. 

The duration of the ceremony was just like its counterparts in every wedding movie ever made, as though the lines had been copy/pasted from a script. The officiant asked if anyone objected to the union, which no one did, unsurprisingly. After that, it was all a fairly standard wedding ceremony. Bride and groom went through the lines: to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, until death do them part. Just like clockwork. 

It gave Artemis’ mind time to wander. Look at everything without red hair or a goofy smile or a yellow bowtie. In the front row Jason was slumped over snoring, and in the seat next to him Bruce definitely wasn’t shedding a few manly billion-dollar tears, of course not. 

Artemis had channeled all of the self-restraint she possessed into keeping her gaze off of Wally, but it was like telling a kid not to touch a hot stove. Of course they’ll touch it, simply out of sheer curiosity. They know it’ll burn, but curiosity beats self-preservation every time. Likewise, Artemis’ eyes were repeatedly drawn to Wally as though a magnet were forcing her to. Every time, she jerked her gaze away like he was the sun. 

_Don’t do that to yourself. Don’t think about it. This isn’t about you._

But that damn stove…

As Dick and Zee exchanged rings, Artemis finally snuck a peak at Wally. The whole ceremony he had been purposefully keeping his attention locked on Dick and Zatanna, not sparing Artemis so much as a glance. This time, however, when Artemis met his eyes, she found he was looking right back at her. 

Their gazes locked, and Wally stiffened. Neither made any move to end the contact at first. There were so many different emotions in Wally’s eyes that Artemis could hardly tell them apart. Surprise, shame, timidity, regret, _guilt._ He stared at her like there were a million things he wanted to say, but all ability to form the words necessary had escaped him. That, and they were in the middle of a wedding ceremony. They couldn’t speak to each other if they wanted to. 

As quickly as the contact began, it ended. 

Their gazes shifted away, leaving heat flaming beneath Artemis’ skin. 

To think, just yesterday the two of them had been laughing and holding hands, at long last close after all those years of drawing out their petty rivalry. And now here they were, unable to so much as look at each other. Back to square one. 

_Focus on the ceremony,_ Artemis chastised herself. If there was one thing she was determined to do, it was to keep her feelings locked away for as long as she could—at least until the wedding was concluded and she was free to go back to her regularly-scheduled wallowing. But as the night carried on, cracks formed and allowed drops to squeeze through. 

“I now pronounce you husband and wife!”

When Dick and Zatanna kissed, the room went wild. Everyone clapped and whistled for the newlyweds, Artemis included. The cheering only became louder when, right on schedule, silver and gold glitter rained down from the rigs Dick had set on the ceiling the night prior. 

And despite all Artemis had been through that month; despite You-Know-Who standing not ten feet away; despite _everything_ that had transpired in the past few days, for once Artemis felt relief wash over her, thick and all-encompassing. 

This was it. They had done it. A month of planning, of waiting for this—the final event—to finally seal the deal. Dick and Zatanna were married right on schedule, and Artemis couldn’t have been happier if she’d tried. They deserved their happy beginning, and Artemis was just honored to be a part of it. 

So when Zatanna pulled Dick in for a second kiss, just to make the moment last as long as possible, Artemis felt nothing but joy for her two best friends. 

Happy beginnings, all around.

* * *

**December 31, 23:16 EST**

**Wally**

Thanks to Zatanna and Dick’s detailed planning, the party unfolded seamlessly into the reception. It was pleasing to see all of their tireless work pay off in the end, and now all there was left for the guests and newlyweds alike to do was enjoy the night. 

Well, most of them, at least. 

Wally stood against a wall at the back of the room, watching the wedding reception happen around him. The reception hall boomed with energy and music, and all around people were dancing, having the time of their lives. In the center of the room was the dance floor, and around the perimeter were tables where people tried the buffet and sat around enjoying themselves. The silver and lavender color scheme gave the room an ethereal vibe, like the entire vicinity had been doused in pure magic. 

For the wedding cake, Wally was pleased to find that Dick and Zee had gone with the red velvet. However, it left a bittersweet taste in his mouth as he remembered the last time he had tasted red velvet, and suddenly he wasn’t so hungry anymore. 

Wally contented himself in his solitude, settling for watching the partygoers around him. On the dance floor Conner and Megan were slow dancing, foreheads touching and lost in each other’s eyes like nothing else in the world existed. It seemed like everyone was lost in their separate happiness bubbles tonight. 

Tim and a blonde girl in an eggplant-colored dress who must have been Stephanie were laughing in their own bubble, and a distance away were couples like Bart and Jaime, Dick’s aunt and her wife, and Mal and Karen. Even Roy and Kaldur were pressed together, Roy whispering something in Kaldur’s ear which made his dark cheeks turn red with a blush. 

Everyone had someone to share the night with, it seemed. 

To one side Dick and Zatanna were dancing as well, so close and intimate no one dared interrupt. The two had been bombarded with congratulations and compliments all night; they deserved some time alone. Zatanna’s arms were wrapped around her new husband’s neck, and his hands looped themselves around her waist. Wally couldn’t resist the tugging at the corners of his mouth as he watched them, utterly transfixed by each other. So much love filled their bubble, it was just about close to popping from the strain of it. 

And then there was Artemis. It always came back to Artemis. 

She sat alone at the wedding party table, sipping her glass of champagne and toying with her place card. She looked the way Wally felt. Deflated. Empty. She made no attempt to join in on the festivities, and nobody pushed her to. 

Wally wanted so badly to go over there. He just wanted the opportunity to talk to her, explain himself, _apologize._ But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Fear held him back, nailing his shoes to the floor and rendering him immobile. No doubt she wouldn’t listen to a word he said if he tried, because did Wally even _deserve_ to be heard out? Odds were he would only go and make things worse, stretch an already bad situation to the breaking point by bringing it up again. 

After all, every thread holding them together had already been snipped. In one sentence Wally had ended it all, opened the closet door and bared their skeletons to the world. There was no point in pushing for reconciliation. 

Still, Wally wanted so badly to tell her he was sorry. He wanted to tell her that he knew she didn’t like him the way he liked her, but every second he kept his mouth shut about his feelings for her felt like he was drowning. He wanted her to know that the fleeting time he had gotten to spend with her was precious to him, and he had appreciated every moment of it. 

But what Wally wanted and what he could have were two vividly different things. 

So Wally stood aside. He watched. He thought about what could have been if only he weren’t so chickenshit. 

After however long of standing and watching and thinking—not always in that order—a glass was pushed in his hands. “Hey,” said Megan. Wally hadn’t even noticed her and Conner leaving the dance floor. “You okay?” 

Wally accepted the proffered champagne with a smile and took a sip, not realizing how thirsty he was until he’d drained half the glass. “Thanks. I’m fine.” 

Megan arched an eyebrow like, _Yeah, right._ She leaned back against the wall beside him, looking out over the party. “You looked lonely.” 

Wally shrugged. 

“Have you thought about going over and talking to Artemis? She’s been lonely, too.” 

Wally snorted into his glass. “Yeah, ‘cause that’s a good idea.”

“It’s better than moping around all night. It’s better than just never talking to each other again.” 

“You were there, Megs. You saw what happened.” 

“Yeah, I did. I also saw two people who care about each other.”

“No, you saw two people _pretending._ There’s a difference.” 

Megan grabbed Wally to face her and looked him in the eye, abruptly serious. “Look, Wally, you’re one of my best friends. And as one of your best friends, I think it’s my job to give you the kick in the pants you need to do what you have to do. I know you’re okay with being sad and heartbroken until you die, but I’m not. So I’m going to give you some tough love right now, okay?”

“Uh…” 

“You can’t do this, Wally. It’s clear you and Artemis are both hurting, and I know you want to make things better, so you need to suck it up, go over there, and _make it better.”_

Wally frowned. “What? Megan, I can’t just—” 

“What, are you really going to stand here and act like it’s no big deal? If you and Artemis truly hated each other as much as you say you do, you wouldn’t have made it a week pretending. You wouldn’t have made it a _day_ unless there was at least _some_ kind of a connection between you two. I know there’s more to it, Wally. I know you like her as much as she likes you, and I know you can’t just stand here all night feeling sorry for yourself. You’re better than that.” 

His eyes narrowed. “Well, what am I supposed to do? You heard the things I said to her last night. I broke the _one_ promise I was supposed to keep. I humiliated her, Megan. I _hurt_ her. I don’t blame her for never wanting to see my face again.” 

Megan stared him down. “What’s your plan, then? Avoid her at all costs? Move on like it never happened? That won’t be easy.” 

“I—” Wally had no idea what he was going to say—maybe announce plans to move to Antarctica and become a penguin farmer—but thankfully he was rescued when Conner came up to the pair. Wally shut his mouth. 

“Sorry,” Conner said as he sidled to Megan’s side, “but Wally, Dick told me to tell you that your speech is coming up soon?” 

A lightbulb went off in Wally’s head as he remembered that yeah, his speech was a thing. In all honesty, he had forgotten all about that tiny detail until that very moment. The paper was folded up in the inner pocket of his blazer, all ready to go, but…man, could there have been a _worse_ day for Wally to go up and bare his heart in front of all his friends and Dick and Zatanna’s relatives?

* * *

Evidently there was not. 

When the time came for Wally’s speech, the music had been put on hold and everyone was more or less seated, enjoying the food and watching as Wally stood at the front of the room, already squirming under the attention. His palms were clammy where he held the microphone, and he was sure the whole room could hear his heart pounding. 

A handful of friends and relatives had already made their own speeches and announced their congratulations to the happy couple, but Wally’s turn had to come up sooner or later—and come it did. 

The crowd quieted, all eyes on Wally. Yes, _all_ of them. He could already feel Artemis’ gaze piercing his skin. 

But this wasn’t the time to worry about Artemis. Not yet, at least. This was the time for Wally to do the best man thing, fulfill his promise to Dick, and hopefully get through his speech in one piece. So, summoning all the courage he possessed, Wally unfolded his speech, cleared his throat, and began to speak. 

“Hi.” He cringed at how loud his voice sounded from the speakers. “Um, I’m Wally, and I’m the best man. So…that’s neat.” He heard Raquel wolf-whistle and coughed out a laugh, face burning. He took a deep breath. 

“Anyone who knows Dick and me would know that we’ve been best friends since childhood, which was around eight or so for me. But Dick Grayson has been such a huge part of my life, it feels like we’ve known each other forever. And when you’ve been around someone for that long, you learn a lot about him. You know all his favorite foods, his favorite movies, what he hates, and more importantly, what he loves. And I can tell you without a doubt that out of everything in the world, more than the best food and the most action-packed movies, Dick loves Zatanna the best.” 

That earned a drawn-out _Awww_ from the audience, and Wally waited before continuing. “I know this because I’ve watched their love story unfold right in front of me. I know they’ve always been soulmates, and that’s why I’m so honored to be the best man at their wedding. Because I know that no matter what, whenever I look at those two together, I know I’m looking at true love. And that’s a pretty special thing, I think.” 

Wally’s gaze drifted from his notes to the crowd, and it wasn’t difficult to locate Artemis where she sat. However, when they locked eyes, Wally’s next line caught in his throat. Something about her expression—the hesitation, the uncertainty mixed with anger and topped with a dash of resentment—gave him pause. And words he’d heard so long ago it felt like a dream echoed in his mind. 

_“As cliché as it is, maybe you should try speaking from the heart.”_

Wally looked down again at his speech, at the lines written in his messy handwriting, reading like something off a teleprompter. He raised his eyeline to the audience again, to _Artemis_ again, and with a deep exhale, Wally folded the paper back up and put it in his pocket. 

He cleared his throat, ignoring its dryness as he leaned closer into the microphone. “But maybe that’s the thing about love,” he said, voice spreading itself over the room. “You never really understand it until you’ve experienced it for yourself.” 

His eyes locked on Artemis with more conviction, speaking like every word was meant for her. And maybe they were. 

“For a long time, I just watched. I watched Dick and Zatanna together. And while I did, I started to notice all of the little things that are part of the package when you care about someone the way they care about each other. I saw the way they would secretly hold hands under the table whenever we went out to dinner. I saw the way they’d argue, but we all know they love each other too much to ever really mean it. And most of all, I saw the way they make mistakes. Lots of ‘em.” 

A light chuckle rumbled through the crowd. 

“But the thing is, all those mistakes? They can be fixed. Even when he says something stupid— _really_ stupid—they can still find a way to make up and go right back to where they were before, because that’s how love works. And for a while I had a hard time getting that. I’ve never been good at committing to things or staying in one place, but now, after years of watching, I think I’m finally getting it.” 

As Wally spoke to Artemis, everyone else faded away. It was just the two of them now, all alone. 

“Love takes commitment. You can’t run at the first sign of trouble anymore. You have to stick around and work on fixing your mistakes rather than bolting when things get hard. But it doesn’t feel constricting, because when you love someone the way I do and Dick and Zatanna do, you _want_ to stay. You _want_ to spend every hour, every minute with that person.”

Artemis’ lips were parted, the crinkle between her eyebrows smoothing gradually. With glassy eyes she watched Wally, who swallowed thickly. 

“So that’s how I know,” he said. “I know Dick and Zatanna are meant to be together. And I’ll tell you all something that somebody told me once about love.” As he spoke, he swore he saw Artemis’ breath hitch. “Above all else, all you really have to do is go and find your own little spitfire. One who won’t let you get away with nothing.” 

The room was so quiet then, one could hear a pin drop. 

“I found mine, and that’s how I can tell you Dick and Zee were made to last. Because now I know enough about love to see that Dick found his too.”

As Wally finished, the split second of silence before the customary applause was cut off by the sound of a chair scraping loudly against the floor. Wally watched as Artemis pushed away from the table, standing up. She ignored the eyes on her as she walked towards the door at the back of the room, and Wally got a flashback to the last time Artemis had stormed out to get away from him. 

Not again. He was _not_ letting her get away again. 

So, paying no mind to the dozens of people watching this all happen from their seats, Wally ran from his spot at the microphone to the door Artemis had just pushed her way through. It led out to a hallway, sconces lining the walls. 

In his mad dash to catch up, Wally nearly tripped over his own feet when he was forcibly stopped mid-step. Hands grabbed the lapels of his tux and spun him, pinning him against the wall. “Woah,” he said as he looked into Artemis’ incandescent, unyielding eyes. “Hi.” 

“Did you mean it?” she demanded. 

“What?” 

“What you said just now. Did you mean it?” Her nostrils flared, but her eyes retained the glassiness they’d held during Wally’s speech. It was disorienting having her so close. 

Wally swallowed. “Every word.” 

Taking a shaky inhale, Artemis released him, bracing her hands on her temples as she stepped back. “Fuck, Wally.” She took a moment to collect herself before looking back at him. “I hate you, you know that?” 

Ouch. Well, at least she was being honest. “I know.”

“Like, I _really_ hate you. Do you know what you put me through in the last two days?”

Wally winced, staring down at his shoes. “Yeah. I was a dick.” 

“No shit, dude. I just…it’s like you keep turning everything around on me, and right when I think I’m _finally_ catching up, you flip it all upside down again. I can’t keep _up_ with you, Wally.” 

“I know.” 

“Do you know how many hours I spent today trying to convince myself I was over you? I know we both said stuff last night, Wally, but…fuck. You just put it all out there, and…” Her voice faltered and she cut herself off, jaw clenched. 

Wally moved to reach out to her, but thought better of it and stayed where he was. “I’m so sorry, Artemis. The second I said what I did, I immediately wanted to take it back. I was a jerk, and I pushed you away because I thought you didn’t like me back, and I just…snapped.” 

Artemis threw her hands up. “You thought I didn’t like _you?_ You dumbass, I thought you didn’t like _me!”_ She growled under her breath, letting her arms drop to her sides. “Honestly. You go and make this big deal about being all sorry and heartbroken over what happened, when _I’ve_ been driving myself insane over you for weeks. But you were too fucking _dumb_ to notice.” She crossed her arms, face screwed into a scowl. “You asshole,” she added for good measure. 

And just like that, Wally could have sworn his head exploded. His brain fizzled out completely until nothing was left but froth and bubbles. “I…you…what?” 

“You heard me.” 

It took a moment for Wally to find his voice, head buzzing. He licked his lips. “You…like me.” The words sounded strange coming from his mouth.

Artemis rolled her eyes. “Yes. As much as I hate to admit it, I like you, Wally.” 

“Like…you _like-like_ me?” 

“What are you, five?” 

“I just want to make sure there’s no miscommunication, because we’ve been down this road before.”

“Oh my god,” Artemis said. But she was holding back a smile now. “Yes, Wally, I _like-like_ you. A lot. Hell, I might even love you if I weren’t so pissed at you right now. Satisfied?” Wally let that sink in, but something about his stumped expression made Artemis wave a hand in front of his vacant eyes. “Wally? You still there?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Wally said quickly, blinking away the haze. “Just…are you sure?”

“Pretty sure,” Artemis said, shifting in place. She was smirking now, amused by his bewilderment. “You got a problem with that?”

Wally considered that, head cocked to the side. “Well…”

Artemis knitted her eyebrows. “Are you serious? I confess my undying love for you and now suddenly you’re not _sure?”_

“Well, I’m going to be honest here, I’m ninety-nine percent sure _I_ was supposed to be the one making the big love confession to _you._ Probably with flowers, or doves, or maybe even a marching band if I could get Kaldur to gather his old clarinet buddies together.” 

Artemis’ arms remained crossed, but her lips tugged upwards again. “Oh, yeah? What else would you have done?” 

Slowly, Wally took a step closer. “I would have told you that I’m sorry. That you deserve someone who wouldn’t blurt out pretty much the only thing in the whole world he wasn’t supposed to blurt out.” 

“You’re not wrong,” she agreed. 

“I would have told you that you deserve better than that,” Wally continued. “You deserve someone who will appreciate you, and who won’t take a whole month to wake up and realize it. I would have told you that you deserve everything, because you _are_ everything. And that I was a huge idiot for not realizing it sooner, and an even bigger idiot for going and screwing it up like that.” 

Artemis hummed. “That’s very true. Anything else?” 

Okay, now she was milking it. Wally shook his head, a chuckle bubbling on his lips. Slowly, tentatively, he reached out until his hand rested at her waist, and he took another step forward. Artemis made no move to pull away. “I would have told you that somehow, over the course of this crazy, messed up, _bizarre_ relationship we cooked up…I fell in love with you, Artemis Crock.” 

Artemis smiled, and her hands snaked around his shoulders, holding onto him as tight as he held her. “In a real way?” 

“In a real way,” he confirmed. And Wally had never seen Artemis smile so wide. 

From the other side of the doors they had just gone through, Wally could hear excited voices beginning the New Year’s countdown. Funny, he hadn’t given any thought to the new year until just now. It was fitting. A new year. A new beginning. 

_“Ten! Nine! Eight!”_

He pulled her an inch closer to him, and Artemis made a small noise that sounded somewhere between a squeak and a sigh. They were now inches apart, eyes locked. 

Wally held his breath as Artemis slowly raised herself on her toes to his level, but she suddenly stopped and dropped back down to her heels. “You know you can’t just make a pretty apology every time you screw up, right?” 

_“Five! Four!”_

Wally pressed his lips together. “I know. But I swear, Artemis, I’m not going to stop trying until I can get you to forgive me.” 

_“Three!”_

Her grin returned. “That works for me.”

_“Two!”_

And with that, she grabbed the lapels of his jacket, not to shove him against the wall, but this time to tug him down to her level and pull him into a searing kiss. 

_One._

Wally squeaked as they made contact, but in a second he was kissing her right back, letting his eyes fall closed as he mapped out the expanse of her lips with his own, wanting to memorize the feeling until it was forever imprinted on his mouth. 

There was no rush to it, no effort to pretend. For the first time, they kissed each other without a care in the world. No photo booth cameras to pose for. No friends watching from the wings. It was easy. It was natural. It was _real._ When Artemis tugged on the ends of Wally’s hair and sent shivers down his spine, it wasn’t because she needed to show off for anyone. It was because she _wanted_ to. 

And that just made it all the better. 

It was impossible to say how long the two of them spent in that tiny hallway, kissing like there was no tomorrow. Deaf to the cheers and to the _‘Happy New Year!’_ s sounding off from inside. There was just Wally, Artemis, and their bubble. 

When they separated for risk of asphyxiation, Wally rested his forehead on Artemis’, meeting her gaze with a deep inhale. “We should have done that a long time ago.” 

Artemis chuckled softly. “No kidding.” She was quiet for a while, them both basking in the moment for as long as possible. “So…we like each other,” she said, breaking the silence. 

Just hearing it sent Wally’s pulse racing in the best way. “I guess we do.” 

“Okay…Where do we go from here, then?” 

Wally tilted his head when he became aware of the music now playing from inside. “…We could start with a dance.” He pulled from her grasp, but didn’t go too far. He never wanted to be far from her ever again. He held out his hand. “What do you say?” 

Artemis stared at the hand before slowly lifting her own and taking it, a smile gracing her lips. 

When they reentered the room, everyone was already back on the dance floor. Wally spotted Dick and Zatanna in the throes of it, and when they saw his and Artemis’ clasped hands, their grins could have melted icebergs. 

The couple made their way to the center of the dance floor, Artemis wrapping her arms around his shoulders and Wally settling his hands on her hips. They were so close he could see every detail on her face, every star in her eyes. 

And as they swayed to the music, Wally decided this was where he wanted to be for as long as he lived. Right here, with Artemis in his arms, always and forever. And as she smiled back at him, Wally knew she was thinking the same thing. 

Eventually the song playing faded into a new one, and when Wally realized what it was, he couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him. He leaned in close to whisper, “Hear that? They’re playing our song.” 

Artemis flicked the back of his neck. “Shut up. This is not our song.” 

“Sorry, no takebacks,” he replied. 

_Africa_ played on, and Wally swayed his hips to the beat in a way that made Artemis roll her eyes. There was no venom to it, though. “You’re an idiot,” she said. 

He wriggled his eyebrows. “Yeah, but I’m _your_ idiot.” 

Artemis shrugged and pecked him on the lips, catching him by surprise. “Yeah,” she said nonchalantly. “You are.” 

And honestly? 

Wally really liked the sound of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all, folks! 
> 
> I just want to say a quick thank you to everybody who stuck around with this story all the way to the end. I'm super happy to be finished with this story, and honestly I feel like I need a nap now lmao. Thanks for reading, everybody!


End file.
